In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 32

A chilling wind blew through the palace, fallen silent.

Doing something this close to causing a scene was something I never would’ve even considered under normal circumstances…

But I thought back to the Flat Shoes incident.

Either way, I’d end up repeating the same day over and over while clearing quests.

Trusting that safety net deep down, I’d gone ahead and done the deed.

“Your Majesty, we beseech your understanding.”

The elderly minister answered in a hoarse voice, clearly flustered.

“So what exactly are you asking me to understand?”

“Th-that… we’ve already submitted separate memorials to Your Majesty…”

“Listen here.”

At my words, the old minister’s hands pressed against the ground began trembling.

“How old am I right now?”

“Pardon?”

The minister asked back as if he didn’t understand.

“Answer me. How old am I?”

Truth be told, I was genuinely curious.

“Your Majesty came into this world twenty-five years ago…”

“Then my age is plenty sufficient, isn’t it…?”

Behind me, I heard the sound of Sangseon collapsing in shock.

No, seriously though.

“If a twenty-five-year-old sovereign leaves state affairs to a regent, what will the people think of me?”

At that, wailing voices of ministers came from the back.

“We beseech Your Majesty’s understanding!”

“No, so what more do you want me to…”

That’s when I felt Sangseon rushing over to stop me.

Sangseon spoke softly beside me, his hands trembling.

“Your Majesty, it would be best to withdraw for now…”

Then about fifteen guards blocked my view, standing in front of me.

I-is this not it?

“Allow us to guide you.”

Following Sangseon’s lead, I slipped out through a side gate, avoiding the courtyard where ministers knelt.

A king so pathetically swayed by his ministers.

The king’s dignity was in absolute shambles.

Did I play the king wrong?

How exactly does the latter part of the drama unfold?

I had no way of knowing the later parts I’d only read as a synopsis.

After walking for a while, I stopped in my frustration and called out to Sangseon.

“Sangseon, did I do something wrong?”

At my voice, Sangseon stopped walking.

Then he turned toward me and bowed.

“Your Majesty. Your feelings of frustration and resentment—this old servant understands them better than anyone. However, acting rashly on emotion without a plan will only worsen the situation.”

Sangseon’s voice had sunken low.

I was taken aback.

He was saying I’d genuinely messed up.

But wait—the drama’s ending was supposed to be the naive king driving out the Queen Dowager’s faction and reclaiming true royal authority.

This isn’t it?

“Now is the time when you cannot afford mistakes even if you calculate every single move carefully, Your Majesty.”

Sangseon left me with those meaningful final words.

Along with them, someone approached.

“Your Majesty!”

The voice was clear, like jade beads rolling.

I turned my head toward the voice to find a delicate-featured woman wearing men’s official robes.

It didn’t take much thinking—this was Song Sunim.

“Wow…”

The moment I saw Sunim’s face, everything that had just happened faded out of my mind.

And admiration flowed out.

She looks like me…

I stared at Sunim’s face, completely transfixed.

She really does look mysteriously like me.

Sunim had a slender face with even more refined, delicate features than mine.

She’s so elegant—how could the palace people be so blind?

How do they not know she’s a woman?

That’s when it suddenly hit me like a smack to the back of my head.

‘[Reward: Casting]’

Could it be…

I still didn’t quite understand what was going on, but once I completed this sequence…

Did that mean I’d land that girl’s role?

That role would be mine…

Wait, is this a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to observe Sunim from someone else’s perspective?

From that moment, I began scrutinizing Sunim’s appearance, behavior, voice, gait, and gestures in a daze.

“Your Majesty, are you all right?”

Sunim looked up at my face with concern.

Only then did I snap back to reality and pour all my strength into playing the king.

“Ah, Deputy Scholar Song, you’ve arrived.”

Despite the carefree words leaving my mouth, from deep in my heart an unprecedented wave of greed began rising.

If I get out of here…

I’ll be able to act Sunim perfectly—better than before, incomparably better.

That’s when Sunim reached out and gently grasped my hand.

“Why are you acting this way? No one’s watching.”

Startled by Sunim’s reaction, I glanced at Sangseon, who had already turned his back to the two of us.

What, has she already revealed she’s a woman?

I looked down at our clasped hands, and Sunim spoke again.

“This servant searched the palace high and low but couldn’t find it… I feel ashamed before Your Majesty.”

“What are you talking about?”

I asked while reading Sunim’s darkened expression.

Sunim looked at me with puzzled eyes before answering.

“The evidence that the Queen Dowager framed my family with false charges of treason long ago.”

“Ah, right.”

Sunim’s backstory flashed through my mind.

Sunim was a character who’d entered the palace in men’s clothing to find evidence for her family who’d died unjustly.

This was the past I’d engraved in my heart while preparing to play Sunim.

So even this late in the story, she still hasn’t found it…

Sorrow dwelled in Sunim’s expression.

Seeing that sorrow right before my eyes, I could feel the emotions I needed to portray reaching me completely.

But… what should I say?

I stood there dumbly for a moment, watching Sunim’s face.

With no response from me, Sunim paused and studied my expression.

In Sunim’s eyes gazing at me dwelled complete loyalty and love toward me.

Sunim had no idea who I really was or what I was thinking.

Sunim hid her sorrow and smiled softly.

