Kill Your X Chapter 44

“Who, disappeared?”

I asked, breaking my usual silence at the dinner table. It was unavoidable.

“Our Gyujin must have been too busy studying to know. One of your father’s colleagues went missing recently, and they still haven’t found him.”

“When did he go missing?”

“About two weeks ago, right, honey?”

“Yes.”

My father replied without changing his expression. Two weeks ago was the day my father went out after that suspicious late-night phone call with someone.

What would happen if I told them I overheard my father’s conversation that night? Without solid proof, my family would think I was delusional.

My father could simply deny it, and there was a possibility that there was more than one officer with the surname Kang at the police station.

“His family must be worried, I hope he returns soon. You be careful too, honey.”

The meal continued, a blur of tasteless bites. My appetite was long gone, but I forced myself to pick up my chopsticks because my father disliked it when food was left uneaten.

“Gyujin, what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well today?”

“Yes. I think I’m a little unwell.”

“Tsk, such a frail boy.”

I glanced at my father and lowered my head. Outwardly, it was a normal dinner.

✽✽✽

I couldn’t focus on classes at school that day. My friends asked if something was wrong, but I couldn’t say anything.

What could I say? That I think my father might have buried his colleague in the mountain behind our house? Then rumors would spread to other classes that Song Gyujin had finally gone crazy from studying too much.

I had no concrete evidence, only suspicion. I wanted to grab anyone and tell them everything, but I couldn’t, and my unease grew. The indescribable anxiety eventually led me to skip lunch that day.

[I’m really not feeling well, so I’ll skip academy just for today.]

I sent a text message to my mother and slumped down on my desk. When afternoon classes began, I excused myself to the nurse’s office. Thanks to my well-maintained image as a model student, the teacher let me go without further questions.

As I trudged down the hallway, a familiar figure caught my eye. I pressed myself close to the window. A man was walking across the empty playground, approaching the school. Even from that distance, where people looked like cotton swabs, I could almost see his characteristic detached expression.

“Si Yeonho.”

It had been a long time since I last saw him at school. While he had practically given up on attendance, he was dressed impeccably in his uniform. My troubled mind, which had been dying just moments ago, suddenly brightened.

Maybe he would listen to me. Unlike my other friends, Yeonho was serious and could keep a secret. I had quite a few friends, but no one else came to mind in a situation like this.

As soon as I made up my mind, I ran down the stairs. He, who had quickly approached the main building with his long legs, faltered when he saw me.

“Haa, haa. Yeonho!”

“Sunbae, what’s wrong?”

Just like the day he saved me from danger, I tightly gripped Si Yeonho’s collar.

“Are you, haa, are you going to class now?”

“Depends on your answer, Sunbae.”

“I have something to tell you, and I really want you to listen…”

Si Yeonho didn’t say anything and went along with my forced whining. I waited for him on a bench behind the school building, as he said he would just show his face at the teachers’ office. Listening to the birds chirping here and there, I suddenly felt a chill down my spine. There was a large mountain behind the school, and the place my father had made plans with his colleague two weeks ago was also in the mountains.

It wasn’t even certain yet, why was I so oversensitive? I couldn’t tell if it was simply stress from being a student preparing for exams, or if, as Si Yeonho had said, there were many ghosts around, clouding my judgment. If my mind was truly disturbed because of ghosts, then I….

“Whoa!”

A large hand landed on my head. I jumped up at least two inches from my seat and looked up to see Si Yeonho standing behind the bench. I hadn’t sensed him at all, and I didn’t know when he had arrived. Despite my surprise, my restless mind quickly calmed down.

“Was, was there a ghost attached to me just now?”

“Yes.”

As my face paled, he sat down next to me and continued.

“Just kidding.”

“Liar.”

“If you’d rather have ghosts clinging all over you, then think that way.”

I resented him for joking at a time like this. Still, I was the one who needed him.

“By the way, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you at school. Looking at the length of your pants, it seems like you’re still growing taller. Wouldn’t it be better to just get a new uniform? You have to go to school for another year longer than me.”

