Second Life, I’m Dying Soon Chapter 89

Chapter 89

 

Cecil was dragged along without resistance, his wrist tightly gripped. He didn’t even know where they were headed. Just keeping up with Alexis’s long, rapid strides was overwhelming enough.

The place Alexis pushed the door open to was one of the many tryst rooms within the main palace.

Only after stepping into the secluded chamber did Cecil’s wrist regain its freedom. Alexis must have gripped him with considerable force—his wristbone throbbed, and finger-shaped marks were clearly imprinted on his pale skin.

But Cecil couldn’t bring himself to check. The suffocating tension had turned his whole body rigid, like a wooden doll. His trembling gaze clung only to Alexis’s back.

Alexis stood facing the window, his back to Cecil. What he was thinking was impossible to tell. The silence stretched on.

“…This morning.”

The wait, which had felt like punishment, finally ended as Alexis spoke. His low voice was slow and deliberate, carefully retracing what had happened earlier.

“I heard that you dealt with Count Lawrence. I also heard the empress went to see you. I was worried she might try to harm you, so I went to check, and then….”

Alexis slowly turned around. His face was filled with confusion.

“You said you love me?”

Ah… so he really did hear everything. Cecil couldn’t hide the heaviness in his heart. His stiffened features refused to move as he wished.

“If that weren’t the case, there’d be no reason for me to help Your Highness.”

There was no point in lying now. Even if this confession made Alexis push him away, it couldn’t be helped.

“…….”

But Alexis’s reaction was ambiguous. It was hard to tell whether he was angry or not.

He covered his mouth with his palm, hiding his expression. The only thing visible were his eyes, which had been sharply fixed on Cecil this entire time.

“When did it start?”

“I don’t really know myself.”

“If you don’t know, then who does?”

“Does that really matter?”

Cecil let out a hollow laugh. Under the barrage of questions, he felt like a criminal. Of course, from Alexis’s perspective, it must feel like a betrayal.

“It matters. So you need to answer properly.”

“I was planning to put an end to it anyway. Just think of it as having heard something unpleasant. Nothing will change. I won’t let it cause you any harm.”

“…….”

“I know it disgusts you. But this is painful for me too—!”

Cecil couldn’t finish his sentence. As Alexis suddenly approached, Cecil instinctively stepped back, only to hit the wall. With Alexis’s solid body blocking him like an iron wall, he had nowhere to go and was forced to face him.

“It’s not just liking. You said you love me?”

“…….”

“And not just anyone. Me.”

Alexis asked again and again, as if confirming it. There was no reply, but he seemed to have already reached his conclusion. From the despair and fear twisting Cecil’s face, the answer was plain enough.

“And yet you told me so easily to get married.”

“…Then what was I supposed to do?”

Cecil pressed his lips together hard. Having his unrequited feelings exposed felt like standing naked before the other person. Worse still, this wasn’t even a situation he had wanted.

“What can I do? Are you telling me I should confess to you?”

“…….”

“And would you accept it?”

He snapped back sharply, scraping together the last scraps of his pride. This was all he had left.

Cecil couldn’t bring himself to meet Alexis’s face and turned his head away. His cheeks were already soaked—he didn’t even know when the tears had started.

Disgusted by the state he was in, Cecil roughly wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. As he tried to hide his unsightly appearance, Alexis caught his hand and pulled it down.

“Don’t. You’ll scratch yourself on the button.”

That gentle voice played havoc with Cecil’s already fragile heart. To be honest, he’d expected to be grabbed by the collar or struck.

But when Alexis showed concern instead of anger, the resentment Cecil had been forcibly suppressing burst forth all at once.

No matter how hard he bit his lips, he couldn’t control the burning in his eyes. As tears clung to his lashes and fell one by one, Alexis could no longer just watch. He pulled Cecil into an embrace.

The way Cecil’s body trembled in his arms conveyed just how frightened he’d been.

“I heard you didn’t even blink when you executed the count… So why are you shaking like this? Do you really think I’d do something to you?”

“…….”

As Alexis asked, gently stroking the round crown of his head, Cecil hesitated before nodding. Alexis let out a sigh mixed with a bitter laugh.

They stayed like that for quite a while. Eventually, Cecil managed to steady himself and lifted his head.

“I’m not asking for anything grand. It’s true that I carry feelings for Your Highness, but… nothing has to change. Please, just let things stay the way they are.”

“You’ll really be satisfied with that?”

“It’s enough for me.”

