Come Looking for Flowers Chapter 4.1 - Hopeless Desire

The penthouse was filled with good sunlight. There was a good reason why Lee Yoonjo insisted on this particular spot.

With a cigarette in his mouth, Won Kangho stared intently at the place where Lee Yoonjo used to sit every day. The owner of that spot was not here now.

Men in pitch black suits filled the space that had been desolate. Some stood against the wall, while others stood behind the man with their hands clasped behind their backs, their heads bowed.

In the sharp atmosphere, the only thing that was free was the acrid smoke floating gently in the air.

“So, is that all you have for an excuse?”

The voice that asked back was level. In that calmness, the men felt a rather bizarre sense of fear.

“……I am sorry.”

“I’m sure you know I didn’t say that just to hear you say you’re sorry.”

“From now on, I will make sure this never happens again—”

“Who gave you the right to discuss a ‘next time’?”

The spot where Lee Yoonjo used to sit every day and look outside. Standing there, Won Kangho looked down at the scenery spread out beneath his feet.

There was no hesitation in the hand that dropped the cigarette to the floor. This was the one who had entered his own house with his shoes on. Won Kangho ground the dropped cigarette to bits with his foot and turned his body.

“No answer. Can’t you hear me?”

“……I am sorry.”

As if there was no room for excuses, the man with his hands clasped behind his back bowed his head even deeper. Won Kangho’s gaze, as he looked at that pitch black head, was a little darker than usual.

When Won Kangho held out his hand, Section Chief Jung, who was nearby, approached and handed him what had been propped against the wall. Cold sweat trickled down the backs of the three men with their hands clased behind them.

Thud. Thud. The golf club that had been in the air slammed its head into the floor. The dull sound was slow but menacing.

A suffocating fear tightened its grip on every joint of their bones. The faces of the men who had been in charge of Lee Yoonjo’s ‘protection’ turned white in real time.

He looked like a lion cornering its prey. Won Kangho, who had approached while dragging the golf club, stopped in front of the man standing on the far left.

“No matter how I look at it, it’s useless.”

The head that had been deeply bowed was violently jerked back. Won Kangho, gripping the man’s hair fiercely, muttered chillingly.

“It would be better to just pull it out.”

“Aargh!”

The man had no qualms about throwing a person. The men who had been standing against the wall approached and seized the man who had been thrown to the floor.

His posture as he swung the golf club was quite practiced. It seemed it was not a skill he had performed only once or twice; it was even quite elegant.

“I, I was wrong, hyung-nim! Please, just once, just forgive me once!”

Won Kangho’s movement, as he was adjusting his grip, paused for a moment. Section Chief Jung, standing next to him, quietly swallowed a sigh.

The dress shoes stopped in front of the prostrated man. Won Kangho, kindly bending his legs, made eye contact with the man.

“What’s your name?”

The body of the man, his head slammed into the floor, trembled. With his eyes rolled up as far as they could go, he pleaded desperately with his boss.

“It’s Choi Seo, Choi Seongho!”

“Right, Seongho. What did you just say?”

“Yes? Uh, th, that, I was wrong, I’ll make sure this never happens again—”

“Not that.”

“……Yes?”

Looking at the stunned man, Won Kangho stood up. He fiddled with the head of the golf club and muttered lowly.

“Useless and stupid on top of it.”

“P, President…….”

“Bite down hard. You should at least protect your teeth.”

Readjusting his grip, Won Kangho smiled grimly. An indescribable fear filled the face of the man looking up at him from below.

“I warned you, I did.”

With that last word, everyone in that place clamped their mouths shut. The penthouse was filled only with someone’s pained screams and groans, and the sound of something being struck with a dull thud.

Even when blood splattered on his face, Won Kangho paid it no mind. As if pouring out all his anger, he repeatedly beat the body, which had gone limp like a corpse, until it was reduced to rags.

The golf club, covered in blood and all sorts of filthy bodily fluids, rolled on the floor. Won Kangho straightened his slightly disheveled jacket and wiped his cheek with the back of his hand.

“Clean it up.”

“Yes, President.”

A world where a powerful monarch reigned. The people of Hwayudam had a clear hierarchy. Won Kangho’s word was law, and those beneath him obeyed as if it were the most natural thing to do.

A person, beaten to a bloody pulp and for whom it was unknown if they were dead or alive, was dragged out. In the space left with only a chilling silence, Won Kangho took out a cigarette and put it to his lips.

