World Chapter 3.5

Every time I shed tears, the woman would also weep as if she had forgotten something. It was a ridiculous sight, as if I were her son. I had lost my beloved father, and she, my mother, had lost her husband, Hyungjo. And so we were facing each other, crying pitifully. That’s what it looked like.

“Good heavens……, how can you cry like this. How upset the professor would be if he saw you.”

He’d be plenty upset, I’m sure. How upset he must be, having died without ever seeing me after I’d leaped through time.

Why haven’t I aged? Why am I still the same?

I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, Hyungjo. Say it isn’t so. You’re not dead. You’re just teasing me again, right? Right, right, please…….

My heart collapsed. I struck my chest with my fist, thud, thud. She and I cried for a long time, realizing the fact that Hyungjo had left.

Only after a time when we were too exhausted for even tears to fall did she compose her grief and ask cautiously.

“Are you a student in the professor’s class?”

“……Yes.”

“Come now, stop crying and have something to eat. You must be completely drained from crying so much.”

“……Why did Hyungjo, no, Professor Kim Hyungjo pass away?”

“So you didn’t hear the news. Our professor had a weak heart. He’d been hospitalized for a few months now because he would occasionally lose consciousness. For the past few weeks, he’d been unconscious the whole time. He was in a coma and then this morning, he just.”

“…….”

Heart disease……. So that was why Hyungjo’s complexion was always pale and his expression stiff.

You caught quite a noble disease, Professor Kim Hyungjo.

“……Did he leave a will.”

My tone was flat. I wanted to confirm that I had existed in Hyungjo’s life. I had to confirm it to feel compensated. If it could offer even the slightest compensation to this loving heart of mine, then I could forgive Hyungjo.

Hyungjo, who had abandoned me so cruelly and left.

“There was no separate will. It was all so sudden.”

“…….”

“Student, what’s your name?”

“…….”

“Student?”

“Did you love the professor.”

“……Of course. The professor was a truly wonderful person. Very affectionate too……. Like you, student, I respected the professor.”

“…….”

I love Hyungjo. I love Hyungjo. It’s not respect. I love him!

“Mother.”

A low voice, similar to Hyungjo’s baritone, was heard.

A hallucination, am I hearing things again…….

“Hanse!”

“Mother, what on earth is this all of a sudden.”

Hyungjo, it’s Hyungjo.

I dazedly watched Hyungjo collapse before his own funeral portrait.

My eyes frantically followed Hyungjo. But Hyungjo’s wife had called him her son, and called him Hanse.

Hyungjo, returned to life, prostrated himself before his own portrait and shed fierce tears. His sobs were deep and thick. Hyungjo soon accepted his own death. He calmly composed himself, changed into mourning clothes, and became the chief mourner at his own wake.

As I stared intently at Hyungjo, Hyungjo’s wife helped me up and led me to him.

“He’s your father’s student. He was crying so much……. Say hello.”

“…….”

Hyungjo stared intently at my face.

Hyungjo, it’s me. It’s me, don’t you recognize me?

He watched me for a long time as I started to cry again, then bowed his head to me in greeting.

“Thank you for coming.”

“Student, what did you say your name was?”

His wife asked me. I was still crying, looking at Hyungjo. My crying steps were wobbly. I swayed with every step forward. Hyungjo caught me and held me up.

Ah, ah……! Sadness and ecstasy burst in my chest like a balloon popping.

I love you. I love you, Hyungjo.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. Hyungjo, flustered, tried to push me away. I collapsed into his pushing hands like a straw doll.

“Hanse! What is this rude behavior? Student, are you alright?”

“…….”

His wife defended me. Hyungjo helped me up. My face, contorted as it was, looked up at him.

Hyungjo sat me down on a chair in the back. His wife returned to the memorial altar to greet the mourners in Hyungjo’s stead.

Hyungjo, acting as the chief mourner in front of his own funeral portrait.

I love you, I love you.

I still love you so much like this…….

“Hey, are you alright?”

Hyungjo taps my cheek. It feels like a hole has been drilled in my head and my brain is leaking out. I lift my trembling arm and caress his cheek.

“……I love you, Hyungjo.”

“…….”

I cupped and caressed Hyungjo’s blurring cheek. Sinking into Hyungjo’s eyes as he stared at me blankly, my mind went out like a blown fuse.

∞ ∞ ∞

My consciousness gradually returned to the sound of murmuring. I forced open my eyes, which refused to open. It was a hospital. I was lying on a hospital bed. An IV was connected to my arm, a needle piercing my skin, feeding a foreign substance into me.

