Wandering Through Vol. 3 Chapter 72 - The Journey

Upon hearing Yiseo’s claim that she had been unfaithful with another man, Leegwang reflexively furrowed his brows and asked,

“I heard we were married at twelve. Who could it have been before that?”

 

He had heard that as a grand prince, his wedding had taken place early, but at the time of the ceremony, the two of them had been little more than snot-nosed children. 

 

If they hadn’t even been able to consummate the marriage due to their youth, that said it all.

 

Before that wedding at twelve—how could a child who couldn’t even leave the house alone have met a man somewhere? 

 

Leegwang had no choice but to doubt Yiseo’s words.

 

“You’re not saying this just to push me away, are you?”

“No, it’s really true…”

 

He coldly cut off Yiseo’s words as she shook her head in denial.

“It certainly doesn’t feel good. Even though I know it isn’t true.”

 

Just the thought of Yiseo being with another man disgusted him. 

 

From the very beginning, Leegwang was the kind of man who would have eliminated any previous lover of hers even before learning that he himself had been that previous lover.

 

Leegwang toyed with Yiseo’s lips as she lay beneath him and whispered, “Do you dislike me so much that you’d lie like this?”

“It really isn’t a lie.”

“It is. If there really had been someone else, that man would have disappeared from your side long ago. You wouldn’t have had the chance to hold him so deeply in your heart.”

 

Instead of denying his words again, Yiseo simply smiled bitterly. 

 

Then, grasping Leegwang’s hand that was brushing her lips, she conceded, “Yes. You would have done that.”

 

For the first time in a while, she thought of Huishan from her past life. The crown prince of that life had never held Huishan in his heart. He had only respected her. 

 

But then again, weren’t royal marriages always like that from the start?

 

So until Mongmae appeared in their lives, the two had been a fairly decent couple…

 

“I have never held feelings for anyone else. That person was merely a fleeting distraction before I came to hold you in my heart. The one I truly loved and cherished was only you, my lord.”

 

Leegwang paused at Yiseo’s sudden confession. 

 

Yiseo swallowed a short laugh and asked, “Even if I say this, would you believe me?”

 

“There’s… no reason for me to believe—”

 

“What if I said this after meeting that other person, only because I was caught by you, my lord?”

 

“…”

 

“And what if, while begging you not to kill that person, I made such a confession… Would you believe me then?”

 

It was obvious how it would sound—like a ploy to save that other person. 

 

Yiseo understood the suspicion Mongmae had harbored in her past life. Mongmae would never have been able to trust the Crown Prince’s heart.

 

“You would have demanded proof, my lord. You would have said that if I truly held you in my heart, I should love you no matter what you did to me.”

 

Yiseo’s words carried weight, as if she were speaking nothing but the truth.

 

“I promised I would. And after that, you, my lord…”

 

Yiseo paused briefly, then continued, “You deliberately hurt me. You treated me coldly, abandoned me, and married another.”

 

Yiseo nodded. There was no trace of deceit on her face. 

 

Listening to her, Leegwang briefly thought that if that were the case, he might have done the same—before shaking his head again. 

 

To push Yiseo away over a single incident from their childhood would be impossible, she was far too great a temptation for him.

 

“After forcing yourself on me despite my pleas, you asked, ‘Do you still love me even after this?’ I answered no.”

 

Yiseo avoided his gaze.

“There’s no trust left between us, and Your Excellency suffered so deeply from the betrayal that it made you gravely ill. After that, I left this household.”

“…I lost my memories.”

“Yes. I believe that was for the better. Painful memories are better off forgotten. I only deepened Your Excellency’s distrust, and because of me, you must have found it harder to trust others, no?”

“…”

“A relationship without trust is nothing but suffering. It’s better for me not to be by Your Excellency’s side.”

“Even so, I’d rather have you here and suffer.”

“That’s something you can only say now, while your memories are still gone. I fear the day they return—what if you remember everything and suffer because of me again? If that happens… I might start hating myself a little.”

 

Leegwang sensed her concern for him in her words.

Yiseo was worried about the pain he might endure. That’s why she believed it was better for her not to be by his side. 

 

So those words…

Didn’t they mean she didn’t hate  him? 

 

No, perhaps she cared for him so much that it worried her.

 

Despite the gloom in Yiseo’s expression, Leegwang felt a flicker of excitement. That insignificant past, those memories—whether he had them or not, they were useless to him anyway. 

 

Honestly, even if Yiseo had tried to kill him in the past, he wouldn’t care.

 

So what if their past was ill-fated? So what if the memories were bad? What was he supposed to do about it?

No matter how betrayed his past self had felt, he couldn’t understand why he had treated Yiseo so harshly. 

