Only Good To Me Chapter 18.1 - #12th Grade, Seo Hangeon

The fun of earning money is shitty, but the fun of saving money is real. In neighborhoods with low real estate prices, you can get a pretty decent two-room apartment with a deposit of under 10 million won. When I am tired and want to rest, I imagine myself having sex with Won-i in the kitchen of a clean two-room apartment. This is because there is no fucking better motivation than that. People who hate earning money should imagine having sex in a nice house. I guarantee you will go to work without another word.

“Ah, fuck! Just get the college entrance exam over with already!”

I stopped in the middle of putting on my school uniform and slammed my fists on the desk. I have to take the exam quickly so I can build the Great Wall with Won-i! From the kitchen, Seo Hanna and Dad yelled, asking what was going on. I ignored them. Who has the mind to answer? Not when Lee Won is bent over the desk, naked from the waist to his butt.

A waist much paler than my hands is grasped in my two hands. The skin is soft, like the feel of a cheek, and on top of his neat spine, the semen from my body is already scattered.

— Ha… haah…. It feels good… do more, do it harder.

He would never say something like that. Then I will have to make him say it.

— Put… more in….

I have to make him say this too. It would be nice to tease him by slowly putting it in and taking it out while listening to the slapping sounds, and,

— Ah, it hurts. It hur… ugh.

I also want to just fuck him hard until the end. I have only seen Lee Won’s naked body down to his shoulders, so I have to fill in the rest with my imagination. I have no choice but to create it with the puzzle piece of his crotch, the line of his legs under his gym shorts, and the color of his skin.

His lips and neck are so soft and delicious, so won’t his ass be even more so? Fuck, will I be able to stay alive if I see it in person? I think my dick will explode.

Before I knew it, a shrill breath was escaping me. I scrubbed my face and let out a breath. As I was fixing my hair in front of the mirror, I looked down.

It seems like today, too, I will have to jerk off once before I leave.

I just have to endure this pain a little longer. Today, too, I start my day for the day I will undress Won-i.

“Hello? You picked up the phone today, Ppukkum-ie?”

— Dad did not give me a ride today. Are you on your way to school too?

“Yeah. On my way to see those pathetic little shits.”

I am attending because I figure I need a high school diploma, but I feel like the time spent at school is a waste. It would be great if I could use that time to prepare for opening a restaurant. So at school, whenever I have time outside of sleeping, I take out a book and read. I am devouring any book written by entrepreneurs in the food industry.

— Yesterday? I read a book. Reread the first volume of The Lord of the Rings.

“So does that guy, Gordo, become the king of the ring or not.”

— Gordo? Are you talking about Frodo, perhaps.

“Yeah, Frodo. Who’s Gordo?”

— Are you maybe talking about Gollum.

“Ah, right. No, but, I heard there’s also a guy with a ‘r’ something name.”

— Are you maybe talking about Aragorn.

“Yeah. No, but, who the hell is the main character in that novel!”

— I told you it’s Frodo.

I heard the plot summary, but I do not remember a single thing. Lee Won loves that novel. He said it was a book that Lee Geunwoo threw into the bathtub. We also watched the movie of another novel by that author, <The Hobbit>, together.

So for Lee Won’s birthday a few months ago, I bought him a set of <The Lord of the Rings> novels and even the director’s cut movie DVDs. His taste is the opposite of mine, as I only read non-fiction. Then again, Won-i and I do not have much in common when it comes to taste. If there is something we agree on, it is that meals should be eaten with rice, not flour-based food? What else is there?

Let’s move on for now.

Besides the novels, I also bought him an Abercrombie zip-up hoodie as a birthday gift. I ordered it while I was buying two or three of my own outfits and a pair of sandals through direct purchase. Won-i is often wary of me spending money; if you look closely, he is a total nag. I do not know why he is so utterly and thoroughly overcautious. Maybe that is why he is often sharp. Like now.

— But why is your voice hoarse? Did you catch a cold?

What a cute bastard.

Yesterday, the izakaya’s sales exceeded several hundred thousand won. That means it was super busy. Two large tables did not leave, so we finished after four in the morning, and I guess my throat got hoarse from fatigue.

“I don’t know? Maybe I am coming down with a cold?”

— Did you not get much sleep?

“I never get much sleep, because of you. Isn’t that why you bought me red ginseng?”

— Sheesh. How long are you going to tease me about that.

I was out of it since morning because a naked Lee Won appeared, and then I heard another annoying story at school. Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim had apparently called Park Kangmin and told him, ‘You take responsibility and bring Seo Hangeon to a certain sushi restaurant at the Suyeong Rotary.’ This was already the umpteenth time.

