Love Born of Pity Chapter 93

An awkward standoff continued. Leaning against the long island-style bar, Do Yeonjae’s gaze persistently fixed on Kwon Jiho, who sat silently at the dining table, watching him cautiously.

After enduring the silence and the almost ardent gaze, the first words Kwon Jiho finally managed to utter were:

“…Should I go wash up?”

Having finished a whole bowl, he had regained some of his strength. He asked, thinking it was a given, since that was the only thing Do Yeonjae ever wanted from him.

“Do as you please.”

Do Yeonjae put down the sparkling water and replied nonchalantly. Convinced that he was right about what Do Yeonjae wanted, Kwon Jiho’s expression hardened. Tense, his body, which had become rigid again, creaked as he stood up from his seat. He kept promising himself not to get hurt by his attitude anymore, but he didn’t know why it hurt so much every time he had it confirmed.

It hadn’t been that long, but it felt like a pain was starting in the place that hadn’t held Do Yeonjae’s member for a while. Because Do Yeonjae always enjoyed sex that hurt him.

He was worried about the baby. Even if it was going to disappear from the world soon… What if the baby felt his pain? He’d heard they knew everything, even when he was sad…

He glanced at Do Yeonjae, who was clearing the table with a blank expression. Unconsciously, his hand covered his lower abdomen. He felt pathetic for hoping that man would go easy on him.

“Why.”

At the action of him not moving and rubbing his lower abdomen, Do Yeonjae’s gaze turned to Kwon Jiho. Having just seen him eat well, he became anxious at the mere sight of his hand reaching down there.

“Is your stomach upset again?”

“…No, I’m fine.”

“Then go wash up.”

He had said it because he judged it would be better for Kwon Jiho to wash up while his condition was even slightly better, but at those words, Kwon Jiho’s expression became ambiguous. Not smiling, not crying, but that resigned look again, which made Do Yeonjae’s face turn serious as well.

Right, it must be the teeth brushing that’s bothering him. Even if he holds his breath, he’ll taste it with his tongue, and then he might throw up everything he just managed to fill his stomach with. He had prepared unscented shampoo and body wash, but there was no way to get rid of the fishy taste of the water.

Do Yeonjae, lost in their mutual misunderstanding, was about to tell him he was looking for a solution, when suddenly, teardrops fell from Kwon Jiho’s eyes, plip, plop. Seeing the small face get wet, Do Yeonjae felt his heart drop. The moment he reflexively moved to comfort him, unexpected words flowed from Kwon Jiho’s mouth.

“When are you… going to send me back… to the hospital again?”

“What?”

“You acted like you were going to… do it right away, so why…”

Why aren’t you doing anything? His mumbling voice trembled. He had wanted to ask since they left the hospital, but he didn’t have the courage. The answers he gave were always sharp, and even if he didn’t intend it, Kwon Jiho was invariably hurt. If he were to hear something like, “What does it matter to you when the surgery is,” he felt it would remain in his memory until he died.

Even when he experienced his first pregnancy and miscarriage, he had clung to Do Yeonjae without having a chance to grieve properly. Afraid and scared of being abandoned by him, he had pretended that such a thing was nothing, trying to erase it from his memory, acting as if he was fine.

Terrified of becoming a useless existence to him as an omega, he had begged him not to abandon him, to a pathetic degree.

But not saying it out loud didn’t make the sense of loss and sorrow from that time disappear. The guilt of not even knowing it was there and the remorse of not being able to mourn its loss always filled a corner of his heart.

“It’s just, so… hard on me emotionally.”

He thought that even the morning sickness, which made him throw up even just drinking water, was a sign from the baby, as if to say, ‘you can’t not know I’m here this time.’ As if it was telling him, ‘I’m here, so please acknowledge me this time. Even if I disappear, please be sad for me and don’t pretend you didn’t know.’

Do Yeonjae found it difficult to follow the emotions of Kwon Jiho, who had started crying after eating the ramen so deliciously just a moment ago. He couldn’t understand why he was suddenly overcome with emotion and crying, but according to the information he had acquired, pregnant people had severe mood swings.

He’s in an anxious situation every day, so it’s understandable that he’d act like that. Do Yeonjae slowly moved his feet. As he supported the sobbing Kwon Jiho and led him into the bathroom attached to the bedroom, the thin body began to tremble.

“I’ve changed all the products to unscented ones, but try washing up first.”

“Ugh, huuup, heuk…”

Tears, as soon as they welled up, began to fall in streaks down his flushed cheeks. Do Yeonjae’s hand gently stroked Kwon Jiho’s cheek. It might have been annoying that the tears, as soon as they were wiped, would drench his face again, but he was just happy to feel the moisture on his fingertips right now.

