Humanity Chapter 11.1 - Slump

If one were to ask which of the two demanded the relationship more, it was by far Seolyoung.

It was always him who initiated embraces, who pleaded for kisses, and likewise, it was him who would get aroused just by a slight touch of the other’s body and press for the act.

Yimyeong had never once refused such demands, but he almost never became aroused first and came on to Seolyoung.

Recently, Seolyoung had been feeling a disparity in affection in this aspect as well. Of course, once they started a relationship, both he and Yimyeong felt a definite climax. There was no falsehood in Yimyeong’s reaction when he orgasmed. Even while knowing that they were both sufficiently satisfied, when he looked at the plain Yimyeong who rarely had any sexual demands, he would find himself lost in thought, wondering if that was his original nature, or if it was because he himself was an unattractive partner.

Perhaps all of this was an inferiority complex stemming from being a half-alpha.

On the day Yimyeong visited the hospital to get a new prescription because his suppressants had run out, Seolyoung hesitated before confiding these worries.

“Hyung, on average, are alphas’ sex drives stronger than omegas’?”

“Well? I guess it depends on the individual. Why?”

Inchan’s explanation was utterly insincere. Seeing Seolyoung’s dissatisfied expression, Inchan clicked his tongue.

“What do you want to ask? Say it precisely.”

“…I don’t think my lover has much of a desire.”

Ah….

The doctor pressed his temples and let out a short sigh.

“He’s never asked to do it first. I’m always the one who has to ask first. But he feels it well. I thought I was good at it, but now that I think about it, I wonder if it was all an act. I don’t know, since he’s my first. I’m worried it might all be my misunderstanding….”

“Wait. Do I really have to listen to this kind of story?”

“Hyung, haven’t you heard stories like that? They say there are people who act even when they don’t feel much. And my lover has more experience than me.”

“No, I mean, illnesses to a doctor, marital relations to a counselor.”

“There are absolutely no problems with our marital relations.”

Seolyoung retorted defensively, but inwardly, he thought he liked the word ‘marital’. However, his spirit was immediately crushed upon hearing the next words.

“It’s the same as with regular people. The one who likes more and wants more just does it more.”

“Yes….”

Seolyoung agreed, feeling a little gloomy. Then, a moment later, he muttered softly.

“…I’ll be going.”

Watching Seolyoung, whose mood was plainly written on his face, Inchan reached out his hand, saying, “Wait, wait.”

“So impatient. I was just a little taken aback because I didn’t expect you to confide in me about something like that. Who wants to listen seriously to the sex life of a close dongsaeng? Sit down. I’ll explain it to you.”

“What is it?”

Seolyoung sat back down in the chair with a blank face.

“You know that omegas have a rutting period too, right? It’s called a heat cycle, and usually the presence of an alpha partner is the trigger.”

“…I know that….”

“I thought you and your girlfriend were taking suppressants for that reason too. Have you never seen it?”

“……”

At those words, Seolyoung frowned. He wondered if he was just too dense to notice, but no matter how he racked his memory, he couldn’t recall anything that felt similar. Looking at Seolyoung’s serious face, the doctor opened his mouth.

“Is that it, perhaps? Because you’ve never had a rut.”

“That’s right.”

“So the condition wasn’t met. I’m curious too. Well, you’re still in your prime, and if you don’t have any specific plans to marry the friend you’re seeing now, I think it’s better to play it safe. Isn’t that why you’re taking suppressants?”

‧₊˚

“I’m home.”

As he opened the front door and stepped inside, a delicious smell wafted out. It seemed Yimyeong was cooking. Yimyeong, who was standing in the kitchen, turned around and spoke to him.

“You’re back?”

Seolyoung immediately hugged him from behind and pressed his lips to his cheek.

“I was hungry. This is the best.”

“You haven’t had lunch yet? Perfect.”

As he pecked his cheek several times, Yimyeong only looked shy, without any sign of annoyance. What he was making was kimchi fried rice. It was a simple dish, but Seolyoung was instantly delighted. A meal prepared by Yimyeong’s rough hands was one of Seolyoung’s favorite things.

The gloomy feeling from visiting the hospital seemed to lift a little.

