Kill Your X Chapter 32

“I see. I’m sorry. I must have been seriously mistaken.”

Once I discarded the premise that Si Yeonho was dead, there was nothing left to be a problem. When my thoughts reached that point, a sense of relief finally washed over me. The tension that had kept my body rigid gradually subsided.

“This is a bit of a late question, but where is this?”

“My home.”

“Yeonho, your home?”

“Yes.”

Is this guy really doing this on purpose? It was only a moment ago that I had cleared up one misunderstanding, but it was a talent, if anything, to keep a person flustered without a moment’s rest.

“Then what was the address you gave me?”

“That’s my family’s main house.”

He added that he had bases in various regions. It was strange that he described them as bases rather than houses, but compared to what I had just been through, it was trivial, so I just let it go. In this day and age, it wasn’t strange to be a multiple-home owner. Besides, Si Yeonho was an executive director with a high position in his company.

“Are you, uh, possessed by a spirit?”

I recalled the scene I had witnessed as soon as I entered his family home. The shaman’s place, which I had only seen through the media, was incredibly overwhelming in person.

“My mother was a shaman. She’s passed away now.”

“Ah… I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, Sunbae.”

He said it happened a long time ago. As the conversation progressed this far, I began to think that I was doing something terrible to him. Not only did I treat a perfectly living person as if he were dead, but I also made him bring up his deceased mother. It was a rash action to blindly believe my friend’s words without any evidence.

“Is there anything else you’re curious about?”

He asked me when I suddenly went quiet. I debated for a long time whether I should say it, but I decided to be rude just one last time.

“In your house, there’s that room that’s all black, covered in scribbles, right? When I looked closely, it was all my name, why…”

My breath hitched as I recalled the moment I first saw it. It was a bizarre sight that looked like a curse.

“You told me not to come looking for you for ten years. I wrote your name once every time I thought of you, and it ended up like that.”

I had been so tense, but Si Yeonho said it so matter-of-factly that I felt my energy drain away. He even added, ‘You said I couldn’t even contact you,’ making me almost admit that this was all my fault.

“Is that all you’re curious about?”

“There’s one more thing. I lost consciousness after I went into that room and had a dream about the past.”

I hadn’t even realized I’d been dreaming until I heard him talk about the shaman thing. It was still blurry, but the memory was quite vivid compared to before.

“What did you remember?”

“Not everything, just our first meeting. The thing at the library.”

Information from the present and past swirled together in my head. It was possible that everything Taehoon said was a lie, but rumors gain their lifeblood only when they’re mixed with a certain degree of truth.

For now, it seemed highly likely that the rumor of Si Yeonho’s death was an exaggeration that arose when he suddenly dropped out of school. He may have actually jumped, but it didn’t lead to his death. The old scars on his body might have been from back then.

Then what about the other information? For example, his father being a gangster executive….

“Yeonho. Your father, by any chance.”

“He’s not around.”

I brought it up out of idle curiosity and got nothing for my trouble. He’s dead, he added, immediately cutting off any room for me to interpret it differently.

“I can let the background check slide since I do it a lot myself, but you know you’ve done a lot of wrong to me today, Sunbae.”

“I’m sorry, Yeonho. You must have felt bad that I heard some wrong information and jumped to conclusions.”

I thought he might let it go, but it seemed my various suspicions and even the act of trespassing had combined to get on his nerves. Well, thinking about it from his perspective, it was absurd. To hear such nonsense from your own lover of all people, asking if you were dead.

“I’m really sorry. The thing is, I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night, and I think I’m having problems with my memory. Anyway, my body doesn’t feel normal. My judgment was just clouded for a moment.”

“It doesn’t seem like there was much point in giving you the main house’s address. How boring.”

A barely audible mumble scattered into the air.

“Huh?”

“I talked a lot today, so I’m tired. So you need to take responsibility, Sunbae.”

“Take responsibility for wha—ugh!”

He grabbed my chin forcefully and kissed me. It was a kiss that completely overpowered me with sheer strength. Before I knew it, he was on top of the bed, pressing his weight down on me.

“Yeonho, wait a minute. Our talk about the past…”

“Sex. You said before you wanted to do it in my house, too.”

Si Yeonho unceremoniously ripped off my shirt and buried his head in the crook of my neck. He bit down painfully, leaving a mark, then licked the area around it like a dog. While I had often been selfish in our relationship, it was the first time he had acted like this, and I was flustered.

“We can do it today. I’ll help you sleep well, too.”

I couldn’t bring myself to stop the hand that slid into my pants. I thought I had come to my senses, but strangely, my body grew languid as soon as I heard his words. I surrendered myself to him as he skillfully gripped and moved my member. My body wouldn’t listen, as if captivated by an irresistible command.