At the intently staring gaze, Kwon Jiho pushed away the hand caressing his face and took off his clothes. Do Yeonjae’s skinship felt like he was being rushed, being told not to dawdle. Even though he knew the purpose of being brought here was ultimately for sex, he couldn’t help but feel resentful toward Do Yeonjae.

As the sniffling Kwon Jiho stepped into the shower stall, Do Yeonjae opened the door without even taking off his clothes.

“…What are you doing?”

When he asked in a tearful voice, Do Yeonjae moved a little closer. He had only reached out his hand to adjust the water temperature, but Kwon Jiho flinched back as if he’d had a seizure and burst into loud sobs. For the first time, the words that had been swirling in his throat—that he didn’t want to do it, that it hurt—came pouring out.

“What?”

“Huuup, I don’t want to… It hurts, heuk, I don’t want to do it…”

He backed into a corner, wrapping his arms around his body, and rejected Do Yeonjae with eyes full of resentment. Taking in the entire act, Do Yeonjae finally realized that he wasn’t crying because he was afraid of throwing up what he had managed to eat. He hadn’t realized that when he’d said “go ahead” to Kwon Jiho’s question about washing up, it would be interpreted as a suggestion for sex.

“Mr. Kwon Jiho.”

“…I, heuk, later… Not right now, just a little…”

Do Yeonjae’s expression crumpled at the voice begging for time. He couldn’t figure out where the meaning had been miscommunicated. As he remained silent, thinking, Kwon Jiho, misunderstanding in that familiar way again, hesitantly knelt down. The hand reaching for his pants trembled pathetically.

“W-with my mouth, and just a little later—”

He starts dry-heaving just by putting anything in his mouth, so how the hell does he plan on sucking a dick? Do Yeonjae swept his hair back with an unreadable expression and grabbed Kwon Jiho’s hand.

“You asked if you should wash up, so I just said to wash up. It didn’t mean let’s have sex.”

“…”

“Why would you interpret such a simple statement like that?”

“…Of course I would.”

Do Yeonjae let out a dry laugh at the choked mumble.

“What’s the big deal about not being able to have sex for a bit, when you’re in this state?”

The carelessly uttered words were by no means gentle, yet they sounded that way. Are my ears playing tricks on me? He couldn’t ask again why Do Yeonjae wasn’t taking him to the hospital sooner. He was scared he would hear the answer that he’d take him as soon as tomorrow.

He was plagued by ambivalent feelings. He knew that was the only way to escape Do Yeonjae even a day sooner, but the feeling of not wanting to lose the baby was gradually growing.

“Do you need help?”

Kwon Jiho shook his head at the question. He wasn’t so weak that he couldn’t wash himself.

Do Yeonjae wiped away a few more of the tears that flowed ceaselessly every time he blinked his eyelids, then turned and adjusted the water temperature.

“When you brush your teeth and rinse, use this.”

Following Do Yeonjae’s fingertip, he saw a row of water bottles lined up on a shelf. The labels on the water bottles, written in an alphabet that was neither English nor Korean, were difficult to read. At his questioning gaze, he continued.

“Try it, and if it still tastes fishy, tell me. I’ll get something else.”

“…”

“Take your time washing up and come out.”

Only after confirming Kwon Jiho’s nod did Do Yeonjae leave the shower stall. But being outside didn’t mean he could wait with a peaceful mind. He couldn’t leave the front of the door. He was anxious that Kwon Jiho might throw up later. He was especially worried because the thing he had finally managed to eat was, of all things, spicy.

If I knew this would happen, I should have just washed him myself even if he said no. Recalling the body he had quickly scanned, he frowned. He knew he had lost weight, but he sighed at how distinctly thinner his body was than before.

It couldn’t be helped since he couldn’t put anything in his mouth because of the morning sickness, but wasn’t this dangerously so? To become like that in such a short period of time.

Do Yeonjae realized that the pregnancy he had known of superficially was very different from the reality. Still, it wasn’t a big problem. Now that he had brought him here, all he had to do was take the time to restore him to his former state, no, to an even better one.

He planned to take things step by step from now on. Once the morning sickness subsided, he planned to introduce him to his family at home. After retracting the statement he’d made to his grandfather about having as many children as he wanted, before showing him Kwon Jiho.

He couldn’t go through Kwon Jiho’s morning sickness several times. He’d rather not have any more children. What’s the big deal about a kid? Isn’t one enough?

Listening to the sound of falling water from in front of the bathroom door, Do Yeonjae continued to have thoughts that would make Kwon Jiho faint if he ever found out.