World Chapter 6.1

I returned to the dormitory. I was so mentally exhausted that I wanted to just collapse on the floor and bawl my eyes out, but I had nowhere to go and no one to comfort me.

The dorm room had been left in the messy state it was in that day. Hanse, being a prosecutor, had gotten prior approval from the dorm supervisor, so I was free to come and go as I pleased.

“…….”

I stared blankly at the state of the ransacked room, then, without any thought, I rolled up my sleeves and started cleaning. Once I tidied up and finished organizing the room, the missing items became even more apparent.

Hyungjo’s book and my diary. A diary where I had scribbled a few phone numbers and addresses, lecture schedules, the professor’s email address, and occasionally some assignment notes. Fortunately, I had stopped writing in the diary at the beginning of the semester and hadn’t even taken it out since.

I was wiping every corner of the room with a rag. Knock, knock. Someone knocked on the door.

“Who is it?”

I opened the door.

“You’re back?”

It was the student who said he used the room next to mine. I stared at him, bewildered.

Before I could say anything, he stealthily entered the room. In his hand was a rustling plastic bag. As if presenting a surprise gift, he suddenly thrust the bag forward and said.

“Let’s sneak a drink. Drinking alone just doesn’t feel right.”

He grinned limply and plopped down on the floor.

Drinking in the dorms – just possessing alcohol was grounds for demerits, and causing a disturbance while drunk was grounds for immediate eviction, but I didn’t refuse. The alcohol looked sweet. The person who was truly craving a drink wasn’t the nameless student in front of me, but me.

He tore open a bag of snacks and poured soju into a cup. In no time, a decent drinking spread was set up.

“I’ve heard a lot of rumors about you. That you’re a little crazy?”

“…….”

I didn’t reply and just took the cup he offered. If I could soothe them away with alcohol, my chest was full of emotions I wanted to get rid of.

I had resented Hyungjo and fought with Hanse. Because of Hyungjo, I had experienced love, and because of Hanse, I was at least not lonely, but today I had lost them both.

I realized that Hyungjo was the object of my foolish, lingering obsession, and because of that, I realized that Hanse was someone I could not be with. Even I found it hard to accept my own attitude of seeking comfort from Hanse while longing for the dead Hyungjo.

“Ah, right. My name is Park Junho.”

He clinked his paper cup against my half-empty one and told me his name. It didn’t matter who he was right now.

I drained my cup and held it out to him again. Park Junho filled the paper cup to the brim with clear soju.

“You really wanted a drink, huh?”

“…….”

I swallowed the soju as if it were water. The hot alcohol passed my Adam’s apple, flowed thrillingly down my esophagus, and my brain sloshed in my head.

“The dorm thief, did they catch the culprit? The police were snooping around before they left.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, hey? I’m probably older than you.”

“You want me to call you hyung, too?”

“I want to be called sunbae.”

“Now that you say you want it, I want to do it even less.”

“Hah……, what a cheeky bastard.”

Park Junho didn’t pour me a drink, so I poured it myself and downed two consecutive cups. Park Junho let out a hearty laugh and crunched on his snacks.

“Didn’t you get any word? Nothing stolen? Who the hell was it? They could find out right away by checking the CCTV, why isn’t there an update?”

I, too, crunched on a snack and replied.

“Must’ve been some bad guy.”

Park Junho leaned his back against the head of the bed and rambled on about this and that. He was chatty, asking if I lost anything, if there was anything valuable, and that you have to be careful about these things in the dorms.

I let his words go in one ear and out the other, continuing to down soju. My stomach churned and my brain churned. I wished a part of my brain would rot away and the piece that remembered Hyungjo and Hanse would fall off, I wished I could lose my memory, even if it became hazy.

“……Hey, I heard you were possessed by a spirit or something, is that true? They say you see ghosts?”

Park Junho shifted his posture, watched me quietly as I paid no attention to his words, and asked.

Was this the point of all that long, drawn-out chatter? His sparkling eyes were fixed on my brow, waiting for an answer.

I gulped down the soju and swallowed dryly, as if to soothe my nauseous stomach.

“Yeah, I see them. For your information, there are a few of them in this room right now, the ghosts. Oh, here. Come on, come sit down. You have a drink, too. You’re the student who committed suicide here, right? What? Because you didn’t have tuition? Then you should’ve just earned it. What’s that? You earned it but someone took it? You should go get revenge, what are you doing here?”

I chattered on, beckoning to the empty air. Park Junho, getting spooked, needlessly looked around.

“So who was that guy? Find him and get rid of him. A ghost doesn’t even have that much guts?”

I said, looking at Park Junho. Park Junho rolled his eyes, pointed to the space right next to him, and asked.

“Is there one here? Right here?”

“This person is Park Junho, he lives in the room next to mine. Why, do you like him? She’s a virgin ghost, you know.”

I asked the empty air, then whispered to Park Junho as if revealing a crucial secret, “She wants me to tell you she’s a virgin.”

Park Junho, truly spooked, looked at me and rubbed his chilled arms, his voice trailing off as he said, “I have a girlfriend.”

