Dirty Sweet Baby Chapter 93

“He’s my brother and my family… I wanted to hide these feelings. I wanted to hide them from you, at least, Mother, but the thought that I’d been caught, it was s-scary, so I ran away.”

On a stage gone black. In a space shrouded in silence, Heeheon delivered a monologue alone.

“I, too, want to be a great person in a big world. And I want to be a son you can be proud of, Mother.”

Perhaps it would have been better to just accept the stage Cha Moogyul had set. If he had let his mother misunderstand, things would have ended without incident. The kiss that day would have just been mucous membrane contact guiding, Heeheon would have become a national hero, and he would have played the role of a proud and admirable son… If he had just covered it up, hidden it, and let it pass, everything would have found its place.

“But in truth, as you can see, I’m a cowardly and guilty son like this. I’m sorry for always disappointing you. But I still wanted to tell you the truth.”

However, Heeheon, he really didn’t want to hide anymore. He wanted to live as the real Baek Heeheon.

—Ah… Heeheon.

His mother, perhaps greatly surprised, didn’t say much else. As the silence stretched on, Heeheon ended the call first.

“…You must be surprised by this sudden news. I… I’ll call you again next time.”

His mother would need time to think, too. And Heeheon also had things left to settle with Cha Moogyul, who was right in front of him.

After ending the call, Heeheon placed the phone down on the table and stared blankly at Cha Moogyul. He was looking down at Heeheon with a face that was unusually pale. His characteristically firm and cool black eyes trembled minutely.

“Cha Moogyul.”

“…”

“I really, because of you…”

“…”

Heeheon bowed his head and swallowed his tears. No, he tried to swallow them. Even though he kept wiping his cheeks and chin with the back of his hand, the tears wouldn’t stop. They poured out like water from a turned-on faucet, to the point that he eventually became angry. A grown adult, sniveling like a child… He wanted to stop, but he couldn’t control it as he wished, making him utterly miserable.

He wanted to look cool in front of Cha Moogyul, to seem as thorough and perfect as even half of him, but it seemed that wasn’t to be.

“Ugh…”

In the end, Heeheon cried his heart out sorrowfully.

He completely broke down and just sobbed. After unburdening his heart of everything he had carried, he simply couldn’t hold it back. As he gasped for air, Cha Moogyul quickly gathered him into his arms and held his waist tight. He repeatedly stroked his back as he panted. Unbelievably, Cha Moogyul’s large hand was trembling slightly.

“…Hyung.”

With limp arms, Heeheon clung to him and collapsed against him. There was nothing he could do. He felt ambivalent, a sense of hopelessness and despair as if one universe had come to an end, and at the same time, a feeling of elation as if another universe had been born. This was really the end. No, it was beyond the end.

What lay ahead, he would only know when he took Cha Moogyul’s hand and stepped forward himself.

“You, if, if you abandon me now, you’re dead…”

Heeheon, unable to even breathe properly, threatened him.

“I’m serious. I’ll really shoot you. I’m not bluffing this time.”

Cha Moogyul was silent for a long time before replying to Heeheon in a voice that was barely audible.

“Okay.”

“That ring, too, don’t take it off. I’ll get really, really angry…”

“Okay…”

“We have to go all the way… You and I, we can’t break up now. Understand?”

“Okay… Never.”

Heeheon raised his head to look at his face. He wanted to see clearly what expression Cha Moogyul was making, but tears blurred his vision. He could vaguely see a face with deeply furrowed brows and an awkwardly grimacing mouth.

Heeheon squeezed out the last thing he wanted to say and threw it at his chest.

“Then, we’re, now, dating.”

That means we’ll call each other darling and honey…!

In the end, hyperventilation set in.

He had held onto Cha Moogyul and sobbed shamelessly, and then, completely drained of energy, he had collapsed. Of course, even as Cha Moogyul watched Heeheon start to hyperventilate, he held on tight and didn’t let go.

The two of them remained entangled, making a nest on the sofa and sticking together. They held each other tightly until the brightly shining sun slowly set and the blue sky was gradually tinged with the pink of sunset.

Before long, the sunset painted the living room in beautiful hues and cast a reddish glow on Cha Moogyul’s and Heeheon’s faces.