Smoke leaked from the corner of his lips and floated in the air. It felt as though his seething head was finally calming down a bit. Haa, he let out a deep breath.

“Sejun.”

“Yes, President.”

As if he had been waiting, Section Chief Jung approached and held the tablet he was carrying towards the man. Won Kangho’s pitch black gaze landed on the image of the person on the screen.

“We have secured all the hospital CCTV footage. It’s presumed he escaped through the back door. At the time of leaving the hospital, he was wearing medical staff attire, not a patient’s gown, and it’s confirmed he changed clothes at a nearby store, got in a taxi, and was dropped off at a nearby intercity bus terminal.”

Lee Yoonjo’s escape was truly by the book. Changing clothes to avoid pursuit, hailing a passing taxi, going to the nearest terminal, and disappearing on the earliest available ticket.

The brat used his head. It had only been a day since he was warned to empty it, yet the cat had left home the moment he was let loose.

“We are currently tracking all buses from the time slot Lee Yoonjo is presumed to have boarded. We plan to confirm upon arrival at the destinations.”

“He knows how to use his head, our boy.”

In the tablet, Lee Yoonjo was not in a patient’s gown but in casual clothes he had never seen before. Even through the blurry image quality, it was plain to see just how desperate he was.

With the man’s breath sucking on the filter, the tip of the cigarette burned with a crackle-crackle. Hoo, the breath he exhaled was thick.

The nerve of him, running away. It was infuriating, and at the same time, amusing. He thought he had completely killed off his ability to think, but was all of that just an act?

When taming a person, adjusting the pace is necessary. Tightening the leash is important, but one must also know when to loosen it.

And Lee Yoonjo, in that brief moment it was loosened, had broken the leash and fled. Even going so far as to wear a pathetic disguise. It was impossible not to find it amusing.

“Take all the guys who were at the hospital and put them in the brig. Keep them breathing, though.”

“Yes, President.”

The men who had filled the penthouse in black suits rushed out in an instant. When Section Chief Jung was the last to leave, only Won Kangho remained alone.

Standing in the same spot as a moment ago, Won Kangho finished the rest of his cigarette. His free hand habitually snapped its fingers.

As soon as the sound was made, the noise of something hitting the marble floor grew progressively closer. In an instant, something stood right next to the man, breathing heavily.

“Leo.”

The dog, sitting obediently, dropped what it had been holding in its mouth near the blood-splattered shoes. Pant, pant, it stuck out its red tongue and its eyes sparkled as if begging for praise.

Lee Yoonjo’s pajamas, which the dog had brought, were grimy and crumpled, just like their owner.

“Our friend left home.”

The man, picking up the fallen clothes, wiped his bloodstained hands. The gray pajamas were stained with dark red blood. Even so, the parts where the blood had dried would not wipe off.

“I’ll catch him and bring him back soon, so even if you’re bored, just wait a little longer.”

The dog barked loudly, as if in reply. The man, grinning, stroked the dog’s head with his empty hand.

Just how long would it take to return to this spot? The man’s fiercely shining eyes were full of anticipation. The clothes in his hand were crumpled unceremoniously.

“Boarding for the 8:20 train. Please board now.”

Yoonjo hid his face under his cap and bowed his head with a nod. Yoonjo’s clothes, as he moved immediately to get on the train, had been changed into something else again.

Yoonjo, who had found and changed into the medical staff’s clothes in a storage room, hid himself inside a nearby laundry collection cart.

He succeeded in getting down to the basement, avoiding the eyes Won Kangho had planted, and after that, it was smooth sailing. He immediately went out the back door and bought clothes at a nearby clothing store.

He had been living with money hidden on his body just for this day. Yoonjo, who had changed and purchased a few more sets of clothes, immediately took a taxi to the bus terminal.

He had to be within Won Kangho’s expectations as much as possible, while also deviating from those expectations.

He deliberately bought a ticket wearing the clothes he had first purchased. Then, pretending to go straight to board the bus, he went into the restroom, changed into different clothes, and swapped his cap.

“Seoul Station, please.”

Instead of a bus, he got into a taxi and left the terminal. The entire time he was moving, his heart pounded like crazy whenever he saw someone in a pitch black suit. It felt as if Won Kangho would appear at any moment, put him to sleep with that injection he had once been given, and drag him back to that place once again.

The hair hidden inside the cap was damp with cold sweat. He couldn’t let his guard down.

“Haa…….”

The vigilance continued even after he got on the train. His hands were sweaty and he felt suffocated. It was as if someone was gripping his throat.

