Antidote Chapter 4.1 - Turning Point (1)
It was a late afternoon, and Lisbeth’s expression wasn’t good when she returned from her outing.
At that time, I was in Lisbeth’s inner chamber, fixing Kirsten’s broken toy soldier. Lisbeth entered with a few knights, and then she sent both me and Kirsten out. I quickly left the chamber, carrying Kirsten in my arms. Though Kirsten had grown too heavy for me to easily carry, he still liked to cling to me. The boy’s soft hands wrapped around my neck.
Just before the door fully closed, I heard Lisbeth’s angry voice slip through the gap.
“What on earth is the Duke of Karlac thinking? How could he cause such a mess in the royal court…?”
Thud. The door shut. Kirsten waved the hand holding the toy soldier in the air.
“Slan, hurry, hurry!”
I turned my gaze away from the door. Carrying Kirsten, I headed toward the terrace.
The second-floor terrace was wide enough for children to run around, and the garden trees were well-kept. Beside the balcony railing, which was covered in pink terracotta tiles, tall date palms cast long leaves. The broad surfaces of the leaves gleamed under the gentle spring sunlight.
I sat on a marble chair placed in front of the railing with Kirsten. Kirsten crawled under the marble table and started playing around, while I shifted my gaze back to the broken arm of the toy soldier.
Though my hands were working, my mind was elsewhere. Lisbeth’s last words, which I had overheard through the door crack, lingered in my head.
What on earth had happened in the Karlac court to make Lisbeth so angry?
Lisbeth had lost her health after giving birth three years ago and had since stepped down from her position as a court knight. Though she sometimes attended court or had visits from knights who had once followed her, unlike Lister, she held no official position. It was safe to say she was semi-retired. Other than taking me in after my title was revoked and I was reduced to the status of a slave two years ago, she hadn’t been much involved in Karlac politics.
Among the knights who had entered with Lisbeth, there were a few familiar faces. Two of them were definitely court knights…
At that moment, someone tugged on my sleeve, snapping me out of my thoughts.
Kirsten was hiding under my chair, pretending to be innocent. I put down the toy soldier and poked Kirsten’s back under the chair.
“I didn’t pull it! It wasn’t me!”
Kirsten giggled and rolled around on the floor.
I stood up and, grabbing Kirsten by the sides, hoisted him into the air as he crawled away on all fours. The boy flapped his arms in the air, laughing gleefully.
Just then, an elderly nanny came out onto the terrace. She was holding a tray with Kirsten’s snacks on it. As she set the tray down on the table, she smiled and spoke to me.
“I’ll take care of the young master now. You can head inside.”
“But…”
“The wizard is here.”
At those words, I nodded with a quiet “Ah.”
It was the usual periodic check-up.
Ever since I had an episode two years ago, the wizards of Karlac had been monitoring my madness regularly. There hadn’t been much progress, but as long as the medicine could keep my madness at bay, I was content with that.
“They’ll be checking your foot today as well. The lady ordered it,” the nanny added as she took Kirsten from my arms.
“Thank you.”
I offered a brief thanks, pinching Kirsten’s cheek as he lay in the nanny’s embrace.
“See you later, Kirsten.”
Kirsten giggled again.
Since Lisbeth and the knights were in the large reception room, the wizard was waiting for me in a small guest room across from it. When I entered, the wizard, who had been standing by the window, turned around.
It was a woman I had never seen before.
Her hair was long, the black braid reaching past her hips, with a few strands of gray peeking through. Like most Karlac wizards, she wore a long robe with a hood, and aside from the navy blue embroidery on the sleeves, it was plain. She was small and frail, almost swallowed by the robe. On her pinky finger, she wore the emblem ring of the Karlac wizards.
She looked to be about fifty years old… Until now, the wizard who had been regularly examining me for the past two years was a younger man named Enric. Why had they changed to a new person now?
As I made a hesitant face, she briefly bowed her head and raised it again.
