Only Good To Me – Chapter 17.1 – #9th Grade, Lee Won

Author: nicotine

June 3rd.

On the bulletin board at the back of the classroom, the same quotes have been hanging for months. It is an A4 sheet of paper that number 3 put up on March 18th. The words are printed in Gulim font. They are quotes by Benjamin Franklin, Oprah Winfrey, and Winston Churchill. There was an instruction from the homeroom teacher to take turns by student number, once a week, to post three quotes on the bulletin board.

That ambitious plan stopped before March even ended. The class kids completely forgot about that homework in just three weeks. The last assignment brought in by number 3 has been decorating the back bulletin board for months. Thanks to that, I see the names of Benjamin Franklin, Oprah Winfrey, and Winston Churchill every single day.

My turn, number 20, was after summer vacation. If this by the numbers homework had not been stopped by everyone’s disregard and the homeroom teacher’s indifference, today would have been number 14’s turn.

Grade 11, Class 3, Number 14. Seo Hangeon’s seat has been in the same spot for months, the third row of the fourth column, on the right side. The morning snack quiz makes my phone ring at the same time every morning, between 8:10 and 8:30 AM.

— Youth is not a time of life. it is a state of mind. It is a freshness of the deep springs of life. It is the predominance of courage over timidity. (Samuel Ullman)

— I adore people. That is the secret of my success. (Luciano Pavarotti)

— If you build a house according to everyone’s advice, you will build a crooked house. (Danish Proverb)

The reason I am printing out the homework that Seo Hangeon is supposed to do is because of what happened last Friday. The homeroom teacher, who was angry at the class for being late to the end of day meeting, let his sparks fly toward the bulletin board. Only up to number 3 was safe, and everyone from number 4 to number 13 got their palms smacked. A warning was also added that starting next week, anyone caught would not get away with just three smacks on the palm.

As it happened, Seo Hangeon skipped the meeting that day and bolted early. The probability that the guys who hang around with Seo Hangeon would have remembered to tell him about the homework was also low. Besides, Seo Hangeon would be very busy today. Because it is his birthday. There is no way he would do something like a graded assignment. I found out that today is Seo Hangeon’s birthday a few days ago by overhearing a conversation he was having with his friends.

[Jeongmi Alphabet Carriage]

The snack quiz arrives even on a birthday.

[Rose] [Alphabet] [Carriage]

In the morning, I had to be discreet while printing amidst the grim atmosphere in the living room. In our house, there is only one computer in the living room, and the printer is attached to it. While I was searching for quotes, voices started to rise from the kitchen area. A perfectly fine food container fell to the floor with a clatter.

“Can’t you read the room right now! Slithering out here and turning on the computer.”

One of the raised voices was soon directed at me. My mother yelled at my father. I have been seeing my mother lose her composure like this often recently.

“Stop. Taking it out on us. I told you not to take your anger out on your family! How can a person have so little common sense?”

My mother’s cry was thoroughly ignored.

“Look at the one brat we have, sitting there on the computer and staring at his phone without a care for how things are in this house. With that attitude, how is he going to go out there and make a living? The way he acts, really.”

It was a familiar scolding repertoire. With a quick instinct, I deleted the text message window with Seo Hangeon. I had not been able to reply yet, and it looked like my phone was about to be taken away.

“I told you not to take it out on the kid, please!!! I told you not to speak so harshly!”

I could feel that my mother’s shrieking had reached its limit.

“Isn’t it enough that you torment me!”

My father did not answer. The sudden silence, where everything had cut off, was terrifying. I barely managed to turn and look back. As soon as I saw the highly raised palm, I turned my head away. I was afraid that I might make eye contact with either of them. The hunger I had felt in my stomach just moments ago completely vanished.

That palm had sometimes struck my face. But as far as I knew, it had never been aimed at my mother. I became confused. My father crossed the living room and walked toward me.

“Give me the phone.”

Without lifting my head, I handed over the phone.

“Aren’t you going to turn off the computer?”

“I have a graded assignment to print….”

“Why didn’t you do your homework before bed!”

“……”

Last night, my father and mother’s fight had continued, and I could not use the printer because my father was sitting on the living room sofa. But I could not say any of that. When I ultimately kept my mouth shut, my mother shook her head.

“I can’t do this, really. This isn’t working. I can’t do this anymore.”

At the end of her sentence, which left many things unsaid, my mother threw her spoon into the sink. The fact that my father had raised his hand was less of a shock to me than my mother’s torn, ragged shrieking. While the printer spat out the paper, the second hand of the clock moved slowly.

I left a faint goodbye and exited the front door. My father followed me out and gave me a ride to school. In that moment, he followed me, perhaps out of an anxiety of losing me as well. I could not refuse it.