Soon, plates were placed on the table one after another. It seemed he hadn’t paid much attention to the presentation, but it was truly delicious.

“It’s really delicious.”

“Does it suit your palate?”

“It’s more delicious than the tuna sashimi we bought and ate yesterday.”

“You can’t compare it to tuna sashimi. This is nothing special.”

“Why is it nothing special? What you make for me is the most special.”

At the honest words, Yimyeong’s ears turned red as he smiled shyly.

“I’ll make it for you more often from now on.”

After finishing the meal, Seolyoung stopped Yimyeong, who was about to do the dishes right away, and took the rubber gloves from him.

“Just sit there. You cooked, so I should at least do this much.”

He told him to go rest, but Yimyeong waited nearby for Seolyoung to finish the dishes. There were only a few dishes, so it was over quickly. Taking off the rubber gloves, Seolyoung turned around and, upon seeing Yimyeong sitting obediently at the table, habitually approached and kissed him once more.

“Waiting so nicely.”

He gently cupped his cheeks as if he were precious, and at the light kiss where only their lips touched and parted, Yimyeong held his gaze for a long time.

It was a look that seemed to say he had something to say.

“Seolyoung.”

Yimyeong raised his hand and began to fiddle with his cheek. Seolyoung naturally closed his eyes and gladly hugged Yimyeong, who clung to his neck. Yimyeong repeatedly stroked Seolyoung’s hair and fiddled with the nape of his neck. It was a very passive expression of affection, but when Yimyeong acted so tenderly first, he couldn’t contain his feelings of endearment.

“What’s with you today? You’re so pretty.”

“What did I do….”

“No, you keep acting so pretty.”

“I am?”

Yimyeong’s ears were red as he asked back. While embarrassed, he cautiously kissed Seolyoung’s cheek whenever their eyes met.

“Yeah, is there something you want to say?”

At that moment, Yimyeong flinched and cast his eyes down.

“What is it? You really had something to say, didn’t you? What is it? Ask me for anything.”

For a moment, the word ‘heat cycle’ that he had heard from Inchan lingered in his mind. Come to think of it, Yimyeong, who was always composed, seemed subtly a bit excited today. It was evident in his actions, like rubbing his cheek while they kissed and showing a sort of non-coyness as he felt their body heat.

Could it be a precursor to his rutting period?

At the guess, Seolyoung’s heart swelled with anticipation, and Yimyeong spoke as if in agreement.

“You’re really like a ghost.”

“Am I right? I knew it.”

Thinking his intuition was correct, Seolyoung beamed. Yimyeong looked awkward as he drew out his words.

“But I wasn’t exactly flattering you to ask for a favor….”

“I know. There’s no need for flattery. I would have granted any of your requests.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

At those words, Yimyeong’s eyes curved softly. He looked relieved.

“Seolyoung. I….”

“Yes.”

“I was thinking of starting work again.”

“…Work?”

It was an answer a million years away from what he had expected, and Seolyoung hesitated.

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. But I was hesitant because of my pheromones, but now I have suppressants, so.”

“…What kind of work? The work you used to do?”

“Something similar. Actually, I even have an interview scheduled, but I wanted to discuss it with you first.”

“……”

Seolyoung relaxed the arms that were holding Yimyeong. Unsure how Yimyeong interpreted his reaction, he added a more detailed explanation.

“This job is different from the kind of places I used to work at before. It’s at a luxury brand boutique in a department store, so it’s not that rough of a job.”

“……”

“Normally, with my qualifications, I wouldn’t even be eligible to apply, but I got lucky. There was an article about it not long ago, right? I never thought it would happen, but they recognized me because of that.”

Yimyeong looked genuinely happy as he said that. In contrast, Seolyoung found it difficult to control his expression.

He took hold of Seolyoung’s hand, which was naturally pulling away, and met his eyes.

“I’m taking suppressants, so I probably won’t get caught now. Being able to work again like this is all thanks to you. Seolyoung. I’m really grateful.”

There was sincerity in Yimyeong’s eyes as he said those words.

Even though he kept saying thank you, Seolyoung noticed that Yimyeong was trying to persuade him more earnestly now than ever before.

Since it was the first time he had seen him, who had never asked for anything, want something this much, of course he wanted to grant it.

