Kill Your X Chapter 2

“Sunbae, Gyujin sunbae!”

I was zoning out for a moment when I snapped to attention, startled, and looked ahead. The title “sunbae,” which I hear as often as I eat meals while working at school, felt oddly different today. It was because of that damned thing that happened last night.

“Are you really feeling that bad? Or are you just playing hard to get because you don’t want to go out with me?”

My junior from the department leaned cockily against my desk, resting their arm on it. I pretended to adjust my glasses to hide my irritated expression, then quickly put on a friendly mask and spoke as I always did.

“Hyunjin, keep your voice down. This is a library.”

“Right. Our darling’s workspace.”

A faint crack appeared in my thin mask. The overly familiar term made my skin crawl.

“Who the hell is your darling? And why would I go on a date with you?”

I turned my gaze to the computer, muttering about their nonsense. The constant chatter beside me made it impossible to focus on the document.

“You know what? This is exactly the twenty-third time you’ve rejected me. They say no tree stays standing after ten swings, but Gyujin sunbae, your walls are insane.”

“Ever thought your axe might just suck? Stop yapping, and if you’re that bored, put these books back where they belong.”

I shoved a cart piled with over twenty books toward my junior. It was my way of saying, Shut up and get lost.

My moment of solitude didn’t last long. Hyunjin, having finished the errand, bounced back to me like a yo-yo.

“Sunbae, I’m done shelving the books.”

“Good job.”

“So why won’t you date someone as awesome as me? I swear, I go crazy every time I see you.”

It hadn’t even been ten minutes since I rejected their confession, yet their resilience was something else.

“Sigh…”

“What, are you about to pull that old-fashioned excuse that it’s because we’re both guys? Come on, it’s the modern age.”

Their jab hit the mark, but it oddly calmed me. I raised the corners of my mouth out of habit and responded to Hyunjin. The lie I’d repeated dozens of times slipped out smoothly.

“Old-fashioned or not, I’m not gay.”

“I’m not gay either. I’m bi.”

They said it so confidently that I was momentarily speechless.

“Whatever. And I didn’t want to go this far, but to be honest, your looks aren’t my type. I’m not saying you’re unattractive, just that you’re not my vibe.”

“No way. I’m at least decently hot, right? Plus, I’m taller and buffer than you.”

Sure, they’re a junior from the same department and university, and they’re the same gender, but this is the problem. I don’t have a hobby of turning down guys taller than me. Hyunjin was easily 5cm taller than me at a glance.

In my book, a bottom should fit snugly in your arms—just the right size. It makes it easier to lift them, try different positions, all that. But since I’m dead set on keeping my gayness under wraps, I couldn’t exactly spill the real reason.

“You’re right about all that. So take your fine looks and go find someone else. If you come back and try this nonsense one more time, I’ll ban you from the library for good.”

I spoke firmly, and Hyunjin tried to wriggle out of it with some half-baked aegyo. I stayed stone-cold indifferent, but when I glanced over again, there was a sulky bear standing there. Their eyes looked oddly misty, and my resolve wavered. Still, wrong is wrong.

“Give it up. The world’s full of people to date.”

“But they’re not my type.”

“And I am?”

“Yup, perfectly.”

I’d recently switched to uglier glasses, but apparently, it didn’t help. I didn’t have the confidence to dress even more like a slob, so I just sighed.

Back in my teens, I was voted “student council president material.” In college, people said I’d breeze through big corporate interviews.

After graduating with a degree in library and information science, I ended up as a librarian at a private university. Now, people I meet in passing say I look like I’d ace a marriage meeting.

I don’t mind people thinking well of me. Even when a professor recently hinted at introducing me to his daughter, I wasn’t too bothered.

But a male junior’s blatant advances? That’s a problem. I’d rather die than broadcast my orientation to the world. Well, aside from the guys I meet at gay bars, no one else knows…

“Oh, Si Yeonho.”

“Who’s that?”

I’d forgotten, but there is one other person who knows my secret. Thinking about last night made my stomach churn again. Hyunjin looked puzzled, so I changed the subject.

“It’s nothing. Alright, let’s hear it. Why do you like me?”

Hyunjin answered shyly.

“I like put-together people. Especially when they give off that ascetic vibe like you do—it drives me wild.”

That put-together guy you’re talking about? Last night, he got railed by a guy he just met until dawn. And yeah, he’s a slut who hooks up like it’s a meal. I hate to admit it, but lately, I’m well on my way to sex addiction.

“Ascetic, huh… That’s it?”