“My name is Ida. From today, I will be the one to examine you, Lord Slan.”
“And Enric?”
“Enric is unwell.”
Her voice was somewhat curt.
I quietly accepted the explanation. When I sat down in the chair, she approached me.
“How is your health?”
“Hmm… just the same as usual.”
“I heard from the lady that you’ve been feeling better lately?”
“I’m not feeling bad. Why?”
It was a strange conversation. I glanced up at her. Instead of answering, Ida pulled a small chair in front of me and sat down.
“Are you taking your medicine regularly?”
“Yes.”
“What did you have for dinner last night?”
“What?”
“Your dinner last night.”
I frowned at the question.
“Steamed pig ears and bean soup… why?”
“And the day before that?”
The wizard continued her questioning, ignoring my reaction.
“…It was cooked rice, I think. I skipped breakfast, and for lunch, I had wheat bread and smoked ham.”
At that, Ida touched her chin with her hand.
I started to feel uneasy.
“Is there a problem?”
“No. I was just checking because I heard Lord Slan has been experiencing memory issues. Let’s see… how was last month?”
“It was before Lisbeth returned, so I was just the same as usual.”
“Do you recall any specific events?”
“I remember most of it. No problems.”
When I responded, Ida fell silent.
“Let’s talk about something else. Do you remember the coronation?”
At that question, I tilted my head.
The wizard’s bluish eyes quietly observed me. I tried to read the emotion in those eyes but failed.
I let out a short sigh. I answered her question while trying not to let any emotion show in my voice.
“Two years ago, right? I remember. At the time, I was still at Helga’s Tower, but…”
“…Do you also remember Helga’s Tower?”
“Of course.”
I answered, a bit curtly.
How could I forget two years ago?
The day I pushed my father down the stairs to his death, the long trial that followed, Helga’s Tower, and my mother, who couldn’t bear the sins of her only son and took her own life.
The late Duke of Karlac collapsed from the shock and never recovered. It was the Duke’s younger sister, Lady Halden, who inherited the crown at the coronation.
Naturally, I couldn’t attend the coronation, and I didn’t leave Helga’s Tower until long after everything was over and had come to Glenberg Manor.
Ida’s gaze remained on me.
I turned my face slightly to avoid her stare, but her eyes followed the movement to my profile.
“And… do you remember anything before the coronation?”
I let out another sigh.
“I remember some things, and some I don’t.”
“What do you remember?”
“I don’t think you’re asking for my whole life story…”
“My apologies.”
She bowed her head.
“It’s just… well… Lord Slan.”
There was a brief hesitation on her face.
“Do you remember me?”
At that question, I turned my head and looked directly at her without thinking.
A wrinkled face, graying hair, drooping eyes, and faded eyebrows…
It was an unfamiliar face.
My breath grew slightly ragged.
“…No.”
“I see.”
Her face returned to its professional expression.
At that moment, footsteps sounded outside the door. We both turned to look at the door almost simultaneously. It opened, and Lisbeth entered.
Lisbeth, who had visited the royal court today, was dressed differently from her usual simple attire. A long, pleated red dress trailed behind her, and a crown made of pearls and silver adorned her black hair.
“How is it?”
Lisbeth gave me a brief nod before immediately turning to the wizard with a question. The wizard politely responded.
“There are no signs of the madness recurring.”
I felt relieved at that answer.
However, Lisbeth’s strict expression did not change. After a brief silence, she asked again.
“Does that mean the symptoms might be completely cured?”
“That’s not the case.”
With her head deeply bowed, Ida continued speaking.
“I’m considering adjusting the medication a little. The symptoms of madness vary by patient and stage. Instead of continuing with the current prescription, it would be better to switch to something new.”
“Is that so?”
Lisbeth’s gaze shifted toward me.
“Slan is experiencing memory issues, right? What about that?”
“It’s neither improving nor worsening. There’s no significant recovery, but no deterioration either.”
