Underpainting Chapter 8.2 - Mosaic (2)

“I understand for now. I’ll talk to him, so please keep this confidential.”

― Of course.

“And, wouldn’t you need to see him again soon? For an ultrasound or… he’ll need some medical attention. And there will be precautions to take…”

As Taehan rambled, he inadvertently revealed his hopes for Dawon’s decision. Embarrassed, he coughed awkwardly and hung up.

He thought he shouldn’t get carried away, but it seemed his heart had already taken flight. His heart beat so fast it ached, making the car ride back to the hotel feel slow.

Only about ten minutes remained until they reached their destination, but those ten minutes were unbearable. Taehan picked up his phone again and called Mangchi, who was watching Dawon.

― Boss, what’s up?

“Ah, well… just checking in.”

Feeling awkward about calling when he would arrive in just ten minutes, Taehan stammered. Mangchi reported Dawon’s routine as usual.

― He ate breakfast so-so and lunch went in a while ago. I’ll check on him in his room later.

“I’ll go see him myself, so you don’t have to. How did he seem?”

Since he was about to deliver heavy and important news, Taehan hoped Dawon would be in a good mood. Mangchi replied in a rather bright voice,

― I was just about to tell you, he seems to be in good spirits today. He hasn’t moved much since arriving, just sitting still, but today he’s drawing. He was so focused he didn’t even notice me looking.

“Drawing…? I see. Keep a close watch. I’ll be there soon.”

It was strange that Dawon, who had flown into a rage at the mere sight of a sketchbook, was suddenly drawing. He ended the call with a noncommittal reply, but the more he thought about it, the more suspicious he became.

‘What if… no, it can’t be…’

The strange feeling grew into an ominous premonition. He felt like he was missing something crucial. His racing heart turned cold, and a shiver ran down his spine.

“Can we go any faster?”

“Sir?”

“Get there as fast as you can, as fast as possible.”

Taehan urged Gwangwoo, his face pale. Sensing the urgency, Gwangwoo accelerated, weaving through traffic like an acrobat. Even though they couldn’t move any faster, Taehan was suffocating with impatience.

He hoped the ominous feeling was just his imagination. Dawon had been sleeping peacefully in his bed just this morning. They had even briefly met eyes. Looking at the small lump under the white blanket, Taehan had promised to return.

‘Please.’

As soon as the car reached the hotel, Taehan jumped out and ran across the lobby. He usually used a more discreet route for security reasons, but this wasn’t the time to be concerned about such things.

While the elevator ascended to their floor, and even as he ran down the hallway, Taehan’s lips felt parched. The moment the hotel room door opened, he called out with unprecedented urgency.

“Dawon…!”

It was the first time he’d called Dawon’s name, but there was no answer. Taehan ran through the empty living room and into the bedroom, searching every corner of the suite. He couldn’t find Dawon anywhere. He even checked the closet, but only a chilling silence remained.

As he looked around the room with a vacant expression, a sketchbook on the table caught his eye. Taehan picked it up with trembling hands.

On the white paper was a familiar yet unfamiliar man. Taehan, his lips pressed tightly together, his eyes fixed forward with a haughty gaze. The moment his eyes met his own in the drawing, Taehan’s heart plummeted into a deep, dark abyss.

It was Dawon’s farewell.

Early that morning, after Taehan left the hotel room, Dawon, who had been awake for a while, slowly sat up. Today was the day he would carry out his plan. Tension, relief, emptiness, and exhilaration swirled in his hazy mind.

Breakfast had been set on the living room table as usual. Dawon had no appetite whatsoever. His stomach, which had been churning every day, felt particularly queasy today.

He didn’t want to complicate things by being subjected to Mangchi’s nagging, so he flushed small portions of the food down the toilet, as usual. While he was up, he went to the closet and took the wad of cash from the drawer. He considered if there was anything else he needed to prepare for the long journey ahead, but nothing came to mind.

‘There’s nothing else to take.’

What a simple and meager life. He’d worked until his hands trembled and then fallen asleep every day, yet he had nothing to show for it. When he moved from his uncle’s two-story house to Taehan’s, all he had were a few worn-out clothes. When he came here, all he had was the money he’d won gambling.

