Actually, It’s a Messy Melodrama Chapter 23

The time spent waiting for Cha Haeshin to wake up was not pleasant either. Haeshin’s panic attack replayed in his mind, and with each replay, the unresolved questions grew larger.

What was the deal with Jin Youngmin and Cha Haeshin? Why did Cha Haeshin act like someone who already had trauma related to Jin Youngmin? The questions that had been piling up ever since Cha Haeshin first jumped into his life filled his head, frustrating Taejun.

However, what frustrated Taejun more than all those questions was his own worry for the unconscious Cha Haeshin. He didn’t want to admit it, but he couldn’t help it. Taejun was worried about Haeshin.

When he held Cha Haeshin in his arms, Taejun was shocked by how much thinner Haeshin’s body was than he had guessed from looking at him. He must not have known because Haeshin was wearing thick winter clothes. If Taejun decided to subdue him with force, he probably wouldn’t even be able to put up a proper fight. It must have been the same with Jin Youngmin. The pain that Cha Haeshin, trapped in a prison no one could see, must have endured came to mind in succession.

Cha Haeshin, who had a panic attack and fainted before his eyes, and the Cha Haeshin who had died countless times without anyone knowing.

He was so worried and concerned about the life of Cha Haeshin, who was one person yet not one person, that his head felt hot. And the fact that Cha Haeshin, who had finally woken up oblivious to his turmoil, had ‘I’m sorry’ as his first words only fanned the flames of Taejun’s displeasure.

Haeshin, still sitting, bowed his waist politely again.

“I’m truly sorry. You probably couldn’t even finish your meal because of me.”

“Ha…”

On top of everything, he was worrying about someone else’s meal in a situation like this. It wasn’t that he was angry because Haeshin was clueless; he was angry because Haeshin was being overly considerate. Just like how he had no choice but to get into Jin Youngmin’s car even if he didn’t want to, Cha Haeshin was in a position where he had to worry about Han Taejun’s meal before his own body, even in front of him.

“Why does the meal matter right now.”

“Meals are always important. But… this isn’t your bedroom, by any chance, is it?”

Haeshin asked, whether he knew what was on Taejun’s mind or not. Taejun looked at Haeshin’s hands, which were fidgeting, debating whether or not to pull back the covers. He looked ready to jump out and kneel on the floor if Taejun said it was his bedroom. Taejun replied.

“It’s my house, but it’s not my bedroom, so don’t worry and just stay put.”

That was a lie. It was Han Taejun’s bedroom. He just couldn’t bring himself to say so. Come to think of it, he didn’t necessarily have to put him in his own bed. There were plenty of other rooms to lay Cha Haeshin down in. Taejun only then began to feel awkward.

Well, I didn’t have the presence of mind to think about that then, so it can’t be helped. Taejun diligently rationalized to himself and changed the subject.

“Are you okay?”

It was what he had wanted to ask from the beginning. Haeshin immediately nodded.

“Yes. I’m perfectly fine now.”

“Don’t just say you’re okay unconditionally. Think carefully before you answer.”

“Um… Yes, I’m really okay!”

Even though he told him to think, Haeshin’s immediate reply was somehow irksome, and Taejun’s eyebrows furrowed. Finally grasping the mood, Haeshin curved the corners of his eyes into a gentle smile and added.

“Sir, I’m really okay. I’m just not quite normal mentally, so sometimes, just sometimes, I get like this, but it’s not like there’s a big problem with my body. I’m sorry again for startling you.”

Although he was smiling, his voice had become more serious. But that didn’t resolve all of Taejun’s questions.

“Why did it happen?”

So he asked. Now that Haeshin said his body was really okay, it was Taejun’s turn to get the information he needed. Haeshin’s expression momentarily hardened. Taejun paid it no mind and added more.

“No matter how I think about it, I don’t think our conversation was something that would trigger a panic attack. You and Jin Youngmin haven’t had anything happen between you yet.”

Yet.

Haeshin felt a strange sense of incongruity in Taejun’s choice of that word. But before he could specify the feeling, Taejun continued.

“It’s not like I demanded anything from you, either. So why did you suddenly do that?”

“That’s…”

“If you’re truly grateful and sorry to me, it would be better to be honest. I’m not that easy of a person.”

Haeshin closed his mouth for a moment and blinked. He had already organized what to say in his head, but for some reason, he felt nervous now that he was about to say it. It must be because of Han Taejun’s eyes. Those eyes, as if hiding something, as if trying to find something in Cha Haeshin, made him nervous.

“Actually…”

So, instead of perfectly fabricating a story, Haeshin decided to be honest about what he could reveal.

As he said, Han Taejun was not an easy man to deal with. First, he lacked information, and right now, Haeshin needed to make a good impression on Han Taejun. The answer was to give up what he could before arousing greater suspicion.

“My father passed away when I was in middle school.”

It was out of the blue, but Taejun listened without interrupting for the time being.

“Well, it’s a typical story. Drinking and gambling every day, a mountain of gambling debt, loan sharks, and whenever he came home, he would beat my mom and me as if to kill us, demanding money.”