“When all this is over, I don’t know what will become of things… but this lowly one dares to dream of being with Your Majesty.”

In a different sense, I shared Sunim’s sentiment.

“I too dream the same dream as you.”

I answered Sunim.

* * *

After spending such a chaotic day, I opened my eyes again.

Blinking… I stared at the ceiling for a long while.

As I pushed aside the silk blanket, a court lady entered and offered me a cup of water.

Bringing that vessel to my lips, I thought.

‘Why… did I wake up?’

I’d expected time to rewind, leaving me exhausted from barely sleeping…?

A chilling premonition that something had gone wrong crept up the back of my neck.

“Sangseon.”

At my voice, Sangseon approached with quick steps.

“Yes, Your Majesty. Did you rest peacefully?”

“Yesterday… the ministers were begging for understanding in front of the palace, right?”

“Pardon? Yes… Is something the matter…?”

Sangseon looked at me with bewildered eyes.

“It’s nothing.”

With trembling hands, I gulped down the remaining water.

This is bad.

The rules of the script world I’d known had changed.

Last time with Flat Shoes, it definitely reset every day.

But not this time? Has the reset function disappeared entirely?

What kind of arbitrary nonsense is this? Who’s the administrator here?

As I set down the cup with a thud, the court ladies and Sangseon watched my face carefully.

“Your Majesty, are you displeased about yesterday’s events?”

I didn’t answer Sangseon’s concerned words.

That’s not the problem right now…

Every single thing I’d done yesterday—scouring the palace all day trying to figure out what was going on—came flooding back through my mind.

So basically, losing the king’s dignity and acting rashly, asking that old minister how old I was, arbitrarily interfering with important state affairs…

“Everyone remembers everything from yesterday.”

I muttered to myself.

Do I need to find a reset button?

Is that it, is this a reset challenge?

I frantically started turning my head and flipping tables over, searching for a button.

I jumped up and pushed aside folding screens, examining the walls.

Please, save me.

But… the world is a cruel place.

There’d be no such kindness.

Nothing but smooth, featureless walls greeted me—not a single protruding corner.

Standing before them, I let out a hollow laugh.

Eventually, Sangseon, who’d been watching me, dropped to his knees.

“Your Majesty, if this servant overstepped his bounds by stopping Your Majesty yesterday… please execute this wretch.”

I stared at Sangseon blankly.

Nothing registered in my ears.

I gazed at Sangseon’s back, lost in thought.

Or maybe…

Is this consideration—telling me to experience things long-term and learn how to act in historical dramas?

“Oh… that makes sense?”

Jackpot.

I stroked my chin and nodded.

I’d managed to pull off that mental gymnastics routine, desperately trying to prevent my psyche from shattering.

Sangseon looked up at me with a dazed expression.

* * *

“Wow.”

Inside the document storage building located in one section of the palace.

Beyond the window beside shelves packed tight with books, a small pond was visible.

And right now, standing before me with bright, sparkling eyes looking up at me was Sunim.

Sangseon had secretly given us a brief private space away from the palace attendants.

This was probably the most beneficial moment since entering the script world.

I scrutinized Sunim again, point by point.

Under my piercing stare, Sunim fidgeted, not knowing what to do.

Those rosy cheeks and round eyes were adorable enough to drive even me, a woman, crazy.

That’s when Sunim smiled and gazed at me steadily.

Seeing that face filled with pure, untainted trust left me secretly flustered.

Sunim glanced briefly at the pond outside the window before speaking.

“Do you remember that day?”

Sunim looked down with a slight smile.

In a gentle voice, Sunim spoke.

“After five years since entering the palace, unable to find a single clue about my family, with nowhere to turn and ready to give up everything. When I was about to remove my official robes and return to my hometown…”

This was a story I’d never heard, having not seen the later script.

“That’s when Your Majesty held me back.”

I met Sunim’s deep eyes.

So that happened…

“You asked me to become your person. Even when you knew I was a woman disguised in official robes, you told me that gender didn’t matter in becoming your person.”

And at Sunim’s last words, for the first time since entering the script, my emotions stirred.

“Thanks to Your Majesty holding me back, for the first time, I’m living my own life.”

The moment I heard those words, I realized.

‘Just as the king grew stronger after meeting Sunim, Sunim also became stronger through relying on the king.’

Sunim wasn’t strong from the beginning.

While preparing for auditions, I’d thought Sunim was a woman completely out of step with her era from birth.

Independent, bold, and courageous.

Like somehow she’d become tougher after going through hardships—a soft-outside, strong-inside type, or so I’d imagined Sunim’s character while acting.

But that wasn’t it.

“Whether men’s clothes or women’s clothes, whatever I wear doesn’t matter to me. I am simply Your Majesty’s person.”

At those words, my breath caught.

A wave of shame washed over me.

Everything I’d acted until now had been almost entirely fake.

Even if I’d received praise.

I really didn’t know anything—I was just imitating, wasn’t I?

In that moment, I made a decision.

Once I left the script, I’d forget everything I’d acted before.

However the audition turned out, whatever happened next, I’d do it properly.

I’m going to capture the real Song Sunim who stands before my eyes.

And around that time, I vaguely realized something else.

The reason I’d possessed the king instead of Sunim.

Perhaps…

That’s when Sunim, who’d been watching me lost in thought, stepped closer—one step, two steps—and kissed me.