World Chapter 6.4

I knew Heo Seok’s political leanings well. He preferred businessmen over politicians. It was for the same reason that he diligently participated in corporate banquets rather than political gatherings.

Some said he was plotting a rebellion against the current administration’s “chaebol-bashing,” while others called it his ambition to solidify the Daehan Group’s position.

No one knew that Heo Seok simply felt disgusted by two-faced politicians and preferred the vile yet blatant and honest businessmen. That was a fact only I knew.

We talked about this and that, finished our meal, and left. He was a charming man with good manners and knowledge rivaling a scholar’s. If I hadn’t known that fact, I would have sincerely respected Heo Seok.

Kim Youngil and the other bodyguards, having finished their meals as well, were waiting in front of him.

Not a single one of them looked at me with disdain. Because Heo Seok treated me as special, I was able to receive the same treatment as Heo Seok from them.

Just before leaving the restaurant, Owner Yoon walked out. She said goodbye to Heo Seok, telling him to come often, and then greeted me as well.

Heo Seok relayed to Owner Yoon what I had said about her being like a heavenly fairy. Her eyes and mine met. I bowed my head in greeting.

As Heo Seok and I got into the car, Kim Youngil got into the driver’s seat, followed by the bodyguards who split up into the cars.

“It’s a grand procession wherever you go.”

At my words, Heo Seok laughed inaudibly and said in a low voice.

“Enjoy it.”

Once I became interested in politics, my standing rose to a surprising degree. As the regular session of the National Assembly opened, Heo Seok selected someone from among the part-time students to assist him with office work at his side. The competition was extremely fierce.

In the end, it was decided they would take turns in order of experience, and it seemed my turn to follow Heo Seok into the National Assembly wouldn’t come until the regular session the year after next.

However, my position was different from theirs from the start. I knew Heo Seok’s secret, and I received special treatment from him.

Even without any scheming, the person who would ultimately be chosen as the office assistant would be me, and as expected, I was selected for the job this time.

The other part-time students whispered behind my back that it was because of our shared school ties.

At first, they had made me a loner because they thought I was a naive person who knew nothing, and this time, they made me a loner because they said I had too much.

It was the first time they seemed foolish and immature to me. A deep-seated contempt for them rose from my heart. I, who had once been innocent, who knew Heo Seok’s secret but didn’t know why that secret was a threat to him, was now scorning them.

Heo Seok took me with him to official events when circumstances allowed. It got to the point where I had to have a formal suit ready.

I just didn’t know much about the ways of the world; fundamentally, I was quite intelligent. I hadn’t really thought of myself as superior. But that wasn’t the case. I realized I was a talented individual while working with Heo Seok.

I was smart, and whatever I learned, I absorbed it like a sponge.

Heo Seok was proud of me for that.

It wasn’t that I was unaware of Heo Seok’s intentions.

The more he treated me as special and gave me preferential treatment, the less reason I had to divulge Heo Seok’s secret.

His hidden motive was to make me his person and bury the matter with Ji Sungjoon. Heo Seok knew that I was aware of this.

In any case, just as Heo Seok intended, I respected him and wanted to be like him. More than anyone, I was a promising talent who needed his foothold.

There was another reason why Heo Seok, who was famous for being selective with people, paid special attention to me. Heo Seok had two children, but both were daughters who had married out, so in effect, Heo Seok had no successor.

By my naturally becoming Heo Seok’s successor, Heo Seok could conceal his fatal secret forever.

Heo Seok was my background, and there was no reason for me to tarnish that background myself. As long as I wanted to become a politician.

The members of the National Assembly were also groveling to Heo Seok ahead of the presidential election.

The regular session of the National Assembly saw two disruptions. The ruling party, with fewer seats, launched a series of razor-sharp criticisms against the pressure from the opposition. They criticized Heo Seok’s European tour last summer, demanding he reveal its intentions, and then they attacked Heo Seok again, calling him the main culprit of the lame duck period.

