Black & Grey Vol. 2 Chapter 8

Yoochan said this as he grabbed Donhee’s wrist, pulling him up and hugging him. Just then, the sound of applause signaled the end of a session. After greeting the assistant instructor and juniors, Yoochan headed to the shower room, glancing at the clock.

It was 5:10 PM. He had agreed to have dinner separately and go to the shop by 6 PM due to Jungeol’s schedule. Today was the day Yoochan would get a tattoo from Jungeol.

Though it was a day he had been looking forward to, Yoochan felt uneasy and anxious. He tried to ease his anxiety by exercising more than usual, but his chest felt tight as soon as he finished his workout.

‘Why does he want to meet separately?’

That question filled Yoochan’s mind throughout the shower.

‘Will he accept me? Or is he going to reject me?’

The tender image of Jungeol joking while applying an ice pack a few days ago alternated with the now more silent and serious Jungeol, troubling Yoochan. Just when he would get his hopes up, Jungeol seemed to distance himself, only to be subtly kind again.

‘He used to be nice to me but told me not to confess.’

Was being good as a younger brother different from accepting a confession? Yoochan shook his head vigorously and scrubbed his shampooed scalp. He thought he would at least feel relieved to hear Daehan’s answer, but he wasn’t sure he could pretend to be okay after being rejected by Jungeol. What if Jungeol told him not to come to the shop anymore after rejecting him? What expression should he make, and what should he say? What should he say?

After finishing his shower and leaving the judo hall, Yoochan turned on his phone screen.

Yoochan: Noona said the time changed earlier, so should I be there by 6 PM?

Jungeol: You can come a bit earlier.

Yoochan: I’ll be there between 5:30 and 6 PM. Did you have breakfast, Hyung?

Jungeol: Yes. Did you?

Yoochan: Of course. I had beef with two bowls of rice. Lol. By the way, what’s the important thing you want to talk about after the tattoo?

Jungeol: It’s important.

Yoochan: Can’t you tell me now? I’m curious.

Jungeol: Let’s talk in person.

Yoochan: Okay….

That was the last conversation they had over text this morning. Yoochan was extremely uneasy about the “let’s talk after” part. It read as if Jungeol wanted to cleanly settle everything after finishing, leaving no ties.

Yoochan dropped his shoulders and stood at the bus stop. He decided to walk instead of taking the bus.

He wondered what expression Jungeol would have right now. Maybe he felt sorry for planning to reject the confession. If Jungeol’s face didn’t look good, Yoochan feared he would imagine the worst throughout the tattoo session.

‘Ha, what will worrying solve?’

Feeling unfamiliar with his uncharacteristic overthinking, Yoochan slapped his forehead with his palm and started running.

Arriving at the shop, Yoochan timed it perfectly as Jungeol finished his work and came out while Yoochan was chatting with the other staff.

Jungeol, who hadn’t noticed Yoochan yet, started talking to a female customer. Yoochan frowned as he watched Jungeol smile lightly, probably at a joke, and asked the Manager on the sofa.

“By the way, why does Jungeol Hyung always take female customers?”

The Manager, who was looking at designs on a tablet, glanced inside and replied nonchalantly.

“Jungeol Oppa usually has more female clients. This time the male-to-female ratio is about even, maybe 6:4.”

To Yoochan, it felt like there were at least eight women. Reflecting on the fact that Jungeol had only dated women so far, Yoochan made a gloomy face as the female customer walked out, and Jungeol noticed him.

“You’re early. Shall we start?”

Yoochan awkwardly smiled at Jungeol’s calm remark upon seeing him. Jungeol tilted his head, looking curiously at Yoochan.

“Do you want to wait?”

“No, I think we can start right away.”

Yoochan forced a smile. Jungeol glanced at him and gestured towards the empty first station.

As Yoochan sat down, Jungeol showed him the pre-printed designs by size. There were two prints for each size; one had black leopard eyes and the other had blue eyes. Yoochan held up the designs and asked.

