Kill Your X Chapter 95

Considering the environment he grew up in, he’s a good student. He’s also far exceeded my initial expectations.

But the world of South Korean university entrance exams is a whole other jungle. Just being “pretty good” isn’t enough to aim for a university in Seoul. Let alone B University, which is one of the top three prestigious universities in the country.

He didn’t set a time limit, like achieving his goal within a few years, but I didn’t want him to spend too many years as an exam student. Taking the exam a second time is hard enough, and I know well how much a person can break down after a third time, or even more.

“Sunbae. If you have something to say, say it.”

He said. His gaze was terrifyingly fixed on the problem book.

After hesitating, I confessed honestly.

“Seunghan-ah. Let’s just go to a different university instead of B University. Huh?”

“No. Then I wouldn’t be able to confidently call you Sunbae. Did you forget what you said to me?”

I couldn’t bring myself to honestly tell him that it seemed unlikely for him to become a freshman at B University next year, so I made up another excuse.

“I’m bored. You’re studying all day and don’t even pay attention to me.”

“That’s why I pay extra attention to playing with you at night.”

“Hey, that’s!”

It’s frustrating, but he’s not wrong. His libido, just like his determination to get into B University, showed no signs of waning.

“You seem to spend your time just fine during the day. I saw you earlier, you looked like you were about to get sucked into your novel.”

“That’s just because I don’t have anything else to do. Reading is just a second-best option. No matter how much I like books, I can’t live my life reading 365 days a year.”

I was serious. Leisurely savoring text in a sunny spot was enjoyable for exactly two weeks.

“Just be patient a little longer. After I get into B University, I’ll play with you to my heart’s content, Sunbae.”

“When is that?”

I tested him with an anxious heart. I was curious how he was judging his own scores.

“Um.”

Seo Seunghan shuffled through the mock exam papers he had taken so far. He must have a clear idea of the cutoff score for the department with the lowest admission standards at B University.

“In about….”

I forgot to even breathe as I listened to him.

“Six, seven years?”

“Are you kidding me?”

It was only frustrating for the one listening; Seo Seunghan was serious today as well. I had promised myself not to stress out an already struggling student, but I couldn’t help but nag.

“Seunghan-ah. In seven years, I’ll be almost forty. Since there’s a one-year difference, you’ll be no different. Of course, there’s no age limit to studying, but do you really think it’s right to invest such a long time at our age, not just two or three years? Our lives have been so hard-won, is it right to spend our time like that? Huh?”

“Calm down, Sunbae.”

Seo Seunghan closed his problem book. He seemed to have decided that studying more today was meaningless.

Soon, a gentle gaze fell upon my face. After staring up at me for a while, he asked softly.

“Are you that anxious?”

“We don’t know how much longer we’ll live, and I don’t like you clinging to something uncertain. Especially if the reason for doing so is just to become my direct junior.”

Seo Seunghan, who had gotten up from his seat, suddenly hugged me from behind. With his chin resting on my shoulder, he spoke in a whisper.

“Don’t worry too much. I’ll try my best to finish as quickly as possible.”

“You know that false hope with no deadline is the cruelest form of torture, right?”

“I’d like to set a date if I could, but it’s not easy since this is the first time I’m doing something like this in my life.”

His voice sounded so sincere that I felt sorry instead. It felt like I had shaken someone who was trying his best to do something for my sake, just because I found it hard to wait.

Still, I refuse to let him become a long-term exam student. If he’s already made up his mind to try, we need to find a way to reach the goal as quickly as possible.

After mulling it over for a few days, I came up with a brilliant idea to definitively raise his scores. It was a bit extreme, but it was worth a shot.

“No.”

Seo Seunghan shot down my proposal in one fell swoop. It had been a really long time since I’d seen him so resolute.

“I’m not saying we should never do it for the rest of our lives. Let’s just hold out until you get into B University. This is a famous method that even the students in Noryangjin use. I’m not just making this up on a whim, you know?”

Seo Seunghan scoffed. It was a look that went beyond mocking me, he looked genuinely contemptuous.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Putting me aside, do you think you can last at least a few years without having sex with me, Sunbae? You, who used to switch partners every other week before we got back together?”

“That’s why you have to raise your scores as quickly as possible. You study for about ten hours a day these days, right? That’s really amazing and admirable, but most high school seniors in South Korea do that much. And on top of that, they’re kids who have gone through the regular education curriculum from kindergarten to high school and have received additional tutoring and private lessons. They’re your competition, are you really confident?”

“……”

“I know you have energy to spare, but this is a time when you need to pour even that energy into studying. I hate abstaining from sex too, to the point of death. I have a handsome lover right beside me, what’s with this celibacy at my age?”