Heo Seok watched their foolish antics as if he were watching a show. Not responding to provocations was not his political skill. He simply looked down on everyone but himself.

As the trade agreement ratification bill was passed with difficulty, the protests from civic groups intensified. In front of the opposition party headquarters, which had led the passage of the bill, or in Gwanghwamun, they lined up in rows and columns to denounce the National Assembly and Heo Seok, and took out their frustration on innocent riot police.

Heo Seok met with the heads of the civic groups as scheduled. In front of them, he empathized with them earnestly, but then he appealed like a victim himself, asking what could be done about the unavoidable reality.

In the car on the way back, Heo Seok clicked his tongue, saying they wagged their tongues too easily and sweet-talked people, and he assessed that the ignorant public would be swept away as if possessed by thirst if someone just took their side. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to agree with him completely.

The protests grew more intense, and the area in front of the opposition party headquarters, which had taken the lead in passing this ratification bill, was suffering from headaches day after day due to the sound of microphones and the shouts of citizens.

I went to the party headquarters on an errand. Someone recognized me as a member of Heo Seok’s entourage and threw eggs and flour at me.

In an instant, I was covered in eggs and flour. An egg that flew at my face burst with a thud, and my nose started bleeding. A fragment went into my eye, and I couldn’t see, stumbling.

Kim Youngil, who was with me, barely managed to block them, and we escaped into the car. I was stunned. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I seethed with rage at the ignorance of those who blindly criticized without knowing anything.

That day, Heo Seok had a golf meeting with the opposition party leadership, so he didn’t see the state I was in. Later, when I told him about it, he clicked his tongue and said.

“The ignorant just throw tantrums and whine. Nothing changes, but they vent their anger. And once they vent, that’s the end of it. Isn’t it foolish? That’s the end of it all. You have to get used to this kind of thing too. Even if someone spits in your face, you have to be able to smile and thank that person.”

That was what politics was.

After finishing the day’s work, it was Kim Youngil’s job to take me to the dormitory. No one had asked him to, but the pretense of it being on his way home had somehow become his duty, and I, too, accepted rides in his car without any sense of burden.

I rubbed my tired neck. My stiff neck and shoulders spoke of the stress I’d been under. My brow was always furrowed.

Taewan’s words to me came back to me faintly.

“What’s got you so happy that you’re grinning all the time?”

Laughing when I heard something unpleasant, laughing when I heard something good, laughing when our eyes met…….

As if dumbfounded by my constant, untimely laughter, Taewan had asked with a hearty laugh.

That person I used to be now showed no change in expression no matter what happened. It felt like if I didn’t relearn what it meant to smile, which muscles to use when smiling, I would never be able to smile again.

The inside of the car was, as always, submerged in silence. In the past, I hated awkward silence and tended to talk a lot like a chatterbox.

But now, that silence is comfortable. Now, even speaking was a mission. Heo Seok constantly tried to confirm something with me, and to present opinions that met the criteria of that confirmation, I had to speak ceaselessly.

At those times, Heo Seok would affirm my words with a lukewarm reaction of either dolus eventualis or critical support. That was the highest praise he showed, and like a dog being trained by a trainer, I had to wag my tail after jumping, eager to hear that stingy praise. It was surprising that I had this side to me, and I felt disgusted with myself.

Thanks to Kim Youngil’s excellent driving skills, I arrived at the dormitory without feeling any fatigue from being in the car.

“Thank you. Please drive safely.”

Without looking at Kim Youngil, I uttered the customary greeting and got out of the car. I felt Kim Youngil’s gaze on the back of my head, but I didn’t look back.

I saw Kim Youngil’s car quietly pulling away out of the corner of my eye. Passing students glanced at me.

At the beginning of the semester, I was the campus psycho, and now, I was the most promising talent on campus.

The fact that being admitted to a prestigious university couldn’t be a guarantee for a young person’s uncertain future was something we, the ones concerned, knew best.

