Kill Your X Chapter 4

It was supposed to be my trump card, but Si Yeonho just stared at me blankly.

“So what?”

“To put it bluntly, it’s not like you stayed celibate for ten years just because you wanted to bottom for me.”

As I elaborated, a faint crack appeared on his otherwise expressionless face. For someone whose complexion rarely changes, that was definitely a sign of being shaken. A childish sense of superiority surged within me, convinced I’d struck right in the sweet spot.

“I’ll apologize again for making a promise I couldn’t keep. It’s a cowardly excuse, but back then, I didn’t really know myself either. Even if I’d realized my orientation, how could a high school kid be sure of anything? Whether they prefer topping or bottoming?”

Perhaps he hadn’t expected to be rejected like this, because his pitch-black eyes clouded over for a moment. Raising my eyebrows in a contrite expression, I mustered the most apologetic look I could.

“I’m really sorry for treating you like some cult follower. I can’t be your lover like I promised, but…”

To deceive an innocent soul like this. A faint pang of guilt crept up on me. Swearing to watch my mouth in the future, I offered what I considered the most generous compromise.

“Just once, if you want, I’ll top for you as a special favor. One night, and we’re done.”

I dumped the irresponsible choice on him. If it’s true that Si Yeonho stayed chaste for ten years, he’s probably burning with desire. He doesn’t strike me as a bottom, so even if he plays it cool, he’s likely eyeing my backdoor.

“So, what’s it gonna be? I usually don’t go for guys taller than me, but I’m making this offer because it’s you.”

“…”

A long silence followed. As the tension eased, hunger kicked in. With Si Yeonho sitting across from me like a mute who’d swallowed honey, I took a bite of my sandwich.

I hadn’t expected much, but it was so good I kept eating. I felt a bit embarrassed for rejecting all the restaurants he’d reserved, saying I wasn’t in the mood for a big meal.

Si Yeonho stayed silent even after I demolished two sandwiches and downed more than half my coffee. At this point, it was safe to assume he’d rejected my offer.

“Yeonho.”

He might be a weirdo, but he doesn’t seem rotten to the core—did I go too far? The guilt inside me rose a bit higher.

“How about I set you up with someone as an apology?”

“Sunbae.”

“Man or woman, I’ll find at least three people who match your taste. What do you think?”

“You want to top me?”

Cough!

His outrageous non-sequitur made me clutch my throat. The coffee I was drinking went down the wrong pipe, and physiological tears welled up.

Si Yeonho handed me a tissue with a mix of indifference and kindness. Was this my punishment already? The sandwich I’d just enjoyed felt like it was sitting heavy in my stomach.

“W-what are you talking about?”

“Exactly what I said. I’m curious if you’ve ever thought about topping me.”

“No? I told you, I’m not into topping guys taller than me. But since I feel bad, I’m offering to do it for you as an exception.”

I’m pretty picky about my bedroom partners. One of the key criteria is their height. It wasn’t always like this.

After getting burned badly by my first love—who was also my first partner—I developed a warped defense mechanism. For nearly a decade, I’ve lived convincing myself that I prefer the opposite of that jerk in every way: position, height, looks, personality. Over time, those new standards solidified.

“You don’t seem to get it, but I’m not planning to switch positions with anyone. If we can’t agree on that, obviously a relationship’s off the table.”

“I don’t get why you’re so obsessed with topping and bottoming.”

His low voice hit me like a slap to the face.

“You said you held out for ten years.”

“Yes.”

Now that I looked again, something felt off. For someone supposedly pent-up, he was awfully calm. A ridiculous thought crossed my mind. Those intense black eyes staring at me—if the emotion in them wasn’t lust…

“So you didn’t come to me to relieve ten years of pent-up desire?”

“Sunbae.”

Leaning back in his chair, Si Yeonho shifted, tilting his upper body toward me. My reflection appeared small in his eyes.

“Since we met again, when have I ever said I wanted to sleep with you?”

