Author: nicotine

Jung Yiyeon was also looking at me. Looking beyond Jung Yiyeon, at Min Seo-won, I continued to speak.

“I knew the CEO’s preferences, but it’s a bit rude to assume he’s gay.”

And then I grinned. A nonchalant expression formed effortlessly on my face.

“Well then, I’ll be going.”

Since I had only brought my phone, and it happened to be in the back pocket of my pants, I walked past the two frozen men towards the entrance after my abrupt statement.

In reality, my legs were shaky, and my waist was tense. The lingering aftermath of the affair with Jung Yiyeon left my body both lethargic and tingling inside. It felt like Jung Yiyeon’s traces still lingered throughout my body.

However, as I put on my shoes, I acted as if I could easily win an Oscar for my nonchalant performance. It was a peculiar thing. Acting was not as difficult as one might think. There was no pain involved. Perhaps it wasn’t acting at all.

“I’ll go ahead, sir.”

“……Uh, yes, uh, this secretary……”

…If Jung Yiyeon had grabbed me even then, would something have changed?

No, I am already… My heart is…


Until the last moment of leaving, I didn’t lose my smile.

Fortunately, the elevator was still there, so I didn’t have to wait. The elevator quickly took me down to the first floor. Outside the elevator, and then outside the residence, I walked out neither fast nor slow. Perhaps it was in the typhoon’s influence; there was heavy rain pouring from the sky.

Without an umbrella. But then again, I couldn’t stay here forever.

I walked into the rain without much thought. I realized I should have called a taxi, but it was too late. Even after walking a few steps, my head and shoulders were already soaked. It seemed better to walk to the street and catch a taxi.

After walking in the rain for some time, not too long, I walked neither quickly nor slowly. Was it in the typhoon’s influence? The sky was still pouring down heavy rain and my body was quickly getting wet. Even so, I couldn’t help but stop.

“… You crazy bastard.”

Seo Jaeoh was standing in front of me. I hadn’t even left the vicinity of Jung Yiyeon’s residence yet, but for some reason, Jaeoh was right in front of me.

“Why did you come in the rain….”

He approached me and put an umbrella over my head. But I was already soaked. I was as wet as when I took a shower earlier. I wondered why I bothered to shower if I was going to end up like this.

I shrugged my shoulders, the rainwater dripping from my lively face, and ran my hand through my wet hair.

“…Crazy… This crazy guy… Seriously crazy….”

Why was Seo Jaeoh pouring rain on himself as if he had also been caught in the rain? Why was he standing near Jung Yiyeon’s residence with an umbrella, as if waiting for me? Was it because I got caught in the rain? It made no sense.

“…How did you end up here?”

“…I followed you because I thought you were going somewhere.”

No… I had sent him home, but instead of going home, he was standing in front of my house as if waiting for me. Then, when he received Jung Yiyeon’s call, he followed me to the residence. And he stood there waiting for me, not knowing when I would come out. It was unbelievable.

“Isn’t stalking a crime?”


“…Did you know? Where I was going.”

“I wanted to apologize to you… so I left the office during lunch break and came to your place.”


“…But then Jung Yiyeon came out of your apartment.”

…It had to be that day. When Jung Yiyeon suddenly barged into my house before lunchtime. Then, after receiving Jung Yiyeon’s call, I came out, and he followed me all the way to the residence. And he was waiting for me, not knowing when I would come out. It was absurd.

“That day, he couldn’t go in, but today he came… Did you really feel comfortable? Wonder if you’re really comfortable, or if you’re pretending to be okay, pushing yourself.”

So, the story goes that he couldn’t leave in front of my house and ended up following me after I came out.

“…You came to meet President Jung today too?”


“It’s been resolved well, hasn’t it? It got better. But why? Why are you coming out alone in such a state?”

While my tension eased a bit, I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I liked Jung Yiyeon, and that led to a messy situation. It was genuinely embarrassing to appear in such a pathetic state, following his calls and leaving as he asked. I felt so embarrassed that I even laughed at myself.

“You must know that this isn’t something you’ve done once or twice.”


“I told you I would quit first, but how many times did we contact and meet after that?”

Jaeoh’s jaw moved very slightly up and down. It was a sign of affirmation. Damn, frustrating.

“…Did you bring the car? Let’s go to my place.”

I was too embarrassed to continue the conversation. I tried to gently nudge his shoulder as a sign to go, but before my hand could reach him.

“…I can’t.”

Jaeoh hugged me.

It was late, and the rain was pouring, even though there weren’t many people passing by. But we were standing in the middle of an open street.

I tried to push him away, thinking, ‘What are you doing?’ But I couldn’t.

“Am I… Am I really hopeless…?”

Trembling shoulders.

“It was going well, and I tried to give up… But if you’re like this…”

A quivering voice.

“I really didn’t make you cry, did everything you asked, never said no to anything…didn’t even let it rain on you.”

…In his agitated voice, there was a pitiful affection directed towards me.

“…Are you crying?”

“I’m not crying?! Is that what you’re saying now?”

He shouted, his voice so loud as if he thought my eardrums would burst. Yet, soon after, while holding me even tighter, Jaeoh lamented with a sorrowful murmur.

“Yeah, crying…I’m crying because I’m sick of begging you, damn it… Why do you like such a jerk, you… Damn it, really…”

He, who usually didn’t swear much, was spewing curses. Almost as if he wanted to cry in my place. It was kind of cute.


Today, I was rejected by Jung Yiyeon. I heard him firmly stating that we had no special relationship.

Jung Yiyeon probably had no intention of dating anyone, and it seemed my belief that I was special to him was just my delusion. When it rained, he occasionally experienced a drop in mood… So maybe he just wanted someone to be by his side for a moment.

Still, it was a bit confusing. He came to my house without knowing why, promised a meal next time. But again, I expected too much and misunderstood. I fantasized about talking casually today, imagining meeting again at his place. But all he really wanted from me was sex. I deluded myself again, expecting something that wasn’t there. Tonight, I thought about having sex while enjoying the night view. I even thought I would meet him at his place again. Yet, we had nothing more than a physical relationship.

But really, it’s strange.

Every word and action of Jung Yiyeon suffocated me and caused unbearable pain in my chest. I kept falling into an abyss, shattering my body and experiencing an endless agony. I loved Jung Yiyeon so much, and hated myself so much. The pain was so intense and persistent that I couldn’t regain my sanity for days. I was so hurt and in pain because of my deep affection for Jung Yiyeon and my intense self-loathing. I couldn’t remember what it felt like to have a painful sensation in my chest.

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