He changed trains several times. He bought a ticket to the last stop but got off in the middle, and from there, he booked a train to another station and got on.

“Welcome.”

Late at dawn, having arrived in a region he didn’t even know the name of, Yoonjo decided to spend the night at a nearby PC bang. He planned to move to another place once the sun rose.

He purchased a usage ticket and, leaving the computer on, managed to catch a wink of sleep. Even then, if he felt the presence of someone approaching, he would be startled awake and bolt upright.

He left the PC bang as soon as the sun rose. Without fail, Yoonjo headed to the bus terminal, bought a ticket for the bus with the closest departure time, and boarded immediately.

The bus carrying Yoonjo left the city center, which had been full of splendid night views, and sped down a dark asphalt road.

Yoonjo’s face, leaning against the window, did not look good. He had certainly run away for happiness, but he was beginning to wonder if such a thing even existed.

At the end of this road, would there truly be a paradise? He wanted to dream such a futile dream, but his mind kept reminding him of reality.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, our bus is now passing through Seongheun IC…’

In the quiet bus, there were only Yoonjo and the driver. There was no one to be wary of.

As his tension slowly eased, the drowsiness he had been holding back washed over him all at once. His consciousness, which had been blinking on and off, quickly blurred into blackness. The bus sped on ceaselessly toward the end of the road.

The place he arrived at after much wandering was a town with a sea, the name of which he didn’t even know.

Yoonjo’s condition was beyond words, having wandered around for days without eating or washing properly. He should have been able to breathe a sigh of relief, having come so far, but he couldn’t.

“Ugh…….”

His battered insides would cry out in pain just when he thought he had forgotten. His stomach felt hot as if it were on fire, and something would surge up his esophagus with a gurgle-gurgle. When it was severe, he couldn’t hold it back and would vomit yellow stomach acid.

The night sea was dark and silent. Sitting on the sandy beach in front of it, Yoonjo stared blankly at the jet-black ocean. There was not a single person around. It felt as if he were the only one left in this world.

He pressed his chest firmly with his hand and let out a weary sigh. His whole body felt damp. He wanted to sleep soundly, just for a bit, but even if he fell asleep for a short time, he would always have nightmares.

“Haa…….”

The sound of the violently crashing waves was painful. It wasn’t hitting his body or slapping his cheek, but just hearing it made his heart ache.

The end of the night sea was not visible. It didn’t feel freeing like when he saw the daytime sea, but rather empty. The pitch black darkness brought many thoughts to mind.

What are you going to do now? Helplessness whispered in Yoonjo’s ear. The words it spoke blew a wind of fear, nurturing his anxiety.

Have I really escaped from that man? An instinctive question raised its head.

At the very least, Yoonjo had not encountered Won Kangho from the moment he left the hospital until he arrived here. However, that couldn’t be seen as having completely escaped from him.

What should I do from now on? Must he live his life as a fugitive, trembling in fear for the rest of his life, wrapped in vigilance? Must he live a life like a man on death row, afraid of when he might be caught by the man again?

Why on earth me? What did I do so wrong? The end of his questions was built with sorrow. Tears that welled up suddenly soaked the mask covering his face.

Tears flowed endlessly from the large eyes hidden under the brim of his cap. His body gradually slumped forward, burying his head in the sand. Lying prostrate, Yoonjo poured out his sorrow for a long time. The sound of the waves swallowed him up.

He had to think of something. He had to come up with some kind of method. He couldn’t live like this forever.

The man would find him someday, and he would be dragged back to that place again, forced to live a life no different from a sex slave for the rest of his days.

He didn’t want to live like that. If it came to that, he would rather…

Yoonjo, who had been sobbing for a long time, slowly rose from his spot with a drenched face. His eyes, now hollow and empty, held nothing in them.

Slowly, he took off his shoes. His feet, in white socks, stepped onto the sand. The sand, still holding the heat of the daytime sun, was hot.

The sound of the waves grew closer. Swoosh, the blowing wind was cool. The sea beckoned to Yoonjo, telling him to come here quickly.

Slowly, the water began to rise from his ankles. It passed his calves, his knees, and submerged his thighs and waist. His body, having entered the pitch black seawater, swayed helplessly with the waves.

Who was it that said there is no paradise at the end of an escape? Those words were true.

He had run away from Won Kangho, but he was still in the palm of his hand. Nothing had changed even though the man was not nearby. Stupidly, he was still terrified.

Of the two paths given to him, neither had happiness at its end. Only ruins existed.

