World Chapter 2.1

My afternoon lecture was canceled, so my day ended early and I came home. My midterms would be starting soon, and I should have been studying diligently, but I took the opportunity to take a long nap. It was only when the afternoon sun slanted through the window that I opened my tired eyes.

As I got up from the bed, my whole body ached as if it were bruised.

It was strange. It was always like this when I woke up.

I should feel refreshed after a good nap, but far from feeling refreshed, my whole body ached as if it would break, and I was exhausted.

Every time I got out of bed, I remembered camping in the mountains with Youngwoo back in the day. Just like back then, when I had slept on a thin blanket laid over thick fallen leaves, my back and shoulders complained with a dull ache.

“My shoulders hurt.”

I tapped my sore shoulders with my hand and went down to the living room.

Hyungjo was sitting alone in the living room.

He sat there quietly, like a monk in meditation. It was an expressionless face, as if he had been sitting there like a stone for a long time, his reason and thoughts completely burned away to nothing.

Not knowing I was watching, Hyungjo let out a small sigh after a long moment and closed his eyes.

I made my presence known and sat down beside him.

“When did you get here? Did your class end early too? What are you doing?”

“I’m not doing anything.”

Without even opening his eyes, as if meditating, Hyungjo replied quietly.

I stared at his side profile, as if stealing a glance.

He has an intellectual face. Sharp, too.

Sungjoon was also intelligent, but Hyungjo also had an attractive and handsome appearance that exuded a sharp intellect.

I impulsively reached out and made his eyebrows into a sad shape. I lifted the ends of both eyebrows with my fingers, and only then did Hyungjo open his eyes.

Life returned to his once-stubborn, expressionless face. It was a look that said, I’m dead tired, now what?

It was true that the atmosphere between Hyungjo and me had changed since we had unintentionally kissed.

I wanted to become closer to Hyungjo. I wanted to get closer to him. That’s how attraction always was.

Wanting to get closer, wanting to talk, wanting to share body heat.

Wanting to know more about him.

“Look at your eyes. They’re really mean-looking eyes. They look like eyes with horns on their butt……”

“…….”

At Hyungjo’s persistent silence, I felt awkward and took my hands off his eyes. I carefully observed Hyungjo’s reaction.

His lack of words was agonizing. I racked my brain, trying to think of something we could have as a common topic of conversation.

Just as I was trying to come up with a good idea, my stomach rumbled.

Why am I always so hungry.

I devour all the snacks and food the hyungs bring to the kitchen, but for some reason, I’m always hungry, as if a beggar lives inside my stomach.

“Ah, I’m hungry……”

“…….”

“Hey, aren’t you hungry?”

“…….”

“I’m hungry. Where did Seok-hyung go?”

“…….”

“Heyyy, aren’t you hungry?”

“Go out and eat.”

“I can’t be bothered.”

“…….”

“I’m hungry.”

“…….”

“Make me something. Huh? Make me something. I’m hungry, Hyungjo.”

I think I repeated that I was hungry about twenty times. Hyungjo, who had been maintaining an indifferent front, must have decided he couldn’t stand it anymore, because he shot up and went into the kitchen. I followed him, smiling. “You were going to make it for me in the end anyway,” I muttered.

Hyungjo chopped the ingredients into roughly the same size and stir-fried them. He then added rice to the pan. What he made was fried rice.

The moment Hyungjo put it on the table, I snatched it as if to steal it and began to gobble it down. Hyungjo sat in the chair opposite me, staring intently at me eating as if my life depended on it.

“You won’t feel full even if you eat like that.”

“What?”

“I’m saying you won’t feel full no matter how much you eat.”

“What are you talking about? I’m full right now?”

I retorted to him, my cheeks puffed out with food, as he said something nonsensical.

Hyungjo didn’t answer and lowered his head. He sat there drowsily, as if dozing off, until I finished my meal.

After eating so much, I was almost uncomfortably full. Satiated, I plopped down on the sofa.

Hyungjo put a record on the gramophone and played it. So there are people who listen to music on a gramophone in this day and age, it was a refined hobby. I, too, sank down languidly and listened to the music.

Heo Seok had bought him the record again. Maria Callas. Come to think of it, I remember hearing her when they did a Maria Callas special on TV.

After putting on the LP, Hyungjo came and sat next to me. He had a tired look on his face. He seemed partly not fully awake, and partly overcome with sleepiness.

Hyungjo closed his eyes. He breathed as if inhaling the voice of the soul. Watching his chest rise and fall, I asked.

“What song is this?”

As the woman’s beautiful voice flowed out, Hyungjo carefully laid his own voice on top of it. It was like a face and a voice seen and heard in a trance.

A sad dream that, upon waking, you can’t even remember if you dreamt it at all.

“Un bel dì, vedremo (One Fine Day).”

“One Fine Day.”

I mimicked Hyungjo’s way of speaking.

Hyungjo was being sucked into the music. It felt as if his soul and spirit were being absorbed by the song, and that Hyungjo’s very being would become transparent and soon disappear.

I urgently grabbed his arm tightly. Unable to fly off somewhere because I was holding him, Hyungjo opened his eyes and looked back at me. It felt like I was falling into a bottomless, hazy hole. His neat face was intense, as if it were pulsing. I suddenly felt sad. I felt like I was about to cry.

Hyungjo is alive. I can feel it.

Hyungjo is alive.

“You’re alive, right?”

“……Yeah.”

To my random question, Hyungjo answered seriously. My heart pounded at his thoughtful gaze. I let go of his arm, which I had been gripping as if to crush it.

This time, Hyungjo grabbed my arm and casually stroked it with his hand.

“You’re thin.”

“…….”

At Hyungjo’s words, I looked down at my own form.

I really was thin. I had never been a fleshy person, but I used to have a healthy, standard body type for my age. But now, it was noticeable even to me at a glance. I sighed, looking down at my bony arms.

It’s because school life is hard…….

I looked at Hyungjo. I hid my thin arms behind my back.

“By the way, did you know?”

“What?”

“About Seok-hyung and Sungjoon-hyung……”

“Ah.”

Hyungjo acted as if he knew, as if it were no big deal.

“You knew?”

“How could I not know when Heo Seok-sunbae makes it so obvious. He does it on purpose. Sometimes he acts so recklessly at home on purpose for someone to hear.”

Hyungjo criticized Heo Seok, his brow furrowing.

“Since when did you know?”

“A long time. A very long time.”

“Really? Are you okay with that kind of thing?”

“……And if I’m not okay with it?”

“Isn’t it a strange kind of thing?”

“A strange kind of thing?”

“Isn’t it… a little strange?”

“What’s strange about it? It’s not strange.”

Why was it?

His gaze, as he turned to look at me, gently shaking his head as if to say it’s not strange, you’re the one who’s strange for thinking it’s strange, was deeper than ever before.

I nodded my head too.

“I didn’t think it was strange either.”

Hyungjo looked away. My gaze, which had been on him, became awkwardly tangled. I asked in a bright tone, as if to refresh the atmosphere.

“Are you studying for the exams?”

“…….”