Why is it that the person who causes the greatest pain is sometimes the person closest to you? Why does it have to be that way? I wondered.

The sunlight hitting my cheek was quite sharp. It was summer. Outside the car window, green ginkgo leaves were swaying.

Because he had missed the end of day meeting last week, Seo Hangeon was called in by the homeroom teacher as soon as he got to school. When he returned, he came into the classroom holding the milk carton. My eyes secretly, silently, turn toward the student on milk duty. Beneath the short sleeve of his summer uniform, my gaze slides along the arm holding the milk carton. Seo Hangeon tapped my shoulder and called me outside. When I went out to the hallway, Seo Hangeon was covering his mouth with a palm marked with clear red welts and yawning.

Seo Hangeon smells good every morning. He must shower every day. There are many guys who do not wash their hair every day, but Seo Hangeon’s hair is always clean and stylish.

“I just bought whatever. For carriage.”

It was Binch. Then the alphabet must have been ABC chocolate. What could the rose have been?

“The rose is Mini Shell.”

After answering the question I had not even asked, instead of asking why I ignored his text, Seo Hangeon asked this.

“What’s wrong? Your face is so pale.”

Looking at me as I just smiled wanly, Seo Hangeon yawned again. With eyes that had even welled up with tears at the end of his yawn, he said in passing.

“Then again, you’re always pale.”

I accepted the Binch and replied.

“I didn’t see the text this morning. I forgot my phone and left it at home.”

“You make mistakes like that?”

This time, too, I just smiled it off. The questioning about not replying to the text did not continue.

The classroom was bustling all day because of Seo Hangeon’s birthday party that evening. A friend named Park Kangmin kept coming in and out during break times to give updates on the party plans. The list of attendees, which was changing in real time, was also announced. I think I vaguely heard the name of a nearby girls’ middle school. As for the meeting place, it seemed to be divided between the Haeundae faction and the Seomyeon faction. Seo Hangeon was firmly in the Seomyeon faction.

“Haeundae isn’t that fun! Tell them I’m the birthday boy so I get to decide, Seomyeon.”

“Why? Because of Foxy13)?”

“Shut up, you crazy bastard.”

“Why did you finish your part-time job so late yesterday? You didn’t even log on to NateOn.”

Seo Hangeon furrowed his eyebrows in annoyance.

“Why do you guys like NateOn so much?”

“What do you mean? Nate is convenient for chatting on the computer.”

“Just stick to one, either group chat or NateOn. It’s so annoying. What is there to talk about so much?”

While Seo Hangeon was out of the classroom, I organized the quote paper I had printed in the morning and put it in my file. Hearing about the birthday party made my mood sink again. Will I even be able to give this paper to Seo Hangeon? I fold away my feelings, and fold them again. Crumple, crumple. I fold it into the shape of a rose and place it in a corner.

“Did anyone not turn in their phone? Anyone who didn’t turn in their phone?”

The class president was walking around with the phone collection box, asking here and there. I tapped the desk near the class president and said.

“I didn’t turn it in.”

“Yeah, one was missing. You always used to carry it with you.”

“Yeah.”

“I got mine taken away yesterday. So there should be one missing, but one more was gone, so I figured someone didn’t turn theirs in.”

“Ah. I got mine taken away too.”

At my words, the class president excitedly started to ramble on. The reason I had my phone taken away was not because of games, and I did not have much to say in response, but I listened as best as I could. After chattering for a while, the class president left the classroom with the collection box. As I turned my head, I met the eyes of Seo Hangeon, who was sitting in his seat.

He had left the classroom just a moment ago but must have come back quickly. His gaze felt a little sharp, but I did not look his way again.

I have to give Seo Hangeon the quote homework before the end of day meeting, but how should I give it to him? That question was my main concern all day. What excuse could I use to give it to him naturally? That puzzle, which remained unsolved, was shattered during art class in the afternoon.

Kangho and I were startled when we opened our sketchbooks. There was graffiti on the self-portrait drawings we had been working on since last week. A cross-shaped scar was drawn on my cheek in the sketchbook. The word ‘Kenshin’ was written in handwriting I could not identify. Even I knew that he was the main character of a comic called <Rurouni Kenshin>. In Kangho’s self-portrait drawing, the glasses were shattered.

I managed to erase the pencil marks by rubbing hard with an eraser. While erasing, I tried to figure out who the culprit could be. The sketchbooks had been in our desks the whole time, and it would be impossible to secretly doodle during lunchtime or break time. I thought of Ha Dongyoung, who had missed one gym class last week because of a bad cold. But it was only a suspicion. There was no concrete evidence that Ha Dongyoung had done the doodling.

