Desires Chapter 11.4 - My Cha Woojin

Cha Woojin completely disappeared from sight.

“Let go of me…! I’m going to go too. It’s not too late, even now…!”

The map and anatomical drawings of this gallery were already clear in his head.

“I know where I have to go.”

Song Yeongin began to struggle with all his might, as if he would run to the gate the moment Jo Seungyeon let go of his hand. However, Jo Seungyeon’s hand holding Song Yeongin’s body remained firm without a single tremor.

“Teacher. Heueu. Please… Please, stop that person.”

He clung to Jo Seungyeon, who was holding his collapsing body, and pleaded desperately. Jo Seungyeon let out a regretful sigh.

“With that temper of his, he’s been sharpening a knife in his heart for a year… Who on earth could possibly stop that guy.”

“……”

“Mr. Yeongin, calm down…. He will come back safely.”

The only things that came to Song Yeongin’s mind were the people who had died one after another and that ominous curse that had shaken his entire life. The precious people around him had died one by one, as if it were all a lie, just to make him suffer to death in agony. There was no guarantee that this time it wouldn’t be him.

Neither his mother, nor his father, nor his hyung had ever given him a warning before they left. By the time he came to his senses, they were all suddenly dead.

“That person is crazy…! He’s not in his right mind right now…! He can’t even put on his clothes. He can’t even use his arm properly. The other person has a gun too. If he goes in that state and something bad happens to him….”

“He’s not the only one who’s crazy.”

Jo Seungyeon retorted in a cold voice.

“In my eyes, both of you aren’t normal right now… Both of you are crazy as a pair…!”

“……”

At the sudden scolding, Song Yeongin, who had been on the verge of tears, raised his teary eyes and stared intently at Jo Seungyeon.

“Have you ever heard this saying?”

“……”

“When a person goes crazy, they don’t die easily.”

Song Yeongin looked down at his own wrist, which he had slit with a piece of glass without hesitation after breaking a vase, prepared to die. It was an insane act no matter who saw it. However, even after slitting his wrist and gushing blood like a fountain, Song Yeongin did not die and survived perfectly fine. Before losing consciousness, the only thought in Song Yeongin’s mind was that he wanted to see Cha Woojin one last time.

“That bastard, he was trapped here for months and all he did was worry about Mr. Song Yeongin.”

“……”

“So, nothing bad will ever happen to him that would make him leave Mr. Song Yeongin behind.”

“……”

“Even if something bad were to happen, I won’t let him die. I will perform first aid right away and save him. I saved him here when a bullet pierced his shoulder. Got it?!”

“……”

“Trust me…. I may not look like it, but I’m a pretty competent surgeon. I’m not just standing here for no reason. I came because action is needed in case of an emergency.”

Song Yeongin just blinked his dazed eyes slowly.

Jo Seungyeon skillfully soothed Song Yeongin as if he were dealing with a pediatric patient. Jo Seungyeon calmly scanned the child-like face, where even the tip of the nose was flushed red from crying, and said.

“What a complete thief. He’s still nothing but a kid….”

“……”

“I’ll administer a sedative. It will help.”

“……”

“Even if he acts all grown-up, I can see clearly that his mental age is still that of a child.”

“……”

“Stop crying now. From now on, if you are a good boy and listen to what I say, I’ll tell you one of Cha Woojin’s secrets that only I know.”

The competent doctor, who had calmed and soothed countless people on the verge of death, skillfully reassured Song Yeongin.

For people driven into a corner and grasping at straws, there were no words more reassuring than a doctor promising that he would absolutely not let them die and would save them.

🌫️

The handsome and well-defined face revealed in the darkness was chillingly ghostly. Cha Woojin was looking down at James Han with pupils that were cruelly black and emotionless.

“Any last words?”

Tightly bound by a rope, trampled and contorted under Cha Woojin’s savage dress shoes, James Han, who had even forgotten how to groan, was already a bloody mess.

He had ordered the closure of Gallery ASHT in advance. In preparation for any contingency, under a meticulously planned strategy, Cha Woojin had organized armed mercenaries from overseas into three mini-squads and had them infiltrate and position themselves.

The mercenaries sequentially captured James Han and his subordinates who were carrying firearms. Against the meticulous tactics, James Han’s final resistance, being numerically inferior, was simply laughable.

“Keuheok…! Cha Woojin, you crazy bastard! Do you have any idea how reckless you’re being right now?! Let go…! Let go! Untie this. Let’s make a deal….”

