To You, Who Will Die Alone in Paradise Chapter 32

His father had abandoned his mother, yet his mother still said she loved him. While crying that she couldn’t stop loving him, she tells Dandeleon to love.

A love like faith and therefore like madness, a love his father easily gave up but his mother couldn’t give up even at the moment of her death, a love that Dandeleon himself had never once felt from her.

Dandeleon was afraid of it.

“The time you’ve been given is short. What makes that time meaningful is love.”

Apsara turned her head to Dandeleon. Dandeleon saw his own reflection in her eyes.

That was the first and last time Apsara had truly seen him.

“So you must love, Leon…”

“Bullshit…!”

Dandeleon shouted to escape the ghost of the past. His voice echoed in the empty hallway.

What, in the end, was left for his mother, who had loved so greatly?

A lonely death, the label of a whore, a lover lost in self-pity, and a son who could die at any moment.

That was the grand finale of such a great love.

The terrible thing was that Dandeleon was still bound by those words. In Dandeleon’s nightmares, Apsara always whispered to him to love. Otherwise your life will have no meaning, give meaning to a life that will be short-lived and fleeting…

He didn’t know it then, but he knew it now. Dandeleon thought as he slammed his fist against the wall. This is a curse. His mother had cursed him. Before she died, she had laid a curse upon him, saying, ‘May you also suffer the torment I have suffered.’ If not, if it wasn’t that, then…

“…Leon?”

Goosebumps rose on Dandeleon’s skin. A voice that couldn’t possibly be coming from the past called his name. Dandeleon raised his head, creaking like a broken machine.

Kellewen was standing in front of the door leading to the hallway.

“What’s wrong… are you feeling unwell again, by any chance?”

He approached Dandeleon with a worried expression. He seemed to have no memory of how things had ended between them last, his face filled only with concern for Dandeleon.

“Should I call a doctor, no, a servant?”

Correcting himself from doctor to servant was so very Kellewen-like. Dandeleon felt like crying.

Love is a terrible thing. Even more so if it is one-sided.

Dandeleon reached out his hand toward Kellewen. And he pulled his face in and kissed him.

“Le—!”

Kellewen pushed him away in bewilderment. But instead of moving away, Dandeleon nestled more tightly into his arms.

“Leon, what…”

“I want to do it right now.”

Love is terrible. So he needed something more certain than love.

Such as the warmth that reaches beyond the hand, the touch of skin against skin, the pleasure felt from it.

Something that could make him forget the present and his fear. If it was all intangible anyway, then at least something that could surely give him pleasure. Something that exists purely as itself and, for that moment, is the truth.

Kellewen’s face flushed red. He glanced at the door leading to the king’s office with a confused expression.

“I came to see His Majesty right now… and we…”

“You don’t want to?”

Dandeleon knew he was being a coward. He knew he was using Kellewen’s feelings, and that it was selfish.

But so what?

I’m going to die soon and you’re going to die even sooner, you’re the one who chose death for yourself, and because of that I’ve been hurt so much.

Is it really so bad to want you to be hurt as much as I’ve been hurt?

“Don’t you like me anymore?”

Dandeleon said sorrowfully. Kellewen’s face contorted. He stared at Dandeleon for a long time with a face that looked like it was about to cry.

He didn’t remember how he got to Ardenberg. When he came to his senses, Dandeleon was kissing Kellewen in front of the entrance of Ardenberg.

“Hh, uh, hht…”

His shirt was off before they even entered the room. By the time the door was thrown open, his pants were gone too. Kellewen pushed Dandeleon against the bedroom wall and showered him with frantic kisses. Dandeleon was already naked, and Kellewen was also bare from the waist down.

“Ah…!”

Kellewen bit Dandeleon’s nape. Unlike last time, which had been gentle and careful, this was rough and emotional.

But he didn’t dislike it. On the contrary, the pain he felt on his neck turned into a thrilling sensation of pleasure. In response, Dandeleon raked his fingernails down Kellewen’s back.