He started subtly hinting that he wanted to work with me, so I firmly refused. It was annoying how he would try to persuade me whenever we met, so I barely went to the gym either. And now he was nagging Park Kangmin. I wish he would cut it out with the obsession. I think he was being like this because up until two years ago, I had not had any aversion to that line of work. He probably thought he could persuade me.

He seemed to realize that Park Kangmin was not the type for an organized life, so he treated him like a fifth wheel, but he was being relentlessly annoying to me. Park Kangmin vented with all his might.

“Supal-ie hyung-nim also keeps contacting me, asking if it is true that you did not go to Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim’s side.”

Supal-ie hyung-nim is the guy who fought with Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim at the pool hall. Those two were originally close. But as they ended up in different organizations, they competed over cars, watches, women, and recruiting juniors. I have no intention of working with either of those bastards. Even though they knew I was already working with Kijong hyung-nim and Eunba hyung-nim, those guys could not give up. They thought I would change my mind if I found it hard to make money after learning a bit about business.

As if bothering me was not enough, the sight of him clinging to Park Kangmin as well looked so fucking pathetic.

“Fuck, I wish he would just cut it out on his own, but he’s pulling this shit until the very end.”

“You, you cut ties with Seunggyu. Why can’t you just cut those hyung-nims off cleanly.”

“There’s no need to turn my back on them. It is a loss to make enemies with people like that, but there is no harm in knowing them. If I stay on good terms, I can at least get some rumors or information out of them.”

Park Kangmin let my words go in one ear and out the other with a face that said he did not understand. What Park Kangmin was doing was demanding a quick answer.

“Hurry up. What are you going to do? Are you going to the sushi restaurant or not!”

Annoyed, I kicked the classroom door. I scowled and answered.

“Tell him I will go, then. I will go today and make it clear one more time.”

“Tell him not to contact me either!”

“Ah, I will tell him, so stop yapping, you fucking asshole.”

“How can I not yap, you fucking try being in my shoes. See how annoying it is.”

Too annoyed to even retort, I stuck up my middle finger and entered the classroom. Ah, I am so pissed. I have to waste what little time I have before my izakaya shift on such an annoying matter. I glared up at the ceiling with tense eyes.

🏐

I went late on purpose. Park Kangmin was making a fuss on KakaoTalk, asking why I was not coming, and was blowing up my phone with calls. I ignored them all. The sushi restaurant was noisy when I entered. The table had been set for a while and the sushi platters were almost empty. As I entered the room, I saw that the group was smaller than I thought.

There was Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim, two of his colleagues, three of my friends including Park Kangmin, and three women. The women seemed to be kids our age that our friends had called over.

I spotted the guy sitting next to Park Kangmin and scowled. It was a build I hated to see. Park Seunggyu was sipping a soda. I got even more furious. I clicked my tongue to myself and entered the room.

“Look at this punk with no manners! Why are you so late!”

Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim had already had a lot to drink. My seat was across from Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim. I greeted his acquaintances and gave a rough smile as I sat down.

“I told you I have been busy with work lately, hyung-nim? I am busy as hell, but I barely made it because you said you would buy me sushi.”

“You little fucker. What work, asshole. You are busy fucking around, aren’t you?”

“Hyung-nim, you have really let yourself go lately. You are not managing your image these days?”

I said, gesturing towards the women. Park Kangmin picked up where I left off.

“I know! Hyung-nim, you used to have a really good image before.”

“What, you punk, what about my image, fuck.”

“My mouth is not exactly high-class either, but hyung-nim, you really sound like a cheap mouth….”

Park Kangmin appointed himself the mood-maker for the day. Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim threw a spoon at Park Kangmin. When Park Kangmin exaggeratedly raised his arm to block it, laughter erupted from the table. The hyung-nim kept throwing spoons, pretending it was a joke. I find jokes like this fucking unfunny. I tapped the table with a blank expression, waiting for the drinking party humor to end.

“Stop it, oppa! We have to pick up everything you throw!”

Looking closely, one of the women was interested in Park Kangmin. She was trying to stop the joke with a smile, but I could see the anger simmering in her eyes. Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim snapped at her, looking dumbfounded.

“What did you say your name was, Forsythia, was it?”

“No! Park Nari, Park Nari.”

“Right, Forsythia. Forsythia, you, you have had a problem with oppa since a while ago, haven’t you.”

“What? No, I have not!”

“Yes, you have! From the moment you came in, you did not greet me and only greeted my friends! Oppa remembers everything, you know?”