“I see…”
Lisbeth placed her hand on my shoulder. Her thin fingers, with the bones visible, gripped my shoulder firmly before letting go.
“Go ahead and change the medication. After that, we’ll monitor the condition and decide. Will you be the one to come next time too? Is Enric still in poor health?”
“Well, the winter fever hasn’t subsided yet, so it’s hard to say when he’ll recover. I’ll be the one coming for the time being. Don’t worry. I’ve been fully informed of all the details by Enric.”
“It’s not that I’m worried about.”
Her sharp gaze scanned the wizard up and down.
“You came here through Sir Lars’s introduction, right?”
“Yes.”
“When did you receive the ring?”
“It’s been ten years now.”
“Before that, were you in Sir Lars’s estate?”
“Yes.”
At that polite answer, Lisbeth nodded.
“Take good care of Slan. I have to leave now… I had to step out in the middle of something.”
After that, Lisbeth looked at me.
“Let me know later if anything happens.”
“I will.”
She gently took my hand for a moment and then let go. Then, she left the room. I watched her long gown drag across the hallway floor as the door closed behind her.
Once the door shut, Ida approached me again. She no longer asked any questions. Just like Enric had done before, she took my wrist to check my temperature, pricked my finger with a sterilized needle to collect a drop of blood into a glass vial, and then disinfected the pricked spot with alcohol.
She also examined my ankle.
“Your condition isn’t bad. Regular massages will help. It’s also good to cover it with a hot towel.”
“My memory…”
When I started speaking, Ida’s eyes looked up at me.
I continued speaking slowly.
“Recently, I’ve started to remember a few things… I’ve also had some dreams. Probably dreams of the past.”
The wizard remained silent.
After a long silence, she finally spoke again.
“What kind of memories?”
“Just…”
I hesitated for a moment.
“Things about the Lord of Ipsen… and times when I left Karlac Castle. Things like that.”
I thought she would be surprised, but she wasn’t. Perhaps she had been through too much to be surprised by something so trivial. Ida calmly responded.
“That’s not a bad symptom. There are many patients with memory issues who regain their past through dreams. Though, of course, only in mild cases…”
Her words trailed off as she turned and opened her bag. A small bottle of medicine rolled out from it.
“This is the new medication.”
She opened the bottle, and a few pills rolled into her hand.
“Three white ones, and one green one. Make sure to take them exactly as instructed. Of course, I’ll also make sure to inform your servant.”
She closed the bottle again.
“I’ve been instructed not to give the bottle directly to Lord Slan…”
After a brief explanation, she closed the bag. I nodded. It wasn’t strange to me since others had always handled my medication.
The wrinkled hand that had been closing the bag paused for a moment. Ida straightened up and looked at me.
“Lord Slan.”
When I nodded, she briefly parted her lips.
“…It would be best not to mention your memories to anyone else. There’s no need to go out of your way to do so. As you know, we’re still not certain at what stage the symptoms are.”
Her voice was so quiet and fast that if it weren’t just the two of us here, I would have missed it.
As soon as Ida finished speaking, she closed her bag and bowed to me.
“It was nice to see you again after so long. I’m relieved to see you’re in good health.”
Like Ismion, who had offered to bring me tangerine tea with cinnamon, or Jiyod, who had said she would plant grapevines instead of laurels in the garden for me, could this wizard also be someone who knew me?
I desperately searched my memory. Was there any small remnant of her left between the decayed, tattered parts of my temporal lobe?
But there was nothing.
The wizard left.
Only a sense of defeat and helplessness remained.
A few days later, Lisbeth summoned me.
She was not in the drawing room but in her private office. As I entered the room, she gestured for me to come to the desk, offering a faint smile. My eyes naturally fell to the desk, and at the same moment, Lisbeth carelessly set down the quill beside her. Ink dripped from the pen nib, leaving a stain on the desk. I followed the trail of the dark ink with my eyes. The document bore a clear Glenberg seal, suggesting it had come from there.