“Haven’t decided on the eye color yet?”

“I’m going to try it out. Take off your clothes.”

Jungeol said as he pulled the curtain. Yoochan flinched and looked up at Jungeol, finding the request to take off his clothes a bit strange. Jungeol, now sitting back down, looked at Yoochan as if wondering why he hadn’t started undressing yet.

Sweat had already formed on Yoochan’s temples. It was common for the belt to come undone during judo practice, often exposing a man’s chest or stomach. Having done judo since he was young, Yoochan had no qualms about showing his upper body and had frequently lifted his shirt for female classmates in high school. But now, he felt embarrassed to the point of sweating.

However, hesitating any longer would only make things more awkward. As Yoochan crossed his arms to grab the hem of his shirt, Jungeol suddenly remembered something.

“There’s a dry gown. Want me to get it for you?”

“Oh! Yes, that would be nice…”

Yoochan’s eyes then caught sight of Jungeol’s windbreaker hanging on the coat rack. It was an old jacket that Jungeol had stopped wearing as the weather got warmer. Yoochan pointed to the jacket and asked.

“Can I wear that?”

Jungeol looked at the windbreaker on the wall and asked, puzzled.

“The windbreaker? It’ll be hot even with the air conditioning on.”

“It’s okay. I’d feel more comfortable wearing that.”

Yoochan thought he might never get another chance to wear something so personal to Jungeol. Jungeol tilted his head, then took the windbreaker and handed it to Yoochan. As Jungeol looked at the designs, Yoochan quickly took off his shirt and awkwardly slipped his arms into the sleeves of the windbreaker.

When Jungeol turned his attention back to Yoochan, their eyes met. Yoochan, not noticing Jungeol’s softened gaze, turned to show Jungeol his shoulder.

The two of them checked the sizes in the full-length mirror at station number 1. The medium size from the designs Jungeol had prepared seemed appropriate. It was about two-thirds the size of an A4 sheet.

“It’ll take about four hours.”

Yoochan nodded and then asked.

“What about the eye color?”

“Not sure.”

Jungeol replied, comparing the two medium-sized leopard designs. Yoochan spoke cheerfully, trying to reassure Jungeol.

“You said you’d decide, Hyung. Just pick whichever you prefer. I’m really okay with either. They’re both beautiful in different ways.”

Jungeol frowned as if in thought and said,

“I don’t usually prefer color. If only one part is colored, the black and grey won’t stand out. Unless the customer specifically wants it, I don’t usually do it.”

“Then just go with black and grey. The one that feels most like you, Hyung.”

Jungeol raised his eyebrows at Yoochan’s straightforward comment. Yoochan smiled silently at Jungeol, thinking the words he couldn’t say out loud: I want to be a piece of art that Hyung loves, too.

* * *

When Jungeol removed the stencil from the chosen spot, a purple leopard design appeared. Waiting for the outline to dry, Jungeol checked and rechecked Yoochan’s resolve.

“I definitely want it.”

Seeing Yoochan’s determination, Jungeol asked no more questions. He filled five ink cups with black ink and adjusted the concentration with water.

The clinking sound of Jungeol preparing the equipment made Yoochan’s lashes tremble slightly at the sound of the machine. After confirming the stencil was dry, Jungeol spoke.

“I’ll just touch it lightly to see if you can handle it.”

“Okay.”

When the machine needle lightly touched his skin, Yoochan, lying face down with a pillow, let out a short “Ah!”

“Does it hurt?”

Jungeol asked with a chuckle. Yoochan frowned and nodded.

“Yes. But I think it’s okay.”

“Now, I’m really going to start.”

“Yep.”

With the whirring sound of the machine, Jungeol began outlining from the lower part of Yoochan’s left shoulder. But Yoochan’s body twitched when it was supposed to stay still. Jungeol frowned and glanced at the back of Yoochan’s head. Whether it was ticklish or painful, Yoochan kept moving.

“You shouldn’t move too much.”

