Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols Chapter 79 - KPI Design Support Program (1)

The system, which had been rambling on so far, suddenly fell silent for a long time.

 

I wasn’t a very patient person. So I kept pushing the system.

 

‘Is my sister alive?’

 

If this can’t be confirmed, why should I care about KPI and idols?

 

Why the hell am I going through all this, causing trouble for these promising kids?

 

I couldn’t calm down at all. I felt like a thousand fires were burning inside me.

 

And then, the system finally appeared and spoke. Just a short sentence.

 

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[SYSTEM] Work instructions from the ‘Superior’ have arrived.

 

▶ Assistant Manager Kim, do you think the company is a joke?

 

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F*ck you, so what if I do?

 

From the moment the system assigned this absurd goal of debuting a sloppy person like me as an idol, I had a hunch.

 

How many people were more suited to being an idol than I was? And how many tasks could be simpler than turning back time for the living or bringing someone back from the dead?

 

Yet, this happened only to me? To an ordinary office worker like me?

 

That led to one hypothesis.

 

Just as I had no choice but to rely on the system to save my sister, the system must also have a reason why it needed me to become an idol. Even if it had to go to great lengths to do that.

 

So what would happen if I, a human being that the system needed, did not prioritize achieving my goal and deviated from their path?

 

For example, I could jump off this building’s balcony right now, undoing all the progress before the KPI goals were met.

 

Since the system could read my thoughts, it should be able to sense that I wasn’t joking around.

 

So the system had to prove it.

 

That my sister was alive and well, and that it could interfere with what happened to her in the future.

 

If it didn’t want to see your one and only subordinate die while it was abusing its power.

 

At that moment, the system flickered, as if static had interrupted it.

 

And then, a new sentence appeared.

 

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[SYSTEM] Work instructions from the ‘Superior’ have arrived.

 

▶ So what do you want, Assistant Manager Kim?

 

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Prove it.

 

Just like how the Hanpyeong Industry proved it could pay me by giving me a paycheck every month.

 

Then a long document appeared. It was a new service.

 

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[SYSTEM] ‘Subordinate’ is being notified of ‘Welfare Service’.

 

▷ ‘Superior’ protects ‘Subordinate’s’ blood relatives from external threats in all cases except when ‘Subordinate’ fails to achieve KPI.

 

▷ ‘Superior’ will share the status of one ‘Subordinate’s’ blood relative (only one can be designated, and once set, cannot be changed) upon ‘Subordinate’s’ request, within the scope of privacy and ‘violation of confidentiality’.

 

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It felt strange to label this as a ‘service’.

 

But at least it brought me some relief knowing that my sister was still safe, and that as long as I didn’t do anything reckless, everything would continue to be fine.

 

I immediately registered my sister under the ‘Welfare Service’ and requested her status to be shared.

 

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[SYSTEM] ‘Welfare Service’ usage details

 

▷ Relation: Blood relative

 

▷ Health status: Good

 

▷ Psychological status: Good

 

▷ Other: Currently sleeping

 

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“Ha…”

 

An indescribable wave of emotion hit me. I stared at the bright ‘Good’ status for a long time, then buried my face in my hands, sitting silently at the table.

 

* * *

 

After a lot of agonizing, I finally managed to fall asleep at 5 a.m., only to have the alarm go off at 5:30. Who knew the saying ‘Tomorrow will bring a new day’ could feel this miserable.

 

My head felt foggy, perhaps because I had not slept well. I slapped my face a couple of times to wake up a bit. 

 

After washing my face, I toasted bread in front of the frying pan as usual. It seemed I’d trained myself well. Just like tying a necktie with my eyes closed on weekday mornings, I now had the same familiarity with making toast.

 

I also didn’t forget to share the toasts with the members and talk about the live that was going to be held that evening.

 

I casually brought up, ‘There’s been some talk about my name change circulating online lately, so if any questions about it pop up in the comments, I’ll explain it to them since it’s true that I changed my name.’

 

Aside from me, I had banned most of them from monitoring social media, and since my story wasn’t being shared much on SNS, I expected that they wouldn’t know about it, but…

 

‘Hyung, you changed your name?!’

 

They made more fuss than I expected. Lee Cheonghyeon was really surprised.

 

Even Kang Kiyeon chimed in, saying he’d always thought my name was quite unique. I hoped they would only react this much whenever it came up in the future.

 

As scheduled, the live started at 7 PM that day.

 

‘[Spark] (2X0319) Assignment Review Announcement Begins!’ The concept of the live was that the members had successfully completed all assignments and had a small after-party with a refreshed heart.

 

To match the concept of the live, all the members showed up wearing transparent makeup.

 

I was the only one who received ‘non-transparent makeup that looks like transparent makeup’ because of my bad dark circles.

 

Staff, I’d like to take this moment to express my apologies.

 

I didn’t forget the glowing name headbands either. Still, there was the rare treat of having snacks laid out in front of us for today’s live broadcast.

 

The company had provided each of us with our favorite snacks since it wouldn’t make sense to have an empty table at a post-event party. 

 

Given that I’d been surviving on only nuts from the breakroom at the Hanpyeong Industry, having a six-pack of assorted snacks felt like an absolute luxury. Especially after months of strict diet control.

 

However, it seemed this snack table seemed very modest to the onlookers.

 

≫ Guys… Are those really all the snacks you have?

 

≫ Are there really only six snacks because there are six of you? Please say no.