But at the same time, he also regretted everything he had done for him. Getting him the suppressants, and even going out together and becoming fodder for an article.

Seolyoung rubbed his tired eyes, which he hadn’t blinked for too long. Then, he honestly stated the first thought that came to his mind.

“I’m not really keen on it….”

“I know how you feel, but….”

“It’s too dangerous. Do you know what you looked like when I saw you again after eight years? You were getting stabbed with a knife while protecting others. It’s still horrifying to think about.”

“I’m telling you, that won’t happen anymore. Before, I wasn’t in a position to be picky about work, but….”

“I also don’t like you touching others and being close to them.”

“It’s not security work, so it’s fine.”

“I don’t like you worrying about the well being of others. Just think about me.”

At those words, Yimyeong suddenly burst out laughing. It seemed he thought Seolyoung’s unreasonable remark was him whining playfully like usual.

“Seolyoung, you’ll give me permission, right?”

“…But I don’t want to.”

“Your season is coming up soon, too. Are you telling me to just stay at home by myself when you go into the athletes’ village?”

He wanted to say he would rather have that. Entering the athletes’ village was something he had been consistently worried about. He originally didn’t think he would feel so anxious about being apart from him like this. In a short time, he had fallen for Yimyeong harder than he had thought, and that feeling grew more intense by the day, to the point where it now felt like an illness. He wasn’t confident about being apart from him, let alone letting him out into the world alone.

“So what’s wrong with that?”

“It would be nice if I worked while you were working too.”

“I don’t think it’s nice.”

“Do you like me being a bum?”

“Yes.”

Seolyoung was being stubborn. It wasn’t a funny situation at all, but Yimyeong laughed thoughtlessly. He muttered ‘cute’ and caressed his cheek. Even that seemed like a gesture to persuade him.

Seolyoung, without answering, sucked on Yimyeong’s nape. Yimyeong let out a pleasant moan, his throat vibrating.

“Hnng, Seolyoung….”

Feeling his scalp tingle at the low-pitched voice, Seolyoung groped his firm body. While kissing him, he caressed his narrow, slender back, then immediately slipped his hand into his loose training pants, and Yimyeong pulled away slightly to ask.

“Did you suddenly get the urge?”

“Yeah. You just made a really sexy sound.”

While Yimyeong laughed again, Seolyoung immediately hooked his hand on his pants and pulled them down. Yimyeong lifted his butt to help take them off, and after a few deep kisses, Seolyoung immediately laid him down on the dining table.

Spreading Yimyeong’s legs and fitting his hips between them, Seolyoung kissed him without giving him a chance to speak. While their tongues intertwined, he inserted a finger into the narrow, parted slit. Feeling the slippery lubrication gush out, Seolyoung immediately took out his own and aligned it with the entrance.

“Ah….”

As he pressed in and pushed right away, a small wrinkle formed on Yimyeong’s brow.

“Relax… please?”

Seolyoung gently rubbed his side chest and waist to help him relax. He could feel Yimyeong trying to relax his body on his own by taking a deep breath. Seolyoung inserted his own about halfway, pulled it out again, and then thrust it deep the moment he exhaled.

Yimyeong let out a low moan at the thick cock that pushed its way in without retreating in the slightest. Once the inside could accommodate him to the root, Seolyoung gripped his slender abdomen with both hands as if to squeeze it and drove in hard.

“Hnng….”

The intensity of the penetration was not weak from the start. The tightness and pressure made insertion itself difficult at first, but after repeating it a few times, it gradually became easier. As their flesh slammed together hard enough to dye his thighs red from friction, a cold sweat began to break out all over Yimyeong’s body.

“Hah, haah…. Hnng.”

Before long, the surroundings were filled only with the sounds of sweaty friction and panting breaths. From insertion to ejaculation, it was an incredibly fierce act of sex, as if they were in a race. Feeling the urge to cum, Seolyoung thrust deep enough for his scrotum to touch the perineum, then slowly repeated pulling it out. Each time, the sight of his slick, wet penis pulling out with the thin wrinkles of skin was impressive.

For the last time, he looked into Yimyeong’s eyes and thrust deep inside him. Biting his lower lip with his eyes closed, Yimyeong was already steeped in climax.

“You were a bit rough today….”