Lisbeth was a typical knight, not particularly interested in academic matters. While she could read and write the common continental alphabet fluently, she was not a skilled writer. However, unlike many knights who could barely memorize their own names, family names, and a few essential phrases (such as a pledge of loyalty to the Duke of Karlac), Lisbeth could compose her own letters.
“Is there something you wish to say?”
At my question, Lisbeth nodded.
“The wizard told me about you.”
She went straight to the point. My heart sank in an instant. I nervously fidgeted with my fingers, watching her closely.
“What did they say? Is my madness…?”
“No, no. On the contrary, they said your condition is good. They think we’ll need to keep an eye on your memory issues a bit longer. But that aside…”
She stamped the document with a loud thud, then rolled it up and tied it with a string before placing it into a porcelain cabinet. Such tasks were usually handled by young squires, but she tended to manage many things herself.
“The wizard mentioned you’ve grown quite weak.”
“Not really…”
As I trailed off, Lisbeth glanced up at me.
“Well, the wizard would know better. And your ankle, too.”
When I didn’t respond, she continued speaking slowly.
“They said it’s not good for your condition to stay cooped up indoors all the time. You need to go for walks and get fresh air, even if it’s hard. It’s funny, though, hearing that from a wizard who spends all day holed up in a laboratory or some odd experiment room.”
She chuckled softly.
I quietly watched as she closed the cabinet, latched it shut, and dripped wax on the seam before stamping it.
“I have eyes, you know.”
She spoke gently, as if offering advice.
“I know Lister is eager to get his hands on you. It seems he’s trying to keep his subordinates quiet…”
Her lips briefly curled into a smirk before settling into a straight line again. Her thick eyebrows furrowed. A short sigh escaped her.
“I’m sorry for your troubles.”
I wondered how much she knew but couldn’t bring myself to ask.
“You need rest, too.”
“Rest?”
“Yes. It’s nothing major.”
With that, she handed me the cabinet she had just sealed. I instinctively reached out with both hands to take it. Lisbeth looked up at me and smiled warmly.
“Give this to the steward at the Red Gate [1] .”
I blinked in confusion. Seeing my reaction, Lisbeth laughed again.
“What is this?”
“It’s nothing.”
She shrugged.
“Just tell him I said to open it right away.”
“I will. Should I go now?”
“Yes, please.”
I tilted my head slightly and left her office.
“Slan.”
But as I touched the door handle, Lisbeth called out to me again. I paused, turning back to look at her.
“I trust you.”
“Sorry?”
“The Duke of Karlac is still upset. You know what I mean, right?”
Her words made my expression harden. The veins on the back of my hand, gripping the cabinet, stood out with a bluish tint. I struggled to calm my increasingly rapid breathing.
“…I know.”
“Yes. I know you won’t act recklessly.”
After that, she gestured as if to tell me to leave.
I quietly closed the door. My hands, now gripping the document chest tightly, were damp with cold sweat.
The Duke of Karlac still hasn’t forgiven me…
I muttered the words Lisbeth had left behind absentmindedly.
Of course, he wouldn’t have. The father I had betrayed was the elder brother of the Duke of Karlac. Though they hadn’t been particularly close, there must have been enough affection to warrant anger over the death of his sibling.
I walked down the corridor, feeling despondent. Even the sunny weather wasn’t enough to lift my spirits. The soft breeze, the warm sunlight, and the sweet scent of lilacs drifting from somewhere all felt like a dreary gray winter to me.
It was the first time I’d seen the Red Gate steward since I met them briefly last fall. The harsh winter seemed to have taken its toll on the old steward, whose cheeks were now sunken compared to before.
“From Madam Lisbeth?”
The steward raised their eyebrows.