The light was gloomy, as good as darkness.

The interior of the secret chamber, connected to a wild mountain, was reminiscent of a torture room in an underground prison. Russian snipers, who couldn’t understand a word of Korean and responded only to Cha Woojin’s hand signals, were aiming their guns at James Han from all directions.

The pitch-black eyes, which had been tinged with thick murderous intent and madness, suddenly sneered coldly. The cynical smile on his well-defined and cold-blooded face was chilling.

“Aren’t I like a benefactor? I’m finally letting you go to your poor daughter’s side.”

James Han, who was covered in blood with his limbs twisted and trampled under the dress shoes, faced the fact that his persuasion and compromise were completely ineffective on Cha Woojin and decided to change his strategy.

“Fine, I admit it.”

“……”

“It makes sense that the great Cha Woojin would hunt down and destroy a man, driven mad by the taste of a man’s ass.”

The man, who was gasping and spitting out blood, squeezed out his voice with all his might.

“Hoo… Where on earth did you find something like that. That boy is a born prostitute.”

Cha Woojin’s dark eyebrows twitched.

“I’ve fucked around so much in my life that I’m sick of it, but… heuk…! No matter how much I fucked and fucked him like a bottomless pit, that swelling, lewd desire just couldn’t be satisfied….”

Cha Woojin’s eyes, which had been emotionless and cold-blooded, flickered and showed signs of agitation.

James Han’s provocation was quite successful.

It was a ploy to buy time somehow. No, James Han, who was being beaten to a bloody pulp and dying, had forgotten the pain and was feeling a thrill in wagging his tongue.

“Keuheuk…! That small hole squeezed a man’s cock so deliciously. He was whimpering and crying with such an innocent face, but even while I was fucking him, it was so tight it felt like it would burst, that cock…! Ugh…! Aaargh—! Heok! Heo-eok—!”

Cha Woojin punched James Han square in the jaw. Blood gushed from his busted jaw. A monstrous force, like iron, ruthlessly and violently grabbed the bloody pulp of a man’s hair and yanked it back as if to tear it out.

Cha Woojin, with a ferocious and murderous gaze, muttered a low curse without any change in pitch.

“Ssibal…! Where else should I kick you to shut that yapping mouth!”

James Han bared his blood-stained teeth and, as if he couldn’t feel the pain, continued to blabber like a madman. As if in his helpless state, the only tool he had to humiliate Cha Woojin was his three-inch tongue.

When no persuasion, compromise, or threats worked, it was like a cornered rat biting a cat.

“Keukeuk, keuheuhuh… You have no idea how much that pretty thing begged for my cock, asking for more.”

If he was going to die at Cha Woojin’s hands anyway, James Han wanted to inflict anger and humiliation on him somehow. That was the last struggle James Han could muster.

James Han seemed to be reminiscing about the time of the affair. Cha Woojin, with an emotionless face, mercilessly stomped on James Han’s crotch, which was half-erect and swollen, as if to burst it, with his dress shoes, ‘Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!’.

The pain was like having his genitals crushed with an iron ingot. James Han, who had become a bloody mess, roared like a beast in pain and fear.

“Heueu—aak! Stop…! S-save me…! We’re both just guilty of being bewitched by that bewitching child, aren’t we!”

Cha Woojin only let out a cold, frosty sneer.

“Eueuk… heok…! You and I, we’re both just suffering unnecessary losses because we were enchanted by that fiend, that’s what I’m saying…! Now, think carefully. Director Cha Woojin…! I’ll give you everything I have, whatever you ask for….”

“Like an old snake, only your mouth is alive until the end….”

“Heueueu… Please, s-save me…. Ueuuk…! I told you I’d hand over Song Yeongin to you if you let me go.”

Cha Woojin laughed out loud in a low voice, as if in disbelief.

“Cut the bullshit!”

“……”

“He is not an object.”

Cha Woojin drew the loaded pistol from the leather holster with his right hand.

“Nor is he a being that a bug like you can carelessly defile.”

James Han tried with all his might to provoke Cha Woojin until the very end. The cunning snake’s tongue did not stop its wicked blabbering.

“Bring him to me. I’d rather die at his hands.”

“Why, do you want to bring him here and shamelessly blather on about your daughter again? I’ll send you to hell, so on your way there, stop by your daughter and repent to your heart’s content.”

James Han trembled, his bloody face shaking.

“How dare you insult my daughter?!”