“What are you talking about. Ah, please stop teasing me, oppa.”

“Look at the attitude on this Forsythia? You act just like you look, ugly, huh?”

“Ah, really.”

Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim’s jokes were always like that. I wanted to stop hearing the useless talk, but I did not intervene. Why? Because stopping the hyung-nim at this point was Park Kangmin’s job, not mine. That bastard, if he had any sense, he should be stepping in right now. I glanced over at Park Kangmin. Unexpectedly, Park Seunggyu chimed in, pretending to help the woman.

“Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim, he only calls pretty women ugly.”

And then, the words that a cheerfully laughing Park Kangmin uttered were this:

“Park Nari is pretty rude, though.”

Ugh, you moron. I peeled a quail egg, popped it in my mouth, and checked my phone. There was a text from Won-i. It seemed like his first class at the academy was over.

[I talked to Dad and got you some cold medicine. He said to take it beforehand when you feel a cold coming on. It is medicine from a hospital prescription, so it is much more effective than regular cold medicine. lol]

Did I say I had a cold this morning? I do not remember. Did I? The way he deliberately emphasized that it was prescription medicine from a hospital was cute, so I let out a small laugh.

[If you have time, do you want to come pick it up for a second? lol]

My eyebrows raised slightly. I sent a reply right away.

[On my way] [30 minutes]

Just as I sent the reply and put my phone away, Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim’s attention turned to me.

“Look at him grinning at his phone, you punk. You’re busy because you’re fucking around, right?”

“Ah, this hyung-nim, really. You keep saying such disgusting things, I can’t even eat the sushi!”

I narrowed my brow but retorted with a smile.

“Isn’t it too much, calling your younger brother out to buy him sushi and then doing this!”

I scolded him again, mixing in a joke. Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim exchanged a few shouts with me before getting up with his colleagues. It seemed like they were going out for a smoke. At times like this, you have to let the people who went out talk amongst themselves first and then join in the middle. If you follow them out from the beginning and butt in when you were not even called, you become a show-off. If you become a show-off, you get looked down upon.

I gave Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim a look that said I would follow him out. The hyung-nim nodded his head. The boisterous men in their twenties disappeared, and only the students were left in the room. The girl who had been the target of Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim’s concentrated attack earlier started badmouthing Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim. She said it was unpleasant and suggested we leave and hang out by ourselves. Park Kangmin calmed the girl down, saying they should wait just a little longer until they finished all the sushi. Then he suddenly yelled at me.

“You fucking bastard, you’re always so damn late. It’s because of you that I’m the only one who gets shit for it!”

“When did I say I would come early? I just said I would come, I never said I would come early.”

“Don’t you know that hyung-nim always acts tough and picks on people!”

Park Seunggyu chuckled and made a joke to Park Kangmin.

“We acted a little tough today too, though. Earlier, we stopped the hyung-nims from making the girls sit in front.”

Park Seunggyu’s finger pointed towards the girls. Park Kangmin nodded his head. I stared at Park Seunggyu for a long while before asking back.

“Tough? Seunggyu, speak properly. What you’re doing isn’t being tough, it’s just being a poser, isn’t it?”

Park Seunggyu’s smile faded and Park Kangmin looked troubled.

“How can toughness come from a head with nothing in it. Isn’t that right, Seunggyu? You ask why your head is so fucked up? What could possibly be inside a head that’s just sitting there giggling when it obviously knows I’m coming. Is it a brain?”

I looked at Park Seunggyu for a while, waiting for an answer. I was curious what he would say, but I was running out of time, so I decided to drop it. I stood up, intending to leave for good.

“From now on, use the right word, poser.”

I left the restaurant and looked for Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim’s group. Smoke was rising thickly from the group of men gathered and talking in a side alley. I slipped in and put a cigarette in my mouth. A lighter flame approached. As I blew out the first puff of smoke carelessly, Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim introduced me.

“A junior from the gym.”

Quiet greetings were exchanged. One of the men asked the hyung-nim.

“Ah, he does not seem like one.”

He meant I did not seem like a student. It was a thought that came to me late, but they might be his superiors, not his colleagues. In any case, I did not even look at them and did not answer. Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim patted my shoulder and said.

“I told you, didn’t I, that he does not look like one. You can tell by his eyes, can’t you? This punk, even if he were to run an entertainment establishment, he would open his own. He is not the type to work under someone while getting a percentage taken off.”

At one time, being part of gatherings like this gave me a sense of belonging. To be honest, even now, the feeling of getting special treatment is not bad. It is just that I figured out too early the truth that this special treatment is not for me, but for their own rice bowls.

