How about Cosmic Horror? – Chapter 3

Author: Gumi

Irae confessed, swallowing her shame. As she did, one of the rings around the planet wobbled from side to side.

“And what is with that awkward way of addressing me?”

“You look like a magnificent being. Should I say, ‘Your Eminence’?”

She wasn’t joking, she meant it.

Wouldn’t you feel like you were in the presence of a transcendental being if you saw someone with a planet instead of a head? Like a god, or a guardian of the universe, or something.

He chuckled, shoulders shaking slightly as if her words were the most amusing thing he’d ever heard. She’d noticed it yesterday, but this man had an incredibly low threshold for laughter. He would chuckle, shaking his body, at almost everything she said.

“Over a single planet?”

“Your Eminence owns multiple planets?”

“You’re giving me goosebumps. Please go back to how you normally speak, honey.”

“I don’t remember how I normally speak.”

“You asshole, you piece of shit, you crazy motherfucker… I think you’ve called me every swear word possible? You’re the only person in the entire universe who has ever cursed at me that much.”

“Did you eliminate everyone else before they had a chance (to curse at you)?”

She meant it as a joke. Yet for some reason, he didn’t respond.

Was it not funny…? Or was he offended? Did I cross a line? While she was busy overthinking, he spoke.

“You can say that.”

He played along nonchalantly after a moment. Had he taken his sweet time before answering just to make her nervous?

Deflated, Irae took a closer look at the unidentified planet rotating where her husband’s face should be. Fundamentally, the very fact that there was a planet instead of a head was grotesque and unsettling, but perhaps she was getting used to it, she wasn’t as disgusted as yesterday. Maybe it was because, unlike the tentacles, there was a certain mystique to the planet.

The planet, which was initially blue like Uranus, was now closer to lime green. Apparently, it changed colors constantly. She wondered what the criteria were. Was it just random, like color-changing LED lights?

“Um…”

“Yes, honey?”

“Can I… touch your face?”

Instead of answering, he took her hand.

She flinched at the unexpected contact.

Since his body from the neck down was that of a normal human, she wasn’t exactly scared, but the thought of physical contact with a strange man made her stiffen. Technically, he was her husband, not a stranger, but… to her, he was a husband who suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

He gently pressed down on her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. The simple action made her tense up, her nerves on edge.

Just like that, he guided her hand to his face. Her hand sank into the rotating planet with its colorful rings, and she felt the texture of skin against her palm.

It finally dawned on her.

There really was something wrong with her brain, causing her to perceive his face as a planet.

Carefully, she traced her fingers across his face. The defined jawline that hinted at strong bones beneath, the straight, prominent nose, the eyelids that obediently shut at her touch, the thick, long eyelashes that tickled her palm, the smooth forehead, the soft, supple lips. The being before her was undoubtedly human.

“I can feel it with my hand, but why do I see a planet head with my own two eyes…”

She lamented to herself, and the cheek beneath her palm trembled. For some unknown reason, she must’ve hit his laughter button again. Then it hit her.

Could it be… that this man, with his peculiar sense of humor, lived a life devoid of laughter until he met her, someone who perfectly matched his comedic taste, and that was why he married her? Like how comedians often ended up with beautiful wives, maybe she was the comedic equivalent? There was no other logical explanation for a handsome man with more money than her to relentlessly pursue and marry her.

So that was it. Relieved to have solved a mystery that rivaled the Seven Wonders of the World, Irae felt a sense of peace wash over her.

Honestly, she’d been suspecting that he might be a gold digger who took out a life insurance policy in her name with the intent of bumping her off when the time was right. She even wondered if the reason she was in the hospital was that his attempt to disguise it as an accident had failed. But if they got married because they clicked comedically, then she could rest assured that she wouldn’t be murdered anytime soon.

Subtly slipping her hand out of his grasp, she stared at the planet, which had now turned light pink. The rings, which were once plain circles, had transformed into hearts of all shapes and sizes. The pink planet was surrounded by hearts, spinning merrily.

She took a picture with her phone. In her photo album, there was a handsome man with an expression as bright and cheerful as a kitten.

What the…

She tilted her head in confusion, set her phone down, and looked at the man.

“Did the photo turn out alright?”