I opened my eyes and looked around. The scenery seemed to be rotating around me as its center. I shook my dizzy head. Soon, I heard a whispering voice.

“Of all times, for this to happen while you were on a business trip. Are you okay?”

“He was in a coma for a while now. I was prepared.”

“People, really. It would have been perfect if that man Hyungjo had one more child, a daughter. His only son is so cold.”

“My father won’t come back to life just because I’m sad.”

“Hah, honestly. Anyway, the chief mourner will have a hard time. So, when is the funeral procession.”

“The day after tomorrow.”

“Where will he be laid to rest?”

“The family burial ground is prepared.”

“By the way, who is that student? I saw him crying so sorrowfully earlier.”

“……I heard he was my father’s student.”

“Hyungjo, that friend of mine was very affectionate. He was blunt but tender. Seeing his student cry like that, it seems he didn’t live such an empty life after all. Don’t you think?”

The low laughter of three or four men could be heard. The laughter sounded distant, as if I were drugged.

Did they give me a sedative? I feel like I’m going to throw up. My stomach is churning. Hyungjo comes into my dazed view.

Hyungjo looked around and then helped me sit up. I sat up as Hyungjo raised me, like an obedient, well-behaved lamb.

I’m dizzy. I feel nauseous…….

I wanted to quickly shake off this unpleasant feeling and face Hyungjo with a clear mind. As I barely held onto my consciousness, Hyungjo asked me coldly.

“You, what was your relationship with my father?”

“…….”

We were in love. You said you would love me forever. You said you wouldn’t forget, you definitely said it with your own lips.

I wanted to say something but I couldn’t get a grip on my senses. He straightened my head, which kept lolling and swaying from side to side. His hand slapped my cheeks. My mind cleared a little, but my soul was soon sucked back into a dream-like dizziness.

“I asked what your relationship with my father was!”

“……Hyungjo.”

“I am Kim Hanse. Hey, get a hold of yourself.”

Hyungjo shook my shoulders.

You were going to be alive like this, so why do you keep scaring me. How many times a day do you want my heart to drop. Don’t look at me with those eyes. Hyungjo, why are you looking at me with those eyes?

When I reached out my arms to hug him, Hyungjo hit me. I cupped my stinging cheek with my hand and looked up at him.

Hyungjo’s coldly hardened face resembled Heo Seok in some way. Tears flowed down my hot cheek. Seeing my tears, he grimaced even more.

“What was your relationship with my father? Just what kind of relationship did you have with my father?”

“…….”

“I knew my father was drifting, but I never thought he actually had a secret lover. And on top of that, a man, and on top of that, a student. I’m speechless.”

“…….”

“Was it really that kind of relationship? Huh? Hey, was it really that kind of relationship?”

“…….”

“Cat got your tongue? Why don’t you disappear while everyone still thinks you’re a great student under a great professor, instead of embarrassing my father any further?”

“……Hyungjo.”

“I’m Kim Hanse. I’m the son of the man you claim to love. Got it?”

“…….”

I couldn’t bring myself to meet the two eyes that were shooting daggers at me. I turned my head and cried.

Only then did the reality of it all wash over me.

Hyunwoo, you have to get a grip. Get a grip, please…….

I coaxed and begged myself, barely managing to pull my body and mind together.

Hyungjo is dead. You fool, Hyungjo is dead. Hyungjo never existed in the first place. That’s right, he didn’t. The Hyungjo who loved Maria Callas, and the Hyungjo who loved me, never existed from the start.

I wish my heart would split open. I wish my chest would be cut out.

If only I could carve out this painful part…….

“Are you awake?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Good heavens, you’re crying again. Here……”

As I clutched my cheeks and trembled, Hyungjo’s wife pulled me into her arms. Seeing this, the expression of Hyungjo, no, his son, twisted viciously.

Hyungjo had never once made such a face at me. Even when he pushed me away, his face had only contorted with regret; he had never worn such a blatantly disgusted expression. That look clawed at me as it passed. My heart shriveled.

Hyungjo’s wife, knowing nothing, just patted my back and held me.

“Stop crying, student. The professor would be so upset if he saw you, wouldn’t he?”

Her voice was soft and quiet, like she was soothing a baby. Funnily enough, her comfort caressed me tenderly. As her warm body soothed me, my heart grew calm.

Did Hyungjo love this kind of comfort too?

“Student, what is your name?”

“…….”

“Later, when I’m sorting through the professor’s belongings, I’ll send you anything that should go to you. A book would be fine too, okay?”

