Kill Your X Chapter 94

“I want to go to B University.”

B University is the school I graduated from. It’s also where my former workplace, the library, is located.

“You want to tour the campus?”

“No. I mean I want to study and enroll as a student.”

For a moment, I failed to control my expression.

He had plenty of time and even more money; I wanted to actively support him in whatever he wanted to do from now on, for the most part.

But university entrance exams were not something to be taken lightly. The college entrance exam system in South Korea is something that exhausts not only the student but also the people around them, and if B University was his goal…

“Uh… Seunghan-ah. It’s great that you’ve made up your mind, but is there a special reason it has to be B University? There are many other universities in our country besides B University.”

“I want to make you my real Sunbae.”

I gasped at the ridiculous reason. Seeing the look in his eyes, he was serious.

“Are you kidding me? You’re going to go down that difficult path just for a title?”

A conversation I had with him a few months ago suddenly came to mind. When we were talking about pet names, I had mentioned that, technically, I wasn’t his Sunbae.

But it was a topic brought up so lightly, and since Seo Seunghan, who seemed like he would start calling me by my name, subtly went back to calling me Sunbae, I just thought we had moved on.

“Whatever the case, it wouldn’t hurt to have a proper university degree, right?”

“That’s true, but.”

“I also want to try and close the gap between our upbringings. A lot of things that are so obvious to you aren’t for me, Sunbae. While you were a student for over a decade, I was chasing down debtors.”

He explained that since he couldn’t go to elementary, middle, or high school at this age, he wanted to at least experience university life as a substitute. He said it might help him understand me better.

Had I ever made him feel self-conscious about our different backgrounds? I asked myself, but quickly shut my mouth. I didn’t have to look far into the future; there were just too many instances. I would often get frustrated with him and snap, asking why he said and acted that way. I even openly criticized him for having no social skills whatsoever.

“Seunghan-ah. I know what I’m about to say might not sound convincing now, but you really don’t have to. I like you just the way you are.”

“I’m still going to college.”

“It’s late, but I apologize. Forget everything I said in the past.”

“I’m going.”

When he didn’t obediently give up his stubbornness, I grew anxious. I understood his feelings, but university entrance exams were a definite no. Why would he voluntarily walk that thorny path for something as trivial as a normal life? There is some suffering in the world that is best left unexperienced.

Searching for a way to persuade him, I decided to first make him face reality. It was a lesson I had learned firsthand during my time as a student preparing for the exams.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m absolutely not saying this to look down on you.”

“Speak your mind.”

Seo Seunghan replied, lacing his fingers behind his head.

“It’s a bit awkward for me to say this, but I was a good student, you know? Since elementary school, I never placed below 5th in my class on any test.”

“That’s amazing.”

I was momentarily ticked off by his soulless tone, but I know now that he means no harm.

“But I had to retake the entrance exam to get into B University. And it wasn’t even like I bombed the CSAT my first time. You do know that B University is one of the top 3 universities in our country, right?”

He blinked once as a sign of affirmation.

“I know better than anyone how amazing you are, Seunghan, but it’s a fact that you’ve been in an environment far removed from exam studies. That means you’re starting from a complete blank slate, and that’s not easy. Before college, don’t you also not have middle and high school diplomas?”

“Yes. I’m planning to take the GED.”

“I respect your decision to study and go to college. Thirty might seem like a late age, but surprisingly, there are quite a few older students in university. Of course, I’d be really happy if you came to B University and became my direct junior, but I don’t think it necessarily has to be B University.”

That was a big compromise on my part. It would be tough, but if he lowered his sights, it was a plan that was more than achievable.

But Seo Seunghan was adamant. He seemed to have his heart set on it, and set on it hard.

“No. It’s meaningless if it’s not B University. I’m going to B University.”

…Will he only get it after taking a nationwide mock exam? It seemed like verbal persuasion wasn’t going to work, so I quickly half-gave up.

“What do you want to major in? Don’t tell me you’re following me into Library and Information Science for this too?”

“Um.”

He, who had been so stubbornly insisting until now, suddenly trailed off. A sense of foreboding washed over me, and I shot up from the sunbed. At that, Seo Seunghan answered as if being chased.

“Bodyguard Studies?”