“Don’t doubt me.”

Unless you’re going to remember my real name.

The small mumble was buried by other auditory hallucinations and quickly vanished. Si Yeonho pushed his way between my legs. My body, which had been in an unstable state for a long time, was quickly conquered by pleasure. The rough intercourse, as if he were taking out his anger, was reminiscent of a ritual rather than sex.

Just as Si Yeonho said, I fell into a deep sleep that night without even dreaming. A sleep so deep, it resembled death. My instincts realized before I did that this was a privilege I could only enjoy by his side.

✽✽✽

“Um, Sunbae-nim.”

“Ah, yes. What can I help you with?”

I lifted my head to see a young-looking student standing in front of my desk.

“I haven’t received the gift coupon I was supposed to get. I’m a winner of the essay contest for the eradication of illegal gambling.”

He was referring to an event the library had recently held on its own. The university library periodically hosted book report or essay contests. The themes varied, and this time, it was the eradication of illegal gambling.

Illegal gambling had been a problem for a long time, but the situation had become more serious lately as it spread among the younger generation in forms combined with various crimes like human trafficking.

Thanks to my police officer father, it was a fairly familiar topic to me. My father’s area of expertise was busting gangs, and it was highly likely that the real powers behind problems like gambling were similar forces of darkness.

“Could you show me your student ID?”

“Here you are.”

I asked him to wait a moment and quickly checked the information. Not just the student who came to me, but none of the winners had received their prizes. How could I have forgotten such a simple task? Even I had to admit I was having a serious lack of focus at work these days.

Swallowing my self-reproach, I took care of the missed task. While I was doing so, the student kept staring at me curiously. His student ID showed he was a first-year freshman. Attention from fellow university students was particularly uncomfortable, though it was the same elsewhere.

“Oh, it just arrived. Thank you.”

The student said, checking his mobile phone. I was grateful that he had been the one to inform me of my mistake, so I gave him a handful of snacks. As I returned his student ID, I started a new conversation. It was to take care of the easiest-to-solve issue among the nagging things on my mind.

“You’re in the Library and Information Science department? I graduated from that department too.”

“I know. You’re famous, Sunbae-nim.”

It would have been funny to deny it, so I just laughed hollowly. I was aware that my existence was occasionally mentioned in the university’s online community, both when I was a student and now. I just didn’t care much, so I let it be.

“It’s late, but congratulations on your admission. And this is just something I’m personally curious about.”

“Yes.”

“Do you happen to know a 4th-year student named Hong Hyunjin? He used to clock in at the library every day studying for his teaching certification exam, but I haven’t seen him around at all lately.”

The student became noticeably flustered at my question.

“Uh… Sunbae-nim, do you really not know?”

“Know what?”

So you really didn’t know, he muttered, then spoke cautiously.

“The reason he’s not coming to the library is probably because Hyunjin-oppa recently got caught up in some gossip.”

“Gossip?”

“Yes. This is an issue that the librarian Sunbae-nim is also involved in, so I thought you’d naturally know about it.”

My eyes widened at the mention of my involvement. Had I done something wrong to Hyunjin? Racking my brain, all I could remember was rejecting his constant confessions. I knew he was extremely resilient if nothing else, so it was unlikely he had become heartbroken after all this time.

“Someone saw Hyunjin-oppa constantly hitting on you, Sunbae-nim, and posted a takedown on the school’s anonymous community forum. It got heated, and then sexual harassment against you even came up, Sunbae-nim. Seeing that, Hyunjin-oppa revealed his real name and started commenting like crazy…”

When I asked if I could see the post, the student showed me a screenshot on his phone, not the original. A single phrase, ‘fucking disgusting gay bastard,’ gave me a rough idea of what had happened.

So this was what he meant about me being involved; I was just mentioned in some low-quality comments. Like, ‘The male librarian at the central library is fuckable enough, amirite?’

“The post on the school community was deleted, but it got screenshotted and spread to other sites, so the whole thing blew up.”

“Hmm, but from what I know, I thought Hyunjin had already come out.”

“A lot of people in our department know. Whatever they thought privately, they got along well with him because Hyunjin-oppa has such a great personality. But it seems there are a lot of phobes in other departments.”

And even if he came out again, there’s a difference between some minor gossip nearby and becoming a national topic.

The student showed me the auto-complete search suggestions on a portal site.

B University

⤷ B University gay

⤷ B University HHJ personal info

⤷ B University male librarian face

Just typing ‘B University’ brought up ‘B University gay’ and ‘B University HHJ personal info.’ Absurdly, ‘B University male librarian face’ was also at the bottom.