“And you seem like you’d only have eyes for one person. No wandering glances. That’s your style when you’re in love, right?”

A sigh rose from deep within me. I almost wanted to tell them how many guys I’d fooled around with just last month.

“Hyunjin.”

“Yes, sunbae!”

“Let’s grab some food.”

I set the glasses I only wear for work on the desk. Judging by my focus, I wasn’t getting any real work done today anyway, so I wrapped up roughly and planned to head home. I grabbed my coat and wallet, and as I left, Hyunjin, who’d been waiting, scurried to my side.

“Just to be sure—you don’t have a secret lover, do you?”

“What?”

“No matter how I look at it, something’s fishy. A hot younger guy like me throwing himself at you? You should be all over that. But you keep putting up walls, so…”

I stopped walking, and Hyunjin mimed zipping their lips.

“Just saying, I’m disappointed.”

They got rejected again today, yet they’re happy just to chat. Despite the zipped-lips act, Hyunjin kept jabbering like a human radio as we left the library.

“Ugh, it’s freezing.”

As we stepped outside, a biting winter wind clawed at my cheeks. I didn’t wear a hat, and it felt like my scalp was freezing. White breath escaped between my teeth. Hyunjin was shivering just as much, but their mouth didn’t quit.

“You know what? I love this about you too, sunbae. Wearing just a coat in minus-10-degree weather instead of a puffy jacket! Sometimes I see you heading to the library in the morning, and it’s so sexy…”

“Seriously, you!”

I raised my voice but couldn’t finish the sentence. Someone who shouldn’t be here caught my eye like a speck of dirt.

“Hm? Sunbae, what’re you looking at?”

Before I could stop them, Hyunjin’s head turned in the same direction.

In the middle of the snowy campus, in the dead of winter, he stood there. His pitch-black eyes, stark against his snow-white skin, locked onto me. The unwavering gaze felt like it froze time.

“Si Yeonho…”

“Huh? Someone you know? Doesn’t look like a student here.”

When Hyunjin grabbed my shoulder, the statue-like man started walking toward us. His steps were leisurely, but with legs that long, the distance closed in no time.

His appearance was unreal, even now. Next, I noticed his large hands in leather gloves. His bangs were neatly combed down, and under his long coat, he wore a black suit, just like last night. It was formal attire, yet he didn’t look like an office worker. More like someone who’d just come from paying respects at a funeral.

“Did you sleep well last night, sunbae?”

He greeted me warmly as I stood frozen.

“I missed you, so I came back.”

My mind went blank at his words. It felt like I’d fainted with my eyes open and woken up. I braced my legs to avoid looking more pathetic and faced the unwelcome guest. I nearly believed his words for a second, thanks to the slight curl of his lips.

Why didn’t I find it strange back then?

No breath came from Si Yeonho’s mouth.

✽✽✽

“Some celebrity? A model? Who is he?”

Hyunjin whispered to me, and a cold gaze followed. His eyes, so dark they contrasted sharply with the whites, tracked every subtle movement clearly.

Si Yeonho’s gaze shifted from me, to the hand Hyunjin had on me, then to Hyunjin’s face. His lips parted as if he was about to say something.

“Hyunjin! Sorry, but we’ll have to grab food later.”

“What? No way!”

“I forgot about a prior commitment. Sorry, I’ll treat you to something tastier next time.”

“For real? You’re the one asking me out now, sunbae. No takebacks—promise!”

Hyunjin, blowing my words out of proportion, bounced in place with excitement. The word “date” nagged at me, so I glanced aside. Si Yeonho stood a couple of steps away, silently watching us. His dry gaze almost made me wonder if everything from last night was a dream.

“Go on, it’s cold.”

“Alright, my darling. Love you!”

Hyunjin winked with both eyes and left. The snowfall grew heavier in the meantime. Some flakes stuck to Si Yeonho’s coat, slanting through the air. Seeing that oddly reassured me.

“…”

I’d finally gotten rid of the nuisance, but now that it was just the two of us, I couldn’t think of what to say. The uncomfortable memories from last night hadn’t even settled before this encounter.

What now? He showed up at my workplace unannounced—should I be mad? Or start with what happened yesterday…

“Shall we take the car?”

“Huh?”

At my dumb response, Si Yeonho pointed to a spot in the distance. A black car with its headlights on came into view.

“We need to talk, don’t we?”

The emotional debt from a reckless past promise, the shameful exposure of my promiscuous private life, and the damn freezing weather all teamed up to cripple my speech. After fumbling with my lips for a while, I decided to face the situation. It was like swallowing bitter medicine.