The bone-chillingly cold seawater churned at his chest. He looked down at his feet, where he could see nothing, then lifted his head.

A sky the same color as the night sea. On that pitch black canvas, white stars were studded here and there, burning themselves out.

This was his final act of defiance. He wanted to stop hurting. He was tired of crying.

Hadn’t he been in enough pain for a short period of time? If it was atonement for his sins, he had already paid enough, Yoonjo dared to assert.

A strong wave pushed his fragile body over. His legs, having lost their balance, buckled, and his body collapsed helplessly.

Inside the sea, there was no sound of waves, no sound of wind. With a feeling so quiet and cozy that it felt peaceful, Yoonjo slowly let the strength drain from his body.

I think I can finally sleep now. What flowed from the corner of his eyes mixed with the murky water and quickly vanished without a trace. The surface of the sea, which had swallowed someone whole, was calm.

He had a long dream. He couldn’t recall the contents exactly, but he was certain that it was by no means a good one.

No, perhaps it wasn’t a dream, Yoonjo thought. Wasn’t it what people commonly call a life review? He could only guess.

The sensation of his consciousness floating to the surface and then sinking was familiar. Just like that one time, voices would sound blurry and then disappear, over and over.

“……re y…… awake?”

“Let’s wa…… a bit more……. we’ll have to…….”

The voices that trickled in faintly were unfamiliar. He wanted to ask who they were, but his lips wouldn’t part.

His consciousness sank into the depths once more. As time passed, Yoonjo realized that he had not died.

The touch of someone’s hand on his skin, the unknown moist liquid flowing between his lips, the moments when his vision, behind closed eyes, brightened and darkened repeatedly—with each passing moment, he could be more certain.

I didn’t die. It seemed his fate was to be unable to even choose his own death. He was destined to suffer and struggle in the palm of Won Kangho’s hand for the rest of his life.

I should have died. That was the only outcome I could have grasped. The world was so harsh, it was terribly agonizing.

“Ugh…….”

Letting out a pained groan, Yoonjo barely managed to lift his eyelids. His blurry vision did not clear even after blinking several times.

“Oh? Oppa is awake!”

Suddenly, a strange girl he had never seen before entered his field of vision. The scenery behind the child was also unfamiliar.

“Grandpa! Oppa woke up!”

The child shouted for her grandfather and ran out of the room with a pitter-patter. Yoonjo, who had been staring blankly, felt that something was strange and sat up.

He looked down at his two hands; they were perfectly fine. Except for being changed into clothes he’d never seen before, his body was the same. When he pinched his cheek slightly, it even hurt.

“You awake?”

What in the world is going on? It was then, as he was fumbling through his disorganized thoughts. The closed door flew open and an elderly man with a venerable age poked his head in.

“If you’re awake, come out to eat.”

“……Pardon?”

“Are your ears worse than an old man’s? Can’t even understand the first time.”

“Grandpa, why are you getting mad at oppa!”

The child who had run out a moment ago came rushing back in and stood squarely in front of Yoonjo. Her posture was rather imposing.

The old man, who clicked his tongue with a tsk tsk as if in disapproval, left, and the child turned around to look at Yoonjo with a triumphant face. Her small hand grabbed Yoonjo’s and pulled.

“Oppa, you have to hurry out. When grandpa gets mad, he’s reeeally scary!”

“Uh……?”

“Hurry, hurry!”

At the child’s urging, Yoonjo dazedly got up and left the room. The moment the door opened, his eyes wrinkled from the sunlight pouring in.

He made a visor with his hand and carefully surveyed his surroundings. It was the scenery of a typical countryside house. For Yoonjo, who had lived with little connection to the countryside, it was quite an unfamiliar sight.

On the not-so-wide wooden porch, a meal was already set. On the round, steel dining table he had once seen on television, food was neatly arranged. The menu was, without exception, humble.

Fried eggs and kimchi, stir-fried anchovies, nameless greens, and bean sprout soup. Yoonjo’s gaze was captivated by it.

“Oppa, sit here.”

The child sat Yoonjo down next to her and then sat right beside him. Her eyes did not leave Yoonjo’s face.

Not long after, the old man returned carrying three rice bowls on a tray. After placing one in front of Yoonjo, the child, and himself, the old man picked up his spoon first.

“Alright, let’s eat.”

“I will eat well!”

“…….”

The old man and the child continued their meal as if nothing was wrong. Yoonjo could not bring himself to lift his spoon. Not only did he feel self-conscious, but he was also bewildered by this situation. He wanted to hear an explanation of what was going on, but he just couldn’t bring himself to speak.