The students who came here, acknowledged as outstanding in their own right, ironically realized the reality that they were not superior by belonging here.

There were that many talented people in the world. As fierce as the competition was, there were also many stragglers who fell behind and were pushed out.

It was only natural that I received the envy and jealousy of my peers. In the evenings, a luxury foreign car would drop me off right in front of the dormitory, and my academic records were managed separately by Heo Seok, so as long as I didn’t miss class, I could maintain top-tier grades. Group projects or time-consuming assignments were also, of course, exempt. Professors I had never seen before would approach me first and show me favor.

If they knew that the core promotional strategy for the opposition party’s election camp, designed to sway undecided voters before the by-election, came from me, someone of a similar age to them, they would probably think this level of special treatment was a trivial reward. But not knowing the situation, they criticized me using inappropriate words like favoritism and inequality.

I received special treatment in the dormitory as well. I used a single room that only research students could use, and I had freedom with my curfew and entry.

With that alone, I could taste the sweet nectar of immense power. For these various reasons, I politely declined Heo Seok’s offer to find me a house. The dormitory was the only place where I could feast to my heart’s content on the envious gazes of those around me. I naturally enjoyed the power that Heo Seok had spoken of before.

I carefully climbed the stairs of the unlit building. Walking down the darkened hallway, I stopped in my tracks, startled.

Though insignificant compared to Heo Seok, Hanse, who possessed his own form of power, was standing there. In Hanse’s hand was a newspaper. He was leaning against the wall, dozing off. I slowly approached and looked at his face.

His handsome face, which resembled Hyungjo’s, was nodding off as if exhausted.

It’s been a long time. I missed you…….

“……”

The newspaper in his hand was probably yesterday’s morning edition. Hanse doesn’t read newspapers much, so someone must have told him.

A photo of Heo Seok being interviewed in front of the party office was published in the society section of the four major daily newspapers. I was also in the photo. Someone might have spotted me standing next to Heo Seok and told Hanse.

I stood in front of Hanse for a long time, just looking at him. Setting aside the fact that I didn’t want to disturb his sweet sleep, as he was so tired he was catching up on it anywhere he could, I no longer wanted to acknowledge him or talk to him.

I was extremely lonely. The people I had opened my heart to were all illusions. After suffering from a longing close to a sense of betrayal, I finally got a grip on my heart. I had just barely resolved to carry out Taewan’s will. I refused to be stirred up because of Hanse. Furthermore, I didn’t want Hanse to get hurt because of me. That was what I was truly afraid of.

If I were to lose Hanse like I lost Hyungjo……, I truly wouldn’t be able to bear it then.

Still, it had been a long time.

Hanse had genuinely cared for the crazy guy who claimed to love his father.

Was that why?

The reason I had missed Hanse so much.

After hesitating for a long while, I lightly touched his arm. Hanse slowly raised his head and frowned at the person waking him. Then, realizing it was me, he frowned even more menacingly.

I turned away from Hanse, who was about to shout something, and opened my room door. It seemed he had been waiting in front of the door because the manager couldn’t open it.

A while ago, I had asked Kim Youngil to make sure that not only the dorm supervisor but also the manager couldn’t enter freely, and he had spoken to the dormitory staff.

Hanse followed me in, closed the door, and shouted in a low voice.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

He threw the newspaper onto the bed. The newspaper opened up. The photo of Heo Seok, me, and Kim Youngil standing together was visible.

I picked up the newspaper, turned towards Hanse, and as if seeing it for the first time, I sat on the edge of the desk and looked at it for a long time.

“I asked what the hell you’re doing. Are you crazy? He’s a man who could do anything to you!”

“I’m currently working at Assemblyman Heo’s office. Do I need to get your permission for something like that, Prosecutor?”

“Are you playing games with me now?”

“Playing games? I asked you to forget everything related to me.”

“Jung Hyunwoo.”

“I have no intention of getting into an argument. It’s very late. Please leave. I’m tired.”

