In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 33

Late that night, back in my chambers.

I sank onto the silk blanket, and a groan escaped me.

Today had been far too exhausting.

So many things happened…

Suddenly the scene from the study flashed through my mind—kissing Sunim.

I shook my head violently, horrified.

This is so embarrassing.

My first kiss in this life, and it’s with the protagonist in a script.

Will it reset when I open my eyes tomorrow, I wonder…

My heart pounded.

Just then, two court ladies entered and began massaging my legs, one on each side.

Feeling strangely uncomfortable, I waved them away.

“That’s enough. You may go.”

After just two days, I’d gotten much better at playing the king.

Once the court ladies withdrew, Sangseon, who’d been standing in the corner, gestured toward the door with his chin.

The doors closed.

Finally, I felt like I could breathe.

A king could never be alone, not for a single moment.

“Ha…”

Hearing my sigh, Sangseon approached and knelt before me.

Then he lifted one of my legs onto his knee and began massaging it.

“Sangseon, it’s fine.”

“You must be weary, Your Majesty.”

Sangseon kneaded my leg firmly with his wrinkled hands.

Watching his face like this somehow left me feeling unsettled.

Sangseon spoke.

“Your Majesty, since this morning, anonymous placards of unknown origin have been posted outside the palace. Several young officials who recently took office have also gone missing.”

The air grew heavy with Sangseon’s quiet words.

He continued massaging my leg.

“The ministers’ protests will likely continue. It’s all the Queen Dowager’s scheme.”

I listened silently before responding.

“I must stand firm. Mustn’t I?”

Sangseon smiled and reached for my other leg.

“Your Majesty is already steadfast. You simply have not made your choice.”

I didn’t understand what he meant.

I extended my hand over the old man’s.

The moment I touched him, his hand stopped.

To think someone had spent their entire life beside the king like this, until growing this old…

With such warm hands, such a caring gaze.

How could someone like this not be in the script?

It was strange.

In the script I’d read, there hadn’t been a single line of Sangseon’s dialogue.

I thought back to what I’d felt earlier watching Sunim.

The reason I’d possessed the king seemed to be so I could observe aspects of Sunim I hadn’t known through someone else’s eyes.

And I suspected something even more important than that was…

‘To realize Sangseon’s existence, hidden within the script.’

It was one of the few things that had become clear during these past few days.

If I’d possessed Sunim instead, I never would have felt Sangseon’s necessity this desperately.

He held so many important responsibilities.

I squeezed Sangseon’s hand.

“Sangseon, thank you.”

Sangseon bowed his head.

Then, hesitantly, he spoke.

“Since yesterday, Your Majesty has been different from usual.”

“Is that so? How am I different?”

At my question, Sangseon pondered for a moment.

“You seem more… honest.”

Our eyes met.

“I think I like Your Majesty this way as well.”

“Not ridiculous?”

“H-how could that be?”

“Sangseon, you just stuttered.”

At that, we both laughed at the same time.

And that night, the warmth held in Sangseon’s hands became something I would never forget.

* * *

A few days later.

“Leave.”

I said, my voice trembling.

“Your Majesty. According to custom…”

“No, I said leave!”

I was locked in an argument with the court ladies before the chamber pot.

Unable to bear it any longer, Sangseon bowed at the waist.

“It is to examine Your Majesty’s royal health.”

My temper flared as I clutched my aching lower abdomen.

“Leave!”

At that, the court ladies and eunuchs prostrated themselves on the ground.

“Please have mercy, Your Majesty…”

“What—why mercy? Just please go…”

I felt like crying.

Eventually, Sangseon calmly ushered everyone outside.

Then he closed the door and stared at me silently.

“Your Majesty.”

“Sangseon, you leave too.”

Sangseon’s eyes widened briefly in surprise.

But even before my fierce glare, Sangseon refused to back down, speaking firmly.

“If Your Majesty keeps sending people away, it won’t do. The more you hide things, the more they will suspect. They’ll wonder if Your Majesty’s health is failing.”

I stood there in confusion, listening to Sangseon.

Damn it, my stomach hurts so much I could die.

As my legs started twisting together, irritation surged.

Then Sangseon’s next words followed.

“That would give them ammunition.”

“Them?”

I asked reflexively.

Sangseon lowered both his posture and voice.

“The Queen Dowager’s faction. How can you act as if you don’t know?”

Does that woman even monitor bathroom visits?

“The more Your Majesty shows discomfort, the harder it becomes for Deputy Scholar Song to move. I understand your unease, but please conduct yourself as usual.”

Deputy Scholar Song’s movements…

‘This humble servant searched the palace high and low but couldn’t find it…’

‘The evidence that the Queen Dowager framed my family with false charges of treason long ago.’

Sunim’s voice echoed in my ears.

While I’d been busily playing king, had Sunim found even the smallest clue?

“Understood. I’ll be more careful. Then… is Deputy Scholar Song’s work progressing well?”

Before Sangseon could answer, I spoke again.

“No, never mind. Have Deputy Scholar Song come secretly tonight.”

Truth be told, I’d been concerned that I’d done nothing these past few days besides observe.

Without any real incidents, I had no sense of what to do.

What sequence was I supposed to complete, and how?

Moreover…

It’s been days—why isn’t it looping?

Anxiety kept growing inside me.