Taking the document chest, the steward approached the desk and groped inside the drawer. With a clattering sound, the steward’s hand emerged from the drawer holding a glass magnifying glass. Holding the magnifying glass in one hand, they opened the chest with the other. Inside, there was a letter rolled up. Without delay, the steward untied the string and unfolded the letter.
As the steward read the letter with the magnifying glass, their expression subtly changed.
About a minute later, the steward lifted their head from the letter with a rather grim look on their face. I had an overwhelming urge to ask what was written but restrained myself, recalling my position as a servant.
“Nothing much…”
The steward clicked their tongue.
Unable to hold back, I blurted out a question.
“Is it something serious?”
The steward looked at me, their wrinkled eyelids blinking a couple of times.
“It’s not serious. Madam Lisbeth just… hm. For now, take a seat.”
The steward placed the letter on the desk. I glanced at the letter sideways, wondering if I could catch a glimpse of even a single word, but the way the paper was rolled made it impossible.
The steward’s wrinkled hands rummaged through the drawer again. This time, they pulled out a red jade token. My eyes widened slightly. The red token issued by the steward allowed free passage through the Red Gate, usually reserved for knights or emissaries on urgent missions.
The steward threaded a golden string through a small hole in the jade token. Then, they rang the brass bell sitting on the edge of the desk. A young page hurried in, panting.
“Is there something you need, madam?”
“Yes, go down to the storage room and bring a black pouch made of cotton and a pair of leather shoes. There should be one pair left made of sheepskin, not the ones for soldiers but the small ones beside them.”
“Yes, yes!”
The page ran off again, his footsteps echoing loudly. The steward’s face wrinkled in displeasure as they clicked their tongue once more.
Turning back, the steward opened the inner door. It was a small door.
Through the gap, I caught a glimpse of a modest inner room. From my angle, I could see a single low bed on the other side of the door. At the same time, I recalled the last time I was in this room, coming to get some apricot seed oil. Instead of the steward fetching the oil, Jiyod had rushed in, chattering about borrowing the bed and muttering some crude joke. My face flushed at the memory, and I shook my head to dispel the useless thoughts.
The steward returned from the room holding something—a dark green outer garment. When they handed it to me, I couldn’t help but show my confusion.
“What is this for?”
“It might be a bit short for you, but it should fit well enough.”
The steward spoke bluntly.
A thousand questions popped into my mind.
At that moment, the sound of hurried footsteps echoed from outside the door—no doubt the young page running back. The steward clicked their tongue again at the noise.
The page knocked on the door and entered, still panting heavily.
“Here it is, madam.”
The page carefully handed over the black pouch and shoes.
Instead of taking them, the steward motioned to me. I hurriedly accepted the pouch and shoes from the page.
“Try on the shoes.”
What could Lisbeth have written in the letter?
I wondered if this was all meant to be a gift of new clothes and shoes, but the outer garment the steward handed me was worn and shabby, and the shoes were just as unremarkable. The sheepskin sandals looked sturdy but didn’t seem like something Lisbeth would gift me without reason.
Reluctantly, I took off the coarse shoes I was wearing and slipped my feet into the leather sandals. They were a bit loose, but I could tighten the straps to make them fit well enough.
“They seem fine.”
The steward nodded.
The page breathed a sigh of relief and left the room, clearly worried about having fetched the wrong items and facing the steward’s wrath.
“Uh, madam steward, is this all…?”
“Madam Lisbeth wants you to go outside.”
I blinked at those words, prompting the steward to explain further.
“She wrote in the letter asking me to help you get some fresh air beyond the Red Gate.”
“Ah…”
I let out a small groan.
My hand unconsciously gripped the collar of my shirt.
The words about needing rest…
And then, in an instant, a feeling akin to joy began to surge between my lungs. I took a deep breath. The sunlight and breeze, which had been dull and gray moments ago, regained their vibrant colors.
Without realizing it, I leaned toward her and asked,
“Outside the Red Gate? For how long?”