His eyes were red and swollen, his nose sniffling, yet Cecil still tried to put on his usual resolute expression.

“…….”

Alexis looked down at that pitiful face and fell silent, lost in thought.

If Cecil had demanded reciprocation, how far would he have gone to indulge him?

He could hold him, kiss him. If Cecil asked to spend the night together? He had no interest in men, but for Cecil’s sake, it might be something he could consider.

But Cecil asked for nothing. He only wanted things to remain as they were, asking Alexis to pretend he didn’t know about this unrequited love. It was a strangely deflating request. For some reason, it even left him feeling empty.

Alexis pulled Cecil back into his arms.

As if to confirm whether this was a dream or reality, he tightened his embrace around the slender body.

“Cecil. Say it yourself. Is it true that you love me?”

“…….”

“Go on.”

Pressed to answer, Cecil buried against his chest, his neck flushing red as he muttered something under his breath.

The voice was faint, as though it might vanish at any moment, but the words “I love you” reached Alexis’s ears with perfect clarity.

I didn’t hear it. Again. One more time.

Alexis listened to Cecil’s confession several times over. Each time, the arms holding him tightened.

Warmth welled up inside his once-hollow heart. It was a fulfillment different from the one he felt after winning a battle.

 

***

 

The fighting continued. Victory and defeat repeated themselves after fierce engagements.

Alexis wanted this wretched war to end. There was nothing to gain from it. The longer it dragged on, the more both nations suffered losses.

Around that time, Claude—who had gone to negotiate with Kazarjan’s envoy as the Empire’s representative—arrived at the strategy chamber.

In his characteristically firm voice, Claude reported the outcome.

“Fortunately, they’re of the same mind as us.”

At the news that Kazarjan also wished to bring the war to a close, faces around the room brightened.

“They proposed that, in exchange for abandoning the war, we exchange hostages as proof of the treaty.”

“Hostages? Whom did they ask for?”

“Kazarjan is requesting Lord Cecil….”

Bang—the table shook as a fist slammed down.

“Enough.”

“Your Highness.”

“That’s not even worth discussing.”

Alexis made no attempt to hide his displeasure. In an instant, a chill spread through the room. The assembled aides all held their breath, gauging the crown prince’s mood.

Cecil was just as startled. The demand was honestly unexpected.

Under normal circumstances, the empress and he should have been the ones insisting on ending the war by offering Yuria as a hostage.

So this is how it’s changing.

Cecil clenched the hand hidden beneath the table.

“I’ll go.”

“I absolutely forbid it.”

“It’s not a bad proposal. Didn’t Your Highness say you wanted to end the war as well? Handing me over won’t cause the Empire any significant loss.”

“I said I won’t allow it.”

Alexis’s voice was icy.

He swept his gaze across the room, taking in Cecil, Claude, and the other aides present, then twisted his lips. It seemed he was the only one opposing it. He shoved the table aside and stood up.

“There will be no negotiations. It seems Kilian still hasn’t come to his senses, so I’ll make sure to crush him properly.”

A shadow fell over everyone’s faces. Alexis’s will was so firm that no one dared voice an opposing opinion.

As Alexis left the strategy chamber, murmurs broke out one by one. What should we do, isn’t there some way to persuade him, voices overlapped as they put their heads together.

“Um… Lord Cecil, what do you think?”

Gradually, all eyes turned to Cecil. No one could bring themselves to demand responsibility from the very person named as the hostage, but the meaning in their lingering gazes was unmistakable.

The chair scraped softly as Cecil pushed it back. Facing the gathered stares, he spoke with a detached expression.

“There’s no need to ask my opinion. You already know what you want, and I’m thinking the same.”

In the end, Alexis had to be persuaded.

The room attached to the strategy chamber was where Alexis stayed alone.

Aside from a bed to snatch brief moments of sleep, an elegantly shaped sofa, and a large desk, there was little furniture to speak of.

As if proving how much time he spent here, the room was saturated with Alexis’s presence.

Alexis, too, was exhausted. Continuing a war was no easy task. He had to keep his nerves taut all day long, sleeping only a few hours at most.

With the lives of countless imperial soldiers resting on a single decision of his, the mental burden Alexis carried grew heavier by the day.

Seeing Alexis seated stiffly at his desk chair, eyes closed, Cecil quietly entered and shut the door behind him.

He minimized his movements as much as possible, but Alexis had already sensed Cecil’s arrival.

Without opening his eyes, Alexis spoke.

“I’ll warn you in advance. If you’re here to ask to be sent as a hostage, get out.”