Yimyeong said with a sigh after coming. Lying sprawled on the table, he reached out for the wet wipes. Seolyoung, with his head down, muttered quietly.

“Myeong.”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t want you to work.”

Yimyeong was calm, as if he had expected those words. Even knowing that the previous act had been emotional sex mixed with a hint of resentment, he did not get angry. The fact that he hadn’t even mentioned the lack of a condom, when he usually nagged about it, meant he had guessed Seolyoung’s feelings. And yet, he had ‘put up with’ Seolyoung.

Yimyeong sat up and calmly wiped his lower body with a wet wipe. The sight of him wiping himself with his legs spread wide, his adductor muscles clearly defined, was terribly erotic. With his eyes cast down, Yimyeong asked calmly.

“I told you everything….”

Yimyeong frowned at the semen that gushed out from inside him. He threw the wet wipe into the trash can and pulled out another one.

“I know how you feel. But what you’re worried about will never happen. I promise.”

“No, you don’t know how I feel.”

You don’t know what a dark possessiveness I have.

Instead of saying that, Seolyoung licked his lips nervously. Yimyeong swept his hair back and slowly got off the table. Then, he roughly put on the bottoms that had fallen to the floor.

“Even if it seems like a meaningless job to you, it’s important to me. I’ve rarely had an opportunity like this in society. Seolyoung. I want to be acknowledged and live a dignified life too.”

“No one doesn’t acknowledge you.”

“Of course, the money I earn will be nothing compared to yours. Still, a person should earn enough to be financially independent….”

“Why are you worried about money when you have me? Is your allowance not enough? You should have told me. And what do you mean, independent? Are you saying you’re going to live alone?”

“Of course not. Seolyoung. I have to be a proper person, too.”

“You already are, more than enough.”

Yimyeong let out a faint sigh.

“Then should I just keep living like this, only having sex with you? While sponging off my lover….”

“Why not?”

“That can’t be called a normal life.”

“It’s fine as long as you don’t think that way.”

At that moment, Seolyoung saw a look of profound exhaustion flash in Yimyeong’s eyes.

At the same time, he realized a heavy truth. Perhaps he was breaking Yimyeong’s free will.

“Seolyoung… The allowance you give me, I’m really grateful for it, but I have to pay off my family’s debt.”

“I know. That’s why I give you plenty.”

“So, sending that allowance to my mother, pretending it’s my salary, that has bothered me from the very beginning.”

“Why? All my money is yours, so why does it bother you….”

Shaking his head, Seolyoung took a deep breath and let out a hurried one.

“Right, should we get married?”

At that moment, Yimyeong’s eyes widened.

“We can just get married. Then my assets will become our joint assets, so you can pay off your debt, and you won’t have to work. If we build a family, there won’t be any talk of who is sponging off whom….”

However, Yimyeong could not relax his stiff expression. Seeing him frozen stiff at the suggestion of marriage, no matter how hastily he had blurted it out, was making his mood increasingly terrible.

“Seolyoung…. Haa….”

Yimyeong slowly stood up from his spot. Then, with his body still not fully cooled from the sweat, he hugged Seolyoung. As Yimyeong’s arm stroked his back, he could feel his own heart pounding.

“I understand how you feel. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would be this anxious.”

“…Myeong.”

“…Then should we postpone this one?”

“Postpone it?”

“I don’t want to force you to do something you hate either. So, a little later, when you feel better….”

At those words, Seolyoung shook his head with difficulty. Time passing would not make him better. If anything, it would get worse.

Also, he was afraid of what Yimyeong, who had wanted to work so much, would secretly think as he put his plans on hold for him. Wouldn’t he be sighing helplessly and clicking his tongue inwardly, thinking he was fed up, as he hugged him?

What he wanted was to be a kind and considerate man who respected his lover and helped him do whatever he wanted to do. Not a loser who would lock him up at home, beg him to look only at him, and bargain with marriage.

The perfect, fantasy-like man Yimyeong spoke of would never be like this.

His lover wanted to work and needed social status. Being a sincere man, he wanted to have his own place in society… Seolyoung struggled to accept that fact.

‧₊˚

Contrary to what people thought, Kwon Seolyoung’s life as an athlete was not very smooth.