 

So what if he couldn’t trust her? Why had he let her go?

He could’ve just kept her locked away.

 

If I don’t trust her, then just lock her in the inner quarters. I’ll take care of everything—her meals, her clothes, even washing her body. 

 

If she leaves no one around but me, that should settle it.

 

Leegwang pressed a kiss gloomily beneath Yiseo’s downcast eyes.

 

Startled by the sudden kiss, Yiseo’s eyes flew open, and Leegwang met her gaze as he asked,

 

“Do you hate seeing me suffer? Is that why you tried to stay away from me?”

 

“…”

 

Yiseo’s lips trembled slightly, but she remained silent. 

 

Leegwang coaxed her gently, “I won’t believe a word you say anyway, so you might as well speak your mind. Hmm? Are you worried about me?”

 

Under his prodding, Yiseo hesitated before finally answering in a tiny voice,

 

“Yes. I’m worried about you, my lord…”

 

Finally getting the answer he wanted, Leegwang couldn’t hold back a laugh as he pulled Yiseo tightly into his arms, pressing kisses repeatedly to her cheeks, lips, and chin. 

 

At first, Yiseo only blinked in surprise at his sudden affection, but then she quickly shook her head.

 

“Truly, my lord, you’d be better off without—!”

 

“Yes, yes. I see. But I prefer having you here.”

 

Leegwang buried his nose in the nape of her neck, inhaling her scent as he murmured. He had no desire to return to the dull life he’d led before knowing her. 

 

Now that he had something—someone—he wanted, living like a corpse, devoid of desire, was no life at all. 

 

So what if there was some pain? 

 

As long as he held her in his arms, he knew he’d forget it all.

 

“You shouldn’t think so simply about this.”

 

“Didn’t you say there’s no trust between us? Whatever you say, I’ll only believe what I want to believe.”

 

Yiseo’s dazed expression was unsettling. One might think she had made that adorable face just to enchant someone. 

 

Leegwang, blaming her rather than his own eyes, tugged at the strings of her dress.

 

“Then why don’t you just tell me what I want to hear? That you like me, that you’re worried about me—things like that.”

 

“After hearing what I had to say, is that all you can say?”

 

“You think too much, Yiseo. I like you, and if you like me too, isn’t that enough? Why worry about the past or the future?”

 

“I never said I liked you, mmph—!”

 

Leegwang silenced her with a kiss before she could finish. 

 

Yiseo tried to push his shoulders away, flicking her tongue in protest, but he didn’t budge. Only after a long moment, breathless, did she finally manage to pull away from his lips.

 

Suddenly, a thought crossed her mind.

 

As she watched the clothes she had just put on being stripped away again by his hands. As she watched Leegwang, elated by the mere fact that she worried about him after hearing her story.

 

If only she could be certain he would never regain his memories of the past, maybe she could stay by his side, pretending she had no choice.

 

He was a man who could be pleased by something so trivial. 

 

How beautifully would he smile if she kissed the lips that said he liked her and whispered that she felt the same?

 

Yiseo wavered. But she quickly steeled herself.

 

Just as he, with no memories, had stubbornly sought her out, there was nothing in this world she could be certain of.

 

Closing her eyes, she recalled the man who had violated her in the mountains and wept. She never wanted to see him cry because of her again.

 

More than wanting to see him happy, she never wanted to see him in pain.

 

That was always the disparity between him and her.

 

🦋

 

Eunbi told the guest from Hanseong that the ritual was over.

“The lingering evil spirits have been driven away, so now you just need to rest and recover your weakened body.”

 

Originally, she had no intention of even looking at the guest upon hearing they were from Hanseong, but since they showed no sign of leaving the village, she had no choice but to take them in.

Because of this, she had to apply more makeup than usual and even wear a mask, which was rather annoying. 

 

Of course, it was actually Guksu who expelled the evil spirits, but since Eunbi was publicly known as the village shaman, she had to be the one to face the guest.

 

Eunbi spoke to the man who had carried in the young master, a shaman with spiritual energy.

“How did the young master of the minister’s household end up possessed by such a vicious spirit…?”

“It seems my younger brother encountered something terrible in the mountains while recently visiting a temple.”

 

The man, who was the older brother of the young master possessed by the evil spirit, stared intently at Eunbi behind her mask and then asked,

“I’m still worried about my brother. Would it be possible for you to accompany us to Hanseong, even just briefly?”

“I apologize, but I cannot leave the village shrine unattended, so that won’t be possible.”

“Hmm. Even if I were to pay you generously?”

“No.”

 

At Eunbi’s firm reply, the man sighed. 

 

Then, he muttered something, “Being indifferent to wealth—it’s not just shamans who are like that, but also certain noble family heirs.”