Lie Again! Chapter 86

<Chapter 86. Locking Away the Lies (2)>

 

Tap, tap.

 

In a hallway where the orange sunlight slanted in, white sneakers ran through the empty, deserted corridor. The clean, well-kept sneakers hurried along, oblivious to the fact that the laces were coming undone, before skidding to a halt in front of a classroom to peer inside on tiptoe.

 

‘He’s not here.’

 

Jin, who had been closely scanning the students remaining in the classroom, bit her lip when she couldn’t spot the face she was looking for.

 

Perhaps he had already left. He didn’t belong to any particular group, and he never seemed especially fond of staying at school anyway. 

 

But even as she thought that, Jin’s feet were already sprinting toward the next classroom. An anxiety stemming from an unknown source chased after her once again with a pounding heart.

 

It was the familiar uneasiness that had been frequently tormenting her ever since her conversation with Pablo.

 

And Jin realized, in the face of James’s confession, where this emotion—which had been frustratingly cryptic in its origin—had actually come from.

 

‘…So I, I…’

 

Jin’s confused voice echoed across the quiet court. In front of James, who was looking at her so affectionately, Jin stammered. Her gaze kept wandering aimlessly in the wrong directions, and her lips merely parted and closed without easily producing an answer.

 

James quietly waited for her.

 

What came out of Jin’s mouth after a moment’s silence, like something being retched up, was an apology.

 

‘I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.’

 

James nodded as if he had already expected it. Having received the answer he had been waiting for, James wore a relieved yet slightly wistful smile. However, Jin—the one who had rejected him—wore a face full of uncertain confusion.

 

And only at that moment did Jin finally realize what she had left behind. What it was that made her so anxious and constantly kept her from moving forward.

 

‘…I have to go.’

 

Standing frozen like a statue, Jin spoke quietly, yet with a hint of urgency.

 

‘Where are you going?’

 

‘To find an answer. Before I’m late again.’

 

With that, Jin blindly dashed out of the court to find the boy.

 

It wasn’t as if she had suddenly gained some shining conviction like a guiding signpost. Her mind, which simply refused to clear up, remained exactly the same. Even as the urgency that she might already be too late propelled her legs forward, the fear inside Jin endlessly whispered to her.

 

Go back to the court. It’s not too late yet.

 

You’ve already seen how this relationship ends.

 

But Jin tried desperately not to listen to the voice that selectively stabbed at her weakest spots.

 

Because what truly terrified her wasn’t a difficult situation to face, but the consequences that would follow if she did absolutely nothing.

 

Jin reminded herself of where she was right now and why she had left Korea. The countless days and nights she had spent ruminating over the time that had slipped through her fingers while she stood idly by—wondering what if she had done this, would things have changed if she had done that—flashed by like afterimages.

 

I’m tired of just sitting back and waiting.

 

Tap. Strength filled her foot as she took a firm step forward.

 

‘Don’t hate him too much. That b*stard only acts like that because he’s scared.’

 

Jonathan’s voice brushed faintly past Jin’s ears as she quickly passed by empty classrooms dyed in the hues of the sunset. Uneasiness chased after her without tiring. What difference does knowing that make? If two unstable people get together, the only thing left is for them to break.

 

Evan doesn’t believe in love. Because it easily deceives people.

 

Jin doesn’t believe in eternity. Because it is far too fragile.

 

Then what in the world could possibly be born between us?

 

Classrooms, the cafeteria, the lockers, the clubhouses. The boy was nowhere to be seen in any of the places she had passed. Nervously biting her lip, Jin suddenly thought of somewhere and quickly headed for the stairs.

 

Bang.

 

The door to the dark chemistry lab swung wide open. The girl who had thrown the door open panted heavily as she scoured every corner of the room.

 

The neatly organized classroom was perfectly still, as if time had stopped. Only the dust floating in the air twinkled as it caught the light of the sunset. Just like that time in the past.

 

With memories resurfacing wherever her eyes landed, Jin stood completely still and looked around the room. Even as she reminisced about the two of them from that certain day, the voice persistently tried to persuade her.

 

What if the person you were looking for was James? Think about the conversations you had with him.

 

Stability, comfort, joy.

 

You know for a fact that he can give you what Evan Butterfield can’t.

 

Go back. Turn your feet around.

 

Unable to enter the classroom and standing on the threshold separating it from the hallway, Jin took a hesitant step back. Her breathing, which had been ragged from running all over the school, gradually stabilized, and her heart rate was returning to normal. At the same time, her swollen heart deflated.

 

If he’s not even here, it must mean he’s not at school.

 

Then again, what was she even trusting to blindly assume he’d be…

 

‘Are you an idiot?’

 

What stopped Jin as she turned around, mocking herself for doing something so ridiculous, was Pablo’s voice. The voice that had scolded her, asking what she had learned in class. And the words that had followed…

 

‘You have to test it precisely because it’s unstable. The more unstable it is, the greater the change will be.’