Now, people only remember the moments of glory. However, Seolyoung remembered more vividly the frustration of passing through a deep, dark tunnel with no end in sight. People usually say that going through such a period makes a person stronger, but Seolyoung thought that theory did not apply to him. That period of frustration had permanently broken something inside him.

At seventeen, a slump came along with a back injury he sustained when he presented as an alpha. The slump was by no means short.

Not just reporters, but the public as well, guessed that Seolyoung’s severe slump at that time was because of his ‘presentation’. Nowadays, it is fairly well known what kind of presentation alphas and omegas go through and what symptoms they experience, but back then, there was no information, so the still young Seolyoung received extremely harsh evaluations both domestically and internationally. He often heard people say that there are many athletes who show a brief spark of talent in their youth, and that his past peak was probably his best.

However, Seolyoung did not think his slump was because of the presentation fever or the back injury. But he never spoke honestly about it in any interview.

Because if he said he was heartbroken over a love he couldn’t even confess, and that a slump came from that, no one would believe him.

Later, after his brilliant comeback, when he showed skills superior to his past, reporters would often ask him.

‘How did you overcome your slump?’

Seolyoung still couldn’t give a very good answer to this.

To Seolyoung, that question was,

‘How did you overcome your heartbreak?’

It was a synonym for this.

He doesn’t know how he gave up on a one-sided love, or when and how life became bearable. It would be more accurate to say that he just lived his daily life out of inertia.

Fortunately, as time passed, he no longer thought of Yimyeong all day long and sometimes even laughed with genuine joy. Even after returning to school after the worst competition of his life, he got along well with his friends and, on the outside, never showed any sign of his heartbreak.

According to some, love is a hormonal action and has an expiration date. Seolyoung placed his hope in those words. Thinking that if his feelings cooled, he might be freed from this suffering. And so, to reach that expiration date as quickly as possible, he also consciously avoided Yimyeong. He was afraid that his feelings would flare up again just by seeing his face.

Even as the seasons changed, Yimyeong’s empty seat was not filled again. The students chattering noisily in the classroom acted as if they didn’t even notice Yimyeong’s absence. Now, on the athletic field track, only lonely fallen leaves rolled around at night instead of the boy who used to run there.

Seolyoung became lazy with his rehabilitation too. At some point, he even stopped his physical training and became completely idle. The number of days he didn’t climb the diving board, from which he used to jump 100 times a day, increased.

Thanks to that, Seolyoung had to watch the people who had been by his side give up on him at the tender age of eighteen. There was not a single person who cherished the talent he himself ignored.

One day, while spending his days gloomy and aimless like that, Seolyoung watched a competition he had given up on participating in. The faces of the athletes being interviewed right after the match were shining with tension and vitality.

Watching that, he thinks he probably… cried a little.

The first competition that signaled his comeback.

Right before a match, adrenaline always rushes through the whole body. It was a different kind of excitement than during practice. The moment he kicked off the precarious diving board and ran, Seolyoung was certain of the result.

Soon, a clean entry as if being sucked into the water. The small bubbles that wrapped around his body for a moment, and the roar of the coaching staff heard mumbling from beyond the water.

As soon as Seolyoung, who had poked his head out of the water, swept his hair back, the score echoed through the stadium. It was a new personal record on the first attempt.

Seolyoung leisurely got out of the pool. As his sleek, mermaid-like body was revealed, cheers erupted from here and there. Athletes from all around sent encouragement to Seolyoung, who had shown a flawless, clean form.

It was then. Someone shouted at Seolyoung.

‘Hey. You made it.’

Seolyoung, who turned towards the voice, immediately recognized who it was. It was a British athlete who used the same training facility. As soon as their eyes met, he sent a playful wink. Seolyoung gave a slight nod and put on his jacket.

‘Seolyoung, be careful of that guy.’

The coach, who quickly followed behind, spoke in a low voice. Seolyoung gave him a curious look.

‘Why, you got pretty close since he was so friendly at the training facility. But I heard that friend is a….’

‘…….’

‘Omega.’

Seolyoung maintained his silence and looked back. Across the hall, where water was dripping, the athlete in question was smiling at him. Seolyoung stared blankly at the undisguised display of interest. The sensation of his wet skin drying in the air felt cool.