“It was not me who insulted your daughter, but you.”

“Ssibal! Cha Woojin, ssibal…! This son of a bitch of a brat! You bastard! How dare you…! Me…!!!!!”

Cha Woojin frowned at the loud, roaring screams. Any more noise was just pollution. Aiming straight for his head, Cha Woojin narrowed his merciless and cold eyes.

“I didn’t want to get my hands dirty…. But trash that reeks of a foul stench has to be cleaned up by someone. It’s a pity that it had to be me.”

‘Bang—!’

A final, desperate scream was swallowed in vain by the sharp gunshot.

James Han’s corpse, its occiput pierced, collapsed, hideously spraying hot blood in all directions.

Cha Woojin shook his dress shoes, which were splattered with blood, as if he had seen something filthy. With an inherent discipline and grace, the man took off his suit jacket, which was splattered with James Han’s blood, threw it aside, and placed the pistol back into its holster.

Cha Woojin wiped a drop of James Han’s blood from his cheekbone. His murderous, cold-blooded, and ghost-like eyes gave an order to Park Seongjae.

“Incinerate it.”

Park Seongjae, who was standing beside him, bowed his head at his superior’s command.

“What should we do with the henchmen who engaged in the shootout?”

“Except for the one who cooperated with our side, take care of all of them together.”

The situation was much easier than expected. There was no need for Cha Woojin’s side to even lift a finger. An unexpectedly advantageous variable had unfolded.

In the standoff, Aiden, his guard who was protecting James Han from the closest distance, had not aimed the gun in his hand at the enemy, Cha Woojin, but at the head of his own boss, James Han, who was right beside him.

Thanks to this unexpected cooperation, Cha Woojin did not need to get a single drop of blood on his hands, and the capture proceeded swiftly.

“That friend who cooperated with us is not just simple cannon fodder. After ensuring his silence, treat him properly and keep him well.”

“Yes….”

“Because we need to retrieve the paintings from New York.”

“……”

“Except for the one painting in the possession of the critic Karen Saltzman, he will surely know the whereabouts of Song Yeongin’s paintings.”

🌫️

“I am generous with rewards for my collaborators.”

“……”

“It doesn’t matter whether you are a traitor or a whistleblower. If it benefits me, I will gladly offer a reward commensurate with what I have gained.”

Aiden cautiously asked Cha Woojin, who was speaking in a cold and level-headed manner.

“Did you and Yeongin… meet each other safely?”

The man, a person of mixed race with Korean blood, had eyes that were so good-natured and honest that it was surprising he had been one of James Han’s men.

“That boy begged me so earnestly to spare a man named Aiden.”

In an instant, his long and cool eyes curved slightly.

“I was almost jealous, you know.”

After dealing with James Han, Song Yeongin confirmed Cha Woojin’s safety through a phone call connected by Jo Seungyeon.

At the same time, Song Yeongin begged him to grant one request. The boy, crying his eyes out, earnestly asked Cha Woojin to save Aiden, who had helped him until now.

Cha Woojin, with his cold and sharp features, muttered to Aiden in a low, cool, and business-like voice.

“Doesn’t Mr. Song Yeongin, the original artist, need to get back his paintings that were stolen by James Han. The paintings must be returned to that boy, their rightful owner.”

Aiden replied calmly.

“The paintings have currently been taken down from the exhibition at the New York gallery and are stored in James Han’s exclusive private safe.”

Cha Woojin was well aware that this mixed-race man was the one who had been following Song Yeongin like a shadow, monitoring and protecting him.

For the past year, he had directed Song Yeongin’s repeated escapes and movements, and had even secretly wiretapped Cha Woojin. With his excellent improvisation and situational judgment, he had skillfully evaded Cha Woojin’s tracking radar. There was a good reason why James Han had assigned this man, who was skilled in crisis management and information warfare, to Song Yeongin.

The man, whom he had thought would be more proficient in English as during their last brief conversation, spoke Korean as fluently as he did English. He seemed to be a bilingual who had acquired both languages as his mother tongues from birth.

Aiden presented an unexpected card to Cha Woojin.

“I know a way to open the safe.”

“……”

“Just in case, I secretly made a copy of the original key to that safe without James knowing.”

At Aiden’s answer, Cha Woojin smiled a calm and meaningful smile.

“Competent. I like it.”

Cha Woojin, who had been scanning Aiden with an interested gaze, asked boldly.

“Have you ever considered working for me?”

