There Is No Hidden Villain in This Novel Chapter 121

If your existence alone could change my life, I would surely…

‘Be happy, wouldn’t I…?’

It seems one should be happy if they change for the better because of someone they love.

Ah, I suddenly feel a sense of fear.

The night breeze was colder than I expected, as if spring were throwing a tantrum, and it felt more biting than the winter wind. Was it because my clothes were thin? Was it because the thickness of the cloth protecting me had thinned, revealing my flesh? How much would my life with Ryuseong change? How much, and…

…how irrevocably?

Before I could ‘truly’ feel the depth of that fear, Ryuseong, who was sitting next to me, placed a hand on the edge of my shoulder and gently pulled me toward him. It seemed he did it because I looked cold, haha…

“…”

We sat like that for a long while, gazing at the night view. Half-embraced, embracing. Around the time my cool body temperature grew a little lukewarm because of him, and the strange chill of the spring night subsided, Ryuseong opened his mouth.

“You remember it too, the time when I was a young beast.”

Of course, I couldn’t remember his childhood. But in the special place called a ‘dungeon’, we saw a glimpse of a young Ryuseong.

I found him incredibly cute. But even I don’t think the expression ‘young beast’ is a scathing or unfair one. It was just a fact. That kid wasn’t socialized and didn’t know civilization.

“A ‘young beast’ can’t become ‘Ryuseong’ on its own. You know that too.”

I nodded my head again. Thinking, as if for the first time, ‘Right.’ The current Ryuseong has the appearance of a perfectly complete person, so the idea that such a thing doesn’t happen on its own feels quite unfamiliar. Is it because I love both that young beast and the grown-up human?

And Ryuseong continued.

“That beast became a person because someone kept giving him chances.”

“…So, are you trying to tell me a beautiful story about how everyone deserves a chance?”

I jeered, but Ryuseong was unshaken.

“That’s a story for later.”

“Then what on earth are you trying to say with such a long introduction? I didn’t have the patience to listen from the start, you know.”

Ryuseong fell silent. Like a person who had so much to say, yet couldn’t let a single word out.

When he finally parted his lips, the words that came out with such difficulty were merely.

“You are not someone who deserves to be treated carelessly.”

A change of subject.

“That’s right. Who would dare treat me carelessly?”

Annoyed that he was changing the subject, I scoffed neurotically.

Ryuseong parted his lips as if that sight was even more difficult for him to bear.

“You.”

“What did you say?”

“You do that. Please don’t.”

“Who else is there who treasures only me as much as I do?”

But Ryuseong, as if completely ignoring my argument, just stated steadfastly.

“Even a young beast can become a person. If only he has a chance. Even a beast like that. No matter what you think you are… you could be more precious than you think. You just might not have realized that chance yet.”

As he said that, Ryuseong turned his head to look at me instead of looking ahead. But I turned my head toward the night view instead of meeting Ryuseong’s gaze.

“I don’t really know what you mean.”

That was the truth.

I don’t get it, I don’t know. What on earth are you talking about? What nonsense are you spouting? One half of my brain completely understood Ryuseong’s words, but the other half completely failed. I felt confused, dizzy, and like I was going to throw up. It was uncomfortable and nauseating and I felt like crying and my heart was pounding.

If Ryuseong said one more word here, I was confident I would vomit.

But instead of saying something more, or trying to persuade me, Ryuseong held me tight. As a living creature, Ryuseong was warm. In fact, he was so warm, I thought I might burn to death.

So I was scared, and so I liked it. It was miserable. All sorts of emotions came back into my mouth and were chewed upon. Still, I swallowed them without spitting them out.

After being held for a long while, I asked quietly.

“What were you originally trying to say?”

“I don’t think now is the time.”

“Even though I’m asking you like this?”

I put on a pathetic expression, one that Ryuseong has recently found particularly difficult to handle. Not crying, just a look of being tired of life. An empty, pathetically fragile face that looked like it would scatter and break, on the verge of collapsing. Such an expression was very easy. I could see clearly how to make Ryuseong listen to me.

After all, a human softened by love is bound to work that way.

‘He’ll answer soon.’

Seeing his sympathetic expression, I could tell the angle was right. And Ryuseong’s fingers wiped my eyes. Gently.

“My request comes first.”

And firmly.

‘…This bastard, he’s grown quite a bit.’

He’s the type of guy who wouldn’t give his liver even if a nine-tailed fox tried to seduce him.

How can he not fall for it even when I’m the one seducing him? It looked like he was hiding something, so I tried to dig it out right away, but he doesn’t even waver.

And then he has the gall to press me to listen to his ‘request’, a pointless one at that, ‘Cassis de Millang should not be treated carelessly’.

Ryuseong has changed a lot, too. Maybe he’s changed as much as I have.