He suddenly wondered if it had been the same for his mother. She’d gone to work every day, but she’d left nothing behind in the world. But she had left Dawon, who remembered her, so she was much better off than him.

‘No one will remember me.’

Dawon had known very few people in his life, and almost half of them were already dead. His eldest and youngest uncles would be furious that Dawon, their source of income, had disappeared. And the one person connected to Dawon’s end…

‘Mister… I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.’

An indescribable, sticky emotion welled up inside him. Fearing it might be regret, or perhaps a lingering hope he hadn’t yet abandoned, Dawon deliberately ignored it.

Swallowing the huge lump down into the depths of his heart, Dawon walked towards the sofa. As he passed the living room table, he noticed the sketchbook and pencils on it.

Dawon stopped his limping gait and stared at them for a long time. A few days ago, when Taehan had brought them, he’d been filled with fiery rage, but today, he felt an inexplicable urge. Even though he knew it was foolish, he picked them up.

‘What does it matter? It’s all over now.’

Dawon sat on the sofa and began to draw lines on the sketchbook with the pencil in his hand. It was an almost trance-like movement, but the rapidly moving lines formed precise and clear shapes.

He didn’t have to think about what to draw. There was only one subject he could draw without a reference. The one person who kept coming back to his mind, no matter how much he told himself he didn’t have to think anymore now that he’d reached the very end.

While drawing Taehan on the white paper, Dawon replayed the events of this morning. He’d always pretended to be asleep with his eyes tightly closed while Taehan was in the room, trying not to exchange even a single word, but today, his eyes kept opening.

His gaze followed Taehan around of its own accord. He stared at the already memorized figure, as if wanting to imprint his image in his mind one last time.

And then, their eyes met. He quickly closed his eyes, hoping Taehan would pretend not to have seen, but Taehan’s gaze lingered on him. He even approached Dawon and whispered,

〈I’ll be back, Kid.〉

Dawon’s heart fluttered at those words, as if he’d heard a grand confession or declaration. Thinking about why such simple words had sounded so profound, he realized he’d rarely heard such words in his life.

He’d barely managed to survive, unable to even take care of himself, so he’d never had the capacity to be a place for someone to return to. He’d never been allowed the normalcy of someone he cared about returning to him as a matter of course.

‘Why does he keep saying things that bother me, even at the end?’

So, Dawon’s pencil strokes were filled with irritation. He hated this man he was drawing. Even his long-standing hatred for his eldest uncle had never burned as fiercely and intensely as his current hatred for Taehan.

Perhaps fueled by the intense emotions, Dawon was more focused than ever. Mangchi came in to check on breakfast, and a hotel employee came to clear the dishes, but Dawon’s gaze remained fixed on the sketchbook.

‘Done.’

The Taehan in the drawing was more beautiful and infinitely colder than any picture Dawon had ever drawn. Looking into the eyes of the man in the picture, complex emotions welled up again.

Taehan would be fine. He might be momentarily angry that Dawon, whom he’d tried to control, had secretly escaped, but he would soon forget and return to his normal life. The thought was somewhat frustrating, but also reassuring.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

Dawon briefly considered tearing up the finished drawing, then decided to leave it as it was. He hadn’t been able to respond to Taehan’s farewell, so he could leave this as his reply.

The moment he placed the sketchbook on the table, there was a knock. It was lunchtime. Time for the hotel employee, with whom he’d made arrangements, to bring room service.

As usual, the man entered pushing a trolley laden with food. Dawon, already prepared, slowly walked to the living area.

“Sir, here’s what you asked for.”

The man spread the food from the trolley onto the table with quicker, more careless movements than usual, then, with an excited expression, as if carrying out a secret mission, he took out a large covered dish from the bottom of the trolley.

When he lifted the metal, dome-shaped lid, underneath were clothes identical to the ones the man was wearing, and a pair of black shoes. After checking the items, Dawon nodded and handed the wad of bills he’d prepared to the man. The man, looking flustered, shook his head, as if he hadn’t expected this.

“Oh, no, it’s okay.”

“…Is it too little?”

Dawon was also momentarily taken aback. He knew the value of artwork, but he was clueless about the worth of a few million won in society. He wondered if he had offered a ridiculously small amount.

“No, it’s not that it’s little, it’s too much… That’s not the point, the money is fine. Keep it, you’ll need it.”