Jungeol said as he pressed down on Yoochan’s shoulder with his other hand.

“I’ll try to bear it.”

Yoochan replied in a small voice. Jungeol resumed the tattooing. This time, Yoochan didn’t move much but his muscles twitched slightly. It wasn’t enough to cause a mistake, so Jungeol focused on inking. Suddenly, a strange sound came from somewhere.

“Ugh…”

“……”

“Ugh… Huh…”

“……”

“Hmm… Ugh…!”

“……”

“…Ugh!”

The odd, groaning noises distracted Jungeol, causing him to stop the machine. Yoochan, who had been trying his best to stay still and only letting out small groans, turned his head in confusion at the silence.

A large hand reached out from behind and gently pressed Yoochan’s head. A deep voice followed.

“Keep your head straight.”

“…Yes.”

Jungeol pressed down on Yoochan’s back again and turned on the machine. Yoochan, unable to imagine Jungeol’s expression, furrowed his brows, guessing what Jungeol might say to him today. As Jungeol continued, Yoochan endured the pain, occasionally letting out strange noises.

* * *

“Ah, Jungeol Hyung, it really hurts. Please stop for a moment…! Just for a moment…!”

“Bear with it. We’re almost done.”

“It really hurts, I’m not exaggerating, it feels like I’m dying…”

Having already delayed the process several times due to Yoochan’s strange groans and requests to stop, Jungeol remained firm this time. Ignoring Yoochan’s complaints, Jungeol pressed down on Yoochan’s shoulder with his strong arm. As the machine approached his armpit, Yoochan’s toes trembled uncontrollably.

“Wow, it hurts…! Ah…! Ugh…! It really hurts there… It’s the worst! Stop, stop, stop…!”

Jungeol, who had been chuckling at Yoochan’s consistent groans, finally stopped at his last scream. Yoochan, lying face down, reached back to rub his back. Jungeol gently blocked Yoochan’s hand and said,

“Don’t touch it, just bear with it.”

“It’s burning, I feel like I’m dying.”

Yoochan sighed deeply, dropping his arm off the bed in defeat, and asked,

“How much is done now? What percentage is complete?”

Jungeol rotated his wrist and replied indifferently,

“80.”

“What? 80 percent?”

Yoochan, his face turning red, lifted his upper body in protest.

“You said it was almost done! You said it was almost done!”

“It’s almost done, so lie down.”

“You said it was almost done, but now you say 80 percent!?”

“It’s almost done.”

“I feel like I’ve heard ‘almost done’ ten times already, why isn’t it finished yet, Hyung…! You’re such a liar…!”

Unfazed, Jungeol pressed down on Yoochan’s head and said,

“I’ll finish quickly, so stop making weird noises and keep your mouth shut. The painful parts are done.”

“Who said I was making weird noises? It’s natural to groan when needles are piercing your body.”

In nearly seven years of tattooing, Jungeol had never heard noises like Yoochan’s. He frowned, not understanding. Yoochan, realizing Jungeol had no intention of stopping, gave up and resumed his position.

As Jungeol checked the ink, Yoochan took a moment to rest, glancing at Jungeol. His expression seemed the same as usual. He didn’t seem to be in a bad mood.

Yoochan wondered what Jungeol wanted to talk about today. He suspected it was about his feelings, but he wasn’t ready to hear it yet. He wanted the painful tattoo to end quickly, but he also feared what Jungeol might say, hoping the session wouldn’t end.

With the word “starting,” the sharp pain returned to his back.

Yoochan, who had been grimacing in anticipation of the impending pain, soon relaxed his furrowed brows. The middle of his back wasn’t as painful as the area near his armpit. Jungeol smiled slightly and said,

“Bearable, isn’t it?”

“Yes… but it still stings a bit….”

Yoochan, who had been screaming just moments ago, felt a bit embarrassed and mumbled his response. Jungeol glanced at the now-calm Yoochan, smiled slightly, and focused back on his work. As Yoochan began to adapt to the reduced pain, he suddenly spoke up,

“Hyung, didn’t you scream when you got your tattoo?”

