It’s Sunny But I’m Depressed – Chapter 13

Author: B0ucha

Grandfather always used to say this.

“Do you know what’s most important in business?”

“Money!”

“Clients!”

My idiot older brothers, shouting out whatever came to mind, desperate to win Grandfather’s approval.

“Inna. What do you think?”

Little Inna, unlike the others, answered calmly, without getting flustered.

Grandfather hated people who couldn’t control their emotions.

“…People. No matter what big thing you’re trying to do, the most important thing is to find people you can trust and rely on.”

“That’s right. Exactly right! You really do take after me the most! No great person ever accomplished anything alone. So always keep trustworthy people close by.”

Grandfather was strict even with his own children and grandchildren, but he was fair with rewards and punishments, and had a big, generous heart.

Because of that, many people followed him. Whenever someone said I was like Grandfather, I used to feel a quiet pride.

Ilena smiled bitterly.

It’s all because of Grandfather’s teachings.

Wherever I go, I end up becoming the leader. Always standing at the front, giving more than I receive.

But what did all that striving get me in the end?

My brothers’ suspicion and petty jealousy. Endless competition and the dirty schemes of a chaebol family.

Deep depression and sleepless nights.

‘Not this life. I’ll never live such an exhausting life again.’

Ilena shook her head.

It’s not in my nature to leave debts unpaid, so I simply repaid what I owed.

Ilena burrowed back into bed.

Sleep came to her, but tonight it brought along the unpleasant guest of nightmares.

***

The company was in chaos.

“Club xxx Assault Scandal, Chaebol Third Generation Involved?”

It was the doing of my oldest brother, who’d grown up spoiled and arrogant just for being the eldest son.

‘Honestly, what an idiot…’

Inna left the shareholders’ meeting with a cold stare.

As soon as the news broke, the company’s stock price plummeted over 8%, and in an instant, billions of won turned to worthless scraps of paper.

The major shareholders at the meeting decided to push me, a woman, as the successor to restore the company’s tarnished image.

A classic case of empty gestures.

‘Looks like I’ll have even more work to do.’

She sighed quietly, when a voice full of resentment came from behind.

“Women are so greedy, honestly.”

It was the eldest brother.

His face was red with jealousy and spite as he sneered.

“I saw today your stock share went up again, huh? Please. No way the chairman gave you that. When did you squirrel it all away, buying up shares like a rat?”

‘Getting nervous now that my stake is bigger, are you?’

Inna looked down at the sore loser with icy contempt.

“Maybe you should have spent your money on stocks instead of blowing it on overseas casinos and hostess bars. Then we wouldn’t have these scandals, would we?”

“What? You little—! That’s all part of business! What do you know about men’s work?!”

“Disgusting.”

Inna spat the words with cold disdain.

“You little—!”

Again. Here we go again.

After dragging the company into a mess with his assault scandal, he was raising his hand again.

Maybe he really did have anger management issues.

Inna glared right back, refusing to back down.

“Enough! What do you think you’re doing, fighting in a place where everyone can see?”

A thunderous shout rang out.

At once, the troublemaker bent deeply at the waist.

“Ch-chairman!”

Even in old age, he hadn’t lost his dignity.

Inna bowed her head to her grandfather.

From above her bowed head came his solemn voice.

“Do your best to clean this up. Don’t forget—I’m always watching.”

“Yes, Chairman.”

As if I wasn’t already swamped with the new fashion business launch.

Guess I’ll have to cut down on sleep again.

I won’t collapse just because I sleep less than three hours, right?

“Hand that business over to your brother.”

At her father’s cold words, Inna’s head snapped up.

It was one of their regular family dinners.

‘Am I hearing things because I haven’t been sleeping?’

Inna set down her spoon and asked politely.

“Excuse me, Father?”

“That fashion business. I heard you managed a successful global launch.”

“…Yes.”

Not a word of praise, but he knew all about it.

“That’s enough. Now that it’s established, hand it over to your brother.”

Her brother, sitting across from her, grinned.

“Anyway, the chairman’s seat will go to the eldest son someday. You’ve played at business long enough. Time to step aside and look for a marriage match, now that you’re of age.”

What century is this?

‘Even more old-fashioned than Grandfather.’

Inna didn’t hesitate to judge her father harshly.

Or maybe, as the eldest son himself, he was just trying to justify his own claim to the chairman’s seat after Grandfather passed.

He never showed any affection for his children, son or daughter.

“…Yes.”

Grandfather, as chairman, still had the final say in personnel decisions. If I went to him, I was sure he’d fix this.

Thinking that, Inna turned her attention back to her half-eaten bowl.

But the next time she saw Grandfather, it was in the funeral hall of a hospital.

Dressed in black mourning clothes, Inna sat dazed, leaning against the wall, staring at Grandfather’s smiling portrait.

The doctor said it was a heart attack. It was all so sudden.

And strangely, so strangely—No tears came.

“Tsk tsk… So cold. The chairman was always so fond of her, too.”

“Isn’t she actually happy? Maybe she thinks the company will be hers now.”

People whispered, criticizing her for not shedding a single tear at the funeral.

She was baffled herself.

