Dirty Sweet Baby Chapter 25

“Does family background matter that much? The person is what is important.”

—You do not know because you are naive. She was cultured, dignified, elegant, anyway, a perfect woman. Different from your mother.

“You do not know her that well either, Mother. You never even met her when she was alive.”

—I know even if I have not met her. Your mother, I know everything. You, you, ugh! Forget it. Why am I even talking to you about this. I should just call your aunt.

“Why, tell me more. It is interesting.”

—Forget it. Just drop it, drop it.

His mother’s face on the screen was as bright as the morning star and as colorful as a rainbow. He did not know what kind of person Cha Moogyul’s biological mother was, but he thought that his own mother, Lee Eunhong, was surely no less a perfect woman. That mister is so lucky.

—Anyway, what your mother is trying to say is… you never know a person’s heart.

His mother hesitated for a moment and pursed her lips. On the ring finger of his mother’s left hand, which was fiddling with the necklace, was her wedding ring, still sparkling without any tarnish despite the passing years.

—Your mother, I was very suspicious of Mr. Kwon Il. I had no choice but to hesitate. It would be fine if it was just my life being ruined, but I was worried that he might hurt you, Heeheon… you.

“Yes… I know. You two kept postponing your wedding.”

—Yes. I thought that Mr. Kwon Il and I lived in different worlds. I thought we were just people who would meet for a while and then break up. Our circumstances are like that, right? Our backgrounds too. But, Heeheon-ah. That was not all there was to it.

“Yes…”

—A chaebol family, a madam, your mother still has a hard time adjusting to things like that. I do not really like going to those kinds of gatherings either. Mr. Kwon Il is a man who is too good for me. But, still, you really never know a person’s heart. If you just communicate with sincerity, things like circumstances and background do not mean anything.

“…”

—Mr. Kwon Il always seemed so distant… but at some point, it all became meaningless.

A moment of silence fell. His mother, steeped in regret, was silent. At the time of his mother’s remarriage, Baek Heeheon was seventeen years old. He was a son too young to confide in with such worries. His mother had only shown a happy face without any sign of hardship until she entered the lavish wedding hall.

Now, he thought he understood a little. How his mother must have felt back then.

After a short silence, his mother opened her mouth. He could guess what she wanted to say to him without her having to spell it out.

—You and Moogyul, you were raised in different backgrounds, and the paths you have lived and your ways of thinking are all so different, so it might be awkward and you might not get along, but I think you two can get along well if you treat each other with sincerity.

“…Do you think so.”

—I would have nothing to say even if you said it is my greed to want you two to be like us… But Heeheon-ah. Your mother knows. I have experienced it.

“…”

—Your mother is happy now, you know? All the worrying and doubting was meaningless, and I like just facing each other with sincerity and living our lives.

Sincerity…

Sincerity…

The hand holding the phone felt so heavy. Heeheon tensed his arm and forced a smile. For once, he could not bring himself to answer that he understood, not even as an empty platitude.

“That’s a relief. I’m happy that you and Mister are living together so affectionately and happily. That’s really great.”

—Thank you. Heeheon-ah. My son.

His mother smiled fondly.

—And I am sorry. That all your mother can do is say things like this. That I can’t do anything for you… That I have to just watch from afar… I am so sorry and I love you.

“…”

—You are still so young. My Heeheon, your mother wants to hug you just once…

“…Me too.”

—How admirable and brave you are. I miss you so much. I love you, son.

“Me too… me too. I miss you. I love you, Mom.”

And with that, he ended the video call.

Lost in deep thought, Heeheon stood frozen like a statue in a corner of his bedroom for a while. The call had ended, but his mother’s voice remained, echoing in his ears.

<Anyway, what your mother is trying to say is… you never know a person’s heart.>

<All the worrying and doubting was meaningless, and I like just facing each other with sincerity and living our lives.>

‘…So what, should I confess my true feelings or something? In this situation.’

Ha, wouldn’t that be a crazy thing to do…

‘Our relationship is already a spectacular wreck. It is not like I am trying to burn it down completely…’

Heeheon turned his head. He was about to put his phone in the drawer when the bedroom door burst open.

‘Cha Moogyul…?’

Perhaps he had just finished showering, as his hair was damp and he was only wearing a shower gown.

‘What is it. It shouldn’t be time for guiding yet… What on earth is going on.’

Whether it was for guiding or something else, he must have come with some purpose. But Cha Moogyul just stared at Baek Heeheon without saying a word.

Heeheon swallowed dryly and managed to part his lips.

He wanted to escape this untimely encounter, the heavy silence, the strange standoff.

“…Why?”

To the question that held many meanings, Cha Moogyul slowly opened his mouth.

“Who were you talking to.”

“Huh?”

He was staring at Baek Heeheon as if trying to size something up. To be more precise, it seemed like he was scrutinizing every detail of Baek Heeheon’s expression and demeanor.