 

“….”

 

Gritting her teeth, Jin spun completely around and sprinted off somewhere else. With her urgent breaths and rapid strides, her heart began to thump loudly again, its pace accelerating.

 

This is the last time. Truly the last.

 

Her fully expanded lungs pushed against her ribs, continuously inflating and deflating over and over. Clutching her side, Jin managed her heaving breaths as she took a step down the hallway.

 

If you’re not here, I’m not going to look back anymore. I really mean it this time.

 

Her heart pounded louder and louder as her strides—unable to hide her anxiety and hesitation—grew shorter.

 

But what if.

 

Thump, thump. The pulse shaking Jin surged past her chest, clogged her throat, throbbed in her temples, and completely filled her head with its loud thumping. It was as if her entire body had become one giant beating heart.

 

What if you are here, then I…

 

Jin stopped in front of the old door covered in tattered soundproofing material. The padlock hung loosely, having been popped wide open by someone’s hands. Jin easily pictured the large hands that must have rattled the rusty lock open.

 

Feeling dizzy as if her heart had just plummeted to her feet, Jin hesitated, coming to a halt with her hand gripping the doorknob.

 

It was a simple thing, just opening the door. Beyond this door was the end that Jin had waited for and wondered about. But unable to give that tiny bit of strength, that smallest push, Jin stared at the handle.

 

Am I really ready to accept this? Just like the countless dramas I abandoned without seeing the finale, maybe it would be better to just keep it covered up, to bury it and never look back…

 

‘That day, the night I saw you guys…’

 

A voice abruptly cut through Jin’s lengthening hesitation. It was James’s.

 

A confession he had spilled with a helpless sigh to Jin as she turned to leave after rejecting his promposal, saying there was one thing he hadn’t told her.

 

‘He stopped walking, turned his head, and watched your back.’

 

It wasn’t that his words gave Jin any sort of courage. Even as she listened to James, several counter-assumptions had popped into her head simultaneously. What if he saw wrong in the dark? What if he was assigning meaningless significance to a simple glance back?

 

What moved Jin wasn’t an eyewitness account like that.

 

Creeeak.

 

The firmly closed door was pushed by a slender white hand, creaking open a crack. Jin pressed down on her thumping heart, which wanted to flee at any moment, and stared ahead with stubborn resolve.

 

As her field of vision gradually widened, she saw the boy lying face down on the piano, his face buried in his arms amidst the pouring sunlight.

 

At that moment, the wind rippled. With a rustling sound, the leaves outside the window swayed, and his brown hair, gleaming gold in the light, fluttered.

 

Holding her breath as she approached step by step, Jin deeply understood the feelings of that little girl from long ago who had touched sleeping Evan’s hair without permission.

 

Rustle.

 

Soft hair slipped through the gaps in her fingers. The brown hair she had only looked at with her eyes was rougher than she expected, and more familiar than she thought. She had expected to feel more estranged and out of place.

 

The soft rustling sound quietly echoed in the music room.

 

“Do you like me?”

 

Jin asked quietly, meeting the green eyes that had opened at some point.

 

“Yeah.”

 

A low voice resonated in his throat. Evan answered with a voice still thick as if the cold hadn’t quite left him, and then quietly closed his eyes as if telling her to touch him as much as she liked. Jin’s hand paused for a moment.

 

Her heart wavered as if a stone had been thrown into a still lake. Jin’s hand once again stroked back the golden-brown hair.

 

“Even knowing your trauma, I’m going to test you like this. Still?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’m going to try not to give you my whole heart, and I’ll try to hurt you as much as I hate you.…Do you still like me?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Why do you like me?”

 

At the final question, Evan, opening his eyes slightly, pulled Jin’s hand down and buried his face in it.

 

His slightly feverish cheek rested in her palm, and his dry lips brushed against her pulse-beating wrist. Perhaps finding the temperature of her skin cooling, Evan languidly closed his eyes and parted his lips.

 

“I don’t know things like that. If there was a reason, I would have stopped a long time ago.”

 

“…Right.”

 

At Evan’s words, Jin quietly nodded.

 

This heart, which had hurt so much and resented him so deeply, still hadn’t completely extinguished its flames. Even in this very moment, she couldn’t fully believe his words, nor could she erase the doubt that he might change his expression at any second.

 

However.

 

“Say it yourself with your own mouth.”

 

“I like you, Jin. I lost. I’ve liked you from the very beginning.”

 

Even so.

 

“Me too.”

 

Those green eyes that always drew her in stared quietly at Jin. As if they would never let her go.

 

Jin leaned down and willingly fell into them. As Evan closed his eyes, her black hair draped over his face like a veil.

 

Carried by the gentle breeze, the orange haze that poured through the window shimmered over them.