The man waved his hands, looking even more flustered at Dawon’s words. Since he planned to die soon, he didn’t think he’d need money, but he couldn’t say that, so he reluctantly took the bills back.

Dawon hadn’t expected the man to refuse the money. There was no such thing as a free lunch. Besides, his uncles always said no one hated money.

He wondered why the man was helping him without any gain, but there was no time to dally. Dawon quickly changed into the clothes the man had brought.

He’d lost so much weight that the shirt hung loosely on him. A closer look would reveal the discrepancy, but the CCTV footage was usually blurry, and Mangchi’s observation skills, which he’d witnessed during their poker games, weren’t that sharp. This should buy him enough time to get out of the hallway.

“If you take the staff elevator down to the first floor and turn right, there are no CCTV cameras until the end of that hallway. It’s the route mainly used by staff.”

The man, who had been standing awkwardly with his back turned while Dawon changed, offered more information as Dawon put on the shoes and prepared to leave. At his helpful words, Dawon recalled the floor plan of the building Taehan had shown him.

“If I go to the end of the right hallway, that’s Section C, right?”

“Section C… Ah, yes, that’s right. Near the food court and shopping street.”

At the man’s answer, Dawon quickly revised his route. The path from the end of the hallway the man had told him about to the east exit of the building was slightly longer than his original plan, but it was part of the route he’d studied through CCTV footage.

The area around the food court, which made up a significant portion of the route, was managed by the tenants, making it difficult for Taehan to access the CCTV footage. The escalator in front of the exit also faced upwards, so if he angled himself correctly, he could go down unnoticed.

The problem was the shopping street arcade between the food court and the escalator. He’d seen that area on screen before. The entire 50-meter straight hallway was covered by CCTV cameras.

‘But it’s not bad since I only have to pass through there. If I go in that direction, they’ll only see my back.’

The arcade wasn’t far from the exit anyway. There were dozens of ways to escape the building from this room. If he managed to get to that point, it would be as good as escaping, and if he were to be caught, it would be before then.

While Dawon organized his thoughts, the man, as prearranged, pushed an empty trolley towards him. Dawon reviewed the final part of his plan.

“After I leave, wait about five minutes.”

“Yes, I’ll go through the connecting room and leave in about five minutes.”

Was it pity for Dawon, trapped in the room with his bruised and pale body? The man’s eyes seemed to genuinely wish for his safe escape. The stranger’s selfless kindness felt incredibly awkward.

He felt like he should say something before leaving, but Dawon didn’t know what to say in such situations. After a moment of thought, he nodded slightly and mimicked the man’s tone.

“Thank you for your help.”

His chest felt strange uttering the unfamiliar words. Feeling like a statue that had spoken for the first time, Dawon left the room.

He didn’t have time to linger in sentimentality. The moment he opened the door, his face became tense with anxiety. From now on, he had to move exactly as he’d calculated, without any mistakes.

After leaving the room, Dawon quickly turned towards the end of the hallway with his head slightly bowed and pushed the empty trolley towards the staff elevator. He straightened his body as much as possible, forcing himself to walk upright so as not to attract attention.

If Mangchi didn’t sense anything amiss and follow him before the elevator arrived, the plan would be half successful.

‘70, 71, 72…’

Fortunately, the elevator was coming up from a floor not too far from Dawon’s. The few seconds of waiting were excruciatingly nerve-wracking, and Dawon bit his lip repeatedly, holding his breath.

The ding of the elevator arriving made his hair stand on end. Dawon quickly pushed the trolley inside and pressed the close button with all his might.

“Haah, haah…”

Even though he’d only taken a few steps, Dawon’s back was drenched in sweat. He had to exert all his strength and focus to feign a normal gait. It was always difficult, but now, having barely eaten for days, he felt completely drained.

The movement of the high-speed elevator added to the nausea and dizziness. If he hadn’t been so tense, he would have already fainted.

‘Right hallway, Section C food court, shopping street, Exit E-3.’

Dawon repeated his revised route and took off his vest, placing it on the trolley. He focused his blurring vision on the number display. It would take only about ten minutes to reach the building exit.

He just had to endure that much. Once he was outside, even Taehan wouldn’t be able to easily follow him. This wasn’t under Taehan’s control like the area around the hotel.