“Says the person who knows better?”

“That’s why you have to achieve your goal as quickly as possible. We can’t just stay here for seven years.”

When we first left on our trip, I thought we might never be able to set foot on Korean soil again. It was because I had been embroiled in a case with such huge repercussions, and the experience of having the entire nation’s attention on me in a negative way had left me with trauma.

But as someone once said, there is no true happiness in a place of escape. The trip was only enjoyable for the first few months. As time went on, a desire to settle down somewhere grew.

However, I was hesitant to choose a foreign country as our final destination. It was because during our travels, we felt that no matter where we went, we were just tourists, or to put it bluntly, just strangers.

I couldn’t understand my own desire to return to my home country, even if it meant being criticized, but that was my honest feeling. I wondered if my mother had recovered her health by now, and if my sister, who was now alone, and my young nephew were getting through this season without any trouble. They might still not want to see my face, but I wanted to stay within a range where I could run to them anytime if they ever, by some chance, needed me. I was also secretly sad that I hadn’t been able to see my few remaining friends for so long.

“I’d be disappointed if you’re really not confident.”

Seo Seunghan fell into thought with a serious face. If he were to give up completely here, that would also be a welcome outcome. If he actually accepted the proposal, it would be hell for me in a different sense, but since we had been tumbling around whenever our eyes met for the past few months, I thought it wouldn’t be bad to take a break.

“I have a question.”

“What is it?”

“What’s the standard for abstaining from sex? Is it okay as long as I don’t penetrate? Or is it based on your first ejaculation, Sunbae?”

I was momentarily at a loss for words. He was thinking in a completely different direction.

“Uh, um… Let’s go with the former for now?”

“Kissing is obviously okay, right? And it’s okay for me to rub my dick between your thighs, or to do it in your mouth? Or for me to directly use your hands and feet on my…”

“Seunghan-ah. Let’s not try to find loopholes and focus on the essence for now.”

“Decide for me right here, right now. If you’re going to make a deal, negotiating the scope is basic. Otherwise, you’ll just end up being played in my hands like you were for the past ten years, Sunbae.”

I could feel a strong determination not to back down an inch. Sometimes he’s careless, but at times like this, he’s so meticulous it feels like there’s a wall. I almost forgot because he’s been hiding his claws and acting so docile by my side. The fact that his true nature is that of a beast.

“Kissing is okay, and I’ll even allow… oral. Anything else that’s directly connected to penetration is out.”

After a small nod, he grumbled.

“I understand what you’re thinking, Sunbae. But not doing it for the entire exam preparation period doesn’t make sense.”

“I went so far as to define the scope of skinship, are you saying you’re going to act like you didn’t hear me?”

“If you really want, how about we compromise on the stages? For example, if my score improves by a certain number of points on the next mock exam, you grant me what I want. I think that would be more effective than looking at the results on a yearly basis.”

Now that I hear it, it makes sense. If the goal is too far away, the probability of failure also increases. But.

“What I want, you say?”

“What you said means you’re going to use the reward psychology. Then we should add something more to the reward.”

“It’s already hard enough, what more are you trying to do in bed. You’re scaring me.”

“There is one thing I’ve been wanting to try. I just haven’t brought it up because I was worried you wouldn’t like it, Sunbae.”

The worry that had briefly shown on his face disappeared. It’s good that he’s motivated, but I felt like I had fallen into my own trap.

Normally, it would be time to go to bed, but Seo Seunghan packed his problem books and headed to another room.

“You’re not sleeping?”

“You said studying ten hours a day isn’t enough.”

“No, but you don’t have to pull an all-nighter starting from today…”

“Just you watch. I will definitely get into B University.”

He turned around and gave a grin before closing the door. My hardworking lover was so admirable that my dick, no, my heart, felt a pang.

I had thrown out the words boldly, but when I came to my senses, I was worried about myself, just as he had said. Because it looked like I’d be masturbating for a while with such a sexy lover in front of me.

The next mock exam is in about three months, and the CSAT is five months after that. Even if he can’t get into B University, he needs to raise his grades in all subjects by one or two levels to be in a stable range for a university in Seoul. It’s definitely not an easy challenge.

Exhausted from the argument, I threw myself onto the bed. Without Seo Seunghan next to me, the already large bed felt even more vast.

I hugged a pillow instead of his body and thought. We’ve had sex so many times and seem to have done everything possible, so is there anything left for Seo Seunghan to demand as a reward? And he said he couldn’t bring it up because he was worried I wouldn’t like it; does he have a hidden preference or something?

‘I don’t think I’ll have to worry about it this year, at least.’

I thought to myself, feeling sorry for Seo Seunghan, and pulled the covers over me.