“What did you want to talk about?”

My attempt to lighten the mood was futile. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk either, so I silently organized my thoughts.

“Yeonho, I might sound crazy when you hear what I’m about to say.”

My agitated reflection showed in his jet-black eyes.

“Just in case, I’m warning you, you can’t tell anyone about this. Do you trust me?”

After rambling for a while, I finally got to the main point. As I relayed the things I heard from the gangsters during the kidnapping, the events I experienced two weeks ago, and the conversation I overheard this morning, Si Yeonho pondered for a moment and asked,

“So, you’re saying your father is a murderer?”

Hearing it from someone else made my heart sink.

“I didn’t say he was a murderer. It’s just that my father definitely knows something more about the missing officer, but he’s strangely silent about it in front of his family. That part keeps bothering me.”

“Assuming your suspicions are correct, in that kind of situation, at the very least, he would be charged with aiding and abetting murder. Even if he isn’t the murderer himself.”

I had thought of him as a sort of emotional outlet, but Si Yeonho surprisingly gave me a level-headed assessment of the situation.

“But the father I know is really far removed from things like corruption. He’s not an affectionate father to his children, but he’s a respectable police officer. It makes my head spin to think he could even be remotely involved with gangsters.”

He looked into space. Snap, snap. He repeatedly snapped his fingers for a while before speaking.

“I want to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“If your father really is a murderer, will you report him?”

I couldn’t readily answer his question. I hadn’t thought that far. As if he had expected that, Si Yeonho continued,

“If you’re not going to report him anyway, isn’t it pointless to talk about this now? If it really bothers you, just think of it as a bad dream.”

“It wasn’t a dream.”

“Then let me rephrase it as a dream so vivid you confused it with reality.”

I thought he was finally listening to me seriously, but he returned to his usual indifferent demeanor.

“Think about it from my perspective. Wouldn’t you be distressed too?”

“It seems like a normal life suits you, Sunbae.”

I mulled over his somewhat off-point reply. I think I understood what Si Yeonho was trying to say. Whether it was true or not, if I didn’t have the confidence to handle the consequences of stirring things up, I should just live quietly as I was now. It was the realistic answer.

“Why don’t you cherish your life, Sunbae, and stop worrying about useless things? You never know when you might die.”

“Hey, isn’t that too much?”

“You’re not immortal, Sunbae. You don’t have multiple lives like some people. Just live a normal, comfortable life, as you do now. So you’ll have fewer regrets in the afterlife.”

It seemed I had expected too much from Si Yeonho in terms of genuine empathy. Still, I was grateful that he had listened to me for so long. It definitely felt better to have confided in someone.

The bell rang, signaling the end of the previous class. I wanted to talk more since we had met, but Si Yeonho stood up without hesitation.

“Leaving already?”

“Yes. I have something to do.”

“Okay. Bye. Thanks again today.”

Feeling a pang of regret, I briefly held and then released his finger. Then, Si Yeonho suddenly leaned down, coming close to me.

“Whoa.”

I almost closed my eyes, thinking he was about to kiss me. His face, which had approached swiftly, stopped just before touching my neck. His moist breath tickled my sensitive skin. I rolled my eyes to meet his gaze, and Si Yeonho straightened up.

“You smell nice.”

He chuckled at my dumbfounded expression. Is he toying with me? A sudden surge of anger welled up, but my feverish lips couldn’t utter a word. The faint, lingering, and invigorating scent around my nose further clouded my judgment.

“Don’t worry about your father’s business anymore. Just go home and masturbate more.”

That night, I dreamt of Si Yeonho for the first time. It was a pitch-black place, devoid of even a sliver of light. A being guarding a large door with a sturdy leash around his neck. I didn’t even know if ‘it’ was Si Yeonho, but why was I so certain?

It was definitely not intentional that I ignored both pieces of advice Si Yeonho had given me. However, the future that unfolded before me was disastrous, as if I were being punished for defying the will of heaven.