“No.”

“Not even once? I heard the sides and waist are the most painful. Didn’t you scream or at least make a sound then?”

“Weren’t you there when I got my tattoo?”

“Oh, right. I forgot.”

Even though the most painful areas were under his armpit and his sides, Jungeol didn’t even frown, let alone groan. Remembering how calm Jungeol had been, Yoochan felt a bit sheepish.

“Back then, I didn’t know how painful it was, so I didn’t think much of it. But not even frowning was really impressive. How did you not make a sound, especially under your armpit?”

“Well… I guess our pain thresholds are different.”

Jungeol replied calmly and pressed down on Yoochan’s tough, resilient, brown skin with his right hand.

“…….”

As Jungeol’s right hand followed the left hand holding the machine, pulling the skin slightly sideways and downwards, Yoochan’s expression became complex. Yoochan bit his lower lip as if trying to hold something back. Earlier, the pain had overshadowed any other sensations, but now that the pain had subsided, he could feel Jungeol’s skin brushing against his own more vividly.

Jungeol’s hand slid down Yoochan’s spine again.

“…Ah.”

Yoochan’s sphincter twitched involuntarily, and a moan escaped his lips.

“I told you not to move.”

“Oh, that’s because…”

“Be quiet.”

“…Yes.”

Yoochan trembled, tensing his toes as the sensation continued.

It felt like a unique form of torture, not being able to moan while the person he liked caressed his sensitive areas with bare hands. Earlier, it felt like Jungeol was pressing down on his muscles to keep him still, but now it felt more like a gentle caress.

Every time Jungeol’s fingertips touched a sensitive spot, Yoochan struggled to hold back his moans. Suddenly, the manager’s voice came from outside the curtain.

“Oppa, can I come in?”

“Yes.”

Jungeol, who had been watching Yoochan’s trembling nape, replied as he looked away. The manager poked his head through the curtain. He ruffled Yoochan’s hair, who was getting a tattoo, and said to Jungeol,

“Minseong wants to move up his appointment to tomorrow morning. It’s a two-hour job, so it should be quick… You can come in late tomorrow morning if you finish it today.”

“Sure, put it in.”

Jungeol replied as he pressed the machine against Yoochan’s back. The manager nodded, fiddled with his phone, and then suddenly remembered something.

“Oh, by the way, a customer sent a personal message to your account the day before yesterday. What should I reply? Should I ignore it and block them if they message again?”

“Yes.”

Seeing Jungeol’s unwavering expression, the manager nodded as if he had expected that and quickly left. Yoochan, who had been listening to their conversation with a serious expression, cautiously spoke up.

“Um… Taeho Hyung told me that many women contact you after getting a tattoo from you. Is that true?”

Jungeol didn’t answer and focused on his work. Yoochan rested his chin on the back of his hand and murmured with a complicated expression,

“At first, I thought it was a bit strange. It’s not easy to approach someone you’ve just met, especially for a woman to ask for a man’s number. But now that I’m getting a tattoo from you, Hyung, I think I understand why.”

“…….”

“When you’re alone in a quiet place, talking with someone while touching skin, it feels like you’re getting really close. Even though it’s not really like that.”

Jungeol, who had stopped the machine and was staring at the almost finished leopard, looked at Yoochan. Yoochan’s head bobbed up and down as he spoke.

“Don’t you feel that way when you go to a hair salon or get a sports massage? It feels like you’ve become close friends with someone who matches your personality in just thirty minutes. The Hyungs and Noonims there are just being friendly because it’s their job, but it feels like you’ve become best friends.”

“……”

“And Hyung is so meticulous and good at what he does. It makes you feel good and even makes you think he might have a special interest in you. Ah, not me, but those Noonims. I mean… I’m just speaking from their perspective.”

Yoochan spoke as if confessing, not noticing Jungeol’s furrowed eyebrows.