‘No, well, I don’t mean to say anything about you getting close personally, but if things get noisy outside of the competition, it’ll be a distraction for you too.’

‘…….’

‘People’s perceptions are still….’

‘Yes?’

‘I’m saying if you’re thinking of seeing him, do it quietly.’

‘…….’

It seems he had stared too intently. The coach seemed to have misinterpreted Seolyoung’s gaze. Seolyoung ignored the gaze that was still following him, as if to cut it off, and headed to the locker room.

‘I’m not interested.’

‘Right? You were never interested in dating. I figured as much, but it’s not like it matters if you do. Who can stop two people who like each other? When sparks fly between a man and a woman, there’s no stopping it. They say for an alpha and an omega, it’s 50 times more intense than between a regular man and a woman.’

‘…….’

‘Kids like you usually can’t get a grip when you get a late start. What I mean is….’

‘Yes.’

Seolyoung answered obediently and 괜히 zipped up the jacket he was wearing to his neck. The study that the attraction between an alpha and an omega was due to a powerful pheromonal action was now accepted as established fact. However, he was negative about such information. Because it couldn’t explain why he was attracted to Yimyeong.

‘Coach, you don’t have to worry.’

‘Hmm?’

‘You know, they say that even love has an expiration date of at most three years. That the neurotransmitters that sustain the feeling of love are only secreted for that long.’

‘Uh-huh, right.’

‘If that’s really true… then my first love should have ended by now.’

‘…….’

‘Three years, four years, five years have passed, and I still can’t forget him.’

The coach seemed unsure how to react to the sudden words from Seolyoung, who was not one to usually express his personal feelings. Seolyoung smiled faintly and answered.

‘Aren’t you the same, Coach? You love your wife.’

‘Ah, well, I live by affection.’

‘Exactly. I thought I would be like that too, but it didn’t work out so well…. That’s why I don’t believe it. All that talk about pheromones and whatnot.’

The coach, realizing what Seolyoung was saying, backed off without nagging any further. Left alone in the locker room, Seolyoung’s face was once again calmly settled.

It was just as he had said. It had been a long time since he graduated from high school, but Seolyoung had not forgotten Yimyeong one bit. If there was one thing that had gotten a little better, it was the fact that he no longer cried easily, thanks to having cried his eyes out in his early twenties.

[It’s a silver medal at the World Championships! Kwon Seolyoung is truly amazing. He suffered a long slump due to a serious injury right when he was starting to gain attention. He has returned perfectly recovered and upgraded.]

[With a silver medal at the World Championships, we can look forward to an Olympic medal.]

[It’s definitely worth looking forward to. Anyway, he must have had a hard time, so it’s a relief that he got a valuable result. I want to go and tell him he did a great job later.]

As the commentators’ excited voices continued, the camera captured Seolyoung’s face right after he confirmed the result. His face was in a big close-up as he swept back his wet hair and checked the score. Then, the ecstatic coaching staff ran over and hugged Seolyoung fiercely one by one. Only then did a faint smile appear on Seolyoung’s lips.

‘Kwon Seolyoung, the height of the diving board is really dizzying. What do you think about when you go up to that high place?’

In the commentator’s camera, he showed a calm smile even as he dripped with water. At the reporter’s question, Seolyoung fell into thought.

From the past until now, there was only one thought he had.

I hope you are watching me from somewhere.

‘I think that I have to do better. To get a better result….’

‘It seems you feel a lot of pressure. A silver medal is also a very valuable result. No one will say it’s a shame.’

‘But a gold medal is more sensational, isn’t it?’

‘Pardon?’

‘Wouldn’t I be on the news one more time that way? I want to become more famous.’

‘Haha, you have ambition, don’t you? We hope you win a medal at the next Olympics and decorate the news headlines with the name Kwon Seolyoung once again.’

The reporter laughed cheerfully, as if it sounded like a joke. Seolyoung also just smiled instead of adding any further explanation.

How did he overcome his slump?

From then until now, every time he climbed up on the high diving board, there was only one thing he resolved to do.

If he couldn’t find him, he would choose to be unforgettable.