“Are you holding a memorial service in front of the dinner table?”

The old man, who had slurped a spoonful of soup with a slurp, tapped Yoonjo’s rice bowl with his spoon. Yoonjo’s startled eyes turned to the old man.

“Or are you being picky about the side dishes?”

“Ah, no……!”

“Kids these days, I tell you…….”

“Grandpa, don’t scold oppa!”

The child’s voice cut sharply through the old man’s displeased gaze. She stuck close to Yoonjo’s side, glared at her grandfather, then turned back to Yoonjo and smiled bashfully.

“Oppa, grandpa even made fried eggs because you woke up! Isn’t that the best!”

“Han Chaei. Grandpa told you to be quiet during meal times.”

“Hmph……. You were talking too, grandpa.”

The grumbling child began shoveling rice into her mouth again. The old man took care of the child with great familiarity, and Yoonjo, who had been watching him blankly for a moment, also quietly picked up his spoon.

The freshly made rice was warm. The fluffy grains warmed the inside of his mouth. How long had it been since he had a proper meal? He had only eaten a single spoonful of rice, but an unknown sorrow welled up inside him.

Unable to chew or swallow the rice in his mouth, Yoonjo just lowered his head deeply. The hand holding the spoon trembled. No one pointed it out.

After finishing his meal, Yoonjo headed to the market with the two of them. The old man was in the driver’s seat of the cultivator, and behind him sat Yoonjo, holding the child in his arms. Yoonjo sat still, blankly watching the passing scenery.

It was peaceful. So peaceful it was bizarre, to the point that it was rather frightening. The child, oblivious to Yoonjo’s inner turmoil, couldn’t take her eyes off him. Her gaze was fixed.

The cultivator stopped around the time buildings began to gradually appear in the landscape that had been only rice paddies. The child, with a look of disappointment, climbed down from Yoonjo’s lap and stood on the ground.

“Oppa. Can Chaei hold your hand?”

The child held out her small hand. Looking at the tiny hand, not even half the size of his own, Yoonjo let out a small laugh.

“My hand is probably cold.”

“It’s okay. Chaei will make oppa’s hand warm.”

The small hand wrapped around Yoonjo’s fingers. The hand, which barely grasped four of his fingers, was warm. The child smiled brightly and, following the old man, pulled Yoonjo toward the market. At the end of it, it was teeming with people.

Seeing that, Yoonjo couldn’t go more than a few steps before he stopped in his tracks. A sudden fear washed over him. The child’s body heat couldn’t embrace even his instinctive terror. The child looked up at Yoonjo, who was gasping for breath, with a strange expression.

“Oppa?”

It felt as if the man would appear at any moment from within the crowd of people. It felt like he would stride over and plunge a syringe needle into his neck.

And when he opened his eyes, he would once again be treated worse than a dog, repeating that hellish life. His mind painted the images of its own accord.

“Oppa, what’s wrong?”

The child shook the hand she was holding. The old man, who had been walking ahead, turned around with a whip of his head when he no longer heard the two of them following. Yoonjo couldn’t come to his senses even by the time the old man had turned back and stood before him.

Gradually, his vision narrowed. His breathing became ragged and his eyes filled with tears. His vision swam as if his body would collapse at any moment.

“Grandpa, something’s wrong with oppa……!”

Finally unable to hold them back, teardrops fell with a pitter-patter. As Yoonjo gasped for breath and staggered backward, the old man firmly gripped both of his shoulders. His mind snapped back to attention at the force. A cry mixed with sobs escaped him on its own.

“Heuk, e, elder…….”

“So frail…….”

Tsk, the old man clicked his tongue and pulled Yoonjo somewhat roughly. He sat him down behind the nearby cultivator and then lifted the child up onto it as well.

“Stay here quietly. I’ll go by myself.”

“Huh? Grandpa? Grandpa!”

Before he could even retort, the old man quickly disappeared into the crowd. The child called for the old man a few times, then pouted her lips sullenly.

“Oppa’s hands are so cold…….”

His whole body was cool, just like his pale face. The child held both of Yoonjo’s hands and pressed them as if giving a massage, then after saying to wait a moment, she disappeared somewhere with a scurry.

When the child returned, a paper cup was in her hand. The child, grunting and groaning, climbed onto the cultivator and held the cup out to Yoonjo.

“Oppa, drink this. Grandpa said you have to drink water after you cry.”

