Actually, It’s a Messy Melodrama Chapter 5

—Um, then can I ask Haeshin and get back to you? Haeshin’s… been a little unwell lately, so I don’t know if he’ll be able to go out.

“Why? Is Haeshin sick?”

—No, it’s just… it’s nothing serious, but his condition hasn’t been good lately. It’s okay, you don’t have to worry.

“How can I not worry? He’s family.”

Family. Even Taejun’s tongue felt awkward uttering the word. Taejun had never thought of Cha Haeshin as his family. On the contrary, he felt uncomfortable seeing the two of them together.

It wasn’t because Haeshin was poor, like other families might think, or because it was a so-called “mismatched” marriage. In fact, Taejun was the only one in the family who hadn’t opposed their marriage.

But from the moment he saw the two of them together, after they’d received permission to marry, his feelings changed. He simply disliked seeing them together as lovers, as a married couple. It was a feeling he couldn’t express any other way.

Seeing them together brought a sense of unease he couldn’t explain. No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t understand why. He had barely seen Youngmin after the marriage, partly to avoid that feeling of discomfort.

So, it felt bitter for Taejun to call Haeshin family with his own mouth. He still didn’t know why.

—…Thanks for saying that, hyung. I’ll get back to you, hyung.

“Okay. If Haeshin can’t make it, it’s fine if it’s just the two of us, so give me a call.”

—Okay. I’ll hang up.

As if he had never been welcoming, Youngmin quickly ended the call. Taejun stared down at his phone, the call already disconnected. He had a strong feeling that the dinner with Cha Haeshin would never happen.

Even so, it didn’t matter much. Han Taejun’s hell was full of time.

For the first time in a while, an intrigued smile touched Taejun’s lips.

☂️

“Ah…!”

With a short scream, Haeshin’s back slammed hard against the wall. But he didn’t have time to feel the pain in his back. That was inevitable when large hands were choking him.

“Gasp…! Ugh…!”

Suppressed moans escaped Haeshin’s lips. He struggled to free himself from the hands constricting his airway, but to no avail. The person choking him was his husband, Jin Youngmin.

Youngmin, with a face that showed no concern for Haeshin’s pain, opened his mouth.

“Tell me honestly. Did you meet Han Taejun?”

“Ugh, gasp…!”

You crazy bastard. At least let me speak so I can answer.

Haeshin cursed inwardly, desperately shaking his head. He didn’t understand why Han Taejun’s name was suddenly being brought up, and the increasing lack of air made his head spin.

“Haeshin. If you lie and I find out, you’re dead by my hand. I’ll ask again. Did you sleep with Han Taejun?”

“Ugh!”

As he asked, Youngmin tightened his grip. Haeshin’s hands clawed at the back of Youngmin’s hands. Haeshin’s eyes were about to roll back, but even then, he scoffed inwardly at Jin Youngmin.

Dead by his hand? Haeshin, who had already died by his hand dozens of times, had nothing to fear.

At that moment, Youngmin suddenly released his grip and threw him to the floor. Haeshin gasped painfully, bracing himself on the floor as the sudden rush of air tore at his throat. Saliva he couldn’t swallow dripped onto the floor.

“Tell me honestly, Haeshin. Huh? What the hell did you do that made Han Taejun suddenly ask you to dinner? Huh? Did you give it to him behind my back?”

It was at that moment, as Haeshin coughed repeatedly, trying to catch his breath, that his eyes flashed. Han Taejun had asked him to dinner? It was completely unexpected.

But Haeshin’s thoughts couldn’t flow smoothly. Jin Youngmin pressed against Haeshin’s still-gasping back and pulled down his pants. Haeshin instinctively crawled forward, trying to escape, and said,

“N-no… Don’t, cough, stop…!”

“Fuck, Cha Haeshin. I told you not to push me away.”

But Jin Youngmin wasn’t going to let him off easily. One of the things he hated most was Haeshin rejecting him. Under any circumstances.

Completely losing control, Youngmin ripped off Haeshin’s underwear, spat roughly, poked a few fingers into his hole, and thrust his cock inside.

“Ah…!”

Haeshin, who momentarily screamed from the pain that felt like his body was being torn in half, quickly clenched his teeth.