I will become someone who can never be forgotten. If I become even more famous than now, if I become the world’s best in a sport that’s practically a barren land and make a stir in the media, you’ll think of me at least once.

There were countless people around Seolyoung who loved to brag about even the slightest connection to him. He didn’t show it, but he didn’t like those people, but if Yimyeong did that, he felt he would be nothing but happy.

And if they ever met again someday….

‧₊˚

“Why are the numbers suddenly fluctuating so much… Does your coach know about this?”

At the center he visited for a regular check-up as always, Seolyoung found out the cause of his recent poor condition.

“You can’t control your alpha pheromones. Are you okay?”

“Is it serious?”

“Yes. Aigoo… The season is coming up soon, this is a big problem. And you can’t even use medication because of the doping test.”

At those words, Seolyoung let out a deep sigh and pressed his eyes firmly.

“…I don’t know. If it’s right to go.”

“What are you talking about? You have to go for now. There’s still time until the competition.”

“I can’t seem to get my head in the game lately… I think I’m in a slump.”

“Tsk, you shouldn’t say things like that so easily.”

But his current state had unsettling similarities to the slump that had started with his heartbreak at seventeen.

“I can’t control my emotions well. My mood swings are severe too.”

“It’s probably because of your condition. The mental affects the physical, and the physical affects the mental. For now, let’s just watch and see if the hormone levels stabilize.”

Seolyoung dropped his head and let out a frustrated sigh.

Recently, his alpha hormones had been more unstable than ever before. The problem was that it was accompanied by actual symptoms of mental anxiety. This was fatal in diving, where one had to overcome fear every time they stood on the board.

“By the way, your girlfriend, she’s taking her suppressants regularly, right?”

“…Why do you ask?”

“Because the presence of an omega can also stimulate an alpha… If one of them enters their period, the other is affected too. So just in case….”

“……”

Glancing at the silent Seolyoung, Inchan continued.

“Never mind. I was just saying.”

A little later, Seolyoung stood up from his seat, saying he would be going. Inchan followed him out and patted his shoulder, telling him not to worry too much.

“It’s something everyone goes through. You went through all that trouble when you presented, but you endured it well. It will pass.”

At his words, the events of his presentation flashed through his mind. And the long slump that followed.

“Did it look like I endured it well?”

“…It didn’t?”

Seolyoung bowed his head in farewell and left the center.

Unlike a broken bone that becomes stronger than before once it heals, some wounds leave aftereffects even after they have healed. The mental exhaustion of helplessly losing the first love he wanted so much left a deep scar on Seolyoung’s heart. It would not be strange if that turned into a twisted obsession and possessiveness.

The cause of his slump, then and now, was Yimyeong. The man he had wanted so much was now by his side. And he even loved him dearly.

Yet, if a slump were to come, how on earth was he supposed to overcome it this time?

“I’m home.”

Returning home, Seolyoung called out towards the inside. Instead of an answer, the sound of water was heard.

It seemed Yimyeong was probably washing up. Tossing the car keys onto the dining table, Seolyoung took off his jacket and headed to the master bedroom.

As he sat on the edge of the bed, the half-open nightstand caught his eye. It was the drawer with the condoms. He had hurriedly taken one out yesterday and forgotten to close it completely.

Reaching out to close the nightstand, Seolyoung paused.

“……”

He listened to the sound of water coming from the bathroom. The fiercely falling stream of water showed no sign of letting up. He, who had been staring at the remaining condoms in the open nightstand, soon stood up and opened the closet. He took out a needle from the sewing kit stored in the closet, and then took out the condoms from the nightstand again.

He’s taking suppressants anyway, and I’m just a half-alpha.

We’ve had sex without condoms all this time, and there hasn’t been even a hint of pregnancy, let alone pregnancy itself. The probability is almost zero anyway.

So, I’m not deceiving Myeong….

Seolyoung raised his trembling hand while making excuses to himself. Once he had made up his mind, the rest was easy. Seolyoung pricked all the remaining condoms with the needle like that and quietly closed the nightstand.

“Oh, you’re back?”

Yimyeong, who came out of the bathroom, said as he looked into the master bedroom. Seolyoung immediately clung to him, kneading his still damp skin.

“Ah, what are you doing?”

“Huh? Didn’t you wash up to seduce me? Knowing I get especially turned on when you’re wet.”