There is no such thing as a free lunch in this world. Sweet talk always has some dog-like purpose hidden behind it. Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim subtly changed the subject.

“Where are you working these days that you are so busy.”

“With Kijong hyung-nim. We are running an izakaya together.”

“Ah, that one? By the sea? The place is small, isn’t it?”

“It’s just right for the two of us to run without any employees.”

“What can you even become doing that! One or two million a month? You’re not going to live your life earning that, are you. Can you even buy a house with one or two million a month. Can you get a woman? Do you think the fuckable ones just come to you for free? Just wait a few years, they won’t suck you off just for your looks. They’ll suck you off for your wallet.”

This hyung-nim is truly hopeless. What kind of work could I do with a bastard who pulls out lines like this in an attempt to persuade me. I cut him off with a joke.

“Of course, hyung-nim. Who would want to suck a weakling’s dick. If you have no ability, they won’t like you even if your face makes up for it. But, I have both, you see?”

A murky laughter flowed. Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim pulled out another card.

“At your age now, you probably think your current earnings are pretty good. Just wait one year, you punk.”

I did not answer and put the cigarette back in my mouth. Slowly, the people other than Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim closed their mouths. From now on, they intended to listen carefully to every single word I said. Whether they did or not, my answer was already set. The hyung-nim continued his persuasion.

“I am asking you to work ‘together’ with me, you see. Not starting from the very bottom. This is an almost non-existent case. You know it is not a lie, seeing as I am saying this in front of all the hyung-nims, right?”

I nodded my head up and down. The hyung-nim added one more word.

“I am not just saying this, the words that you are a guy who will do well if you do it.”

I need to go get the cold medicine quickly. I flicked the cigarette butt to the ground and began to speak candidly.

“Hyung-nim, I think so too. Just like you said, there can’t only be good things in the work people do to earn money. The world needs all sorts of jobs to run anyway. Everyone is just trying to survive on their own. And to be frank, everyone lives like that.”

As I brought up words that were pleasant to hear, Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim quietly waited for my next words.

“Isn’t that right. The members of the National Assembly and the big corporations, they suck people’s blood from head to toe, don’t they. Calling it business, they pull all sorts of scams to rake in easy money. They get development rights from the city, give preferential treatment, and receive bribes. It has gotten to the point where even apartment presale corruption scandals are breaking out. What is the difference between earning money like that, and lending money on the black market and collecting interest. The one who is good at finding the money pipeline is the smart one.”

“Right.”

“And what you talked about before, hyung-nim. The business acquisition business, the real estate business. If I say I am doing things like that, I can be open about it to those around me and everything is good. It is good, but.”

At the word I added at the end, Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim looked up at me crookedly.

“I am confident I can earn it with my own business. I am going to do everything with my own business. I will have something by my side that is not just fuckable, but something I am dying to fuck.”

“You have a woman, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“I guess she said she won’t put out if you do this kind of work.”

My eyes grew cold without me realizing it.

“He is not someone you can talk about so carelessly, saying he puts out or not, hyung-nim.”

“….”

“I am also not the type of person who makes life decisions swayed by someone’s words.”

Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim looked at me for a moment and then dropped the topic of the woman. He was smiling thinly, but his voice was reluctant.

“Doing that business….”

“I have changed my path, hyung-nim. I am just going to live simply. That is what I have decided.”

I hammered it in with a firm tone. I looked at the other guys’ eyes one by one. I even delivered a confirmation kill to prevent any more words from coming out.

“I will support your business while doing my own.”

“You have decided.”

“Yes.”

“To the point where you are confident you will not change your mind later?”

“Yes. I came here today to talk about this.”

The guys who came with him shook their heads at Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim. It was a gesture that said it was useless to try anymore. Leaving behind the words that they would go in first, the guys disappeared into the restaurant. I also created an atmosphere for my departure.

“I came to see your face, hyung-nim, and have some sushi, but you kept talking about dicks so I could not even eat! I have to go without even having dinner, to go to work.”

“You punk, making me feel sorry. Eat before you go!”

“I have to get going now.”

The hyung-nim expressed his lingering disappointment one last time.

“It is a shame. For someone like you, taking over a small company would be nothing.”

I treated that as the hyung-nim’s muttering to himself, and brought up the one remaining topic.

“And stop contacting Park Kangmin. That punk, he does not really know what kind of work you do, hyung-nim.”

“Got it. Are you really not going to reconsider?”

“Right, I cannot. Ppukkum-ie will scold me.”

“What? Scold?”