Why can’t I cry, not even a single tear?

It felt suffocating and numb, like a bottle sealed tight with a cork.

But there was no time to grieve, no room to tend to her own feelings.

Why do bad things always come all at once?

To teach me a lesson?

To break me?

The idiot eldest brother managed to ruin the business he inherited in exactly six months.

He overextended with overseas branches and racked up 120 billion won in bank debt.

Naturally, the business came back to Inna.

My head hurts.

When did it start? After Grandfather’s funeral?

My body just kept feeling heavier and heavier.

In that short time, my brother’s cronies started playing politics inside the company.

“They say she’s a parachute hire. The chairman’s granddaughter.”

“Wow. I had no idea. We joined at the same time—how could you not say a word to me for five years? Inna, I mean, Executive Choi. You’re really cold, you know.”

She drifted apart from colleagues she’d thought were close friends.

There was too much to do.

Grandfather had started the company from nothing and built it up over a lifetime.

I couldn’t let it all go to waste now.

No matter how incompetent my father and brother were, I had to save it.

“Haha. As expected. You really do take after me the most!”

Strict as he was, I still remembered the way he’d sometimes ruffle my hair with those big hands.

At some point, I stopped sleeping well.

When I went to a psychiatrist for sleeping pills, I was diagnosed with severe depression.

“Me?”

Summoned to the doctor’s office, Inna answered sullenly.

‘Depression? No way. Isn’t this just overdiagnosis? I need to get back to work before lunch break ends.’

Inna glanced at the clock on the wall.

Even now, her mind was filled with the list of tasks she had to finish today.

“Are you eating well these days?”

The doctor asked kindly.

Inna replied, still scowling.

“I never ate much anyway. It’s not because of depression.”

‘I’m not some depressed person.’

“And you’re not sleeping well either.”

“Well… yes. But that’s just because I’m busy…”

“Your chest feels tight, you have no motivation for anything, and… you said you don’t really see the point of life, either.”

The doctor flipped through her chart.

“Well… does anyone really know the meaning of life? I’m fine. There’s no way I’m depressed. See? I can’t even cry.”

Inna kept making excuses.

Isn’t depression all about crying all the time, wanting to die and all that?

If so, there’s no way I’m depressed. I’m not that emotional or weak.

Inna gritted her teeth, determined to believe it.

“Have you cried at all recently?”

“No. Not at all.”

Inna answered firmly.

“…Not at all? Hmm… Then, have you felt sad?”

The doctor asked gently.

The unfamiliar question threw Inna off. Sad? No one had ever asked her something like that.

“Uh… no, I haven’t.”

Instinctively, she answered sharply, unwilling to show any weakness.

“That can’t be. How could anyone live without ever feeling sad?”

The doctor said warmly.

“Uh…”

What is this?

Hearing the doctor’s words, her chest tightened and her throat constricted.

But still, no tears came.

It was the same feeling she’d had at Grandfather’s funeral.

What is this?

“Inna, I think you’re forcing yourself to suppress your emotions right now.”

The doctor watched her with sharp but gentle eyes.

“Don’t hold your feelings in too much. It’s like trying to dam up a flowing river—eventually, it’ll burst through the weakest point.”

Me, Choi Inna, depressed?

“I’d like to recommend counseling as well…”

“I don’t have time. I have to get back to work right now.”

“…I’ll write you a prescription, then.”

The day she came back from the hospital, she told her boyfriend.

“I feel weird lately.”

He didn’t even look up from his steak as he asked,

“Weird how?”

“…”

When Inna fell silent, he glanced around and said,

“You should be grateful. Most people never get to eat at a place like this. Ugh, how much is this steak, anyway?”

Again. Always the same.

“Can you not talk about money? Let’s just enjoy the meal.”

“Ha! That’s what makes gold spoons different. Your whole way of thinking is different.”

‘Forget it. No point talking.’

Inna just stared down at her untouched plate.

“And that new car you got.”

He tossed out the words as he finished his steak in seconds.

“My car?”

“Yeah. If you drive a foreign car, what does that make me look like?”

“What does my car have to do with you?”

“If my girlfriend drives a better car than me, how do you think that makes me feel? Damn. It’s embarrassing…”

He muttered a curse under his breath.

“I was diagnosed with depression.”

Inna blurted it out without thinking. She didn’t even know why.

She hadn’t meant to say it. Maybe she just wanted to tell someone—anyone.

“Ha!”

He laughed in disbelief.

“Depression? Isn’t that just a rich people’s disease?”

“…What?”

“You’re only like that because your life is too easy. Try living without knowing where your next meal is coming from. You wouldn’t have time for those thoughts.”

He had to get in the last word.

“What’s so hard about being born a chaebol? You’re just showing off. It’s selfish.”

After that day, Inna never told anyone about her depression again.

***

Today, the sky was full of clouds.

‘Maybe it’s because of that crappy dream.’

It looked even gloomier than usual.

Watching the sky, Ilena chewed her breakfast listlessly, as if chewing paper.

“Ilena! You’ll have to hurry with breakfast today!”

Ever-energetic Andre called out, bustling around.

His way of addressing her had become even more familiar.

“Hurry? Why?”