“…”

“He beat us for a really long time, a lot. Until one day he suddenly dropped dead on the street. I’m not telling you this just to look pitiful… although that’s part of it.”

Haeshin smiled lightly, as if to prevent the atmosphere from getting too heavy. Taejun couldn’t smile.

“So… there must be scars that those events left on me. Is it called trauma? Something like that.”

Haeshin’s hands, which had been clutching the blanket, had tightened. The more he spoke, the more the weight of the violence that passed from his father to Jin Youngmin pressed down on Haeshin’s breath. To avoid being swayed by his cliché misfortune, Haeshin let out a breath, hoo, and continued.

“When I see Department Head Jin Youngmin, I’m reminded of that man I don’t even want to call my father.”

“Ah…”

“I don’t know why, either. Do they look alike? I don’t think so… It’s just, it’s just been like that since I first saw him. Even though he was nice to me, I wanted to avoid him, and that’s why I asked for your help. It’s true that I thought I wasn’t fit to be around him, but simply, I’m scared of Jin Youngmin.”

In his last sentence, the honorific ‘Department Head’ was dropped, but no one paid it any mind.

“I guess that’s why it happened. It’s just… for a moment, when I thought I might have to approach Jin Youngmin to get information, suddenly… I’m sorry. You didn’t actually ask me to, but I jumped to conclusions…”

Haeshin hung his head low again. It was a somewhat calculated act. There was no need to be swayed by his real emotions, but if he appeared distressed to Taejun, he would be less likely to dig deeper.

In fact, it wasn’t much of a lie, just that the cause and effect were a bit different. The periodic panic attacks were indeed scars left by violence.

“To that extent…”

Taejun was about to ask if his father’s violence had been that severe, but he quickly shut his mouth. He didn’t want to question someone who had panic attacks from the trauma of that time as if he were interrogating him. That wasn’t his intention, anyway.

Silence fell between the two. Haeshin watched Taejun, wondering if he might be more suspicious, while Taejun remained silent, trying to calm his emotions.

There was always a limit to Taejun’s regressions. He could never go back further than a certain point, nor could he go further into the future than a certain point. This meant that Cha Haeshin’s past was the same in his first life as it was now.

To think that someone who had just barely escaped his father’s long-standing violence had to suffer from another’s violence before meeting a miserable end. He felt a burning in his chest, not knowing how to accept Cha Haeshin’s cruel fate.

He had thought he was the most unfortunate one in this hell, and so he had believed he couldn’t sympathize with any life. But the man before him was smiling with a soul etched with terrible scars.

“Um… Sir, anyway, I’ve been a great trouble to you today! I’m sorry, and thank you. I’ve been too much of a nuisance.”

As the silence continued, Haeshin, whose eyes had been darting around, finally spoke up in a cheerful voice. He figured it wouldn’t be easy for Taejun, who had unexpectedly heard about someone else’s deep-seated misfortune, to speak first. Haeshin kicked off the covers and lowered his feet to the floor as he continued.

“Well then, I’ll be on my way. You must be tired, sir, so please get some rest soon.”

And just as Haeshin was about to get up from the bed, Han Taejun said, “Don’t go.”

Haeshin, in the middle of getting up, froze in an awkward position.

“Pardon?”

“Just sleep here tonight and go.”

“Me… Why??”

Haeshin asked back at the completely unexpected words. At that, Taejun sighed and ran a hand through his hair, and Haeshin’s shoulders hunched up. Soon, Taejun spoke in a vexed tone.

“Do you know what time it is?”

“Ah…?”

Haeshin turned his head with a dumbfounded expression. The view outside the window was not just dark but ghastly; it was clearly dawn. It was already evening when he met Taejun, so it seemed he had been unconscious for longer than he thought.

A groan of ‘Oh dear…’ escaped Haeshin’s lips.

“Surely you’re not expecting me to give you a ride at this hour, or call a taxi for you.”

“Of course not. I can’t do that.”

Haeshin hurriedly waved his hands in denial. Taejun suppressed his embarrassment and spoke again.

“So just sleep here and go. And anyway, this happened while you were with me… I’ll feel uneasy if I don’t see you leave after getting a good rest.”

Honestly, whether he gave him a ride or called a taxi, it would be no trouble for Taejun. Of course, he wasn’t being stingy because he didn’t want to pay a few bucks for a taxi fare. So why did he insist he stay the night? To be honest, Taejun didn’t know the reason himself.

The words had come out before they went through his brain. When Cha Haeshin got up to leave, he had told him not to go without thinking, and trying to fix that had brought him to this point. I don’t want to pay for your taxi fare vs. I just didn’t want you to go, so I stopped you.

Taejun decided he’d rather be the stingy chaebol. That seemed better. Still, unsure how Haeshin would react, he pretended to look away, but then Cha Haeshin spoke.

“Really? Like I said, I don’t refuse these things even if you’re just being polite.”

“Why would I be polite to you.”

“That’s true. Wow… Then do I sleep in this room? This is too big, it’s a bit much… Is there a smaller room?”

He was relieved for a moment that there seemed to be no particular suspicion or reluctance, but Haeshin’s next question plunged Taejun into turmoil once again.