Seolyoung pushed him onto the bed, kneading the body under his t-shirt. As he touched him, he wanted to see the beautiful bone structure appropriately covered with muscle. He pushed the t-shirt all the way up to his neck and buried his lips on the faintly shining skin.

“Hey, I just washed up….”

Even so, Yimyeong did not stop him from clinging. When he sucked on his nipples, which were so swollen they were bruised, Yimyeong’s abs tightened. Their breathing quickened, and soon a kiss followed, their lips fumbling for each other.

“You want to do it?”

Yimyeong asked. As he groped his body and kissed him, his throat vibrated with a pleasant moan. Supporting his hand next to his face with one hand, he took out the penis with its bulging veins with the other. In the meantime, Yimyeong naturally lifted his hips and pulled down his pants.

“Right. We’re almost out of condoms.”

“Already?”

“Yeah, I’ll buy more.”

Seolyoung took a condom out of the nightstand. He nonchalantly tore open the condom, on which the tiny hole was unnoticeable, with his mouth and put it on himself.

Immediately bending down to kiss Yimyeong’s lips, Seolyoung folded Yimyeong’s legs up to expose the hole below. When he hastily aimed for the hole, the bottom, which was already wet from last night’s lovemaking, softly swallowed Seolyoung’s.

“Eung… Haa….”

Right after giving him a little time to adjust to the tight fit, Seolyoung quickly thrust his hips up. At the slapping sound of flesh meeting, Yimyeong’s buttocks quickly turned red. Every time he repeated the insertion, not only did it bite down tightly as if unwilling to let go, but fluid also began to splash onto his lower abdomen and perineum.

He feels a burning desire for the hole that diligently feels pleasure no matter when he inserts. At the same time, stars burst before his eyes.

“Hah, haa, keuk….”

Seolyoung gasped for breath and gripped Yimyeong’s back tightly. The resilient body in his arms convulsed finely. Kissing Yimyeong’s parted mouth as he moaned, he ravaged the tongue inside to his heart’s content. Every time he touched the roof of his mouth and tongue, Yimyeong’s body flinched.

“Myeong. That thing you talked about last time….”

“That thing?”

Yimyeong turned to look at him with lucid eyes. His sexy eyes, clouded with excitement, narrowed slightly as if trying to understand what he had heard.

“The interview you mentioned. Do you want to go?”

Seolyoung propped himself up and continued speaking. As their bodies separated, Yimyeong huddled his shoulders, perhaps feeling a chill from his cooling sweat. Seolyoung watched the semen, which couldn’t withstand the pressure in the narrow space, seep out, before pulling himself out. The soaking wet hole puckered up elastically again.

“Hnng… Are you serious?”

“Yeah. I’m serious.”

“…Seolyoung, thank you.”

Yimyeong sat up and pulled him into a hug. Leaning his body as he was pulled, Seolyoung cast his eyes down.

He is a devoted lover, but that does not mean he has no desires. It is also true that seeing a happy Yimyeong makes him feel heart-wrenchingly happy.

But at the same time, the feeling that he was continuously making concessions for him would not go away.

If possible, he wants to restrain Yimyeong’s limbs and lock him up in this house. He wanted to cut him off from the world and make him feel only the happiness he gave. At the same time, Seolyoung couldn’t trust himself for having such dangerous thoughts.

Perhaps what he truly wants is independence. To live like a human being, at the very least.

And what he himself truly wants is to completely possess Yimyeong. Could these two ever find a balance on a scale? Seolyoung was silently lost in thought.

‧₊˚

Before Yimyeong’s interview, Seolyoung gifted him again with the things he had once thrown away.

A tailored suit and a pair of dress shoes.

It was like the woodcutter making the heavenly maiden’s clothes again with his own hands. He wasn’t keen on it until the very end, but Seolyoung corrected his thinking that this was the right thing to do for Yimyeong.

“It’s nice to see you dressed like that after a long time.”

Seolyoung had decided to drive Yimyeong to the interview location himself today.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to buy me a new one.”

Yimyeong said as he got into the passenger seat. It was something he could say because he didn’t know that Seolyoung had gotten rid of the old one long ago. Seolyoung managed a smile.