I had to get an interim check, but I had already wasted several minutes. I sighed deeply out of frustration.

In the end, I could not give the homework paper to Seo Hangeon, and the end of day meeting time approached. During cleaning time, the homeroom teacher stopped me.

“Lee Won! Go put the batteries in the clock. Here.”

“Yes.”

I took the two batteries and went into the classroom. The last period was gym, so I was wearing my gym clothes. Cleaning was almost finished and it was the time when everyone was going to the school store, so the classroom was quiet. The milk carton had already been cleared away.

For some reason, Seo Hangeon was alone. He was sitting with his legs stretched out on the chair next to him, humming a song and drawing his self-portrait. It would be more accurate to say he was ‘wielding a pencil’ rather than ‘drawing.’ Seo Hangeon’s drawing skills were a great disservice to his looks.

The clock above the bulletin board was a few hours behind. The second hand moved slowly. I walked to the back of the classroom and placed the batteries on top of a locker. When I reached for the clock, my fingertips barely touched it. I stood on my tiptoes and tried to grab the bottom of the clock, but then stopped. I thought it would be better to just stand comfortably on a chair and do it, rather than make a mistake while trying to take it down hastily. As I was about to turn around, a body warmth strode up behind me.

“Let’s see.”

A hand was placed lightly on each of my hips. Whether he knew that I had stopped breathing or not, Seo Hangeon pressed his body against my back and raised his arms. The touch that had been on my waist for less than a second felt as if it was still resting there.

His hands left my waist. Seo Hangeon placed the clock down in front of me and picked up the batteries. I thought he was going to kindly put them in for me, but the batteries went into his pants pocket. Seo Hangeon leaned his body against a locker. A nonchalant voice followed.

“Question. Do you like me, or the class president?”

I looked down and let out an embarrassed laugh. I tried to end things vaguely and leave, but I was quickly blocked.

“Hurry. The class president, or me.”

It probably was not a question he truly wanted an answer to. I lowered my gaze to Seo Hangeon’s uniform pants pocket and cleared my throat. It was meant as a request to stop joking and give me the batteries, but Seo Hangeon did not stop. Putting force into his playfully low voice, he imitated an announcer.

“Alright. Challenge Golden Bell, the final question! Please give us the answer.”

“……”

“Contestant number 20, please give us the answer, quickly.”

“…My phone, I didn’t leave it at home, I got it taken away.”

Even though I confessed the truth, Seo Hangeon kept asking me the question with a predetermined answer.

“Don’t give me a nonsensical answer. I told you to choose between me and the class president!”

“…Give them to me, quickly. The homeroom teacher told me to change the batteries.”

Seo Hangeon let out a deflated sigh and took his hand out of his pocket. While watching him change the clock batteries, I wet my throat once. The only time to talk about the quote homework was now.

Just then, kids started returning to the classroom one by one. Taking advantage of the chaotic moment, I pointed above the bulletin board.

“Did you do that homework? The homeroom teacher’s homework. It’s your turn today, he’ll probably check it in a bit.”

“What is that? I don’t know? That’s homework?”

“He said he’d hit us….”

“It doesn’t hurt when Gyeonguk hits you. It just tickles.”

After calling the homeroom teacher’s name as if he were a friend, Seo Hangeon lifted the clock. His uniform shirt lifted slightly, revealing his side. I deliberately looked away from it and spoke.

“I printed one out in advance, want to use it?”

I took out the paper I had put in my file. Seo Hangeon took the paper and grinned.

“Is this a birthday present?”

“…Was it your birthday?”

He just let my clumsy pretense of ignorance slide.

“Your number and name aren’t written on it?”

“Ah. I printed it without writing them.”

“You make mistakes like that.”

Just today alone, Seo Hangeon has asked me that question twice. I was worried he might point out that my number is 20, that summer vacation is just around the corner, and that my turn is still a long way off. Seo Hangeon did not do that. He bit the cap of a Monami pen, popping it open with his teeth, and smiled playfully.

“See? You like me more than the class president, right?”

“……”

“Thanks for the present.”

The Monami pen moved quickly. The characters [0314 Seo Hangeon] flew across the page like a billowing sail. It was appallingly bad handwriting. While Seo Hangeon was pinning the paper I gave him to the bulletin board, I added one more thing.

“Happy birthday.”

“Will you buy me meat, then?”

“Huh?”

“Come to the birthday party.”

That had to be at least a little bit plausible. As I chuckled and brushed it off, Seo Hangeon threw an unexpected question at me.

“Was the graffiti on your face done by Ha Dongyoung?”

He was talking about the art graded assignment. I tilted my head.