* * *

After attending another royal lecture, eating countless meals, and handling even more work throughout the day, night fell.

The sound of crickets drifted from outside my chambers.

But…

I stared at the candles lighting the room.

Why is it so quiet?

The palace felt unusually still, as if sunk in silence.

With Sangseon gone to fetch Sunim on my orders, I felt even more uneasy.

I didn’t know which of the court attendants in my chambers belonged to the Queen Dowager…

Just then, a thunderous voice rang out from outside.

“Your Majesty, we’ve captured the traitor!”

Goosebumps crawled up the back of my neck.

“Traitor…?”

I immediately rose and hurried outside.

The moment the doors of Gangnyeongjeon opened, my steps froze. (+) ^[1] TLN: The Gangnyeongjeon is a building within Gyeongbokgung Palace that served as the official residence and main sleeping quarters of the king during the Joseon dynasty.

Though there hadn’t been a sound of even an ant moving, Inner Guard soldiers and ministers had completely surrounded my chambers at some point.

“What is this…”

The soldiers held torches that lit up the area before Gangnyeongjeon.

Then the Queen Dowager emerged from behind the troops.

Her face, illuminated by torchlight, looked strange.

Completely different from when I’d paid respects to her.

All warmth had vanished—her entire body radiated an eerie intensity.

Like a crouching tiger stretching to its full length with the will to devour someone whole.

I stood there staring in shock, and the Queen Dowager glanced to her side.

Two familiar figures knelt beside her, bound with ropes.

Sunim, whose official robes had been half-torn in a disheveled mess, and Sangseon, bleeding from his head.

“Wh-what is this?”

Was this a scene from the script?

It couldn’t be…

“Sangseon… Sunim.”

At my call, Sunim, barely conscious, couldn’t respond.

Something had gone terribly wrong.

“A traitor? Where’s your evidence!”

At my roar, the Queen Dowager let out a small laugh.

“Take His Majesty inside. Until his mind recovers, I will strengthen the regency.”

Several young eunuchs who’d followed Sangseon tried approaching to protect me, but soldiers’ swords pointed at their throats.

I felt dizzy.

As people started getting hurt, reality sank deep into my bones.

What have I missed?

What am I supposed to do…?

Then two soldiers approached and reached out their rough hands toward me.

“How dare you touch my royal person! Release me at once!”

No matter how much I shouted, the soldiers didn’t budge, dragging me somewhere.

The Queen Dowager’s voice came from behind.

“Misled by traitors, your mind has been clouded. You must rest comfortably.”

* * *

I opened my eyes in a dark chamber.

“Ugh…”

My head throbbed with splitting pain, and I groaned involuntarily.

Unknown smoke rose from one corner of the room.

Strangely, it became harder and harder to breathe.

Then I heard the sound of doors opening.

Light footsteps approached, growing closer to my ears.

“Poppy flower. It calms the mind and body quite effectively.”

It was the Queen Dowager.

Through my hazy vision, I could see the Queen Dowager covering her nose and mouth with a cloth.

“Did you think you could defeat me with such half-hearted moves? You should have stayed docile as a chess piece.”

The Queen Dowager spoke slowly.

I twisted my unresponsive body, forcing it to move.

The Queen Dowager looked down at me mockingly.

“You should have struggled desperately from the start. Like this, at the end…”

Her words continued.

“Because you weren’t desperate enough… they all died.”

The Queen Dowager laughed.

At that moment, the images of Sangseon and Sunim sitting there bleeding, on the verge of collapse, flashed through my mind.

Rage surged from deep within.

I felt self-loathing.

“Now this world is mine.”

With those final words, the Queen Dowager slowly moved toward the door.

Clinging to my fading consciousness, I thought.

What did I do wrong?

Should I have pushed Sunim harder?

Was sending the court ladies away from the chamber pot the problem?

Or before that—was asking what concessions I should make to the protesting ministers the mistake?

But why didn’t time rewind at that point?

Did it only rewind for Flat Shoes?

Fury toward the Queen Dowager, who’d harmed me, Sangseon, and Sunim, burned to the tips of my hair.

And I felt a familiar emotion.

Fear.

What if I can’t go back?

What if I die like this?

I’m supposed to play Sunim…

Eventually, my strength gave out and my eyelids grew heavy.

The strength left my fingers.

A moment later, I felt as if someone grabbed me by the scruff of my neck, pulling me up from deep water.

“Huk!”

Then I opened my eyes again.

I bolted upright on the familiar silk blanket.

Cold sweat drenched my entire body.

“Your Majesty!”

I looked around frantically.

“Your Majesty.”

I hesitated to turn my head toward the familiar voice in my ears.

My whole body trembled like an aspen leaf.

Slowly turning my gaze, Sangseon came into view.

He looked spotless.

“Your Majesty! Did you have a nightmare? Someone, bring water! Quickly!”

I reached out to touch Sangseon all over.

He was warm.

“Sangseon. Are you alive?”

“Your Majesty. Though this humble servant is old, breath still remains in me.”

Sangseon wore his familiar smile, comforting me.

I clutched his sleeve for a long while.

And so the first day of the script began again.

• 1. TLN: The Gangnyeongjeon is a building within Gyeongbokgung Palace that served as the official residence and main sleeping quarters of the king during the Joseon dynasty.