🌫️

The tip of his nose was damp with the scent of cold water. The man’s short, not-quite-dry hair was wet with moisture. Through the deep darkness, he could feel the warmth of another person’s skin overlapping with his own.

Wondering whether this was a dream or reality, Song Yeongin flinched his thin body and tossed his slender waist.

A gentle man’s low voice resonated, digging into his ear.

“Shhh… Yeongin-ah, just sleep a little longer.”

The deep, low voice of the person he had missed so much was like a sweet lullaby that reassured him.

Because he missed this embrace… because he missed his warmth.

He did not know that for the past year, every night, he had been unable to sleep and had to wander through so many nights so harshly.

He didn’t even know what his own lips had mumbled in his sleep, but suddenly, the man’s answer came back.

“Yes… it’s all over.”

A cold hand continuously patted his back. When the large, cool hand stopped stroking him, he, on the contrary, would burrow deeper into the embrace, fussing to be touched again. Every fine hair on his body stood on end at the cool and heart-fluttering scent of his body.

The strong hand began to stroke him again without rest. A sturdy arm hugged and soothed his child-like whimpering cries.

The childish act of burrowing into the embrace and the mature gesture of soothing it were both so familiar to each other. Why had he never realized that every time, the man had so gently soothed him as he tossed and turned in his sleep and helped him sleep through the night.

He did not even know what he had been whimpering in his sleep, but the man laughed very softly. Once again, a low tone whispered delicately into his ear. The gentle voice made the tip of his nose sting even in his sleep.

“Yes. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay by your side so you don’t have scary dreams.”

🌫️

Warm spring light seeped through his eyelashes. The sunlight was surging in, flooding all the way to the bed, so it was clear that morning had long since passed.

The pure white bedding, bathed in the spring sun, was imbued with a very faint and subtle, familiar body scent. Song Yeongin buried the tip of his delicate nose into the bedding again.

The first thing Song Yeongin did after waking up in an unfamiliar bed was to feel the empty space on the spacious bed with his hand to confirm his absence.

Once Song Yeongin confirmed that he was left alone in the bedroom, he hastily sat up in anxiety.

His straight and elegant neckline trembled in the cold. The thin clothes he had been wearing before falling asleep had all been removed, leaving him naked.

Song Yeongin rubbed his red-rimmed eyes, where tears had dried. The corners of his eyes were raw and red, and his forlorn eyes, brimming with tears, began to look around precariously.

His clear face, which had just chased away sleep, was filled with anxiety. He hurriedly moistened his parched lips with the cold water placed on the nightstand. Flustered by his body being naked without any memory of it, Song Yeongin picked up the white gown hanging by the bedside.

Having hastily put on only the gown, Song Yeongin began to wander through the spacious hideout, searching for Cha Woojin.

The place where he found him was past the inner chamber, in the space furthest away from the bedroom. It was the first time Song Yeongin became aware that a fitness room with exercise facilities existed inside this place.

The man, who was shirtless, still had a new compression bandage wrapped tightly around his shoulder, chest, and upper arm.

He was running on the treadmill, breathing heavily. The sports pants, hanging on his chiseled and sharp iliac muscles, swayed precariously each time he ran.

Song Yeongin looked at the man, who was not skipping this routine in the morning even with a fatal wound to his shoulder, with a dumbfounded gaze. Cha Woojin was truly a crazy exercise addict.

The man, who had spotted Song Yeongin, stopped running on the machine and slowly came down, catching his breath. His firm, muscular chest heaved up and down with rough breaths, and the man’s forehead was soaked in sweat. A bead of sweat indifferently trickled down the sharp tip of his nose.

Song Yeongin looked up at the man with a strange gaze mixed with reproach. A sigh escaped from his closed, plump lips.

“Wasn’t your shoulder hurting?”

Cha Woojin exhaled a panting breath and, wiping the sweat from his forehead with a sports towel hanging on a table, said.

“Running is done with the legs…, not with the shoulder.”

At the shameless man’s reply, Song Yeongin could only let out a disbelieving laugh into the air.

“Still, you shouldn’t overdo it. The teacher said that you need to get out of here quickly and receive specialized intensive treatment and rehabilitation. He said you shouldn’t miss the window….”

The sweat-soaked Cha Woojin approached and stretched out his long arm. He stroked Song Yeongin’s disheveled hair and smiled as if he were lovely. His cool eyes curved handsomely.

“Your nagging… I like listening to it.”