“I don’t know if it was Ha Dongyoung or not.”

“Don’t you even mention that little pipsqueak’s name, Won-i. I’ll be the one to talk about him. Got it?”

It was a somewhat baffling reaction.

“Huh? …Why.”

“You don’t know? Why do I hate hearing the name Ha Dongyoung come out of your mouth?”

He asked again nonchalantly as he looked straight at me.

“Why do I hate it, I wonder?”

If you do not know, then who would?

Why do we both try to avoid running into each other in the bathroom? Why do we find it awkward to see each other’s naked bodies? Why are you often standing near the bathroom when I come out after doing my business? Almost as if you are keeping watch.

If you do not know, then who would?

“Then what should I call him?”

“I’ll figure it out from the context, so you don’t have to say his name at all. I’ll get it on my own.”

These kinds of words, every little brush against each other.

Things that are too heated to rationalize as just being because we are classmates.

My biggest question is ‘Why is Seo Hangeon like this to me?’. If I were not the type of person whose specialty is giving up, I might have rebelled against Seo Hangeon’s actions and questioned him.

The way he naturally touches my waist, that familiar-looking gesture, the breath that reaches my ear. I might not be able to forgive it.

But for me, it did not matter at all.

“So. Are you coming? To the birthday party.”

That is why I could brush off even words like these with a faint laugh, without any expectation. Seo Hangeon did not know how to give up.

“What time will you come? I’ll open a cider and wait.”

“No, I can’t… I get out of the academy after 10….”

“Ah, not cider, then Fanta? I’ll open two bottles of Fanta and wait.”

How did he know that I like Fanta more than cider? It still felt as if Seo Hangeon’s palms were resting on my hips.

As Kangho and I were leaving the school gate, a car horn beeped. My mother’s car was parked in the alley next to the school. My mother got out of the car, approached me, and asked me to go have dinner with her. I excused myself to Kangho and got in the car. Kangho said goodbye to my mother and disappeared toward the bus stop.

The back seat was so full of suitcases that there was no room to sit. The moment I saw the back seat piled high with luggage, my heart sank. My mother deliberately used a bright voice.

“You don’t have to go to the academy today, I’ll talk to your father. What should we eat for dinner?”

“How about we just, get a meal?”

I also tried my best to use a bright voice. We decided to have dinner at a Korean set-meal restaurant and then go to a coffee shop with a view of the sea. The car moved slowly and entered a two-lane road. The summer sun was still shining as brightly as if it were midday. In one alley, I saw a group of men walking together.

A couple of the men in the group had tattoos in conspicuous places, and the rest of the men looked to be at least high school students. Seo Hangeon was the tallest among them. He must be meeting up with his older hyungs to go to his birthday party venue. Above the several similarly sized heads, Seo Hangeon was wearing a bleak smile. It was a strangely bleak smile. At least, that is how I felt.

Seo Hangeon’s smile quickly brightened to its usual state. My mother, myself, and Seo Hangeon were all bright, at least for this moment.

The car moved on, and the men soon grew distant. When, a few days later, I heard from Seo Hangeon that his life was already fucked up, I could not help but recall those people from that day.

“Mom. Did you marry Dad without knowing his personality well?”

I asked while we were chatting idly. My mother’s eyes seemed to be lost in reminiscence for a moment. The dry laugh that soon followed was parched.

“How should I put it, I didn’t know that a personality trait that felt like just a characteristic of his when we were dating would manifest this way in a family setting.”

My mother’s words were difficult. I nodded and tried to mull them over to understand.

“For a few years after we got married, it was more or less okay.”

A moment later, my mother ended her recollection with a short smile.

“He was good to me at first.”

I do not know why that sentence was so memorable. I imagined a time when all of Seo Hangeon’s actions and words toward me would cool down. A day when I would reminisce, thinking, ‘He was good to me at first.’ The thought actually put my mind at ease. If I prepare myself fully, I will receive less pain and fewer scars.

Just like how I am surprisingly okay now that my mother has moved her things out of the house. Whatever happens in the future, I will be okay.

After spending time with my mother until late, I was dropped off in front of my apartment building. The car stayed in that spot until I got off the elevator. When I stuck my head out of the staircase window, my mother blinked the headlights to say goodbye to me.

When I entered the house, the women’s slippers and shoes that were always visible in the entranceway were gone. My father had already turned off all the lights in the house and was asleep.

The sense of emptiness that roamed the pitch-black house was greater than the luggage that had filled the back seat of my mother’s car. Still, I held on to Seo Hangeon’s smile as he said he would open a Fanta and wait. I held on to the sensation of his two hands on my waist and fell asleep as usual.

