Episode 68

 

“I wasn’t actually practicing or anything.”

His tone came out curt, but not harsh. More like a quiet grumble of someone a little embarrassed, trying not to show it.

—“Yeah, yeah.”

Gyowon replied, clearly amused. His voice held a smile that he didn’t bother to hide this time.

Despite himself, Haeun felt the corners of his own mouth twitch slightly. Maybe it was comforting, in a strange way, to be teased a little—especially when it came from someone who clearly didn’t mean it with any malice.

The silence that followed wasn’t heavy like before. It was easy, even a bit warm.

“If they actually make me do it, what am I supposed to do? I’ve got to blow out at least half of them to save face.”

The topic of conversation was ridiculous, but Park Haeun was being fairly serious. Honestly, right after watching the video, he’d even blocked one nostril and blown air through the other a few times just to gauge whether he could actually pull it off. He figured that if he tried to just pretend and be cutesy like an idol and didn’t give it a proper attempt, he’d get slammed for it.

Gyowon, unaware of the thought Haeun had put into this, responded in a mock-disbelieving tone.

—“What kind of face are you trying to save by blowing out candles with your nose?”

Haeun didn’t argue back. It was true that thinking so hard about how to exhale through your nose wasn’t exactly the most dignified use of one’s time. Instead, he let out a small sigh and spoke.

“This is honestly my first time on a show like this, so I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do. If I don’t prepare even a little, I’ll end up like background scenery or worse—get dragged into another personality scandal…”

—”……”

Maybe it was because the mood had loosened a bit thanks to the joke, but Haeun found himself voicing something he’d been keeping to himself. He already owed Gyowon for a lot anyway, and at this point, there wasn’t much to lose. 

Still, it wasn’t really in his nature to complain like this. If the atmosphere hadn’t been just right, he probably wouldn’t have opened up.

Gyowon stayed silent. Haeun couldn’t tell if he was thinking of how to respond or simply planning to let it go. Maybe Gyowon thought it was just a trivial problem being blown out of proportion.

Not that it mattered anyway. Haeun hadn’t really said it expecting solid advice; it was more like a casual vent.

“What about you, sunbaenim?”

Haeun threw the question back instead of waiting for a response. Gyowon paused for a moment before answering.

—“What about me?”

“Do you not get nervous or try to prepare ahead of time or anything?”

Would someone with his level of experience not feel nerves anymore? Though, in truth, Haeun suspected that had less to do with experience or popularity and more with Gyowon’s inherent personality. Gyowon replied in his usual slow, relaxed tone—but not hesitating.

—“I do prepare. After all, it’s pretty reckless for an actor to show up unprepared on any stage…”

The way he said it almost felt theatrical. Like he was reciting a well-worn line. Haeun, chewing on the words for a second like a cue line, then tossed out a dry comment.

“So, no nerves then.”

He’d asked about both nerves and preparation, but Gyowon had just picked one and answered—maybe that too was just part of his personality. With a faint chuckle, Gyowon replied without missing a beat.

—“I’m a bit nervous today, actually.”

So he did get nervous? Curiosity naturally bubbled up, and Haeun immediately followed up with more questions.

“Why? Is it because you haven’t done a variety show in a while? Are you worried that you’ll embarrass yourself?”

Despite Haeun’s barrage of quick questions, Kim Gyowon answered without hesitation.

—“No. I’m nervous you might cause trouble…”

“Excuse me?!”

The problem was what he said. Haeun immediately cut in, his tone incredulous. So much for being nervous! Gyowon had just been trying to mess with him.

As usual, Gyowon let out one of his long, easy laughs.

—“I’m just kidding.”

Seriously, what a frustrating guy. He was totally unpredictable—and kind of annoying. Haeun grumbled openly, not bothering to hide his irritation.

“You said I should get a good night’s sleep. Then you go and say something like that? Way to stress me out.”

Not that his dreams were really going to get worse because of this, but he just felt like complaining. Gyowon replied again, now in a calmer, soothing voice.

—“It really was a joke. Don’t worry, just go into it relaxed.”

Maybe it was a joke—but it was hard to tell if he meant that Haeun didn’t need to prepare, or if he was just trying to ease his nerves.