Song Yeongin, with a dazed expression, slowly blinked his neat eyes and stared at him quietly.

Cha Woojin was far too composed for someone who had killed James Han. Even in desperate moments, he always feigned composure with a cold-blooded and arrogant face, as if wearing a mask, and that strangely bothered Song Yeongin.

“I… I’m just so worried about you….”

“Don’t worry, I am excessively healthy. To the point where it’s a problem if I don’t sweat it all out in the morning.”

Cha Woojin said this while looking down at his lower body, which was semi-erect and thick since the morning, and Song Yeongin, who immediately understood the meaning of his words, quickly blushed with his clear and innocent face.

Cha Woojin’s gaze fell on Song Yeongin’s white chest and the space between his thighs where the gown had parted, and Song Yeongin hastily clutched the front of the precariously open gown with his fingertips.

He knew that as a man, he also experienced physiological erections in the morning. However, compared to himself, whose physiological desires had been castrated despite being a man, his body was excessively healthy and faithful to its instinctive desires.

Cha Woojin swept up his sweat-drenched hair. He muttered, squinting his cool and long eyes.

“I’ve been forced to be celibate for over a year, and having to just sleep while holding a naked you is no different from torture.”

“……”

“Don’t make that face.”

Song Yeongin had no idea what kind of expression he was making. However, he could tell through Cha Woojin’s expression. That he was putting up a wall and making a face full of fear.

His body, which had been brutally trampled by rape once again, was subconsciously rejecting direct sexual contact with him.

“I’m not keen on forcing myself on you either.”

He said, barely suppressing the rough breaths from his workout.

“That kind of thing doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.”

“……”

“If you don’t want it, I will never force you.”

Tap, tap, a faint scent of sweat that could break down one’s reason wafted from the man’s fingertips as they touched his cheek.

🌫️

‘Yes… it’s all over.’

‘There’s nothing for you to worry about anymore.’

Since that day, Cha Woojin never once, not even by mistake, mentioned James Han’s name in front of him. Thanks to that firm unspoken agreement and silence, Song Yeongin even began to feel as if James Han were a fictional character who had never existed in reality.

Song Yeongin, as if he had made a promise with Cha Woojin, also did not speak of the events in New York or James Han’s name.

The time in New York and Montauk felt very faint. The only thing he remembered as clearly as a photograph was the blue sea of Montauk, where the horizon met the sky. And that the sea was so similar to the sea of his island, Mohuido (慕喜島).

Thanks to the indistinct memories, Song Yeongin felt as if the past year had been like a very long nightmare.

‘So, use me.’

‘Don’t cry, and take revenge on the ones who did that to you. If you want, use me to protect yourself.’

Cha Woojin had told him to use him, and in the end, Song Yeongin had used him. He was a man who had sought out the demons one by one and taken revenge for him.

Therefore, no matter who he punished or harmed a long time ago, even if the man were a murderer who killed them without remorse, Song Yeongin was steadfast. He too was a pathetic sinner who had used him and made him an accomplice.

Song Yeongin resolved to stand by this man’s side absolutely, no matter the moment. However, he just felt sorry for his hands that had been sullied because of him. Therefore, he had to follow him down to the bottom of the mire of hell, become corrupt with him, and willingly receive punishment in his place. He had to atone and atone for a lifetime by the side of the man who became a murderer because of him, until he wanted him.

🌫️

Several days had already passed since James Han’s death, but we did not go out into the world and remained in this perfect hideout that he had designed.

He was busy without a moment’s rest, even in this place that was cut off from the outside world. Cha Woojin was secretly receiving reports from Park Seongjae in his office set up in the hideout, and was secretly giving instructions from behind the scenes for the approval of tasks that Director Park Seongjae was temporarily handling.

Cha Woojin was coordinating the dates. He was constantly watching for the right timing and opportunity. Song Yeongin only vaguely guessed that it might be related to creating an alibi for James Han’s death.

He was diligently working behind the scenes, according to a written script and plan, so that everything, from leaving this place to revealing himself to the world again, would be under his control. And Song Yeongin, watching from the side, could not help but be amazed at his meticulousness.

🌫️

The dining room of the hideout was a space that seemed completely unsuited for a meal. In the dining space, which was a cold monotone on all sides, a table was laden with food that Park Seongjae had brought in from outside.

The sight of Cha Woojin taking out plates and utensils from the kitchen and carefully plating the food himself was not unfamiliar. The man, who seemed completely unsuited for such tasks, did not look awkward doing them, and perhaps he had a rather domestic side to him. It was rather he himself who had no connection whatsoever with kitchens or food.