The next day, I still did not have my phone. When Seo Hangeon handed me a bottle of Fanta along with some candy, I could not help but laugh. He said with a serious face.

“Bring it when you want to drink it. I’ll open it for you.”

After saying thank you, I could not think of anything else to say, so I asked a conventional question.

“Did the birthday party go well?”

“It was boring, so I left early. Around 11 o’clock.”

To think that 11 at night is an early time. What on earth would be a late time for him?

“And you?”

“I also got home around then after my academy finished.”

To my lie, Seo Hangeon replied like this.

“I should’ve just gone to your academy.”

Even if it was an empty gesture, it did not matter. If it made me feel good to hear it, that was enough. I thought, gripping the Fanta bottle tightly.

During lunch time, the spoon that opened the Fanta bottle cap came down multiple times on the square-head’s head in the afternoon. Every time Seo Hangeon teased him, Ha Dongyoung smiled. He was smiling just fine until he opened his sketchbook.

The self-portrait in Ha Dongyoung’s sketchbook was a mess. There were no childish doodles like a cross-shaped scar or broken glasses, just dark black lines from a 4B pencil scribbled all over it. As Seo Hangeon passed by Ha Dongyoung, he spoke in a friendly tone.

“Oh, right, sorry. I didn’t have a pencil sharpener, so I just sharpened my pencil on that14).”

It was a soft, gentle voice. The square-head gave an awkward smile. Seo Hangeon also had a plain smile on his face. I pretended to be uninterested in the scene and continued what I was doing, holding my mechanical pencil. The Go-Moku board in my notebook was almost complete.

“It looked like you drew it so terribly you’d have to draw it again anyway?”

“……”

“There’s a week left, so you can draw it again, right, Dongyoung?”

Trying to hold back my laughter made my line crooked.

Sometime later, a school violence committee meeting was held, and Seo Hangeon walked around the classroom carrying my letter. During summer vacation, we texted frequently. We had no overlapping hobbies or interests, yet the conversation continued endlessly. Seo Hangeon was good at that. He guided the conversation so it would not break off, without making me feel burdened.

Normally, I do not engage in real-time idle chatter on my phone. I feel burdened by having to pay continuous attention, so I try to end conversations as quickly as possible. But having real-time idle chatter with Seo Hangeon was just fun.

I would check Seo Hangeon’s KakaoTalk profile at least once a day. During the first week of vacation, his profile picture was of new sneakers and socks he had bought. Next was a picture from a barbecue party (which he said was the only satisfying thing, as he had gone all the way to Sokcho with his taekwondo dojang hyung-nims only to find it boring and a waste of money), and after that was a picture taken at the construction site of a seafood soup restaurant (where he helped out without pay and discovered that manual labor suited him quite well). While I was just going back and forth between the academy and home, Seo Hangeon’s profile picture changed several times a month.

Every time his profile picture changed, I became incredibly nervous. I remember clicking on the picture and holding my breath. In any case, among his profile pictures that changed before school started again, there were no pictures taken with a girlfriend.

October 24th.
Seo Hangeon was always cheerful with me. Except for the time he threatened me not to acknowledge his greeting, he was always like that. By the second semester, his nonsensical swagger had become something of a habit even for me.

However, today Seo Hangeon was failing to manage his expression. No matter how tired or down he was, I do not think it had ever been like today. Seo Hangeon, who threw his bag down and immediately washed his face dryly several times in a row as soon as he sat down, was unusually quiet today.

The guys in his group were busy trying to read his mood. Seo Hangeon did not ignore his friends’ words. But everything was distinctly different from usual. A more subdued voice, short answers, and sometimes a prickliness that cut off questions. From the morning, all my powers of observation were focused on him.

‘Is something wrong?’

I listened to the conversations he had with his friends all day, hoping to find a clue. My hope ended in failure. The conversations they had in the classroom were all superficial. It was usually swearing about teachers, talking about what happened the previous evening, talking about relationships, and lewd jokes with an air of superiority. Seo Hangeon, who had long since lost interest in all of it, occasionally furrowed his brow.

And then, Murphy’s Law struck during math class. There are many kids who do not pay attention in class. However, there are not many guys like Seo Hangeon who exude the message ‘I don’t care if I get caught by the teacher’ with their whole body. Among them, today, Seo Hangeon became the target. The homeroom teacher seemed to believe he had established a friendly hierarchical relationship with Seo Hangeon.

“What is Seo Hangeon doing?”

It was a distinctly playful tone. However, Seo Hangeon, who normally would have shouted “Yes?!” and straightened up to exchange jokes, was quiet. He did not even shift his gaze from his position with his chin propped on his hand. His reply was also very late.

“I am studying.”