“Khk.”

Kellewen let out a moan and tightened his grip on Dandeleon. He sank his teeth in again, biting and sucking on Dandeleon’s tender nape. With each reddish-purple mark that appeared on the white skin, Dandeleon’s breathing grew more ragged and his voice grew higher.

After tormenting Dandeleon like that for a while, Kellewen let out a low sigh and stopped moving. He reached out to grope Dandeleon’s buttocks.

“Just put it in.”

Dandeleon said. Kellewen was a little taken aback.

“But it will hurt if I don’t loosen you up…”

“I don’t care.”

Dandeleon said, panting.

“Just hurry up and fuck me.”

He didn’t want things to slow down. He didn’t mind if it hurt, he just wanted to be pushed relentlessly. So that he couldn’t think about anything, he wanted Kellewen to devour him instead, before the nightmare could swallow him.

Upon hearing Dandeleon’s words, Kellewen’s face turned cold. He pressed his lips together and glared at Dandeleon. His distinct eyebrows and deep-set eyes tensed, creating a frighteningly angry expression.

Dandeleon flinched at the sight of that face. It was surprisingly similar to the expression he had seen in his illusion.

“……?!”

The next moment, Dandeleon’s vision suddenly flew through the air. Kellewen had lifted Dandeleon and thrown him onto the bed. Dandeleon’s body tumbled across the soft mattress. He felt dazed.

“What are you doing right now?”

Dandeleon shouted as he pushed himself up. Kellewen didn’t answer. With a hardened expression, he spread Dandeleon’s legs. Thinking he would enter him just like that, Dandeleon stopped resisting and lay down obediently.

‘It’s probably going to hurt.’

Dandeleon thought, closing his eyes. Considering Kellewen’s size, it would be stranger if it didn’t hurt. He braced himself for the tearing pain below and clenched his teeth.

“Heuk…?!”

But what assaulted him from below was not pain, but pleasure. As something wet and soft touched his tender flesh, Dandeleon’s eyes flew open in surprise.

“What the—!”

Kellewen was licking Dandeleon’s rear. As his tongue licked widely around the entrance, his dry backside quickly became wet.

“Don’t do something useless—! Heuk!”

Dandeleon tried to push Kellewen away, but he didn’t budge. He acted as if he couldn’t hear Dandeleon’s words. The soft tongue brushed past the delicate skin, leaving behind a sticky pleasure. Moisture began to creep into Dandeleon’s voice.

“Stop… euk, I told you…”

Whatever Dandeleon said, Kellewen licked him from below with great care. At first, his tongue only traced the outside, but it slowly began to attempt an invasion inside.

“Eu, ah!”

Dandeleon writhed at the unfamiliar sensation. Unlike a hard penis, the tongue was slick like a living creature and ravaged his insides. Every time the wet tongue entered and exited, Dandeleon’s body trembled as he let out whimpering moans. It was different from any sensation he had ever felt. He felt like he was going crazy.

By the time Kellewen finally lifted his head, Dandeleon’s mind had become as gooey as melted butter. Even when he tried to think, his thoughts wouldn’t take shape and just trickled away. Kellewen looked at him like that for a moment before leaving the spot.

When Kellewen returned, Dandeleon smelled a familiar scent. It was the same scent as the perfumed oil he used after bathing. As Kellewen pressed his body close to Dandeleon, he felt a sticky sensation. It seemed Kellewen had poured the perfumed oil on his penis.

“I told you to just do it…”

Dandeleon panted, but Kellewen didn’t listen. Before entering, Kellewen scooped up the perfumed oil with his fingers and spread it inside Dandeleon. Dandeleon’s body trembled and he pulled his hips back as if to flee, but it was no use. Kellewen held Dandeleon’s waist with one hand and spread him open with the other, widening the path.

“Heuk, euk…”

Dandeleon found the movement tantalizing. Building up a slow, dull pleasure was not what Dandeleon wanted. He shook his head and shouted.

“You don’t need to go that far, just hurry up and—!”