Lie Again! Chapter 59

<Episode 59. Collapsing (2)>

 

“…My insecurities?”

 

Jin swallowed a bitter laugh and muttered to herself. Joey hastily grabbed Amanda’s elbow and shook it, but Amanda ignored her and continued speaking. 

 

“I’ve taken Mr. Wayne’s class too, Jin. Even more than you have. He even taught at Crawford Middle School, so I know what I’m talking about. He’s not that kind of teacher—you must have misunderstood him.”

 

“Amanda, I’m talking about my experience right now. You… you don’t know.”

 

You’re a white person who grew up here, she muttered silently. No matter the intention, it felt exactly like a comment born from privilege.

 

But Amanda quickly picked up on the true meaning Jin had hidden within the words, “You don’t know.”

 

“Exactly. That’s why it might just be a misunderstanding. In a new environment, it’s easy to take everything sharply. You’re the only Asian at our school, that’s true. But do you know how many immigrants there are here in Florida? Just look at him—he’s from Cuba.”

 

Amanda pointed at Dustin as she spoke. He, sitting as still as a mouse, rolled his eyes as if to silently say, “Please don’t include me in this.”

 

“If that teacher were truly racist, he wouldn’t be giving the kind of evaluations he does now.”

 

“….”

 

No, you don’t know. You, born white in American society, have never understood metaphors tossed off like jokes, have never bothered to secretly look them up later, have never experienced the hollow frustration of having to put in countless times the effort just to reach a comparable level, have never questioned whether the cause of an injustice is simply because of who I am—you really don’t know.

 

The resentments that had quietly built up over the past six months surged within Jin like a rising flame. If she opened her mouth, sharp words seemed ready to spill out like thorns.

 

What on earth do you know?

 

But Jin kept an icy silence.

 

She was just so tired. Tired of spilling her anger, tired of putting her thoughts into words, tired of watching the other person’s reactions and adjusting her own, tired of swallowing the urge to scream on the spot. 

 

All the effort to keep herself together was overwhelmingly exhausting.

 

Why do all the hardships come at once?

 

At that moment, Jin had no more fuel to feed the flames. She closed her mouth and breathed in quietly.

 

She stood still, watching the fire that had raged inside her quietly die down to a handful of ashes.

 

The last sparks, drifting lightly into the air, vanished without a trace in an instant.

 

“…Yeah, you’re right.”

 

With hollow eyes, Jin nodded and turned her back, leaving the cafeteria behind.

 

* * *

 

Jin gave up on fixing her schedule.

 

Having let go of her lingering regrets, Jin moved like a machine, making it through her final seventh-period chemistry class without fail.

 

The chemistry class was still taught by Mr. Ross. Perhaps because it was a continuation of last semester, all the familiar faces Jin had seen before were gathered there again.

 

Except for Evan Butterfield.

 

The brown-haired boy didn’t show up for class. Jin briefly remembered how he had suddenly appeared in the classroom last semester, then quickly pushed the memory aside. 

 

“Goodbye.”

 

“Goodbye, Pablo.”

 

Pablo’s math and chemistry classes overlapped again with her this time. He still pushed his glasses up with the back of his hand, but he was quieter than before. 

 

After orientation ended, Jin greeted him and was swept out of the classroom amid the crowd of students pouring out from all directions. 

 

However, Jin, taking steps almost mechanically, stopped abruptly before even a few paces.

 

“Oh, what’s that? Be careful!”

 

Because she suddenly stopped, the boy walking behind Jin stumbled. After taking a few false steps to avoid bumping into her, he regained his balance and muttered to himself as he walked away.

 

Even as a string of irritated sighs came from behind, Jin stood still, not moving from her spot.

 

“….”

 

There was a boy at the end of the hallway.

 

Through the passing students, she caught glimpses of him as he kept appearing and disappearing, his eyes fixed on his phone. He was probably deleting the messages he’d received—something she had seen him do several times when they were together.

 

He switched off the incessantly ringing alarms to silent and replied whenever he felt like it. Most of the time, a single swipe of his finger was enough to send a response.

 

Was he the same with my messages?