“You’re the one who said an actor should never go on stage unprepared. And like it or not, I am showing up to this as an actor.”

Prompted by that train of thought, Haeun threw out the challenge. Again, Gyowon didn’t hesitate.

—“You’re still not quite an actor yet…”

“Excuse me?!”

Once again, that was the problem. Haeun’s voice now had a distinct edge of irritation as he cut in. But Gyowon just laughed again, like he really meant it this time. Internally grumbling, Haeun forced himself to focus on what the man said next.

—“People are all different. You… you’re most charming when you’re just being yourself.”

Haeun momentarily forgot all his grumbling. He was speechless, unsure if what he felt was surprise or just plain confusion. It hadn’t sounded like an offhand comment—Gyowon had seemed pretty sincere. The phrase “just being yourself” lingered in Haeun’s mind. What exactly did that mean?

When Haeun didn’t respond, Gyowon continued on his own.

—“If you try too hard, you’ll just end up like when you were in…….Music Bbungk, you know.”

He actually said Music Bbungk, then laughed. It sounded like mockery, and honestly, Haeun couldn’t blame him—both the show’s name and what he’d done that day were ridiculous in hindsight.

Still, being laughed at that openly was a bit embarrassing. While Haeun scratched the back of his head in mild discomfort, Gyowon went on.

—“Just avoid stuff that really feels wrong.”

It was a solid advice. The only issue was that Haeun’s definition of wrong was probably different from everyone else’s. Where was the line, exactly? Did it count as a bad idea only once the production staff tried to stop him? If so, it was already too late by then.

After a brief pause, Haeun made a decision.

“If I do something that feels like I’m pushing it, you should hit me from behind or something.”

He figured Kim Gyowon would be more reliable than the system when things got out of hand. But Gyowon replied with mock seriousness:

—“Are you being serious?”

“I don’t mean actually cane me or anything!”

Maybe it was time to revoke his earlier trust. Clearly, in this game, no one had his back.

—“Well, if it’s really bad, I’ll just ask them to cut it out.”

As Haeun sighed, Gyowon changed the subject. Cut it out clearly meant editing. So that’s why he sounded so calm—he was relying on post-production.

“You can actually make that happen?”

Haeun asked out of genuine curiosity. Wasn’t it common knowledge that celebrities often suffered because of “evil editing”? Maybe no one would dare pull that on someone like Gyowon—but Haeun had no such immunity.

Gyowon answered casually.

—“To a degree. That’s part of my contract.”

“Whoa…”

Gyowon seemed to care much more than Haeun had expected. Feeling a little touched, Haeun decided to just say what he felt.

“You’re kind of… reliable.”

He murmured it while brushing his finger under his nose, and Gyowon replied lightly, as if unimpressed.

—“You just realize it now?”

Haeun had meant it as a pretty big compliment. The issue wasn’t with him—it was Gyowon who couldn’t take praise properly. With a shrug that Gyowon couldn’t see, Haeun spoke into the phone.

“So… does that mean I don’t have to do the nose-blowing candle thing?”

Gyowon laughed again.

—“Am I the only one with a reputation to protect? I guess I’ll help you keep yours too.”

Honestly, Haeun didn’t think he had much of a reputation left to protect—but still, it was nice to hear. That familiar, awkward feeling returned, and he gave a couple of throat-clearing coughs. Best to respond in a casual tone.

“Hm… alright then, I’ll actually just go sleep now.”

—“That’s what I said. Just make sure you bring up something about me during the talk part.”

“Bring you up in my story?”

Was he trying to trade for a good story in exchange for bringing Haeun along? Gyowon laughed again—just a short one. 

It wasn’t like he could’ve read Haeun’s thoughts, so the laugh must’ve been in response to the simple “bring you up in my story?” line. Which made it even harder to figure out what was so funny. Maybe he really did have a hole in his lung.

—“You need to show off our friendship.”

“……”

He fell silent, unable to think of a reply for a moment. As always, Gyowon spoke first before Haeun could.

—”I should hang up now.”

“…Ah, okay.”

—”Goodnight, Haeun.”

His voice was unexpectedly warm. Haeun answered reflexively, and Gyowon waited until he was the one to hang up first. By the time the call ended, the phone had grown slightly warm in his hand. Haeun felt restless—but oddly, at ease.