“I know well that you have very little interest in eating. But you should eat something, at least for your recovery.”

Most of the food on the table was meat. Song Yeongin had not been used to eating meat since he was young, and because he could not digest it well, he had lived his life shunning oily foods and meat.

“But… why is it all meat?”

“Don’t be picky and eat up. According to Jo Seungyeon, who came and did a blood test the day before yesterday, it’s a wonder you’re even standing properly on two feet right now.”

“……”

“He said your nutritional state is at rock bottom, so you should eat a protein-focused diet as much as possible.”

When he didn’t even touch the food that was set out, the man sitting opposite him asked in a low voice.

“Should I wait on you and feed you myself?”

Song Yeongin shook his head.

After looking around at the food for a long while, Song Yeongin finally looked as if he had found something to eat. What was placed in front of him was the pine mushroom porridge that Song Yeongin, who had no appetite, used to enjoy at Cha Woojin’s private residence. It was clear that he had remembered that Song Yeongin particularly liked the pine mushroom porridge made by Mrs. Yeoju.

He felt his appetite returning at the rich and fragrant aroma of pine mushrooms. Song Yeongin, unlike usual, gulped down the porridge deliciously. As soon as he emptied the bowl, a pleased smile flickered across the face of the man who had been watching him quietly.

When his eyes met Cha Woojin’s, who was staring at him eating, Song Yeongin naturally smiled along with him, the corners of his eyes crinkling. That demure smile was pretty.

“Why are you smiling while watching me eat?”

The man across the table placed finely shredded beef directly onto the porridge with his chopsticks and said.

“Because you eating well… is pretty.”

Afraid that this small moment of happiness might flee, Song Yeongin, with a smile on his face, could not even dare to laugh out loud.

The man, who had been watching Song Yeongin intently from the side until the end of the meal, opened his mouth.

“Yeongin-ah, there’s something I need you to do.”

He added in a serious tone.

“I want you to contact my father yourself and tell him that you’ve found me. That you know my whereabouts.”

His neat and well-defined face trembled slightly.

“…Me?”

“Yes…. You.”

However, the cold-blooded man’s eyes were resolute without any concession.

“You just have to be the first one to deliver those words to my father…. I’ll take care of the rest.”

There is nothing he does not plan, from one to ten. Song Yeongin looked at the platinum metal watch, the same as his, that was wrapped around his left wrist. A meticulous man who would plant something like a key inside a watch would not make such a request to him for no reason.

There would surely be an intention behind everything he does. Because Cha Woojin is a person who meticulously designs his own future….

And now, I will not hesitate to become a piece on the game board he has designed.

“Can’t you do it?”

“I’ll do it. If that is something that will help us.”

Us…. I had admitted to the fact that he and I were walking hand in hand, and he was relieved by my answer.

From now on, we were together.

“Just remember this. The one who found me, who had hidden from the world, is you. That is an undeniable fact.”

“……”

“The one who will pull me out into the world is also you.”

🌫️

Just brushing against him made my skin ache.

Cha Woojin hugged and kissed Song Yeongin as if he were lovely, but whenever Song Yeongin showed fear, he never initiated any deeper sexual contact beyond that.

He was surprisingly strict with himself and never crossed the line that Song Yeongin had drawn. As if he were a person trying to prove how much he could control and restrain himself, how much he respected the other person.

If, as he had always done, he had reached out to me regardless of my will, if he had held my body as he pleased… if he had, then perhaps, with a pained and unwilling face, I might have resisted but, unable to win, been led by that man as before.

However, Cha Woojin was acting as if he would not be satisfied until he heard those words from Song Yeongin’s own mouth.

The words, please, hold me….

He was definitely aware of the fact that I had been raped by James Han, yet he never mentioned it. Even though he knew that was the reason I was rejecting sex with him.

Inside this secret hideout where we were hiding together, for the past few days, we were like people playing blind man’s buff.

At first, he thought it was his forearm. A heavy, hard object touched his lower back. He was not unaware that this large man holding him from behind was terribly erect, as if about to burst. However, Song Yeongin ignored his lust.

When he turned his dry back, moving slightly away from him as if pretending to be asleep, Cha Woojin went into the bathroom and did not return to this bedroom for a long time.

Song Yeongin was not unaware of what the man, who came back after showering each time, was doing in the bathroom before lying down next to him again.