“My name is Jung Hyunwoo.”

“Hyunwoo, stop crying now. There, there.”

As if to say I should really stop crying now, she pressed a handkerchief firmly against the corners of my eyes. Hyungjo’s son, Hanse, watched his mother’s actions toward me with a furrowed brow.

Hyungjo looked like that when he furrowed his brow too……. My heart feels heavy.

As if she knew my gaze had shifted to her son, Hyungjo’s wife gave a faint smile and said.

“He looks so much like the professor, doesn’t he? He’s the spitting image of him when he was young. Sometimes it feels like Hanse’s father has come back, rejuvenated.”

“Mother.”

“Yes, yes. He’s just as quiet and blunt. At least his father had a lot of affection……”

“Mother, please go get some rest. Leave this to me.”

Hyungjo’s son seemed to hate me being with his mother with a passion. With a tone that screamed he was annoyed to death, he first pried loose the hands of the woman who was holding and patting me. The woman paid no mind and cupped my face, asking.

“By the way, Hyunwoo, how long did you take the professor’s class?”

“The class was……”

“Mother.”

“Alright, I get it. Hyunwoo, you rest. Rest a bit before you go. If you have time, would you be sure to stop by the house? Come by when I’m sorting the professor’s belongings, alright?”

“…….”

With my head bowed, I stared blankly at the hem of her skirt as she disappeared. The moment her back was completely out of sight, Hyungjo’s son swiftly drew the curtain around the hospital bed and asked.

“Don’t tell me you started seeing my father when you were a minor?”

“……No.”

“Who do you think you’re talking to so informally.”

He suddenly grabbed a fistful of my hair and then let go. The momentary pain was so sharp that I flinched and stared at him without thinking.

“Get the hell out now.”

“Hyungjo’s belongings……”

Slap! My head snapped to the side from the hot pain.

“Who’s Hyungjo, calling him Hyungjo. Watch your mouth.”

“……The professor’s belongings……”

“What, you want them?”

“Please let me see his belongings.”

“You crazy bastard, you must really have a death wish, huh?”

“I don’t care if I’m a crazy bastard or a son of a bitch, just show them to me.”

“…….”

“I said show me Kim Hyungjo!”

“…….”

He looked down at my hate-filled eyes with a hardened expression. His stern frown soon twisted bizarrely.

He took a cigarette from his pocket and put it to his lips, but then, realizing this was a hospital, he chewed on the filter. He turned his gaze toward me.

It’s Hyungjo. That’s the face Hyungjo makes when he looks at me.

Lies, it’s all lies.

My head is spinning. He approached and sat on the edge of the bed I was lying on. He stared at me intently before lifting one corner of his lip into a smile. It was an expression several times more terrifying than anger. I gripped my trembling wrist tightly.

“Do you want to die?”

Hyungjo’s son asks with that smile, wearing Hyungjo’s face. My heart aches. Biting my lip, I said.

“……I have the right to.”

“A right? You, who had an affair with a man who had a perfectly good family. It’s awkward to even call it an affair. It’s disgusting.”

“I don’t care what you call it. Let me see his belongings.”

“…….”

Hanse spat out the cigarette he had been chewing on. It fell onto the white sheet, and crumbs of dried tobacco leaves scattered from the unlit cigarette.

He reached a hand behind his back into his jacket and fumbled for something. He pulled out something pitch-black from behind his waist and pressed it to my forehead.

“Why don’t you pick your spot to die. Here? Or pick wherever you’d like.”

What I felt, hard and cold against my forehead, was the muzzle of a gun. The cool sensation of death trickled down my spine. A shiver ran through me.

“It won’t hurt if it goes through your head, so don’t be too scared.”

He pressed the muzzle into my forehead again and again. Each time my head was forced back, the nape of my neck stiffened. I could feel death approaching me with a stride.

I almost wanted him to kill me. I glared at him, daring him to shoot me with that gun.

Shoot me, shoot me with that gun. I glared at him like that for a long time. Hanse also stared intently into my eyes before speaking.

“Get the hell out now if you don’t want to be utterly humiliated.”

“…….”

Hearing someone’s footsteps, he hid the gun in his waistband again and stood up as if nothing had happened. He glanced at me and then went down to the wake to keep his place as the chief mourner.

Swallowing a sorrowful cry, I pulled out the IV needle stuck in my arm. Blood flowed out. I pressed it with my fingers, wiped the streak of blood, and got off the bed.

I staggered out of the hospital. The sound of wailing spread faintly behind me.

Hyungjo…… is dead.