“Well, there wasn’t a specific mention of that. That’s why I prepared this.”
She picked up the red token from the desk. With the red token, I could pass through the Red Gate even after it was closed.
“Then…”
My voice rose in excitement on its own. The stewardess let out a nasal sound, almost as if to calm it.
“I understand what you’re thinking, but don’t come back too late.”
She opened the front of her long coat and pulled out a small purse. Her wrinkled hands unclasped the button and lightly shook it over her palm. A few coins rolled out. She picked out some silver and copper ones.
“I have eyes and ears, you know.”
As she handed me the coins, she spoke slowly.
“I know that the Duke of Karlac hasn’t forgotten about you yet. Of course, I don’t mean in a good way. You understand what I’m saying, right?”
“…Yes.”
I answered slowly.
“Good.”
With those words, the coins fell from her hand into mine.
Along with the red jade token.
“If you need anything, buy it with this money. You don’t have to pay me back, of course. I owe Madam Lisbeth a great deal.”
Then her eyes calmly met mine.
“…and Lord of Ipsen too, of course.”
Her words left my mouth slightly agape. She was one of the few people who knew about my connection with Jiyod. Hadn’t she been the one to discreetly inform him I was here during that sandstorm day?
“The coat is because your clothes might stand out too much. It may be spring, but the temperature can drop once the sun sets…”
Thanks to that comment, I could guess that the time I had was at least until after sunset.
“Thank you.”
At my words of gratitude, the stewardess quietly gazed at me. A fleeting look of sadness passed through her deep eyes.
“Madam Lisbeth will continue to take care of you…”
She hesitated before continuing.
“…as long as you remain as obedient as you are now.”
I nodded.
It was something I was well aware of.
Lisbeth treated me as if I were a guest of the Glenberg estate, sometimes even closer than that. Under her watchful eye, no one— not even Lister— dared to treat me like a slave.
“That too is something I’m grateful for.”
At my response, the stewardess remained silent.
“Lord of Ipsen, on the other hand…”
“Yes?”
I blinked in confusion at the sudden comment, and she turned her body away from me.
“You’d better go. Freedom isn’t forever.”
At those words, I hastily turned to glance at the half-open window. Judging by the angle of the sunlight streaming in, it was already late morning, close to lunchtime.
I expressed my gratitude to her once again and left her room.
The green coat she had given me fell just below my knees. It had a hood, and the narrow sleeves didn’t seem like they’d restrict my movement. As I walked down the stairs, I slid my arms into the sleeves. Once I pulled the hood over my head, my face was covered.
The stewardess’s suspicious remark about Jiyod still bothered me, but the thought vanished the moment I faced the massive gate.
A heavy stone gate, built from red bricks, towered before me. On either side, two colossal figures of Karlac’s founding twins, each holding a bow, were intricately carved. The gate was wide open, and the steel bars had been lifted by chains. Three armored knights stood guard in front.
When I showed them the red token, they let me through without question.
Excitement swelled in my chest. My heart pounded furiously. It was, after all, my first taste of freedom in two years. Lister had once dragged me into the Duke of Karlac’s forest, but that was more like a forced escort than an outing. So, this was the first time I had stepped out of the inner walls freely, and with the red token in hand. My flushed face smiled as I patted the token, securely tied to my belt.
A wide, cleanly tiled road stretched from the Red Gate, cutting through the city of Karlac. After walking for a few minutes, the Red Gate faded into the distance as more people began to fill the street.
A canal lined with laurel trees came into view. The green leaves of the laurels shimmered under the sunlight. Along the canal stood grand houses made of white marble and pink sandstone. The cool breeze from the canal tousled my hair and tickled my cheeks.
Rickshaws and carriages passed by, and groups of people walked along, chattering noisily. No one seemed to notice me at all.
- 1. Or as it was mentioned in the raws, Hongmun. Hongmun are red sacred (?) gates erected in place like government offices, shrines, palaces and such.
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