He must have been unable to hold back and masturbated in the bathroom. The thought of the man grasping that heavy penis and masturbating made his limbs tingle and his lower abdomen tighten.

He himself was lusting after Cha Woojin so much, yet. Why couldn’t he ask him to hold him.

🌫️

Feeling anxious that he might have disappeared, Song Yeongin frequently scurried to his office, the study, to check on his absence several times. He did not even realize that he was following him around and interrupting his work.

Cha Woojin, who was looking over documents in the study, suddenly let out a low breath and stood up, straightening his strong body.

The man came to the study, grabbed Song Yeongin by the shoulder, who was peeking from behind the door, and pulled him inside. He sat him down on the spacious sofa in the middle of the study.

“…Are you bored? Then, shall we go on a date?”

Cha Woojin asked, holding Song Yeongin’s shoulders and staring at him as he sat on the sofa.

A while later, the man, who had tilted his head back and was leaning against the sofa, asked Song Yeongin again.

“Shall we go out together. Is there anywhere you want to go?”

A strange defiance flickered across the man’s languidly moist and weary gaze. No, perhaps it was a protest directed at him.

Song Yeongin shook his head.

“People in the world think you’re missing. They will definitely recognize you… is that okay?”

The neat and slender side profile of the person sitting next to him stared at Cha Woojin. The cool and composed eyes calmly scanned Song Yeongin with an uninhibited and unrestrained gaze and answered.

“They wouldn’t even imagine it… everyone thinks I’m dead.”

As he said that, the man’s gaze floated dazedly around the demure side profile and the white nape of his neck for a long time, as if bewitched.

“Shall we secretly visit Mohuido? Don’t you think it would be fun?”

The chaste eyes, trembling with anxiety, hesitated slowly. The red corners of his moist eyes trembled slightly.

“I don’t want to go…. They’ll probably all figure it out. You stand out too much. Even when you covered your face with a mask before, everyone there recognized you…!”

At that moment, Song Yeongin had no idea what had excited him. He could not even guess.

However, it was instantaneous. The fierce and intimidating body that had been sitting next to him on the sofa lunged at Song Yeongin roughly, as if unable to bear it any longer.

Cha Woojin sometimes displayed very aggressive tendencies. He was the type of person who needed an outlet. Exercise or sex was one of the easiest ways for him to release his energy. And, perhaps this man was going crazy, enduring with patience because he could not release his energy on him in this prison where he was trapped with him.

Cha Woojin was skilled at feigning a gentlemanly attitude with a respectable face, but that was merely because his self-restraint was excellent. He was a man with a primitive disposition, inherently faithful to his instincts and desires.

The man’s mischievous physical horseplay began.

The white and lithe body, no match for the massive frame over 190cm tall, was instantly pinned down under the sharp, muscular, hard body as if being mounted. Cha Woojin laughed, intoxicated by a meaningless sense of rivalry, as if this were just physical horseplay between men.

“Haeu, euk…! Get off.”

Panting at the end of his struggle, it seemed he was the only one who was out of breath.

Under the strong and firm body that did not even flinch, only Song Yeongin’s breaths echoed in the air. The aggressive man’s gaze mischievously scanned Song Yeongin’s strange body line.

His pitch-black and cool eyes laughed in a low voice.

“You’re loitering next to me, so I can’t concentrate.”

“I’ve never loitered. I was just quietly next to you… in case you disappeared.”

“Right, you’ve never done that. You are not guilty.”

You and I, our two bodies. And all the components that make up and constitute the two of us were so different in their very essence. That unbridgeable, inherent difference was making each other’s extremities tingle to the point of pain.

The hand that was stroking the swaying, strange body line caressed the pelvic bone, which protruded in a peculiar way, and then groped Song Yeongin’s smooth thigh, digging in between his legs. At the hand that skillfully and quickly slipped into his loose slacks, Song Yeongin was startled and froze stiff. He was not yet ready to have sex with him.

In his head, Song Yeongin desired that man countless times a day. But ironically, he was adamantly rejecting his sexual advances.

It was not simply because he had been raped by James Han. In fact, right now, he knew well what he feared the most.

That that man would despise me.

That he would come to scorn the filthy me.

Song Yeongin, who was stiff and unmoving at his touch, suddenly looked up at the man on top of him with precarious eyes. And, taking advantage of his unguarded moment, he pushed his injured left shoulder hard. Since he could not win with strength, he had no choice but to cheat….