Again, to the empty air, I said, “This guy has a girlfriend, so it’s a no-go. Don’t even think about it.” I continued this nonsense for a bit before feeling pathetic and stopping.

“You’re joking, right?”

Park Junho asked, completely frozen in fear. I stared intently at him.

Right, if you see a ghost, you should be trembling in fear like that. But me, far from trembling in fear…….

“The virgin ghost left. She said you’re such a scaredy-cat, it’s a turn-off.”

“You bastard, stop lying. It sounds so real.”

“We’re out of booze. If you’re not going to buy more, you should get going, sunbae-nim.”

“Shit, you scared the hell out of me and now you’re telling me to go alone?”

“The ghosts are all gone. They’re not here anymore, so just go.”

“Are you really messing with your sunbae?”

“The one who falls for it is the fool.”

“What kind of bastard is this? It’s not funny at all!”

He tapped me on the head a couple of times. Still scared, he looked around, his nerves on edge, his eyes fearful of what might be there.

His foolish appearance didn’t even make me laugh.

Is this what people mean by pathetic?

Whether it’s the bitterness of the soju, a bitter, stinging sensation fills my mouth.

Park Junho said he liked my audacious personality and left the room, saying he’d bring more alcohol.

As soon as he left, I locked the door. A few minutes later, relentless knocking could be heard, but I didn’t open it.

I pulled the covers over my head and lay down on the bed. The sound of knocking on the door eventually faded, along with a low curse.

My stomach was queasy, and my head was spinning…….

Hyungjo was dead, and Hanse had grown distant.

I opened my eyes under the covers. Only pitch-black darkness was there. It felt like I had stuck my head into the gaping black maw of a demon fish.

I glared fiercely at that darkness, at the tongue inside the demon fish’s mouth. Hoping foolishly that Hyungjo might emerge from the demon’s esophagus.

I spat out threatening words in my mind, saying that if ghosts really existed and if they were ghosts, they should appear now. I stared until my eyes hurt, but even in the dreams I fell into, they did not appear.

The day began to break faintly.

Bright light spread over my thin eyelids. I slowly opened my eyes. As I opened them, I saw someone standing in the small dorm room.

Seeing his face, I sat up with a start. My hair was a bird’s nest, and every time I breathed out, the smell of alcohol reeked.

Outside the window, it was still covered in pitch-black darkness. I glanced at the time and saw it was only three in the morning. The faint light was coming from that person.

“……Taewan-hyung?”

Taewan was looking at me with a blank expression. A faint light was spreading along his silhouette, and his feet were hovering in the air as if he felt an urge to fly. The sparse stubble on his chin was the same. Blood trickled down from his forehead. The faint smell of tear gas wafted over.

The smell of incense placed before the dead…….

I slowly started to reach out my hand to him, then stopped.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at him. No, I glared at him.

“What is it, what do you want me to do now. What are we supposed to do. Can’t you see that I’m broken? You people are dead, I don’t care at all. Why did you call me, why did you call for me and make things so hard?! The dead should stick with the dead!”

Though I shouted with resentment, there was no change in his expression.

Taewan was just giving me a look that seemed to pass right through me. I threw my pillow at him. The white pillow passed through his body and fell to the floor.

I looked at the pillow lying haphazardly on the floor and cried out sorrowfully.

“You shouldn’t do this. It’s too much! It’s too much! What do you want me to do? I can’t do anything. Taewan-hyung……, I can’t do anything, and I don’t know anything. Just leave me alone. I can’t avenge you hyungs’ grudges. I don’t have the ability to.”

Muttering, I snapped my eyes open at the touch of a hand shaking my shoulder.

Bright sunlight poured through the window. Squinting, I looked at the man shaking my shoulder.

“……What is it?”

“The Representative is waiting for you.”

Heo Seok’s secretary was standing before me.

“How did you get in here?”

“…….”

“Did you come in to steal again?”

At my question, the man’s expression hardened.

I met Taewan-hyung in a dream. Perhaps because I saw this man after seeing Taewan, his face looked similar to Taewan’s.

Maybe it wasn’t a dream, but reality.

It was a little past nine o’clock.

I stood up unsteadily. I couldn’t see the pillow that had fallen on the floor. The pillow was at my feet.

Was that a dream, too?

“I don’t want to see the Representative, so please leave.”

I spoke coldly to him and went into the tiny bathroom to wash up. I stood for a long time with my head under the cold water. The fine streams of water hitting my forehead gradually cleared my mind.

I have to end it now. As Hanse said, I have to get a grip. I have to stop being unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy, stop being dragged around by it.

I won’t meet Heo Seok either. Lee Taewan, Ji Sungjoon, I won’t care about them either. In conclusion, I will now forget Hyungjo.

Let’s forget. Let’s get it over with.

With that in mind, I scrubbed every inch of my body. I rubbed my body with a shower towel until my skin felt raw. After I finished washing, my mind felt much lighter.

I don’t want to feel that foolish expectation, that sorrow that plummets into heartbreak, ever again. The cliff of despair when I realized Hyungjo wasn’t real, the cliff when that Hyungjo died, the cliff of his son who awakened me to the foolishness of cherishing that memory. The feeling of falling into that gaping, dark red maw.

