To You, Who Will Die Alone in Paradise Chapter 48

“Did you two fight while I was gone? Was it when I was sick?”

“That’s not it, but anyway, I understand. By any chance, did the High Elf make a separate request to His Highness the Crown Prince as well?”

“Uh… so I heard. But His Highness told me to decide…”

Dandeleon, who was about to mention the severance pay, just kept his mouth shut. He was worried that saying it now would feel like he was pushing Zellos out the door.

Dandeleon did not want to part with Zellos. The more they talked, the more resolute that thought became. But he still had to ask Zellos for his opinion. He thought that no matter how scary or heavy his heart felt, this time he really had to ask.

Because if Zellos wanted to leave, now was the best opportunity.

“Zellos, I…”

Dandeleon forced open his unwilling lips. The words came out slowly and then pooled, unable to go any further. The hesitation that had tormented him for so long had come again.

Do you want to leave?

He had thought of asking that several times before but could not bring himself to, out of fear. If he answered yes, he felt he would ask since when.

He felt he would end up prying, asking if the reason he had stayed with him was merely a sense of duty, if he had endured all this time just to repay his mother’s kindness.

If the conversation went that far, it would be the end. Even if Zellos said no, he would doubt its truth, and if he said yes…

Then, he felt he would be truly hurt.

“Mr. Leon, I have a favor to ask.”

But Zellos suddenly said something strange.

“It’s a little early, but would you like to go visit her grave?”

“Visit a grave? My mother’s?”

“Yes…”

Dandeleon asked, bewildered. Zellos smiled with a sorrowful expression and answered.

“I… can’t be by your side anymore, can I?”

Dandeleon’s heart sank with a thud. He shook his head vehemently.

“No, I just have to talk to Kellewen.”

“Please don’t. You never know what the High Elf might do if you say something he doesn’t like. Considering he went as far as to involve His Highness the Crown Prince, his obsession with you seems to be quite considerable.”

“But, then you…”

Lost in confusion, Dandeleon did not notice that Zellos was intentionally using negative words.

“You, what do you want to do?”

The question flowed out so easily it made his worries seem pointless. Zellos smiled weakly.

“Of course, I want to stay by your side, Mr. Leon. I swore to Ms. Apsara that I would be with you until your last moments. But there are some things that are beyond my power.”

“No. I don’t want that.”

Dandeleon threw a tantrum, shaking his head like a child. Tears welled up in his eyes from the frustration and anger. As Dandeleon tried to wipe his tears, something suddenly touched the corner of his eye.

“Don’t cry, my prince.”

Zellos whispered affectionately as he wiped away his tears with his hand.

In that moment, Dandeleon’s stomach churned and his mood soured. He barely suppressed the urge to slap Zellos’s hand away. It was a similar feeling to what he had felt in the morning, but worse. It went beyond aversion and even felt like fear.

“Now you’re even lying, my prince.”

A voice he had never heard before rang in his ear. A malicious sneer. A thorny voice he was hearing for the first time. It was similar to Zellos’s, but that could not be. He had never spoken to him this way.

“If you really don’t want to, you can try asking the High Elf. But it might not work, right? So please think of this as a last request and go visit the grave with me. I want to pay my respects to Ms. Apsara.”

Zellos, waiting for an answer, frowned and studied Dandeleon.

“Mr. Leon?”

“Huh? Oh… okay.”

Dandeleon was so focused on figuring out the source of the strange feeling that he was barely aware of what he was saying. Zellos looked at him and then grinned.

“Shall we leave right away, then?”

• To be continued in the next chapter

Chapter 31

“Right now?”

Dandeleon snapped back to his senses. No matter what, suggesting they leave immediately was an unreasonable demand. It took a full day by carriage to get to Loallante, and he needed a pass to go out. It was not a place one could just visit for fun on a whim.

“Isn’t that a bit difficult?”

“Even if it’s difficult, we have to hurry. It’s obvious the High Elf won’t let us go if he hears about this.”

But Zellos did not back down and persistently pleaded. Dandeleon felt sorry refusing him outright, but there were many practical issues with agreeing. The sense of unease he had felt just a moment ago also played a part in his hesitation. Dandeleon hemmed and hawed, unable to do either.

“No, but… still…”

When a clear answer was not forthcoming, Zellos’s expression hardened. He glared at Dandeleon and said resentfully.