“…….”

“You can’t drink water? Should Chaei feed it to you?”

“……No.”

Yoonjo carefully accepted what the child offered. The paper cup was lukewarm. It wasn’t that cold water had been left at room temperature for a long time, but rather it seemed she had made it by mixing cold and hot water just right.

“……Thank you.”

Even with a face that looked like it would collapse at any moment, Yoonjo said thank you. The child smiled proudly and kneaded Yoonjo’s hands with her fern-like ones. Yoonjo couldn’t even swallow the water the child had given him and just stared down at the round top of her head.

Now I’m even receiving pity from a child this young. His situation felt both laughable and pathetic.

“But oppa, why did you come here?”

The child’s voice cut off his thoughts, which were about to turn negative. Yoonjo, who had been staring at the rippling surface of the water, lifted his head.

“The grandpa and grandmas said that young people don’t come here. The village chief is the youngest, but he’s waay older than oppa! Chaei is the youngest baby!”

“…….”

“But oppa is young. Why did you come?”

It was a question that hit home. Yoonjo couldn’t answer it.

Because a bad person is chasing me, I ran away and ended up here. I was going to die, but when I came to my senses, I was alive. He couldn’t say that.

“But Chaei is happy you came, oppa. Because oppa is pretty.”

Hee hee. The child laughed mischievously. Her small, clear face was full of joy.

The child did not press for an answer. As if she had forgotten the question she had just asked, she poured out a flood of other questions and things she wanted to say.

To Yoonjo, who had never dealt with a young child before, the child’s existence was difficult yet fascinating. The face that knew nothing of the world’s dirty and ugly side was pure white.

“Oppa, can’t you live here with Chaei and grandpa forever and ever? Chaei likes oppa, so I want to live with you forever. Grandpa is always busy and doesn’t play with Chaei. Chaei doesn’t have any friends.”

“……Grandpa will be uncomfortable.”

It took a long while for Yoonjo to offer a single reply. The child, hearing that answer, tilted her head.

“Huh? That’s not true. Grandpa likes oppa.”

The child was innocent. It was something only possible because she didn’t know the discomfort or awkwardness that only adults could detect.

Instead of answering, Yoonjo gently stroked the child’s head. Her eyes, smiling as if she felt good, curved thinly into the shape of a crescent moon.

“Chaei likes oppa.”

“Just a while ago you said you liked grandpa the most, has that changed already?”

“Oh, grandpa!”

The old man, who appeared right on time, loaded the things he was carrying onto the back of the cultivator. The excited child shot up and hugged her family member.

“Grandpa, did you buy Chaei senbei?”

“I did not. Where would I get the money to buy senbei for a naughty kid who doesn’t listen.”

“But Chaei said I wanted to eat senbei!”

“Then who told you not to listen to your grandpappy.”

“Hmph…….”

The grumbling child slipped out of the old man’s arms and threw herself into Yoonjo’s. Yoonjo, with a slightly dazed face, patted the child’s back, and the old man clicked his tongue and got into the driver’s seat.

The cultivator, carrying the three of them, headed back home. The child was still in Yoonjo’s arms. Cradling the small body carefully, Yoonjo took in the sight of the road they had just passed by again.

‘Oppa, why did you come here?’

The question the child had thrown at him a little while ago echoed in his ears. The answer he couldn’t spit out rolled around in his mouth.

After driving for a long time, by the time the cultivator stopped in front of the house, the child was deep asleep.

The old man lifted the child into his arms and carefully laid her down in the room. In the meantime, Yoonjo moved the luggage that had been on the cultivator to the wooden porch.

“Um……. Elder.”

It was just as the old man was coming out of the room. Yoonjo called out to him carefully. The old man’s gaze shifted to him.

“Th, thank you for your help. I’ve been a great burden, but I don’t have anything with me right now…….”

“Cut the chatter and go change your clothes.”

“Pardon?”

“Get changed and come out. We’re going to put up the chili pepper stakes.”

The old man tossed a black plastic bag, which had been wedged among the things he had bought at the market earlier, to Yoonjo as if throwing it.

When he accepted it and stood there blankly, the old man shouted loudly with a fearsome face, telling him not to dawdle and to move quickly. Startled, Yoonjo scrambled into the room and changed into the clothes from the bag.

As soon as Yoonjo came out after changing, the old man took him around here and there, making him work. Whenever he tried to say something, the old man would just tell him to cut the chatter and do that over there, always throwing another task at him.