‘Because of me…’

Then, for some reason, the nausea subsided a little. Change happens in unexpected and unforeseen directions, to an unknown depth, regardless of my will. A faint and uncertain little thought that it must be the same for Ryuseong as well. Just that thought alone made me feel a little more serene.

Yes, let’s think that Ryuseong has also changed because of me. Let’s not be certain about it. This much is just right. It got warmer as I burrowed into Ryuseong’s embrace. Where? My skin? No. My heart.

My fingers traced his body and grabbed his shoulders. My fingers pressed against his clothes, and at the same time, against Ryuseong’s flesh. Pressing, I moved gradually upward. I was prepared to grab Ryuseong and turn him to face me if he avoided my gaze, but Ryuseong looked at me calmly.

You will now hear the sweetest voice I can produce.

“I will grant you that request.”

It’s a meaningless request anyway. Not to treat me carelessly? Who would ever treat Cassis de Millang carelessly? Ryuseong seems to sometimes worry too much and jump to the wrong conclusions. For example, that I’m unhappy, things like that.

Somehow, it seems neither of us got off to a good start on this school trip. Right? But now we’ve undone one button. We’re back to square one. Because we both know that you’re hiding something.

‘Yes. Just this once…’

Misunderstanding things for no reason, worrying, being observant, it was really nice seeing you try to mobilize even your faint sense of things like this. So I’ll grant you mercy. I don’t know what you’re hiding, but I will endure it without trying to dig it out. I’ve even come to want to give you, who is so frustratingly slow, the reward of my patience.

‘You’re quite commendable, you know.’

I lightly pressed my lips to Ryuseong’s. Yes, a light peck, just like Ryuseong had done to me before. But if there’s a difference, it would be that Ryuseong’s was pure and mine is lewd.

Ryuseong’s face and mine were now only about a hand’s breadth apart.

The smile on my face was probably the most beautiful it had been in recent days.

“I know you’re worried about me. It feels good. So, as a reward for that…”

Take me.

As if driving in a nail, I whispered into his ear.

I felt his body flinch for a moment as the breath reached his ear. There was one thing I could be sure of. Ryuseong would absolutely not refuse this.

When I’m offering myself as a reward, how can you refuse?

I was serious. If Ryuseong pounced on me here, I was planning to accept it meekly.

‘Because I said it with the resolve to be completely ruined…’

No, was I wrong? Maybe I wanted to be ruined. Maybe that’s what I wanted.

Come on, hurry, hurry.

‘So that I can’t think any thoughts at all…’

An unknowable sorrow filled Ryuseong’s eyes again. But in the end, his hands moved. That’s right. He couldn’t refuse. Because he loves me, he must want to hold me that much.

‘Just as planned.’

I smiled happily and welcomed him, and Ryuseong took me.

But the plan was completely distorted.

…Ryuseong possessed me completely just by hugging me without a word.

There was no such thing as a ferocious pounce.

As if I were a fragile little child.

‘Now he won’t even eat when I serve him the whole table.’

Being patted on the back somehow made me lose my energy. Do I have to accept it now? The fact that even though I can bewitch Ryuseong, I won’t be able to get the result I want?

‘Nothing’s going my way…’

You think as you please and act as you please. In the end, I couldn’t even ask what you were hiding. But,

‘It’s warm…’

It was warm enough to heat up my chilly heart. The hand patting my back lightly was like a slow heartbeat, and my own heart beat slowly in time with it.

Somehow, I didn’t feel nauseous, and I felt comfortable.

I continued to feel comfortable.

As long as that slow pulse was beating behind my back, always…

A short while later, Ryuseong returned to their lodgings, holding the soundly sleeping Cassis in his arms.

The returned lodging was much noisier than when he had been with Cassis, but it fell silent in an instant when Ryuseong entered. When he gave a nod to show it was okay, the people inside the room quietly began to murmur again.

Ryuseong laid Cassis down and came out to the living room of the lodging. Ryuseong’s thoughts were complicated, and it was obvious that he wouldn’t be able to sort them out if Cassis was in his line of sight.

But even as he gazed at the scenery outside the window, his mind was just as troubled.

‘As a price for treasuring yourself, you’d offer yourself up as you please.’

Saying you’ll give me a ‘reward’. That look in your eyes that said, ‘as a reward, you can do whatever you want with me’.

You seemed completely unaware that that very thing revealed the fact that you hadn’t understood anything at all.

To start the next story, you needed to understand this…

‘Cassis de Millang, no, Jeong Ian…’

He had almost reached a conclusion about the relationship between ‘Jeong Ian’ and ‘Cassis de Millang’.

Although he couldn’t figure out ‘how such a relationship was possible’, the regressor who had been protecting the world was aware that he was very close to the truth.

It was a hard story to believe, but the two of them were ‘the same person’ and yet ‘not’.

Ryuseong knew that.