Pride tends to swell more easily when there is a large audience. The homeroom teacher’s voice changed in an instant.

“You’re not studying, you punk. You’re lost in thought, what do you mean studying. Won’t you sit up straight?”

The air in the classroom stiffened, and the desolate feeling of the calm before a storm flowed. As if he knew nothing of such things, Seo Hangeon kept his gaze fixed on a corner of his desk and only straightened his back. It was an ambiguous attitude to be called the homeroom teacher’s victory. As expected, the scolding that followed was on the verge of an explosion.

“Hey, punk, you have the nerve to say you’re studying while you’re slouched there with the wrong page open, you punk?”

Seo Hangeon faintly tensed his jaw and looked in my direction. It was for a very brief moment. Our eyes met over his shoulder. I quickly turned my head. Seo Hangeon dragged out the silence for a long time before answering.

“I am sorry.”

The tense atmosphere seemed to subside. The homeroom teacher, to cement his victory, lowered his voice again.

“If you were listening to the lesson, then answer. What did I just explain?”

“I am sorry.”

“Seo Hangeon. I will be watching your attitude from now on. Understood?”

Seo Hangeon let out a short sigh. It was the sound of a snort when one is suppressing anger. I turned my head again. Our eyes met again over his shoulder. They were eyes that looked like they could cut down anything they touched. Seo Hangeon gave a late reply.

“Yes.”

The unsettling incident in math class ended like that. During lunch, I heard one more story from Kangho. He said that while Kangho and I were gone, Seo Hangeon had urged some of the guys to ‘shut their mouths and sit down because it was too loud to sleep.’ Kangho said he found out because those guys told him. Kangho shook his head back and forth.

“Isn’t it funny? Who does he think he is?”

I could not defend him on that. I agreed with Kangho’s words.

“I know, right. Who is he to take away the freedom of speech.”

“The freedom of speech! Hehe. Right, that’s exactly it.”

Even so, I felt for the villain who had arbitrarily taken away his classmates’ freedom of speech.

I tailed Seo Hangeon as he left the classroom carrying the milk carton. I walked a little distance away, then sped up and caught up to him in front of the administration office. Seo Hangeon saw me from afar and raised his hand high. As I approached, he smiled slyly and boasted.

“Did you come to pick me up!”

I also hesitated for a moment before raising my hand. A high five passed, and a vanilla cream-flavored Chupa Chups touched my palm.

“Let’s go!”

Seo Hangeon walked past me. In my haste, I called his name.

“Uh… Hangeon.”

I heard the sound of his slippers coming to a stop. Since it was always Seo Hangeon who asked me if something was wrong, it would not be strange for me to ask him the same thing. I cleared my throat and asked.

“Is something wrong? You seem a little, not okay today.”

He shuffled backward and came to stand in front of me. Thump, the tall stack of milk cartons swayed as if it would fall. Leaning against the milk cartons, Seo Hangeon looked at me with a faint smile. I continued speaking.

“I heard you fought with the kids in class earlier because it was loud.”

It was more like a one-sided threat than a fight, but I phrased it that way.

“They are, usually too loud anyway….”

I did not need to feel guilty toward Kangho for being two-faced. As if he had not heard me, Seo Hangeon did something else. He took out two grape-flavored Jjayo Jjayo from his pocket and held them out.

“Want one? They’re all melted.”

His gaze had been stuck fast to my face for a while now. The Jjayo Jjayo wrapper was lukewarm.

“I was gonna give it to you this morning but forgot.”

I nodded at Seo Hangeon’s explanation. I rolled my eyes for a moment before asking again.

“Is something… bad. Happening?”

Seo Hangeon’s mouth was now fully smiling. He pointed to the Jjayo Jjayo with his chin and answered.

“Next time I won’t forget and give it to you. When it’s not melted.”

It seemed he had no intention of telling me what was wrong. I decided to give up without any lingering feelings. As I turned my body to go back to the classroom, Seo Hangeon spoke.

“Five or ten minutes won’t be enough, I’ll need an hour.”

The tips of my ears perked up. His voice continued.

“Are you willing to hang out with me for an hour?”

I stood there, at a loss for words at the unexpected proposal, when Seo Hangeon put his arm around my shoulder.

“You guys go to the academy after school, right? Never mind. Let’s go in.”

‘You guys’ referred to Kangho and me. I racked my brain this way and that. My heart, plotting a deviation, pounded loudly. The decision was made faster than I thought.

“I’ll tell Kangho to eat dinner alone just for today. I just need to get to the academy before class starts.”

“Whoa, you’re gonna hang out with me?”

Seo Hangeon turned his head toward me and smiled. His face, backlit by the evening sun, was warm.