“Hyung is sometimes… kind in strange ways.”

After finishing his sentence, Yoochan swallowed hard.

He remembered how Jungeol, who told him not to confess, would buy him meals every day, joke around, and even apply ice packs to his ankle. His cheerful expression quickly turned sullen. Jungeol had tolerated Dahee’s playful arm-linking but had reacted coldly and harshly to Dahee’s confession.

Thinking about Dahee’s rejection, which might be his own fate tonight, Yoochan realized Jungeol was just staring at him without doing anything. He turned his head and added with a forced smile,

“That thought just came to me suddenly.”

Yoochan’s expression darkened again as he turned his head back. Jungeol, leaving the unfinished tattoo aside, stared at Yoochan. An awkward silence lingered until Yoochan finally blurted out a question like a cough.

“Have you ever stayed friends with someone you confessed to, Hyung?”

“…No.”

Sensing the unusual atmosphere, Jungeol put down the machine and spoke for the first time in a while. Yoochan, looking tense, curled his fingers and asked again,

“Then… have you ever stayed friends with someone who confessed to you, Hyung? Have you?”

“No.”

The blunt answer made Yoochan lower his gaze anxiously.

“Then, hypothetically… This is really just hypothetical. I mean, just a scenario.”

Jungeol frowned and lifted his chin, indicating he was listening. Yoochan bit his lower lip and continued,

“If I confessed to you, Hyung, would you stop seeing me too?”

Before Jungeol could answer, Yoochan quickly covered his ears and shouted,

“No, no, no…! I don’t want to hear it! I just won’t listen! Don’t say it, I take it back, completely take it back…! Saying it is cheating! Don’t answer, seriously…! If you answer, I’ll scream!”

As Jungeol looked bewildered, Yoochan, who had been talking to himself, suddenly stood up. With a flushed face, he looked down at Jungeol and spoke in an excited voice,

“I don’t think I can continue today. Can we stop here for now? And about the talk we were supposed to have tonight, can we postpone it for just one more day? I’m really not ready yet. I’m really sorry, but just one more day, Hyung.”

Before Jungeol could respond, Yoochan, looking like his face might explode if he said no, quickly gathered his shirt from the chair and bowed before rushing out of the curtain without even disinfecting.

Jungeol stood up and pulled back the curtain. Yoochan, wearing Jungeol’s windbreaker backward and exposing his back, had already left. Watching Yoochan disappear in an instant, Jungeol, deep in thought, leaned on the bed before following him.

Expecting Yoochan to have run far, Jungeol was surprised to find him standing in front of the elevator, having already put on his clothes properly. Yoochan, looking like he had committed a crime, had his head down with a serious expression. Hearing footsteps approaching, Yoochan looked up in surprise at Jungeol.

Jungeol raised his eyebrows silently, and Yoochan flinched, opening the emergency exit door and backing away as if to escape. The loud sound of footsteps on the stairs made Jungeol frown in bewilderment as he looked up the stairs and said,

“Baek Yoochan.”

“Yes?”

Yoochan’s response came quickly from a few steps up. The sound of him running up the stairs also subsided. Jungeol, climbing the stairs at the same pace, said,

“Come down. You need to disinfect.”

“I’ll do it later.”

“Wait there for a moment. Let’s talk.”

“What do you want to talk about? Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I really don’t have the courage to hear it today.”

“How can you say you don’t have the courage to hear it when you don’t even know what it is?”

“I already know everything.”

Yoochan grumbled as he climbed the stairs. Yoochan knew that Jungeol could enter his room if he knew the password, but he still hadn’t come to his senses. Thinking it might be better to talk quietly in the room, Jungeol calmly followed him. Yoochan, climbing the stairs without getting tired, suddenly asked.

“Why did you let Dahee Noona link arms with you?”

Jungeol frowned at the sudden mention of the name. They had already reached the 14th floor. Yoochan, holding the doorknob, spoke.