My mouth fell open. Sure, Si Yeonho never explicitly said that. But given the context, it seemed obvious…

“You asked me to accept your confession. That means you want to date, right?”

“Yes. But I’m not planning to force sex that neither of us wants. If you’re up for it, I’d play along sincerely, but that’s it.”

The social mask I’d always worn crumbled miserably in front of him. If he’d at least taken smug satisfaction in exposing my true face, I might’ve felt less rotten.

Whether he’s clueless or pretending to be, Si Yeonho drove a nail into my pride.

“You’re the one in heat, not me. Acting like you’d die if you didn’t roll around with a guy every day.”

“Ha, haha.”

“I knew you were promiscuous, but I didn’t realize you’d tie everything to sex like this.”

At least half of it was true, so I couldn’t argue back immediately. What kind of spectacle did I make of myself with him last night?

“Then what the hell do you want with me?”

“To date.”

“What, no sex, just feelings? A platonic relationship?”

“I said earlier, if you want it, we can do it. I’ll go along with you.”

“What do you even get out of… Ugh, never mind.”

The conversation was going in circles, and my head throbbed. Scratch that thought about him not being rotten to the core. Si Yeonho was twisted, through and through. No one would act like this unless they meant to screw with someone.

“How about another drink? You look thirsty.”

He treats me like dirt and then acts like nothing happened. Telling me to stay chaste while putting ridiculous conditions on me—maybe he’s mad because I’m living recklessly?

If that’s the case, he could just curse me out and leave, but dragging it out like this was sadistic. If this is how it starts, our relationship’s doomed. I’d be lucky if he doesn’t spread rumors around campus out of spite later.

“I’ll go order downstairs.”

“Sit down, Yeonho. I’ve changed my mind.”

I gestured to stop him as he stood. I didn’t know his real intentions, but it was clear nothing I said would get through. To shake him off, I decided to try another approach. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

I locked eyes with him, flashing the light smile I use in social settings. Taking Si Yeonho’s hand, I removed his leather glove without asking. I held his large, scar-covered hand carefully. His eyes narrowed at my sudden shift in attitude.

“Alright. I’ll accept your confession.”

I was pissed, and I’d had enough. No matter how disastrously this relationship ends, since it’s come to this, I’m going to top you senseless—so you’ll never mouth off with that smug face again.

“Let’s date.”

Si Yeonho’s eyes widened. After all his persistence, he looked like he hadn’t expected me to actually agree. I fiddled with his hand, which was slightly cooler than average, and thought to myself.

A relationship? Sure. But whether it’ll be the romance of the century or a dark history you’ll want to erase forever, who knows.

Maybe I’m caught up in some messed-up sense of obligation because of a past promise, but I’ll show you, as your senior, that you’re not the only one who can play crazy.

Buzz—Buzz—

My phone rang right on cue. Two hours had already passed. Checking the all-too-familiar caller, I hit the call button with a refreshed expression.

—Song Gyujin! You alive? You didn’t actually get kidnapped, did you?

“Hey, Yejoon. I’m dating.”

—What kinda nonsense is that? Weren’t you swearing you’d never date till you died? Don’t tell me you’re off for another one-night stand.

Half-listening to the machine-gun chatter through the speaker, I moved my leg under the table. Crunch. I’d stomped blindly, but judging by his face, I’d hit the mark. His slightly furrowed brow was utterly adorable.

I returned my foot—the one that’d grazed his crotch—to the floor as if nothing happened. I decided to ignore, for now, the impressive heft I’d felt even through that cheap prank.

“People change their minds, don’t they? Ten years is enough to reshape mountains.”

I stared straight at Si Yeonho, curving my eyes into crescents. A bad influence was creeping into my dull life. At first, it was a drop or two, but at some point, it spread uncontrollably, soaking my existence. Things that are bad for you always taste sweet.

“It’s day one starting today. I just found a drop-dead sexy bottom.”