Limp and weak, Heeheon gazed at Cha Moogyul with a face swollen from crying. He, too, was watching Heeheon. He had been watching him for a long time, from a long, long time ago, without ever taking his eyes off him.

“…”

“…”

The temperature of their silent, locked gazes was the same. They were looking at each other with the same intention.

Cha Moogyul’s black eyes reflected Heeheon’s face, and Heeheon’s grayish-brown eyes also reflected him like a mirror. They were very clearly contained within each other.

The tips of his fingers brushed along his cheek. They lazily swept over Heeheon’s eyes, raw from tears, tickling his skin. The touch felt uncharacteristically gentle for him. He was touching him with a very careful hand, as if handling a mirage that might disappear at any moment.

“…Won’t you regret it?”

Cha Moogyul asked at the end of a long silence. The red sunset, like a thin veil over his face, created a mystical atmosphere. To Heeheon, it was Cha Moogyul who looked like a mirage that would soon disappear.

“Yeah.”

Slowly and clearly, Heeheon nodded. The corners of his eyes were trembling ever so slightly, but it was definitely not a reaction tinged with regret. Cha Moogyul stared at Heeheon with a gaze that seemed to penetrate to his very depths, without even blinking.

“I still find it hard to accept, though.”

A vein stood out on his jaw. Clenching his teeth with enough force to tense his muscles, he spoke his mind seriously. Beneath his unwavering, piercing gaze and cold, strong-looking expression, there was a gently flickering confusion.

Perhaps this was the first moment that Cha Moogyul was less certain than Baek Heeheon, he thought.

“Just…”

Heeheon’s lips parted slightly. What should I say, he wondered seriously, before simply letting out a deflating sound and letting the thought scatter.

“Accept it. All of it.”

Even though Cha Moogyul had seen it with his own eyes and heard it with his own ears, it seemed he was still doubting Heeheon’s sincerity or the situation that had unfolded. But there was nothing more Heeheon could say.

“I was the same. I couldn’t accept that you had fallen for me, but in the end, I did. So, you just give up, too.”

“…”

“I guess we’re just… drawn to each other, or something.”

Realizing he was repeating the exact words he had once heard from him, his expression crumbled helplessly.

‘He still doesn’t believe me like this. If I told him that I’d actually been in love with him from the first moment I saw him, how would he react?’

“…I suppose so.”

Cha Moogyul murmured lowly, looking at Heeheon as if craving him. Even though he had already taken Heeheon’s entire life, he still wanted him, as if it weren’t enough. Looking at those darkly sunken eyes, a surge of emotion welled up again.

He tickled Heeheon’s ear as he brushed his hair back. His body, leaning against the sofa, flinched slightly. His heart was pounding so hard it felt like it would leap out of his chest. Even though he was pressed tightly against Cha Moogyul, held in his arms without a gap, he felt a clattering sensation somewhere inside.

“It’s true I couldn’t be more desperate.”

“Huh…”

“I mean me.”

Speaking softly, Cha Moogyul pressed his lips to the shell of Heeheon’s ear and kissed it. It was a thousand times more ticklish and heart-fluttering than usual, making his breath catch. As Heeheon wiggled his curled toes, one of his slippers fell off and dropped under the sofa with a thud.

Casting a light glance at the slipper, Cha Moogyul continued to speak.

“I’ll take responsibility.”

“…”

“For everything.”

“…We have to take responsibility together. Me too.”

As Heeheon mumbled, Cha Moogyul replied, again pressing his lips to his ear.

“I wonder.”

He lightly bit and gnawed on the shell of his ear, then made him turn his head and kissed his red, swollen eyes.

“I’m not good at sharing. Whatever it is.”

“…”

“In fact, I’ve never even considered it.”

With a trembling hand, Heeheon grabbed the hem of his shirt and leaned his body against his chest. Even just being held quietly, a fine tremor spread through his entire body.

That Cha Moogyul, of all people, was so calmly and quietly confessing his deepest and most private thoughts was truly enough to make him go crazy. He, the one actually confessing his feelings, seemed composed, but it was Heeheon who was embarrassed, overwhelmed, and at a loss for what to do.

Heeheon lifted his chin and turned his eyes to look at him. He brought his gaze close and moved his lips.

“Still. Share with me. Don’t just keep coming to conclusions and making decisions all by yourself…”