“When Noona carved her stage name and a heart in a visible spot on your body, you knew she liked you, right? But why did you let her link arms and joke around? Was it really just because you were too lazy to scold her?”

While Jungeol hesitated to answer about his past feelings, Yoochan seemed to give up and turned the doorknob.

“You didn’t care… You knew Noona liked you but left her alone until she confessed, right? And when she confessed, you cut ties.”

Yoochan walked weakly down the corridor and pressed the password for apartment 1401. As he opened the door and entered, Jungeol, who had quickly followed, caught the door. Yoochan looked back in surprise. At the same time, a large hand dropped on Yoochan’s head, and a slightly annoyed voice spoke.

“She was a cherished younger sister. I didn’t want to embarrass her.”

Jungeol frowned as he looked down at Yoochan.

“I thought she’d stop if I didn’t react.”

Yoochan furrowed his brows as he looked up at Jungeol. Jungeol, still frowning, continued speaking irritably.

“I rejected her properly so she wouldn’t waste any more time. Not because it was a bother.”

Feeling slightly guilty for his assumptions, Yoochan, still held by Jungeol, bowed his head and replied.

“I think I went too far with that. I’m sorry. I just got anxious because Hyung said you had something to say.”

Jungeol sighed, lowered his hand from Yoochan’s head, and leaned against the wall. Yoochan, standing at attention as if being scolded, continued.

“And why is spending time with someone you like a waste? If it’s a waste, let it be a waste. It doesn’t matter. As long as I’m happy.”

“……”

“I’m not saying you have to accept all confessions. Even if you reject a confession, you can still let them see you. Cutting ties is really too harsh. Just saying hi occasionally would be fine. Not being able to do even that would be really painful.”

Yoochan’s voice became choked. His dark eyes looked moist. He wasn’t crying, but his expression seemed like he wanted to cry any moment. Jungeol looked at the anxious Yoochan and took a step closer. Just as he was about to bring up what he had planned to say tonight.

Bang, bang!

“Baek Yoochan! It’s me!”

Someone loudly knocked on the door, calling out Yoochan’s name. It sounded like a friend. As the loud knocking continued, Jungeol was about to open the door when Yoochan quietly whispered.

“We could just pretend we’re not here.”

Jungeol hesitated, looking at Yoochan. Seeing Yoochan biting his lower lip, Jungeol put his arm back in place and asked.

“Why pretend we’re not here?”

The direct question made Yoochan’s face turn bright red. His grip tightened on his shirt.

“It’s nothing. I’ll just open it.”

Yoochan, embarrassed, rubbed his cheek and reached for the door with his other hand. Just then, Jungeol grabbed Yoochan’s wrist tightly to prevent him from opening the door. Yoochan looked up in surprise. Jungeol, still holding Yoochan’s wrist, took a step closer.

Yoochan seemed scared, backing away until he was against the wall, looking nervously at Jungeol. Jungeol, getting close enough to almost touch Yoochan, whispered in a low voice so the person outside couldn’t hear.

“What do you want to do right now?”

The mischievous question made Yoochan’s eyes dart around. He then reluctantly opened his mouth under Jungeol’s persistent gaze.

“So, um…”

“……”

“There was something I wanted to say…”

“……”

“Ah, I… So, I… I like you, Hyung…”

Seeing Yoochan hesitating, unable to get the words out, Jungeol released Yoochan’s wrist and grabbed his shoulders firmly, leaning in.

The question about what he wanted to do was directed at himself. Watching Yoochan’s trembling lips, Jungeol decided to do what he had been wanting to do.

Yoochan’s back hit the wall under the weight of Jungeol’s grip. Yoochan winced in pain from the tattooed area and looked up. The noise from his friend outside the door had faded, and all he could see was Jungeol leaning in, backlit by the sensor light.

Yoochan’s eyes were filled with confusion, not understanding what was happening, when warm lips met his. As Yoochan froze, unable to comprehend the situation, Jungeol’s hot tongue cautiously slipped in, taking advantage of the moment.