“It is nothing, hyung-nim. I am leaving!”

As soon as I turned around with a cheerful wave, a dirty expression came over my face. I only smoked one cigarette, but it feels like my head is filled with a pack’s worth of smoke.

If I walk fast to the academy, I will not have to take a taxi. I was striding along when someone chased after me from behind. The one screaming my name was Park Kangmin. I am just trying to go get some cold medicine, so stop interrupting me. I yelled with a look full of annoyance.

“What?!”

“Are you leaving!”

“I am.”

“Alright, go!”

Did he chase me just to say goodbye, that crazy bastard. As I stared at him incredulously, Park Kangmin started listing his complaints.

“But why did you do that to Ppakk-gyu earlier, you should have called him aside to curse him out. That punk….”

“Are you serious right now. It is only natural, since you put that Ppakk-gyu in front of me.”

Park Kangmin shouted, feeling wronged.

“Did I put him there, Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim put him there!”

“So why are you losing your mind.”

“No, but still, the girls were all watching too.”

“Whether the girls are watching or not has nothing to do with me. And it has nothing to do with you either, you fucker.”

“Isn’t it pitiful!”

Ugh, you moron. I cannot help but curse. I stood up straight and spoke.

“You think Seunggyu is pitiful? You’re playing along with him because he looks pitiful? Stop with your fucking pathetic drama.”

“What fucking pathetic drama.”

“The moment you say this is pitiful and that is pitiful, you are just getting dragged along. Playing along, my ass. If you want to be dragged along by Seunggyu, then go ahead. You do you. Just do not bring him in front of me.”

For some reason, Park Kangmin showed signs of mulling over my words. I left him with the advice to take care of that girl named Park Nari from earlier and turned away.

I left the rotary and bought mouthwash at a convenience store. Just as I finished gargling and started walking with a refreshed feeling, this time, I got a call from Kijong hyung-nim.

“Yeah, hyung-nim.”

— What should we do? Where are you right now?

“I’m outside. Why.”

— I forgot to order the squid when I was ordering the live fish yesterday. I asked the middleman1) and he said there’s none left now. I have to go to the seafood market and buy some. There are three tables full right now, so I can’t leave.

Is today really jinxed? With no other choice, I sent a text to Lee Won saying I could not make it in 30 minutes. A reply came back saying it was fine since he would be at the academy anyway. I am not fine. My mind was racing on its own, so I could not just walk and kept running.

I flew to Namcheon Beach Market in a taxi. I bought ten thousand won worth of fresh squid. I even made a scene, telling them to hurry up. I got in the taxi holding a styrofoam box that smelled of fishy seafood. I had a little time on the way to the izakaya, so I took out my phone. This time, there were six missed calls from Seo Hanna.

“Is she crazy. What is this now!”

I called her. Seo Hanna threw a tantrum with a voice mixed with tears and snot.

— Someone’s banging on the front door outside, it’s a mess again!

“Ah— damn it.”

Let me just go get some prescription cold medicine, please! My insides were boiling. The taxi stopped in front of the izakaya.

I hung up the phone for now, ran into the izakaya, and put down the box. Kijong hyung-nim followed me out, shouting.

“I am so sorry!”

“It’s fine! I’ll be back at twelve o’clock!”

“What’s the rush?”

“Later!!”

Without even speaking properly, I ran out and called Seo Hanna. She was now past the crying stage and in the pissed-off stage. Her voice was full of venom.

— Should I call the police, fuck? I am calling the police, fuck!

“Dad!”

— He went to my aunt’s house earlier.

“Who is it outside. Who does it seem like, Dad’s friend?”

— Yeah. I think it’s the rice wine hiccup guy? Damn… should I go out and kick his balls!!

“Don’t do anything crazy and just stay with the door locked. Are you insane? Call the police… no, I’ll call… no!”

Even if the police came, I would have to go and deal with it with them anyway. It would be too much for Seo Hanna to handle alone.

“No, I will go, right now! That’ll be faster!”

From the izakaya to my house is an 8-minute run at full speed. If the traffic lights are on my side, it can be shortened to 6 minutes. I ran as hard as I did during a relay race. Wow. Today is rough. The smell of the water on the floor of the beach market still lingered at the tip of my nose.

As I was bent over at a crosswalk, catching my breath, a call came from Seo Hanna. I answered immediately.

“I’m almost there!”

— You don’t have to come. The rice wine guy just left.

“….”

The anger rose from the tips of my toes, so it took a moment for the curse words to come out. I vented my frustration for all the passersby to hear.