By the time they returned home, the sun was already setting. As he let his exhausted body slump onto the wooden porch, the old man clicked his tongue with a tsk tsk as if displeased. Unlike the worn-out Yoonjo, the old man was full of energy.

“Got nothing but a pretty face, completely useless.”

“Grandpa, don’t say bad things about oppa!”

“Han Chaei. Grandpappy told you not to be shallow about faces.”

“Hmph. Grandpa is a dummy.”

It’s peaceful. Excessively peaceful. His body felt uncomfortable, as if he were in a place he shouldn’t be.

Originally, he should have left this house a while ago. He had planned to say he was sorry for being a nuisance, that he had been a great burden, and then move to another place immediately. He would have, if the old man hadn’t stopped him.

It wasn’t that he disliked this house. The kind people and the cozy space were so to his liking that he wanted to stay for a long time. However, regardless of his preference, he shouldn’t be here. At the very least, he didn’t want to cause trouble.

He was afraid that if he were ever caught by Won Kangho later, the man, upon learning he had stayed here, might harm them. It was for that reason that he had tried to leave this place.

I really have to leave. He didn’t want to make people who were like his saviors experience something they didn’t have to. It was enough for him to bear the misfortune alone.

Yoonjo waited only for the night to come. The nights in the countryside arrived earlier than in the city.

“Um, Elder.”

Night, when the world was covered in darkness and even the child was asleep. After hesitating for a long time, Yoonjo went to find the old man. It had been hours since he started loitering around him.

The old man, who was spreading out the bedding, glanced up with just his eyes. Yoonjo, standing awkwardly against one wall of the room, nervously scratched the wrist where the bracelet used to be.

“Um, I have something to tell you…….”

“Forget it.”

“Pardon?”

“Put away any thoughts of saying useless things.”

He hadn’t even said what he wanted to say yet. At the old man’s demeanor, which cut him off like a knife, Yoonjo froze in bewilderment.

“Don’t ask anything, and don’t say anything. It’s all in the past anyway.”

“…….”

“For the time being, stay here.”

The old man, having checked the neatly spread bedding, opened the door as if to leave immediately. And just before stepping outside, he gestured with his chin towards somewhere and said.

“Wash the cup and put it out to dry.”

Thump. The door closed. Yoonjo, who had been standing blankly, turned his head in the direction the old man had indicated.

He saw a water cup on a humble tray, water in a glass bottle, and next to it, a medicine packet. Seeing it, Yoonjo felt something surge up from within him with a choke.

His head drooped deeply. He bit his lip painfully, stifling the sound. Holding back his tears and killing his emotions, Yoonjo stayed up through the dawn.

Amidst anxiety and peace, bizarrely quiet days flowed by like water.

The man’s hand had not yet reached this deep into the countryside. Even so, he couldn’t be completely at ease, so Yoonjo had to spend every day in anxiety.

Being tormented by nightmares was a given, and even insomnia plagued Yoonjo. After wandering for a long time, even when he finally managed to fall asleep, he would be tormented by nightmares and wake up drenched in a cold sweat.

I can’t stay here for long. There was no telling when Won Kangho would come looking for him. To avoid being caught by him, he shouldn’t stay in one place for too long.

Knowing this, Yoonjo still hesitated. The comfort he was feeling for the first time in what felt like an eternity held Yoonjo’s ankles. The blunt old man and the innocent child broke down Yoonjo’s guard.

I want to stay just a little longer. The more time he spent with them, the more such complacent thoughts gradually grew in size. He wanted to stay here for a while.

He knew it was an impossible dream. But isn’t a dream something you have even when you know everything?

A normal life of waking up early in the morning to help the old man with farm work, and then coming home to rest in the afternoon when the sun grew hot. Yoonjo simply enjoyed these recent days, where he could enjoy what he had longed for so much.

After lunch, the child would always come into his arms. The child, who clung to him without hesitation, was awkward at first, but Yoonjo did not push her away.

The old man seemed to not be very pleased with the child doing so. Even when he said it was fine, he would stop the child every time.

“Han Chaei. Grandpa told you not to be rude.”

“Eee……!”

“It’s alright.”

The child had a high body temperature. Perhaps because of that, she liked to cling to Yoonjo, who had a relatively lower body temperature, and fall asleep.

When the child was napping in his arms, Yoonjo would gently fan her so that she wouldn’t wake up from the heat. The rustling wind caressed her fine hair.