The man let out a pained groan as if biting it between his teeth.

“Haa! Dammit, shit… that hurts. I won’t force you! I told you I wouldn’t do it if you didn’t want to.”

When he adamantly refused, even touching his injured weak spot, the well-defined face instantly turned cold.

“I’m sorry…. I thought you consented because you endured my touch and stayed still.”

Cha Woojin did not show his anger. He just, with an emotionless and composed face, did not continue the act of touching him any further.

The man who had moved away from him squinted his long eyes at him and let out a low, self-deprecating sound, ‘Pik!’, into the air. The arrogant and bold sexual aura he exuded was suffocatingly pressing down on him, as if to grab his throat and suffocate him at every moment.

🌫️

Just brushing against him made my skin ache.

His body, which had become as sensitive as his frayed nerves, would jolt at the slightest touch of his hand. He could not tell if this was pain, a tension from being crazy for sex, or because of guilt.

My sensitive reactions piled up layer by layer, and it felt as if we had gone back to a time when we had never had sex. Strictly speaking, we had not mixed our bodies for over a year.

It was pitiful to see the man’s patience as he leisurely accommodated my overreactions. No, his self-control was frightening.

Cha Woojin was a truly determined person. Even though he knew that I had been raped by James Han, he still pretended not to know about it and did not say a word.

‘Why don’t I have those memories….’

Whether I had accepted that demon while unconscious, moaning and enjoying it. Whether I was played with, or if I resisted and cried. What sordid and promiscuous things had happened while I was unconscious. Why I have no memory of what was done to me. Since when it had been happening…. And, how you know about it.

Cha Woojin just kept his mouth shut and remained silent, not uttering a single word about any of it.

I did not have the courage to ask him about those things directly. No, even the act of putting it into words and saying it to that man was repulsive.

I felt like I was going to cry because I was so stupid, so frustrating, and such a fool. I had always been the victim and had only been busy hiding the truth, I didn’t know things like how to open my heart to others and speak of my fears.

I remember that night when I was first trampled by another’s hands, when I ran barefoot and bloodied to the cathedral on the hill, worried that I would add another unbearable worry to my poor mother. Afraid that my mother would find out about my dirty and filthy state….

I still feel like I haven’t escaped from that uphill slope, where on that night when the moon was exceptionally bright, I ran while keeping my mouth shut and looking around, afraid that someone would find out.

I did not want to have sex casually with a man who knew the whole story and was condoning it. I did not want to say disgusting things like asking him to hold me, to a man who might despise me.

And, Cha Woojin was just waiting for my plea, as if he would never make the same mistake twice.

🌫️

That dawn, a date for the two of them was suddenly scheduled.

Cha Woojin wore a tie for the first time in a while. He dressed up in a neat, dignified, and formal suit, as was his style, and Song Yeongin, who did not have anything suitable to wear, took out a thin knit sweater that he had taken off from his closet and put it on. Only after putting on the knit did he realize that his clothes were much bigger on him than he had thought.

Cha Woojin slowly scanned the body line of Song Yeongin, who had come out wearing his knit, with narrowed eyes.

“It looks good on you.”

There was no sign of him gaining weight again. Cha Woojin’s knit was large and loose, so much so that his collarbones were clearly visible, but Song Yeongin liked this piece of clothing that still held his scent intact. It felt as if he were being held in his arms.

🌫️

Hidden from the world, a small deviation was allowed for us who had to live confined in a secret hideout. He said this was the only date we could have in this isolated place.

4 a.m.,

Walking through ASUYT in the dark dawn, when all human presence had ceased, felt like being in a surreal dream, not reality.

Blue moonlight was seeping in through the small rose window on the spire’s outer wall, made of arcade-shaped radiating grilles.

The two of them walked for a very long time in the darkness up the narrow spiral staircase, reminiscent of a cathedral’s bell tower. In the pitch-black darkness where he could not see ahead, he held onto his firm arm. The man who had created and designed ASUYT seemed to be able to find all the hidden mazes here even with his eyes closed in the dark.

In the silence, we walked hand in hand. On the wrists of the two people walking side by side, heavy platinum metal watches of the same design jingled.

This was the proof that we were us.

As we exited the narrow spiral emergency staircase, the dark and magnificent hallway of the gallery was revealed. I was intoxicated by a fleeting sense of liberation, as if I had escaped from a shackle.

We began to run together through the empty gallery in the darkness, where no one was present.