“You… fucking! Are you training a stray dog or something!”

— What, it is not my fault!

I hung up and ran into the road where cars were waiting for the signal, and caught an empty taxi. As I sat in the back seat, I sent a text.

[to the stairs after class] [Stairs]

I checked my reflection in the rearview mirror and fixed my hair. The road was quiet. The taxi drove smoothly. As we entered the street where the academy was, a reply came.

[Just finished. lol]

I want him even more today, I wish we could at least go to a movie theater. Today, kissing in a movie theater feels more appealing than in an alley.

A familiar alley curved towards me. In the distance, the windows of the academy building shone. Specialized in managing school records, self-directed learning management, essay writing. In front of those words, a thought came to me.

I want to do it. With Won-i.

I put my hands in my pockets and walk to the back of the building. I turn on my phone’s flashlight and run up the stairs, two steps at a time.

I want to put it in. In Won-i.

I see his school uniform pants and slippers first. He comes down a few steps and I meet his eyes as he peeks his head out and looks down at me. Then, the thoughts of wanting to do it and wanting to put it in changed to this.

Right now, I just want to hold him. It would be nice to just hold him.

I took my hands out of my pockets and spread my arms wide.

“I’m here!”

“Did you stop by somewhere?”

I knew it might hurt a little, but I hugged him tightly. Heut, Won-i, whose chest was squeezed, gasped for breath. As soon as I held him, I buried my face in his neck like a man possessed. I kissed him noisily here and there, inhaling his scent.

Lee Won was gradually pushed against the wall. The rough breath from my frantic running until just a moment ago tickled Lee Won’s neck hard. A laugh that I rarely got to hear stimulated me. After a moment, our breathing spread through the quiet staircase. The hands that had been pushing me away also became still. Lee Won put his arms around my shoulders and said something unexpected.

“Are you, like, photosynthesizing me or something.”

One breath, the murky air of the sushi restaurant. Two breaths, the smell of the busy seafood market. They disappear in order. The phone calls and the hot summer night also disappear, and what fills that space is Lee Won.

“Did you stop somewhere?”

Simple and savory, Lee Won. I smell the scent of fabric softener and his body odor from the collar of his school uniform. The smell of his hair and earlobes is soft like milk. I breathe in Lee Won and breathe him out. As I tickled his ear with the tip of my nose, Lee Won flinched. He brings his shoulder up to his ear and asks.

“I asked where you were.”

Instead of talking about Ggaeng-ggaeng hyung-nim, that bastard Ppakk-gyu, the fresh squid, and Seo Hanna’s stray dog training, I licked his neck upwards. The shrunken neck seemed to have gotten a little flushed. Won-i continued to speak.

“Why did you run. You could have come slowly.”

“I have to come quickly to see you even a little bit longer.”

At my words, Lee Won’s Adam’s apple bobbed. It was a sign that he was about to say something he had been planning to.

“I finished my problem set goal for today. You said you were going to be late for the izakaya….”

He was suggesting we skip the academy’s self-study session. In moments like this, I feel it once again. The fun of earning money is shitty, but the fun of saving money is real. And the fun of spending the money that follows the fun of saving it.

“What do you want to do, then? Should we go see a movie, or buy something to eat and go see the busking at Gwangalli? My treat.”

I said, nibbling on his earlobe as if to melt it. Lee Won, with his heavier breathing, panted before answering.

“Should we see a movie.”

Late-night movie, success. I cheered inwardly. While I was at it, I also laid the groundwork for a kiss.

“Wanna make a bet? Guess how many people will be in the movie theater.”

“A bet? What is the penalty.”

“When we kiss, the loser has to suck the winner’s tongue for 30 minutes.”

The sight of his black eyes quietly flustered is rewarding. I kept following those eyes. Lee Won, who had been stroking the back of his ear, expressed his dissatisfaction.

“The loser does it to the winner?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t 30 minutes too long….”

“What does it matter, I am going to lose no matter what.”

Without listening to his answer, I fixed his collar and urged him on.

“Go get your bag. Let’s go quickly.”

Lee Won, who was turning the handle of the iron door, turned back. He furrows his eyebrows quite stiffly and opens his mouth. It is the expression he makes when there is something he wants to have his way.

“The bet, let’s do something else instead of that. Let’s shorten the penalty time.”

What a cute bastard. I answered with a smile.

“Let’s do that.”

The iron door closed, and his bangs fluttered.

I sat Won-i down on a chair in front of the movie theater ticket office. He said he had a headache after dinner and took some headache medicine a couple of hours ago. No wonder he seemed a bit dazed.