“Let’s grab a taxi as soon as we sneak out.”

🏐

We were given one hour. I thought about where we should go if I were to hang out with Seo Hangeon. Should we go to an arcade? What if he suggests singing at a coin karaoke booth? I was worried. Seo Hangeon presented two options.

“Wanna walk, or go somewhere inside?”

“Shall we walk?”

“Then should we go to the park across from your academy?”

I could not even remember the last time I sang outside of music class. It was the perfect suggestion for me, who wanted to avoid at all costs being trapped in extreme tension, sitting alone with him in a coin karaoke booth.

“Yeah. Let’s go there.”

“What about dinner?”

We decided on spoon pizza so we could eat while walking. We quickly caught a taxi. Seo Hangeon gave the taxi driver the destination. I figured it would be somewhere near the park. It started to get dark outside. Perhaps because I was deviating from my usual routine, I felt a little anxious.

The inside of the taxi was quiet. After a conversation about which events to participate in for the sports festival, the dialogue had briefly cut off. This time, I spoke first.

“I have been going to that academy for so long… but I never knew there was a park nearby.”

“I go that way often. There is an arcade near there, too.”

Seo Hangeon reached his arm toward me. The hand that seemed like it would rest on the seatback naturally came to my left shoulder. He asked.

“When you guys hang out, where do you usually go?”

“Just Lotte Cinema or something. Or Centum City.”

“You must watch movies often, huh?”

“Often… maybe not.”

“Let’s go to the park today, with me. We can go see a movie next time.”

At his last words, I looked into the distance and blinked my eyes. The taxi came to a stop. Seo Hangeon made an unusual request to the taxi driver.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but could you possibly wait here for a moment? I have a place I need to stop by briefly. I’ll be back within 10 minutes. No, not even 10 minutes, 5 minutes.”

I, who was getting ready to get out, stopped my movements. The taxi driver glanced at Seo Hangeon’s eyes in the rearview mirror once, then stopped the car without saying much. Seeing my surprised face, Seo Hangeon burst out laughing.

“Sorry. There’s somewhere I have to stop by right now. I’ll be back quick. 5 minutes!”

Grabbing his backpack, Seo Hangeon handed me his phone as he got out of the taxi. I took the phone in a daze.

“I’m not running away, I’ll be right back, okay? Just a sec.”

“Ah. Okay.”

Seo Hangeon dashed off between the alleys where newly built villas were sparsely located.

Seo Hangeon ran at full speed and disappeared behind a building. I was dumbfounded. The direction he disappeared in was a commercial alley where buildings for a hospital, restaurants, a coffee shop, and an eyeglass store were gathered.

Did he stop by his part-time job, or was there something he was supposed to receive from a friend? No matter how much I thought about it, I could not find an answer. I turned my head to his phone. On the cracked screen, messenger and social media notifications were piled up.

The taxi driver turned off the engine. The driver, who let out a sigh, began to grumble in a way he had not in front of Seo Hangeon.

“They’re not even going to give extra money for the 5 or 10 minutes, but there are always guys like this, always.”

It did not seem like a comment that expected a reply, so I did not say anything. A call came to Seo Hangeon’s phone from ‘Kkangmi-saekki’. I could not tell who it was just from the name. After the call ended, an iMessage came.

[Where are you ffs]

He must have his settings configured to show the message content on the lock screen. Messages arrived one after another.

[We were supposed to go together you dickㅡㅡ Did you ditch me;;ㅡㅡ ㅡㅡ ㅡㅡ] [What happened lol Did you do it all lol lol lol]

Seeing that message made me even more curious about where Seo Hangeon had gone. A little later, a KakaoTalk notification lit up the screen.

[Kim Gijong hyung-nim: OK I’ll give you a 100 advance. You should’ve told me instead of putting it off, you punk.]

My curiosity grew even more. Why would Seo Hangeon need to get such a large sum of money as an advance from this person? Could it be related to his foul mood since the morning? Tap, tap, tap, tap, the sound of sneakers running furiously could be heard. Seo Hangeon, who had run at a tremendous speed, jumped into the back seat.

“Let’s go, sir!”

The taxi started. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, which was wider than usual. Seo Hangeon, who had been wearing his school uniform just a few minutes ago, was now wearing an anorak jumper. His pants had also changed. Our school uniform pants are originally navy blue, but the uniform pants he was wearing now were a light brown. My questions grew even larger.

“Sorry. You waited, right?”

“Ah, no. It’s okay.”

“I didn’t have any other time but now. I’ll buy you the most expensive pizza when we get there.”

Seo Hangeon spoke breathlessly as he took something out of his jumper pocket.

‘……?’