 

≫ If UA is really this stingy with snacks, shake the photo chip ^[1] Shake your potato chip comes from the funny Korean meme ‘Shake the carrot’. Basically it’s something like ‘If you’re being held hostage, shake the carrot.’

 

The comments, outraged by the mere six bags of snacks on our first live broadcast featuring food, came flooding in.

 

Thankfully, the guys explained with a laugh that we weren’t usually big on snacking, keeping the broadcast lighthearted and warm.

 

Except for the moment when Lee Cheonghyeon, who hadn’t seen the comments, got so excited about the rare snack party that he tried to shake the potato chips, nearly giving Jeong Seongbin a heart attack.

 

Then, when it was time for each member to share their recent status, comments about my name change came up one by one as expected.

 

≫ Did you change your name, Iwol? 

 

≫ Were you born in February that’s why your name is Iwol?

 

≫ Please tell us why you changed your name!

 

To address their curiosity and also give the other members more time to talk, I read out a collection of similar questions as much as possible.

 

“There are a lot of questions about me changing my name. It’s true that I changed my name, and I chose my current name myself!”

 

“You came up with it, hyung?”

 

Kang Kiyeon asked, surprised.

 

Sorry. I guess I didn’t explain it well enough when I first mentioned the name change earlier.

 

“Yeah. As some of you have guessed, I was born in February, which is why I chose the name Iwol! I changed it because I heard that changing your name would improve your luck.”

 

Back in the day, that explanation usually satisfied everyone. I had never been more grateful for the existence of fortune-telling.

 

Park Joowoo, listening next to me, complimented the name, saying it was unique and cool. 

 

The truth was, I had hated the name ‘Kim Hyoil’ so much that I rushed to the office to apply for the name change, only to realize I hadn’t chosen a new name yet. In a panic, I pulled ‘Iwol’ from my personal details.

 

Jeong Seongbin nodded vigorously, adding, ‘Luck is important, absolutely’.

 

It seemed this guy misunderstood that I changed my name because I received a revelation from my ancestors.

 

To shift the attention away from myself, I asked the other members about the origins of their names and steered the conversation in their direction. While they shared their stories, I checked the comments.

 

≫ You guys worked hard until the final broadcast♡

 

≫ Only six snacks and recycled headbandsㅠ Truly the idols of frugality.

 

≫ Jeho’s physique is amazing… Jeho, can you measure your shoulder width?

 

≫ Lee Cheonghyeon’s face is saving the world today too

 

Fortunately, comments complaining about the ‘stingy snacks’ from UA had mostly disappeared, replaced by responses more relevant to the live stream.

 

‘Choi Jeho’s shoulder width… Lee Cheonghyeon’s face…’

 

I memorized the keywords mentioned in the comments as much as I could and then returned to the ongoing conversation.

 

The content after that was not much different from what we had decided in advance. It was mainly about where the members bought their stage props, what they liked and what they regretted about their activities, etc.

 

As the live was coming to an end, Jeong Seongbin read out a comment.

 

“Someone says they watched our stage performance and became a fan after seeing our faces. Could you tell us which performance it was?”

 

“You’re planning to watch it today and then go to sleep…?”

 

In response to Park Joowoo’s question, Jeong Seongbin smiled brightly and said, ‘Yes’.

 

I wondered if I was featured a lot in that performance. I hoped not.

 

I wouldn’t want their experience of being converted into a fan to be tainted by a low-quality, pixelated video of me in the background.

 

“It’s the one when Jeho hyung broke his pen? Since you’re going to watch it anyway, let’s all gather in the living room later to watch it together!”

 

Lee Cheonghyeon said excitedly.

 

Everyone except Choi Jeho was biting their lips to hold back their laughter, but I couldn’t laugh.

 

But I did my best to laugh. I was very careful not to break the live atmosphere.

 

Later that night, the guys really gathered in front of the TV. It was to watch the performance where the fan said they became a fan.

 

By the way, I had planned to skip out on it.

 

Since we wouldn’t be together much longer, I figured it would be a nice gesture to let them make a memory of just the five of them.

 

However, my grand plan was ruined.

 

‘Hyung, if you’re not going to sleep, let’s watch together! The eldest member can’t be missing!’

 

It was because Lee Cheonghyeon caught me. I had been calling him by his name nicely lately because his skincare routine had improved, but after tonight, I’d go back to calling him ‘that Cheonghyeon punk’.

 

I had no choice but to sit next to Choi Jeho, who was occupying the corner of the sofa.

 

He was hugging a cushion with an uncomfortable expression. Yeah, you must find this situation awkward too.

 

“Are you all seated? I’ll play the video!”

 

At Jeong Seongbin’s signal, the video started playing.

 

Blue lights poured onto the stage, and the six people lined up were captured on camera.

 

They reacted loudly whenever someone was caught on screen. Then they praised each other enthusiastically.

 

‘So uncomfortable.’

 

Was it because I’d been monitoring Spark’s video alone for so long? This moment of watching everyone on the screen together felt so unfamiliar.

 

The discomfort grew each time the camera focused on me. I felt a sense of alienation that I couldn’t explain in words.

 

Eventually, I couldn’t stand the discomfort and tried to get up from my seat, saying I would go to sleep first.

 

And at that moment.

 

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[SYSTEM] ‘Subordinate’s’ KPI ‘Debut as a 6-member boy group’ has been confirmed.

 

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The KPI approval notification I had been waiting for so long finally appeared.

• 1. Shake your potato chip comes from the funny Korean meme ‘Shake the carrot’. Basically it’s something like ‘If you’re being held hostage, shake the carrot.’