The old man, though he would click his tongue, couldn’t bring himself to pull his granddaughter away, and instead of saying sorry, he would often place cool fruits like watermelon in front of Yoonjo. That was the old man’s own way of expressing himself.

And so, the quiet days flowed by. He still had nightmares, and the anxiety that grew in size every dawn was agonizing, but at least during the hours when the sun was up, he could spend them comfortably.

One day, he was wiping the floor of the small country house with a hand rag. Yoonjo, who discovered something wedged between a drawer and the wall, carefully took it out.

“…….”

What came out from the crack in the wall was a picture frame. Two men, and a tiny baby held in their arms. The three people in the photo looked happier than anyone.

He wasn’t sure about the men, but he felt he knew who the child was. With good timing, the person in the photo popped up next to him and revealed herself.

“Oppa, what are you looking at?”

Every time the child tilted her head, her neatly tied hair swayed back and forth. When she discovered what was in Yoonjo’s hand, the child let out a happy sound.

“Oh! Those are Chaei’s dads!”

“……Chaei’s dads?”

The child smiled brightly and naturally climbed onto Yoonjo’s lap. Then, pointing to each person in the frame with her finger, she added an explanation.

“This is Chaei, this is Chaemin appa, and this is Seohui appa. Seohui appa went faaar away. Grandpa said he went to America.”

“America?”

“Uh-huh. He said Seohui appa went to get treatment because he was sick.”

No trace of sadness or shadow could be found on the child’s face as she told her story. At her brightly smiling face, Yoonjo kept his lips sealed and remained silent.

“But, you can’t talk about my dads in front of grandpa.”

The child whispered, deliberately lowering her voice. When Yoonjo just stared silently, she smiled mischievously and whispered once more.

“It’s scary when grandpa gets mad.”

“……Does grandpa get angry when you talk about your dads?”

“Uh-huh. He said he won’t give me senbei and won’t give me puffed rice either.”

“…….”

“It’s a secret that Chaei talked about my dads. Got it? Grandpa told me not to tell anyone. I’m telling you because you’re pretty. Promise!”

A tiny hand with only its pinky finger extended came toward Yoonjo. As if mesmerized, Yoonjo hooked his finger with the child’s.

Only after pressing their thumbs together and brushing their palms and the backs of their hands in succession did the child let go. At her brightly smiling face, Yoonjo felt an indescribably complex emotion.

Taking advantage of the child’s nap, Yoonjo quietly left the house. He walked the path to the sea, where he had first headed when he arrived here sometime ago.

Yoonjo stood vacantly on the sandy beach and quietly listened to the sound of the strongly crashing waves.

“Haa…….”

The breath he let out was heavy. The child’s family situation, which he had suddenly learned about, was much heavier than he had thought.

He felt he could roughly understand why the old man had let him stay here. The men in the photo looked to be Yoonjo’s age, and the words that one had gone to America felt like a means to deceive the child.

It could be true, but his intuition was telling him. That this house had some kind of story.

Is it right to stay here any longer? Wouldn’t it be better to leave here quickly, right now? Such thoughts washed over him like waves.

He was afraid that he would become a burden to them. If only he had died back then, he wouldn’t even be having these worries. His body remembered the moment it was submerged in that sea.

The temperature of the seawater, which felt like it would freeze him to the bone despite it being summer, the waves that crashed frighteningly as if to swallow him whole, and the color of the water that was like a bottomless black hole.

It had only been a short while ago, yet it felt like a very distant past. The sea breeze that brushed through the strands of his hair was all too familiar.

“What are you doing here!”

It was when he was blankly staring at the sea for a long while. Yoonjo’s body was spun around by a tremendous force that snatched his arm. His eyes, wide with surprise, turned to the one who had grabbed him.

The old man’s face was boiling with rage. Where on earth did such strength come from? The old man pulled Yoonjo with all his might. His weak body was flung around without being able to put up any resistance.

“You should know that a person’s life is precious. Trying to do that terrible thing again, again!”

“That’s, that’s not it. Elder, please calm down……!”

As if he couldn’t hear anything, the old man only let go of Yoonjo when they arrived at the house. A red and vivid handprint was left on the wrist that had been grabbed.

He couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t add any words because he was not unaware of the reason the old man was acting that way.

Yoonjo had already tried to take his own life once. And although the old man hadn’t said it directly, he was guessing that he was the one who had saved him.

In the old man’s eyes, he must have looked like someone who, after having his life barely saved, was going back to die on his own two feet. He wanted to say that wasn’t it, but his lips wouldn’t part easily.