 

During the week you were gone, worrying whether you were sick or if something serious had happened, clearly anxious and restless in every message—he handled all of that with just a single swipe of his finger.

 

She hadn’t seen it, but she vividly pictured it as if she had. It was simple enough—he just had to slot himself in among the kids who were being ignored.

 

“…Ah.”

 

For some reason, it felt hard to breathe.

 

While Jin stood frozen, gasping for breath, Olivia Clarke approached Evan’s side. The girl’s face, shy as an apple, peeked out as she lightly held his arm and pointed toward where Jonathan Hansen and Emily Gwen were waiting.

 

Was Olivia beside him? Or was it Emily? Were they laughing at her while she scrolled through her messages with that indifferent expression? 

 

Or maybe…

 

Or maybe… they were relieved, watching, thinking it was fortunate that they weren’t the one being ignored and erased without a shred of attention?

 

Just like I was.

 

Then their eyes met. The green eyes, turning toward the spot Olivia was pointing at, precisely found the black eyes hidden among the crowd.

 

“….”

 

“….”

 

A strange sensation as if time had stopped lingered. A moment passed—either too brief or unbearably long. Even so, their gazes kept getting blocked and revealed again through the crowd.

 

Jin clenched her fingers. She wanted to run over immediately and demand answers—why he had disappeared all of a sudden, why he hadn’t contacted her.

 

Had everything he’d done with her so far all been just a joke?

 

But her feet wouldn’t move, as if they were glued to the ground.

 

‘Ah… sorry, but please keep this a secret from Evan.’

 

Jonathan Hansen’s voice, apologetic and reluctant, echoed in her ears. It was as if his words were an invisible shackle, holding her in place.

 

To you.

 

The first to look away was the green eyes. The gaze, which she had always thought held something within, turned aside, its light dimmed. It was indifferent, like someone watching a passerby with no interest.

 

All of that to you.

 

Jin exhaled the breath she had been holding without realizing it. Then she turned her body and ran away.

 

Jin, having rushed outside without a plan, hid in the shadow of the building and leaned against the wall. She closed her eyes as she watched the students, who had poured out all at once, gradually move off one by one.

 

She had nowhere to go.

 

As her thoughts wandered—why she had nowhere to go, what she did after school last semester, and who had been responsible for seeing her home—a laugh escaped her. The laughter, streaming out through her teeth, soon cut off abruptly.

 

It was because Jin pressed her lower lip tightly between her teeth. The thin skin paled under the biting pressure, then relaxed just before the color of blood could show through. 

 

It was pathetic. No club to spend time in, no friends to be with, no one to ask for help.

 

She had nothing. 

 

Jin tilted her head back to look at the sky, stunned by the results she had achieved over the past six months.

 

Jin stood there for a long while until the crowd in front of the main gate thinned out, then hesitated before taking out her phone and dialing a number.

 

-Jin? What’s going on?

 

Fortunately, Riley answered the phone before even a few rings. Through the receiver, Jin could hear the bustling noise from outside. Riley had plans with a friend today.

 

Jin remembered, belatedly, that Riley had been careful about her outfit since last night because she was seeing a friend she hadn’t seen in a while, and feeling embarrassed, Jin hesitated and mumbled her words.

 

“Riley… I’m so sorry, but… could you come pick me up?”

 

As expected, SHE shouldn’t have called. It’s obvious she’d just be a bother. Jin bit her tongue tightly.

 

If Riley says no, then… But Jin’s lingering thoughts vanished at the cheerful voice coming from across the way.

 

-Sure. Of course. Um, I’m outside right now, so it’ll take about 20 minutes—would that be okay?

 

“…Yes. I’ll wait. …I’m sorry for disturbing your plans.”

 

-Don’t say that, Jin. My daughter’s calling, so I have to go get her. It’s cold, so stay inside, okay? 

 

“…Yes. Thank you, Riley.” 

 

The reply came a little late. She was trying to steady her horribly trembling voice in response to the gentle words.

 

Thankfully, no tears came.

 

After hanging up, Jin took a moment to catch her breath.

 

It’s nothing, it’s nothing.