“You can do this much for me, can’t you, Mr. Leon? I’m about to be kicked out. I’ve devoted myself to you for ten years, and now I’m about to be thrown away like trash. I’ll endure all of that, so I’m just asking you to visit the grave with me one last time, is that so difficult?”

“Wait, wait a minute, Zellos.”

Dandeleon, flustered, stopped Zellos’s words, which were pouring out like a waterfall.

“It’s not decided that you’re being kicked out. I told you I’d talk to Kellewen, didn’t I?”

“Do you think anything will change if you talk to him? You say that, but if the High Elf says to do it, you’ll just go along with it anyway, won’t you?”

“That’s not true. Why would you say that…”

“Ms. Apsara was the same way. No matter what I said, the moment she met His Majesty the King, she’d forget everything and just follow his words.”

Dandeleon could not believe his ears. The sudden mention of his mother’s name, the resentment that filled that voice—it all felt like a lie.

“That’s what happens when you fall in love. No one else even enters your field of vision. How many times do you think I’ve seen that?”

Dandeleon’s cheeks flushed hot. Fury and shame welled up at the same time. He had heard countless criticisms and jeers in his life, but none were as terrible as what Zellos had just said.

His mother, who, lost in love, cared for neither the child she had picked up nor the child she had borne, and looked only at her lover. His mother, who could not even hate the lover who had not been there for her last moments, and loved him until the moment she died. And yet, she had told her son that he must love—his lunatic mother.

To be told he was just like her was more than an insult to Dandeleon; it was a wound.

“…”

Dandeleon hung his head low and avoided Zellos’s gaze. He should have said something in response, but no words came to mind.

A heavy silence fell. A moment later, Zellos said in a somber voice.

“I’m sorry… I went too far.”

“It’s okay…”

It was not okay at all, but Dandeleon forced himself to answer that way. Even after receiving the apology, a corner of his heart still ached.

Maybe Zellos was right. The thought suddenly occurred to him. He had struggled his whole life not to live like his mother, but his current state was not much different from hers. The only difference was that his mother was trapped on a beach, and he was trapped in a palace.

Other than that, in the end.

“I was just in a hurry. Because if not today, there might never be another chance. If I get kicked out of the palace like this, I might not see you until I die. So… no, I’m sorry. This is all just an excuse.”

Zellos said in a low, resigned voice. He shook his head and gave a bitter smile.

“I should have trusted that you would solve it and waited.”

Unlike before, Dandeleon could not confidently say yes. Whether he could persuade Kellewen, whether Kellewen would listen to him—it was all uncertain. Dandeleon’s heart swayed 불안하게 like a ship caught in a storm.

“I… I’ll get going. I need to familiarize myself with the layout here and sort out my things… I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but I think that’s the right thing to do.”

Zellos said as he got up. Dandeleon remained silent as he walked toward the door. Zellos grabbed the doorknob.

Click.

The door opened.

“…Wait a minute.”

Dandeleon called out to stop him.

“If I say I’ll go, are you ready?”

Zellos smiled.

‘Is this really okay?’

Inside the cargo hold of a rattling freight wagon, Dandeleon, suffering from motion sickness, thought of the question he had already asked himself dozens of times.

Once Dandeleon made up his mind, Zellos moved with surprising speed. He had already prepared his own exit pass, and since Dandeleon could not get one immediately, he would hide among the cargo in a freight wagon to get out. Zellos quickly came up with this plan, and in the blink of an eye, he had packed his bags and left the palace.

He had told the other attendants at the Céleste Domaine that they were going for a long walk. He even added a stern warning not to disturb them for a few hours, as they had things to discuss in private.

All the instructions came from Zellos, and Dandeleon just did as he was told. Zellos moved so busily that he was too disoriented to think or make any judgments. When he came to his senses, Dandeleon was already in the cargo hold.

The plan to sneak out hidden in a freight wagon felt absurd, but when he actually did it, it was ridiculously easy. It seemed that goods coming into the palace were strictly inspected, but the opposite was not the case. Dandeleon sat uncomfortably wedged between empty wooden barrels and passed through the palace gates.

‘Kellewen will be worried…’

Zellos was sitting in the driver’s seat, so Dandeleon was alone in the cargo hold. Once he was alone, a sense of reality, along with the worries he had put off, came rushing in. This was especially so because Kellewen had seemed unusually unstable when he saw him in the morning. He could not even imagine how he would react the moment he realized Dandeleon had disappeared with Zellos.