Magic on the Dead Chapter 50

Hajin’s eyelids trembled as he vividly recalled a single sentence in his mind. It was a part of a conversation he had with Eden, just like now, under a night sky from a pavilion in the middle of a rice field.

‘I will do my best to help you while we are together. So that Byeol can take more good memories with him than bad ones.’

Suddenly, his throat felt scratchy and tight.

With a conflicted expression, Hajin rubbed his dry face and reached a hand out toward the pack of cigarettes in Eden’s hand. Understanding his intent, Eden took out one cigarette and a lighter and placed them on Hajin’s palm.

Click, click. He put the cigarette to his lips, but when it wouldn’t light, Hajin furrowed his brows in irritation. Eden took the green lighter from Hajin’s hand and lit it himself. Fwoosh— a small flame shot up, but Hajin neither tilted his head nor brought the tip of the cigarette to it.

Patter, patter… The sound of rain tapping on the tent echoed through the space.

“……”

“Mr. Do Hajin?”

Eden extinguished the lighter he was holding. Click. Hajin, for some reason, remained silent with his gaze lowered the entire time.

Hajin, who had been frozen like a robot whose batteries had completely run out, finally mumbled. The cigarette held in his mouth dropped, plop, onto his thigh.

“Holding that magic show back then was the problem.”

“……”

“If it weren’t for the magic show, Byeol wouldn’t have come to Korea, and he would be in a safer place than he is now.”

Hajin clearly remembered Eden’s words saying he regretted bringing him to Korea.

‘I am regretting it. I should not have brought Jung Byeol.’

At that moment, intoxicated with a petty sense of elitism, he had run his mouth, saying things like he would help the child, that he would leave him with only good memories. Not knowing that the reason he brought Jung Byeol was all because of him. Guilt naturally pressed down on his solar plexus.

It was a fatal mistake to reveal himself to the world after eight years just to overcome some damn trauma. Of all times.

If he hadn’t held a magic show at this time, he wouldn’t have had to be separated from his younger brother Junseok like this, Miso who followed him wouldn’t have had to suffer like this, and Byeol who flew all the way from America wouldn’t have had to endure this hardship either.

While Hajin was sinking into a meaningless and unsubstantial sense of self-loathing, Eden took out another cigarette and put it to his lips. Click, fwoosh— a single point of light flared up in the dark night and then died down. After exhaling smoke a few times, he, heh, suddenly sneered.

Hajin, whose eyes had been fixed on the ground, slightly lifted his head at the cigarette smoke tickling his nose. Eden, who squinted one eye as he took a drag of his cigarette, whispered.

“Why don’t you just shed some tears and say you should never have been born.”

It was a soft, spiteful whisper, even when there was no one around to overhear.

“…Excuse me?”

Another of Eden’s awl-like remarks flew at him.

“No matter how you look at it, isn’t it a bit cowardly to use a child’s admiration as a means for your self-pity?”

Bewilderment began to spread across Hajin’s eyes, which had been hazy as if submerged in water.

“A means, what do you mean by that,”

Eden, with the cigarette held between his index and middle fingers, tilted his head askew. His gaze toward Hajin was quite composed, as if telling him to say what he had to say.

Hajin reflexively clenched both his fists.

“…You don’t know anything.”

After barely swallowing his anger, he turned his gaze to a distant point.

“If not that, then what is it. Just a moment ago, weren’t you whining about how you shouldn’t have held the magic show, and how if you hadn’t, Byeol wouldn’t have come here.”

“Whining, who was…!”

Hajin, who finally raised his voice, shot up from his seat. His head hit the tent, causing his shoulders to automatically hunch. He glared fiercely at Eden from that awkward standing position.

“It’s not self-pity. Am I not even allowed to regret?”

Eden, who had finished his cigarette down to the filter, tossed it away, plop, and met the eyes of Hajin standing beside him. Hajin, biting his lower lip with his upper teeth, continued in a trembling voice.

“I don’t regret holding the magic show, I regret not holding it sooner.”

“……”

“Because of some stupid stage fright, I couldn’t muster the courage for eight years, and I only just now held a magic show. But of all things, damn zombies popped out, and the audience was brutally bitten and killed right in front of me. A seven-year-old child who came all the way from America just to see a magic show can’t eat properly, can’t wash, and has to move his feet until his white skin is burned red in the hot weather.”

Once his mouth was open, his inner thoughts flowed out as if a dam had burst. Hajin’s shoulders heaved greatly.