Jin Youngmin acting like a madman was nothing new, but on days like today, when he was struck by such unexpected misfortune, Haeshin felt a surge of defiance. Today, he didn’t even want to appease Jin Youngmin to lessen the pain. He didn’t want to give him any reaction willingly.

Violence had completely consumed his life, but Cha Haeshin had never surrendered to any form of violence.

“Tell me. Huh? What’s… huff… your relationship with Han Tae…jun?”

“Ugh, ugh…!”

Haeshin let out suppressed moans with each of Youngmin’s rough movements. It was a sound completely devoid of arousal, filled only with pain.

Haeshin, biting his lip, didn’t say a word. He didn’t offer excuses or beg for mercy. He pressed his head against the floor, his body shaking violently, trying desperately to think.

He couldn’t understand why this situation had suddenly arisen, but there was one piece of information he could glean from Youngmin’s words: Han Taejun had invited them to dinner.

“Cha Haeshin… Haeshin… You know… huh… that I love you…”

Youngmin, pressing his lips close to his ear, whispered his sickening confession with hot breath. Haeshin wanted to cover his ears, but his hands were already bound by Jin Youngmin’s grip, unable to move.

Haeshin forced himself to focus on Han Taejun. The disgust from the wet breathing sounds, the pain as if his insides were being beaten, he tried to think of it all as not his own.

It was the first time Han Taejun had invited Haeshin to dinner. At least, it was something that wasn’t in Haeshin’s memory.

The moment of death was always hazy, but suddenly Taejun’s shocked expression as he looked down at his death in the last loop came to mind. He knew they were unrelated events. He knew Taejun had reacted to his impulsive actions, but that was in the previous loop.

With Haeshin’s death, the world had reset, and the current Han Taejun was a Han Taejun who had never seen Cha Haeshin’s death. Cha Haeshin knew that too.

“I only have you… Really…”

Yet, strangely, his heart pounded. He felt a flutter of excitement at the fact that this loop’s Han Taejun had made the first unexpected move before he himself could do anything.

Even if countless failures brought Haeshin to his knees in despair, he still held a small glimmer of hope in his heart. Haeshin was someone who didn’t give up. He wanted to meet Han Taejun as soon as possible and talk about something, anything. He regretted that he probably wouldn’t have the chance to meet him in this loop.

“I love you… Haeshin, I love you…”

Youngmin whispered to Haeshin, who was groaning in continuous pain. To anyone who didn’t know them, it would sound like a deeply affectionate and passionate love confession.

Love, love, that damn love. No matter how much he thought about it, love was fucked up. That’s what Cha Haeshin thought.

☂️

“Gasp…!”

Taejun woke up with a painful gasp. At the same time, he felt a terrible pain and clutched his side with both hands. His palms became damp, and the metallic scent of blood filled his nose.

However, instead of checking the wound, Taejun closed his eyes tightly and breathed slowly. The way he calmed his ragged breathing seemed very familiar.

After catching his breath, Taejun finally removed his hands from his side and checked his palms. As expected, there was no blood.

“Sigh…”

Taejun let out a long sigh and covered his face with both hands. Instead of blood, his entire body was drenched in cold sweat. Even this was something he should be used to by now, but the moment he woke up in pain, he couldn’t be at peace.

Taejun had a recurring nightmare in his hell. A dream where an unidentified dark figure stabbed him in the side with a knife.

Taejun always woke up with a start, feeling the pain as if he had actually been stabbed, so real that it was as if he had experienced it himself. Even though such a thing had never happened.

The biggest problem with this nightmare wasn’t the pain of being stabbed. What tormented Taejun even more was the overwhelming despair he felt in the nightmare. Unbearable grief, loss, rage, and helplessness, all these emotions tangled together, tearing his heart to shreds.

For quite some time after waking from the nightmare, Taejun would sob uncontrollably, unable to compose himself. He could just dismiss it as a bad dream, an emotion he hadn’t actually experienced, something he could just let go of, but he couldn’t.

Moreover, the nightmare came as often as the regressions. At first, he thought it was a premonition and tried to prepare for it, but throughout the many regressions he’d experienced, such a thing had never happened.

It wasn’t related to trauma, and if it wasn’t a premonition, why did he keep having this dream? At one point, Taejun had agonized over the reason. But not anymore. Taejun was giving up on finding answers, one by one.