“Yes. With a face like that, even photos taken from the most unflattering angles would turn out great.”

She checked the photo again. Despite the haphazard way she took it, it looked good enough to be in a magazine. His beauty was truly a feast for the eyes.

The corners of her lips curled up in satisfaction at the thought that this man was her husband.

“I’m glad you like my face.”

Her husband whispered in a honeyed voice. She thought it was an odd thing to say. Why else would she marry him if she didn’t like his face?

No, his looks were beyond mere preference. Just like in any field, something that was merely above average couldn’t overcome personal taste, but something extraordinarily exceptional had the power to shatter those preferences entirely. In that sense, his looks belonged in a realm of absolute beauty, where subjective opinions ceased to exist. Though she couldn’t be entirely sure since she hadn’t seen him in person, all she had to go by were photos.

…Could he be the type who looks amazing on camera?

No, that couldn’t be it. Remembering the way the nurse reacted to him yesterday, he must be incredibly handsome in person too. Even in her dream last night, he was breathtakingly gorgeous.

Perhaps the dream had embellished his looks, but the moment their eyes met, she felt like her heart skipped a beat.

The word “heart-fluttering” was too weak of a description to express the thrill of this moment. It was a chilling feeling, as if every cell in her body stood on end, closer to the primal fear of death than any sort of soft, mushy emotion like love or infatuation.

No matter who she met in her life, she knew she would never feel such an intense shock ever again. Of course, his beauty was currently sealed within a planet… How long would his face appear as a planet?

“What are you thinking so hard about, honey?”

“Huh? Oh, just pondering the birth and death of stars, that sort of thing. But, um…”

Irae hesitated, about to address him. She didn’t know what to call him. It felt awkward calling him ‘honey’ when she had no recollection of their relationship, and while ‘Mr. So-and-so’ felt the most appropriate, she didn’t know his name. The shock of seeing a bundle of tentacles was so great during their first encounter that she completely forgot to ask for his name.

“Excuse me, but… what’s your name?”

“My name?”

The man stated his own name. Clearly, and at a steady pace.

But all of a sudden, a sharp ringing pierced her ears, and a wave of dizziness washed over her, making her vision swim. Her mind went blank for a moment, and she couldn’t quite grasp what he had said.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

She asked, pressing her hand against her forehead. Was this another aftereffect of the accident? She’d never experienced a headache in her life, but now her head was pounding like it was about to split open.

After a brief silence, he spoke.

“Yohan.”

His name, delivered in a soft, gentle tone, sounded rather exotic. Could it be Yohan ^[1] from the Gospel of John? Were his parents devout Christians?

“ Go Yohan ^[2] .”

Maybe they wanted for him to be quiet and well-behaved.

“Were you a crier as a baby?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I thought maybe your parents named you that, with a desperate wish for you to be quiet, since you cried day and night.”

He clutched his stomach and trembled silently.

Irae gave up on trying to understand his humor. She didn’t remember how it happened, but she must be sitting on top of his laughter button. Every little move she made was like tap-dancing on it. It was like the comedian version of ‘I find everything my child does adorable’, except in this case, it was ‘I find everything my spouse does hilarious’.

“Shall we get discharged today?”

The planet atop his suit-clad body asked kindly.

Again, she didn’t know what expression he was making since he lacked facial features in her eyes. But his voice sounded kind, so she’d take it.

After running some tests, the doctor told her she could stay a few more days for observation, but if she wanted to be discharged, she was free to go.

Naturally, she leaned towards being discharged. Her current accommodation, a private room, was far too luxurious. It was nicer than most hotel rooms she’d seen, and she couldn’t even begin to imagine how much it cost per night. At this point, she felt like the thought of the hospital bill was more terrifying than her husband’s face changing into a tentacle monster and then a planet.

To think she’d wake up to a VIP hospital room that probably cost hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars per night… Now that was true cosmic horror.

What’s cosmic horror anyway? The sudden arrival of a transcendent being—a terrifying threat that humans are powerless to stop, escape from, or even comprehend. That’s the hospital bill, to a T. You don’t know how you ended up here, you don’t know how much it will cost, and you can’t refuse to pay…

Letting out a deep sigh, Irae nodded weakly.

“I should be discharged.”

“But why do you look so troubled?”

Footnotes