“I will go get the tickets. Sit here for a minute.”

The seats are always the same corner seats anyway. There is no need for us to choose together. I paid for two tickets, went out of the building, and went to a nearby cafe. Since he had a headache, I should make him drink some warm water. I bought a juice and asked for some warm water. I cooled the hot water slightly by pouring some cold water into it, and got on the elevator holding two cups. The elevator doors opened in front of the ticket office. I could see the back of his head as he sat up straight, looking towards the ticket office. “Won—ah!” I called out, and Lee Won looked at me with surprised eyes.

“I thought you were getting the tickets.”

“I got them. Here, drink some water.”

On the escalator going up to the theater, I thought of one thing Won-i and I had in common. We almost never eat popcorn when we watch movies. Lee Won finds it annoying to get powder on his hands, and I do not eat it often because I hate the loud chewing sound that spreads. Right now, it is also because I have to eat something other than popcorn. Something chewy and soft.

For some reason, I wanted to come to the movie theater instead of the Gwangalli area. The movie choice today was exceptionally excellent. We were the only two in the audience.

“Yes!! Everyone get out! Don’t come!!”

As I cheered so loudly that the theater echoed, Lee Won was flustered.

“He’s crazy, he’s crazy.”

By the time the movie production company and distributor filled the screen, I was already stroking Lee Won’s neck. I wrapped my right arm around Lee Won and started the bet.

“Rock, paper, scissors.”

I lost a few times and won a few times. We sucked each other’s tongues almost equally. Every time Lee Won kissed me, I acted grumpy. It was because I wanted to see more of him sucking on mine, moving his jaw and neck up and down.

“Un-uh. Hah-der.”

Even after we pulled our lips apart, I teased him for no reason.

“I said suck it harder.”

“That was the hardest I could.”

From the beginning, I only threw rock. I made a fist and did not budge. Realizing this, Lee Won started to only throw paper. However….

“Ouch, ouch. Gently!”

He freaked out when I sucked on his tongue as if I was going to pull out the root and swallow it. He pushed my shoulder and tried to pull his head away.

“Ah-ht h-hurts, it h-hurts. Gently. Ah…!”

After winning just two rounds, he said he would not bet anymore and would just watch the movie. It is no use getting grumpy with a flushed face. I said okay, wrapped my arm around his head, and made him lean on my shoulder.

It was quiet, and close. I turned my neck and kissed him softly. Even though there was no bet, Lee Won accepted me without a word. I tickled his neck with my thumb and then touched his Adam’s apple. When I undid the first button of his shirt and licked his collarbone, Lee Won fumbled with my back.

I grabbed his chest through his uniform and rubbed it, and wet his collarbone with my tongue. Won-i started to let out a shrill breath. I moved my hands recklessly. Even when I grabbed the skin under his uniform and pressed down hard with my palm, rubbing his chest roughly, Won-i did not say he disliked it.

I swept my hand down his waist, poked his stomach with my thumb, and then put my hand inside his thigh. Won-i was so startled that he grabbed my wrist and pulled it out from between his legs. I was so disappointed I almost cried. I leaned back and tore at my hair.

“Ah—!”

I am going to die of frustration! I want to touch him more!

Won-i glanced at me like that and quietly straightened his uniform.

Like that, the movie played in front of us, and after a while, Lee Won dozed off. Maybe because it was a rough day, I also yawned. I let out a big yawn and rested my head on Won-i’s, which was resting on my shoulder.

“Ppukkum-ah. I am sleepy too.”

I put the cold medicine I got from Lee Geunwoo’s prescription in my pocket for now. I should sleep for just 30 minutes, wake up, and send him off on the academy bus. Today, I can just wait for him at the curve on my way to the izakaya and greet him. I set an alarm with sleepy eyes. I could feel the warmth from our heads touching. As I closed my eyes, everything was peaceful.

🏐

That time in the movie theater when I barely managed to stop my desire. There were many times like that. For me, it was self-control that took almost all my strength. But I did not know that Lee Won was thinking such things.

— You don’t even plan on going all the way with me. If you’re just doing this because you’re curious about dating a guy…!

The day Lee Won said he wanted to break up, I held onto him.

That was my mistake. The mistake kept growing its tail. After beating up Park Seunggyu, I led Lee Won to the yacht and even to my room.

After seeing Won-i’s naked body for the first time, I became more careful with his nudity. Of course, I also came to desire it more. So the second and third times we had sex were deeper and more intense than the first, even without penetration.