‘Just a little longer, and it’ll really be over.’

During the short elevator ride, Dawon’s life flashed before his eyes. It had been such a dull life that most of the scenes that came to mind were memories with Taehan.

In fact, Dawon had been thinking of Taehan since he put on the slacks he rarely wore and the shoes. Even though he’d grown up watching his eldest uncle often wear suits, to Dawon, a suit meant Taehan.

‘More useless thoughts.’

He hated him so much. He resented him so much that he couldn’t bear it unless he died. Why did he keep thinking of him? He thought he’d left those feelings behind with the drawing in that room, but it seemed he’d carried them with him, along with this heavy body.

The elevator soon reached the first floor. Dawon stepped out, leaving the trolley inside. He opened the door at the end of the deserted staff hallway, and the brightly lit shopping mall appeared.

Although unfamiliar with the crowd, Dawon blended in. The smell of food was more overwhelming than the heaviness in his legs. He’d walked non-stop not only because he was in a hurry but also because he felt like he would throw up the moment he stopped.

He’d known for a while that something was wrong with his body. While it made the journey excruciating, it was also a relief. In this state, he felt he could collapse and die anywhere without much effort.

By the time he passed through the food court, Dawon’s shirt was soaked with sweat, and his consciousness was half-gone. However, the real challenge started from there. The arcade, covered by CCTV cameras.

“Haah…”

An irritated sigh escaped Dawon’s lips as he forced his slumped posture upright. He wanted to just walk however he pleased, regardless of whether it was conspicuous or not. He was so tired.

Before leaving the staff elevator, Dawon had made sure it didn’t immediately go back up. This meant no one had started chasing him right away.

Taehan seemed unaware of Dawon’s disappearance. He probably hadn’t returned to the room yet. Even if he checked the CCTV footage later, Dawon would already be out of the building, so the chances of being caught inside were now slim.

‘Still… I hope he doesn’t see.’

Dawon stubbornly corrected his posture. Even if he wasn’t in danger of being caught, he didn’t want Taehan to track his movements. If he’d intended to let Taehan chase after his final moments, he wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble and would have just ended things in the room.

‘I just need to walk 50 meters without limping. If I walk normally, he won’t recognize me.’

Having left his vest behind, Dawon was wearing a white shirt, dark gray slacks that were almost black, and black shoes. It was a common outfit, perfect for blending in with the crowd.

Moreover, Dawon had never shown Taehan how he walked normally. Even if Taehan saw his back on the CCTV footage from this area, he wouldn’t be able to recognize him.

Dawon took a deep breath and walked as upright as he could. He moved neither too slowly nor too quickly, without staggering or limping.

‘Just a little more, a little more.’

The mere 50 meters felt agonizingly long. His knees wobbled, and his vision blurred, then began to spin. Halfway through, he wanted to just give up, but he gritted his teeth and persevered.

“Haaah…”

After passing through the arcade, Dawon slumped onto the escalator and descended. The moment he was completely out of the CCTV’s view, the tension that had kept him going dissipated.

From there, he walked even more unsteadily than usual. He felt the concerned gazes of a few passersby, but it didn’t matter; he was just a few steps away.

Finally, as he exited the building, the sunlight, even brighter than the shopping mall lights, poured down on him. To the utterly exhausted Dawon, even the sunlight felt heavy.

‘Where should I go?’

This was a world he’d never seen before. The real world, free from anyone’s control. Dawon had finally set foot in the world at the very end of his life.

Everything overwhelmed him. The unfamiliar smells, the noise of cars, the irregular roads, the shimmering heat. Or rather, it seemed like it was just his mind that was shimmering. As the last thread of tension snapped, Dawon’s steps faltered.

‘Somewhere, anywhere without people.’

As he’d expected, he felt he could crumble completely without any effort. If he lost consciousness now, he thought it would be better to collapse somewhere he wouldn’t be found until he died.

He turned his head slightly to the side. Across the main road, unlike the clean cityscape of the hotel and shopping mall, he saw a block with shabby buildings and dark alleys. Dawon mustered his last bit of strength and crossed the street.

To a darker place, a still darker place. As he struggled to reach the area near the old, grimy walls, Dawon collapsed silently onto the ground.