“If I had been brave enough to stand on stage just a few years earlier, no, just half a year earlier, at least no one would have died or gotten hurt because of me. This is the price for all my hesitation. The price for not mustering up the courage sooner is like this….”

“Mr. Do Hajin.”

“But in this situation, when a child came to Korea because of me… could I act like some thoughtless bastard and just laugh it off, pretending nothing is wrong?”

Hajin, who was tightly clutching the hem of his stretched-out T-shirt, took a final deep breath.

“Am I not even allowed to regret?”

Drip, drip…. The rainwater that had collected on the tent poured down to the ground. The stars that had been shining faintly disappeared into the gaps of the dark clouds that had gathered again, and the faint smell of cigarettes lingering in the air spread more thickly with the raindrops.

Eden, who had been staring intently at Hajin’s wavering eyes, stood up from his seat. Hajin’s left shoulder, which was on the outside of the tent, was completely soaked with rain.

“Sit down for a moment.”

Hajin twisted his body as if to refuse the hot touch of Eden’s hand that was once again gripping his wrist.

“For a smart and rational person like Mr. Jung Taegeon, regret may only be fleeting, but I’m not.”

He was well aware that he was being overly emotional. However, the mouth that had burst open did not seem to want to close easily. After pouring everything out as if in a fit of anger, he felt a sense of relief, and at the same time, something surged up from within him.

Everything was overwhelming. Surviving from unknown monsters, going to meet his brother whose fate he did not know, his lifelong dream of magic, and now…

Eden was still holding Hajin’s wrist. Even when he tried to pull away, he only tightened his grip with stronger force.

“I get it, so just sit down for a moment.”

He did not want to exchange any more words, but the man’s hand was holding his wrist so firmly, it was as if he would never let go until he sat down. Contrary to the fire raging inside him, his weak wrist was screaming in pain. In the end, he had to give in and sit down next to him again.

“From now on, use your words. And don’t use force so carelessly like this. A magician’s hands are his life.”

Hajin snapped at Eden in a voice that sounded sullen even to himself. In the midst of it all, it seemed he had used his strength skillfully, as only a red handprint remained, and his wrist bones did not ache.

“It seemed like you wouldn’t listen to words, so I used a little force without realizing it.”

He was being treated just like a child. Hajin let out a huff through his nose and turned his gaze to the opposite side.

“Have you said everything you wanted to say?”

“What.”

“If you have more to say, go ahead. I’ll listen.”

Now that a stage was set for him, his mouth clamped shut. Hajin, who had rarely ever revealed his feelings to someone like this in his life, was not even thinking of examining or taking back the emotions he had just poured out. Far from damage control, he just felt like letting things be.

Strangely, whenever he stood in front of Eden, his emotions boiled over carelessly like metal in a furnace.

Eden, who had been waiting for Hajin’s next words for a long time, took out his last cigarette and asked.

“Want one more?”

“…I’m fine.”

“Hmm, alright.”

But like metal whose temperature lowers after only a few rounds of smelting, his boiling emotions gradually subsided. A sense of embarrassment slowly crept in, and Hajin kept his gaze fixed on a distant point with stubbornness.

Drip, drip— The raindrops that had formed on the tent fell to the ground again. Eden turned his head to the side opposite Hajin and scattered the cigarette smoke into the air.

“I was too harsh earlier. I apologize.”

Hajin, who had been idly stroking the palm that had almost been scratched with his thumb, flinched.

Thank you, I’m sorry. Hajin knew that Eden was a human being who could utter those words freely depending on the situation, like a robot or out of habit, but this time, for some reason, it felt different. In his low, sunken voice, Hajin felt a faint sincerity, and his head drooped lower in embarrassment.

“I was just uncomfortable seeing Mr. Do Hajin feeling guilty about something that wasn’t his fault. To be honest, at times it even looked self-destructive.”

“……”

“You may not believe it, but I’m someone who has also experienced regret to the point of being sick of it, so I know very well that there is no emotion as painful as that.”

At Eden’s voice, which carefully uttered each word as if engraving letters, Hajin’s gaze turned back to him.

“But there is one thing I want to tell you, and that is it is still too early for Mr. Do Hajin to regret.”

Eden, who had nonchalantly flicked the cigarette ash onto the ground, tap, tap, lowered his head and took a deep drag from the filter. Hajin watched the sharp line of Eden’s eyes and the smoke that would soon scatter hazily from his lips, and his own lips twitched.

“You’re not dead yet. Nothing is over.”

Hajin, caught off guard, furrowed his brow.

“So survive, and stand on stage properly one more time. Byeol will like it a lot too.”