The concern I feared had become a reality.

“Seunghan-ah. B University doesn’t have a Bodyguard Studies department.”

He subtly avoided my gaze. His prominent Adam’s apple bobbed significantly.

“I haven’t decided on a major for sure yet. To be honest, I don’t think it matters where I go. But even if we’re not in the same department, doesn’t the sunbae-hoobae title still apply if we’re at the same university?”

I barely swallowed the curse that rose to my throat. He was saying he would just give it a try without even having a particular field he wanted to study.

I can tell just by watching him handle other things. Seo Seunghan is smart, if anything, not stupid.

Even so, getting into B University on the first try would be practically impossible, which means he would have to go down the path of retaking the exam a second, or even a third time…

The faces of the long-term students I met at the cram school came to mind, and I felt dismal.

“I’ve already decided, so just know that.”

He beat me to the punch, as if he knew I was about to try and stop him again. I resigned myself and flopped back down on the sunbed.

“You have so much money, you could just live comfortably. You also tend to only choose the hard path.”

“I learned it from you, Sunbae.”

“Shut up.”

Seo Seunghan let out a ticklish laugh. When I turned my head to the side, I saw him lying comfortably with his eyes closed. Compared to the past, a lot of his tension had dissipated, and his features had become strangely softer.

As I admired his sculpture-like face, he muttered.

“From now on, please help me a lot, Sunbae.”

A breeze that blew just then scattered his black hair. I had never thought about it before, but imagining him in a university varsity jacket was actually a little exciting.

Seo Seunghan, holding a pen instead of a sword, roaming the campus in comfortable clothes instead of a blood-stained black suit.

“Alright. Just trust me. I’ll make sure you don’t have to retake the exam.”

I blurted out an irresponsible boast. It was because I didn’t want to break my beloved partner’s will any further. Having gone through a series of unrealistic events, the entrance exams, by comparison, were on the cuter side.

I had been at a loss as to what to do with my time from now on, but I had unexpectedly been given a weighty mission. It was to help my lover, who had voluntarily become an exam student.

✽✽✽

Seo Seunghan passed the middle and high school GED exams with ease. He didn’t particularly need my help in studying. He had said he handled almost everything on his own when he was in the gang, and he was indeed quite a master of self-study.

The problem arose when he began to seriously study for the CSAT.

“No, Seunghan-ah. It’s all kindly explained right here in the passage. This is a gimme question, so why did you pick answer choice 2? You really can’t get this one wrong.”

“Because it seems like 2 is the right answer.”

“What?”

“The way I see it, the narrator is just a person with no backbone.”

He was confident in the face of his wrong answer.

“I’m emphasizing this again, you can’t let your personal opinions get in the way like that when you’re solving literature problems. If you don’t understand, just memorize it. The answer is fixed.”

Looking at the answer sheet, I was dumbfounded. Seo Seunghan’s problem-solving skills had a very unique aspect. He would often get the 3-point questions right, but I couldn’t understand why he kept missing the 1 and 2-point questions. Even the questions he got right by chance, his interpretations were profoundly creative.

Is it because I’m so steeped in the old-fashioned nature of our country’s public education? This was the first time in my life I’d seen someone so far outside that standard, and I just couldn’t get used to it.

He, who had been staring at me intently, suddenly stabbed me in the heart.

“I’ve felt this for a while, but I don’t think you’re very talented at teaching people, Sunbae.”

Honestly, it was true, so I flinched. I was supposedly helping, but in reality, Seo Seunghan was relying more on internet lectures than on me.

“I know. That’s why I didn’t even consider taking the teacher certification exam when I was in school.”

“…I just meant that you look sexy when you’re angry with your glasses on.”

Embarrassed that I had been the only one getting worked up, I threw off my innocent glasses.

Seo Seunghan belatedly caught on and looked down at the problem book with a serious face. He still had an air of not understanding.

The romantic accommodation, a place where a honeymooning couple might stay, had somehow transformed into a dedicated space for an exam student. He was burning with motivation, studying almost all day long, so I couldn’t even stop him.

However, after a few mock exams, I thought to myself. I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to discourage the diligent student, but.

‘With these scores, B University is impossible.’

It was the painful reality check of a former exam retaker.