I hate it all now.

When I came out of the bathroom, Secretary Kim was waiting for me, standing in the same posture without having moved at all.

Secretary Kim was wearing a black suit with a dark gray tie. A flash of Hanse’s image came to mind.

Hanse, with his disheveled shirt as if a screw was loose somewhere, his tie askew, unaware that his shirt was sticking out from the back of his pants.

I quickly shook my head and said.

“I’m not going, so just leave.”

“He is waiting.”

“I’ve already told you I don’t want to. I have a class, so I have to go.”

“He has been waiting since eight in the morning.”

“I clearly told you I don’t want to. This is rude. Please leave.”

“It will be difficult for me if I don’t bring you, student.”

“Do you not understand what ‘I don’t want to’ means that you keep doing this?!”

I shouted in annoyance.

Even I think I’ve lost my mind somewhere. I wasn’t afraid of anything anymore.

Secretary Kim stood there, unable to do anything, with a troubled expression. I took out clothes to change into and looked back at him.

“I need to change.”

“I’ll wait outside.”

“Just go. I have no intention of meeting Representative Heo.”

Secretary Kim went out the door without a word. I changed my clothes and gathered my books. It was my major, and I had already skipped class three times. What I should have taken care of first was my own well-being and future, not those ghosts.

“Damn it…….”

I muttered a low curse and shoved the books into my bag. Even though I had resolved not to care anymore, my hands, carrying out that resolution, trembled.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and went outside. Secretary Kim was still waiting for me. I shot him a reproachful look for his foolishness and quickly turned away. It was late even if I ran. He followed behind me as I quickened my pace. I ignored him and just walked faster.

He finally grabbed my arm to stop me.

“What are you doing?”

“…….”

“Go and tell him. I won’t tell anyone and I’m not interested. Tell him I don’t want to get involved with you people anymore.”

“The Representative is waiting.”

He squeezed my arm tightly and pulled me along relentlessly. I wanted to scream, but it was a method that wouldn’t work on this stubborn man.

I’ll tell Heo Seok to his face.

I don’t want to be involved with you people anymore. I’m sick of it. Just leave me alone. Like that.

I was dragged to the front of the dormitory. A mid-sized car was parked far from the entrance.

I followed him without a word. Secretary Kim opened the car door and gestured for me to get in. I shot a glare at his face and got into the car.

Heo Seok was sitting with his back buried deep in the seat, just like before. He was reading a newspaper, and as soon as he saw me, he crumpled it and folded it down. His patience seemed to have reached its limit.

“You took your time.”

“What is it?”

“I hear you’ve been skipping class and going in and out of the prosecutor’s office.”

If Heo Seok has investigated that much, he must know about Hanse’s existence too. My heart sank. Without showing it, I replied sarcastically.

“You’re quite free, Representative. You’re not just investigating me, are you?”

“If you do anything foolish.”

“I won’t.”

“Hahaha, you even get angry just like Sungjoon.”

It was only then that I looked at Heo Seok properly. It wasn’t the expression of the Heo Seok who had turned a sharp blade on me before. His gaze was a little more relaxed than usual.

“I came to apologize for the other day.”

“…….”

“Being in politics makes a person this worn out. Honestly, after hearing what you said, I think my head went a little crazy. Even just a rumor can be fatal for me.”

“…….”

“I wasn’t in my right mind then. The fact that I laid a hand on you has been weighing on my mind. I’m sorry.”

The man who had seethed and slapped my cheek was now apologizing politely. I, who had been looking at him with suspicion, softened my gaze.

“I was rude as well. I shouldn’t have brought up such a private matter so abruptly.”

“…….”

“You don’t have to worry. I have no reason to spread rumors about such things, and I don’t want to.”

“Professor Kim Hyungjo must have told you, right?”

“…….”

I just nodded my head in agreement. Heo Seok smiled faintly, as if relieved by my words.

“Yes, he might have said something like that because you look so much like Ji Sungjoon. Just like I did for a moment.”

He muttered lowly, as if to himself. We both thought of Ji Sungjoon at the same time.

After a short silence, he asked.

“Have you had breakfast?”

“I have class. I have to go right away.”

“I haven’t either, would you care to join me?”

“I’m fine.”

“There’s the matter of the other day, and I feel sorry. I was too harsh on a student.”

“Don’t worry about it. I won’t tell anyone. I don’t feel the need to.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“…….”

“I’m really sorry, that’s why.”

Heo Seok suddenly seemed to have transformed into a caring father.

Did Taewan control him? It felt like his spirit was controlling him.

Heo Seok, taking my silence as a yes, lowered the car window and gestured for Secretary Kim. Secretary Kim seemed to be Heo Seok’s closest aide. There were no bodyguards or assistants around. He got into the car and started it without a word.

“Ah, please let me out. I have class and have to go.”

“Ah, it’s fine. Just go.”

Heo Seok patted the air towards me, as if to say it was okay, and gestured towards the driver’s seat.