“Hyunwoo!”

Hanse grabbed my arm as I was taking off my jacket. I twisted my arm and my body, but his grip was so strong that my clumsy resistance couldn’t break free.

I looked at him. Why, what do you want? With those eyes.

No matter how much I glared, there was no sign of his grip loosening. I gave up, relaxed my struggling body, and said.

“What are you doing? Let go.”

The arm he held tightly was aching.

“You know better than anyone what kind of person Assemblyman Heo is. He’s the one who threatened you in case you blabbed about that incident. Have you already forgotten?”

“I think from Assemblyman Heo’s perspective, he had no choice.”

“He hit you! That bastard laid a hand on your face!”

“……I think he had no ch.”

“Jung Hyunwoo!”

“……”

Hanse’s painfully distorted face resembled the last I had seen of Hyungjo’s.

I stared at him dazedly. At some point, Hanse had become as important to me as Hyungjo, no, more important than Hyungjo. I hardened my wavering heart.

“Whether he hit me or I was hit, that’s my business to handle. Let go. Please leave.”

“Why are you being like this?”

“Let go, it hurts.”

“Did something happen?”

“……Prosecutor Kim Hanse. It hurts. Please let go.”

“Try to explain it so I can understand!”

“……”

It was hard to look at Hanse’s face. Instead of turning my gaze, I closed my eyes and spoke.

“I want to go back to before I loved your father. To a time when I knew nothing. So please let me go, now.”

“What?”

“……It’s just as I said.”

“You really are a terrible person.”

“Weren’t you the one who told me to forget, Prosecutor?”

“I didn’t tell you to go back to a time when you didn’t know. I told you to move on. Who told you to forget everything completely like you did?”

“It’s the same thing.”

“It’s completely different! Are you saying you don’t know the meaning?”

“I don’t know what’s different. Anyway, I’ve moved on and forgotten. Just as you said, Prosecutor, I don’t want to live confusing dreams and reality.”

“……I feel sorry for my father.”

“……!”

Hanse’s words felt like they were grabbing my heart and trying to crush it. My arm hurt. My heart ached as if it were being torn apart. I hated him so much. No, I hated everyone.

“Let me go. Before I call the police.”

“The police? You’re really something else.”

“Prosecutor Kim Hanse. Please let go of my arm.”

“I can’t. I didn’t tell you to forget my father. Whatever it was, I thought it was something precious, so I didn’t say anything. Because I understood my father. But it was hard to watch you constantly searching for him. Don’t you know what I mean? My father is dead, but you still want him. A dead person is a dead person. You can never be with him again. That’s why I wanted you to move on. I didn’t want my father to disappear from your memory!”

“I’m not someone who can control their emotions as easily as you, Prosecutor.”

“So, because you can’t, you’re not going to see me either? Is that it?”

“Yes. You know it well, Prosecutor. It’s painful to look at you. It’s hard.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not my father.”

“I know, but when I look at you, I automatically think of Hyungjo.”

“……”

“Please don’t appear before my eyes. Don’t show me that face.”

“Do you not even consider my miserable feelings, watching you think of my father while looking at me? Am I not even worth that?”

“……”

I looked into Hanse’s eyes. His uncontrollably wavering pupils pierced painfully into my heart.

No. That kind of thing…….

I shook my head, rejecting his words.

“Don’t you get it? I wanted you to start over with me. Not my father.”

“……Let go of this.”

“If I let go, where are you going to run to this time?”

Hyungjo and Hanse……. The cursed bloodline was toying with me. My head was in chaos.

I had just managed to adapt. I had just barely accepted Taewan’s will. This wasn’t a matter of whether I was starting to like Hanse or not. Hyungjo was already dead. But I absolutely did not want to lose Hanse. I never want to experience that kind of loss again. I don’t want to feel the pain of having my living flesh carved out. Right now, I can’t like or love anyone.

“Start over? What do you mean? Are you saying you like me or something?”

“……”