It was a foldable wine opener. I knew what it was because my mother always kept one in the kitchen. Seo Hangeon shoved the wine opener into his backpack. Inside his backpack, besides our school uniform, there was also a white ball cap and a mask.

I will have to ask him what on earth he was doing after we get out of the taxi. Seo Hangeon held out his hand to me with a bright face.

“Did anyone contact me?”

“I don’t know? I didn’t look.”

I lied as I handed him the phone. Seo Hangeon was still catching his breath. I was looking out the window, but I could hear his continuous panting from the side. His breath was rough and deep. Just listening to the sound quietly gave me a strange feeling. My imagination kept drifting to a naked body wearing a Nike wristband.

I thought it would be better to just look, so I turned my head toward Seo Hangeon. Just then, my eyes met with his as he was extending his arm to my shoulder. His ragged breath touched my neck. When the phone screen light turned off, the light disappeared from his face as well. For some reason, Seo Hangeon said nothing.

In the dim taxi, the distance between us grew closer and closer. The sound of the turn signal filled the car. Feeling a sense of danger, I quickly turned my body to the opposite side.

…If we were not in a taxi, we would have kissed. The atmosphere really felt like that. I had not even been running, but my breathing became ragged. Seo Hangeon was as calm as if nothing had just happened. He had his hand on my shoulder and was patting it lightly.

“We’re almost there, now.”

The taxi stopped in front of a pizza place near the park. We had about 40 minutes left until 5:30. When I asked him where he had gone after having the taxi wait, Seo Hangeon replied like this.

“I had something to drop off at the dentist.”

It was not a proper answer. Why did he change his clothes, and what was with the wine opener? Nothing was resolved. My questions remained, but I did not probe any further.

Even though I vehemently waved my hands, saying I could not eat it all, Seo Hangeon bought ten cup pizzas. Eight cup pizzas were placed in a large cardboard box.

Seo Hangeon paid for both the pizza and the drinks. When I tried to take out money from my wallet, Seo Hangeon used his body to block me. Every time I tried to touch my backpack, he obstructed me with his shoulder and waist. Since our bodies kept touching, I could not continue. In the end, I gave up.

“Since you’re carving out time to hang out with me. I should be the one to buy.”

“I have money for dinner too.”

“Let’s save that and use it when we go see a movie next time.”

“……”

“If it weren’t for you, I would have been just moping around all day today. Because I was in a bad mood.”

“I didn’t… really do anything….”

“You’re hanging out with me, aren’t you?”

There were still mosquitoes in the park, so we walked along the main road nearby. I do not normally like pizza, but it was delicious today. When I lifted the spoon high, the cheese stretched out thin like a thread. I stuck out my tongue slightly and put the end in my mouth. While chewing the cheese, I suddenly remembered the taxi driver’s grumbling.

“Earlier, you know. The taxi mister said something about how we asked him to wait for 10 minutes without even planning to pay for the wait….”

My head, which had been raised naturally, stiffened. Seo Hangeon was not eating his pizza but was just staring at me. His gaze was on my cheek area. It seemed like he had been looking at my face when I was eating the pizza just now. It could all just be my misunderstanding. I awkwardly lowered my head. Seo Hangeon belatedly shouted.

“The fucker, he gave you shit?”

“No. Not that. The mister was just grumbling to himself.”

“He wouldn’t have earned even that few thousand won if it wasn’t for us anyway. Where’s the guarantee that he would have picked up more customers during the 10 minutes he was waiting. If he was that confident, he would have said he couldn’t wait. But he said he could, didn’t he?”

To be honest, I had felt self-conscious in front of the taxi driver. To think that one could think of it that way. I was impressed by his logic. Seo Hangeon flared up again.

“He waited because he was desperate for the money too, so why is he giving you shit. He should have done it when I was there. Fuck, should I find out his number and complain?”

“It’s fine. …But how would you find out a taxi driver’s phone number.”

“By calling the call center. You can say you left something in the taxi and ask for the driver’s number.”

To think there was such a method. Anyway, I shook my head and said it was fine. Was there about 25 minutes left now? I was taking out my phone to check the time when Seo Hangeon spoke.

“I set an alarm for 10 minutes before. Eat.”

It was about time he should tell me all of today’s mysteries. However, Seo Hangeon only brought up useless topics.

“What kind of hamburger do you like from Lotteria?”

“Teri Burger.”

“What about the seasoned fries powder?”

“Uh… what flavors were there again?”

“Onion, cheese, chili.”

“I think it was onion….”

“Noted. What about Mom’s Touch? Psy Fillet.”

I laughed foolishly and asked back.

“Hey, don’t just ask me… what about you?”

“I don’t really like hamburgers.”