“I could hear you talking all the way from the bathroom. You were on a call.”

“Uh… yes, I was.”

“Who.”

Cha Moogyul was interrogating him without even blinking.

Baek Heeheon wondered what kind of conversation this was.

“What…”

“I asked who.”

“…?”

Just as the same question and answer were about to be repeated, Cha Moogyul asked.

“Sung Ahwon?”

At that, Heeheon’s long eyes narrowed handsomely.

“No, it was my mother, of course.”

“Right.”

As soon as he heard the answer, Cha Moogyul just closed the door.

Seeing the presence move away, it seemed he had left just like that. Shrouded in mystery, Heeheon muttered to himself in a daze.

“What the…?”

Was that all he wanted?

Was there no other reason?

‘He was the one who gave me a phone he had specially set up, telling me to contact my mother.’

And Captain Sung, why him all of a sudden. What…

‘…?’

With a bewildered face, Heeheon sat down and tidied his desk. It was already neatly organized with nothing to touch, but he needlessly opened the drawer and straightened the glass jar where he kept round marbles and coins.

Next to the glass jar was the phone Cha Moogyul had given him, and deeper inside the drawer was his dog tag that Captain Sung Ahwon had given him.

‘So, is he telling me not to contact Captain Sung separately right now…?’

It was not like he had any intention of doing so in the first place…

He wondered if it was a warning to not get distracted by other Espers and to do his job as the dedicated Esper’s guide well. Or maybe it was because of the new project that Cha Moogyul was in charge of. Anyway, he thought it meant he should stay put and not do anything unnecessary.

‘He’s policing every little thing. If he’s going to do that, he should at least make it clear.’

Heeheon, who had been lost in thought, wiped his face in confusion.

‘Ha…’

It was a relief that it was not as big of a deal as he had been tensed up for.

In fact, he had been startled to the point of being terrified. With Cha Moogyul suddenly coming to his bedroom.

Even though he knew it was impossible, his heart had dropped, wondering if he was here for guiding again. Kissing, hugging, touching, and…

‘What a spectacle. It’s getting more and more ridiculous.’

Heeheon closed the drawer and lowered his head. Under the desk drawer was a push-button trash can.

‘I’m the trash, really. I should just crawl in there or something…’

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. Heeheon faced the pitch-black darkness where he could see nothing in front of him and mocked himself alone. It was astonishing to realize with each passing day just how dirty and base his hidden desires were.

‘When is the next guiding, I wonder.’

It should be the day after tomorrow…

Heeheon mentally calculated the guiding cycle and then let out a long sigh.

‘Hoo…’

Time keeps flowing anyway.

Soon, he would have to guide Cha Moogyul again, and then he would be pressing his skin against his and mixing their tongues again. There was no need to be anxious.

‘It’s fine. It’s not like I’ve been found out yet.’

Heeheon swallowed a curse inwardly. He thought he had hit rock bottom, but there was another bottom below that. He could not tell how much further he had to be driven down to reach the end of the abyss.

<All the worrying and doubting was meaningless, and I like just facing each other with sincerity and living our lives.>

‘Haha… Right. If I could do that, it would be really nice…’

*

Circle. Circle.

Heeheon walked around in his room, drawing circles. As much as he liked circles, this was not the kind of roundness he had wanted. Heeheon could not stay still in one place and restlessly paced his bedroom.

Glimpse, his gaze fixed on the clock on the wall.

He walked around in circles and stared at the round clock. The current time was around 10:32 PM. It was about time for the call to come, but he did not know why time was passing so slowly. He let out a weary sigh.

‘This is truly absurd.’

He found his own state quite laughable. My goodness, he did not know what he was doing.

After trying so hard to get away from being Cha Moogyul’s dedicated guide, and now he was thinking that he wished the call would come soon. And that too, like a dog waiting to be fed, starved for skinship. He was extremely greedy and voracious.

Is it okay for a person’s heart to be swayed so easily?

He did not know why he was going back and forth between hot and cold water like this.

He was engulfed in self-loathing. He hated himself. It was not like Heeheon wanted to be like this. From the moment he had a wet dream about Cha Moogyul, Heeheon had already reached a point of no return. Desiring someone you should not desire was a soul-wearing task. He could not be proud under the sky, and he did not want to live so gloomily and dirtily, like a beast hiding its body in the darkness. He could only shudder every night with a sense of immorality.

‘I know. I know. But I still want to kiss that bastard, fuck…’

He was going crazy with shame. He did not care about face or conscience or anything anymore, he just, he just wanted the call to ring soon.

Beep, be-beep!

As soon as the pager made a sound, Heeheon snatched it with the agility of a hunting wildcat. But, at almost the same time, the door clicked open. Cha Moogyul entered the bedroom as if he had been waiting.