In the meantime, Park Seunggyu made a move and we did not know. The fact that Lee Geunwoo returned Won-i’s phone to him sooner than expected was also to secure our contact history, but we did not know.

It was when the college entrance exam was approaching. After being caught by his father for skipping the academy, Lee Won suffered from frequent verbal abuse for a while. And he did not say a word about it to me.

— Do you have the conscience to eat after deceiving your father like that.

I did not know.

That Lee Geunwoo would spew such words at Won-i sometimes when things were not going well with the woman he was seeing.

— Bring me your bag!

That he would rummage through his desk drawers and inspect his bag for no reason, and,

— His basic attitude is just rotten. For a kid who says he’s studying, his books are so clean, so clean. What’s the point of going to school and the academy. He’ll just be sitting there in a daze like he does at home.

That Won-i, whose mock exam scores were better than his school grades, heard such things from that bastard, and,

— Of all things, he had to take after his mother’s side’s brains.

That even his good score on the September national mock exam meant nothing, and,

— This is what he should have gotten originally.

That in the end, he was punished by being made to stand, using cleaning his room as a pretext.

— Do you understand? Lee Won!

I was the fucking bastard for not knowing.

I vaguely sensed it during our second time having sex.

Won-i’s weight seemed to have dropped a little. His provocatively protruding pelvic bones were more prominent. The skin on his waist also felt thinner. Is it because it is getting colder now, is studying hard these days, he looks more gaunt. I only had thoughts like these.

It was a cold that came early in November. One day, when we had borrowed a bike and gone to Yeongdo, I saw a text message that Lee Won received. It was thanks to a text that came from Lee Geunwoo while we were looking at the phone screen together.

[You didn’t clean your room properly even after being scolded yesterday. Come home early and tidy up.]

I asked him what he meant by being scolded yesterday. Won-i took his hands out of his padded jacket pockets and swept back his hair. Then he looked straight at me and blinked.

“It doesn’t matter, not really. I’m just going to ignore everything he scolds me for. It all gets better when I meet you anyway.”

“Can you ignore it?”

“Yeah.”

I bit the inside of my lip hard without Won-i noticing and then asked calmly.

“Why did you get scolded yesterday.”

“For my room being messy.”

There is no way Lee Won’s room would be messy. Without picking a fight, I asked something else.

“Is that so. What about other than yesterday? When else did you get scolded.”

Won-i, reassured by my gentle tone, confided in me.

“After I got caught skipping the academy that time, a few times?”

“Is that so. Lately?”

“Yeah. It seems to have gotten a bit worse lately. When things don’t go well with the person he is seeing, he takes his frustration out on me…. But it’s okay, I can see right through him.”

“Frustration? What kind of frustration.”

Lee Won chattered on as if he were talking about someone else.

“It’s not like he hits me or anything, just with words.”

“Words, why. What does he say.”

“Well… the worst was, he asked if I had the conscience to eat after lying to my dad.”

Lee Won let out a small laugh. A rage greater than when I heard that Park Seunggyu had gone to see Lee Won welled up inside me. Heat rose to my eyes. My voice became even lower.

“He said that.”

“Yeah. Unbelievable, right? I just let it go in one ear and out the other.”

“I see. If you have the conscience to eat.”

“….”

I nodded my head and repeated the same words.

“To you. Fuck. He asked if you had the conscience to eat.”

My anger condensed and for a moment, I could not see clearly in front of me. Everything seemed to be tearing apart in a spiral.

“This son of a bitch.”

Lee Won’s face also changed in an instant. A curse word filled with the sound of wind came out of me once more. This fu—cking son of a bitch.

I picked up my phone and checked my bank account app. Including the salary I received at the end of last month, I had about twelve million won left. I immediately turned the bike around and started off in the opposite direction.

“Let’s go. To look for a room.”

“Huh?”

“There are a few neighborhoods I have been looking at. Let’s decide on a place first, and then go get your things together. When we get there, that son of a bitch, just watch what I do to him.”

From behind me, Lee Won shouted in a stiff voice.

“Huh?”

“It will only take a few days to adjust. It is much better for you to study while staying with me than to be in that house.”

“No… no. What’s with the sudden.”

“First, let’s go sign the contract, and then contact your mother. I looked into it before, and your opinion is the most important thing in a custody change lawsuit. If you say you want to leave, your mother will naturally file for a change. You just need to get permission from your mom to live with me.”

“Hangeon….”

“If that crazy bastard throws a fit, we will gather all the evidence and file for a restraining order. I will make sure he can never show his face to you again. I will take care of it so he can never come find you at school, the academy, or our house.”