In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 35

A corner of the palace.

I stood alone facing Sunim.

“How goes the search for evidence?”

With each meeting with Sunim, I could feel my own voice growing darker.

“I apologize, but not yet. The more Hongmunguan officials avoid a place, the more difficult it becomes.” (+) ^[1] TLN: Hongmunguan was scholar-official responsible for managing royal classics and historical documents, handling official correspondence, and providing advice to the king.

This was something I already knew.

“Did you discover anything else while searching?”

I’d thrown out the question hoping to learn when Sunim had discovered that Sangseon was a spy.

“…Yes, not yet.”

Sunim avoided my eyes.

A brief silence passed.

In that silence, I realized.

She already knows.

It was clear as day that Sunim had been suffering alone as well, and I felt sorry for her.

“Suppose someone who wasn’t my person wanted to become my person. Would it be right to accept them?”

At my words, Sunim looked up at me in shock.

Sunim froze, unable to open her mouth.

I continued speaking.

“I want to embrace them. But not because I desperately need an extra hand right now. It would be because I believe in their sincerity.”

If Sunim already knew Sangseon’s identity, I wanted her to persuade Sangseon faster.

I didn’t want to be swayed by personal feelings.

Sunim seemed to understand my meaning and bowed her head.

And soon, this effort of mine hit the mark for once.

That evening, after parting ways with Sunim, I met with Sangseon again.

“Your Majesty, this servant wishes to confess the disloyalty of these past days.”

The words I’d secretly overheard between Sunim and Sangseon came pouring from Sangseon’s mouth.

“…Therefore, the character Your Majesty has shown made this servant ashamed.”

What should I say in response?

Is there some impressive phrase I can use?

While I pondered deeply, Sangseon steeled himself on his own.

“You may punish this crime and cast me out. This servant simply wishes to dedicate the remainder of this life to Your Majesty.”

At those words, I shook my head.

“No, not your life. Is there nothing else?”

“Pardon?”

Sangseon’s voice cracked.

“Life is so precious, yet you speak so easily of offering it, of dying. Honestly… tsk, tsk.”

Sangseon’s face went blank.

“If Sangseon dies, what am I supposed to do alone in this palace?”

At that, Sangseon prostrated himself flat on the ground.

“M-my thoughts were short-sighted. Please execute this servant…”

Sangseon closed his own mouth.

“Anyway. I need people to help Deputy Scholar find evidence. You’re first among the eunuchs, so can’t you mobilize the eunuchs?”

Sangseon listened carefully to my words.

“Help me as much as you feel sorry toward me.”

At that, Sangseon spoke.

“I shall obey your command.”

I gazed quietly at Sangseon’s face, still tinged with confusion.

The answer was the same as last time, but this time the feeling was good.

* * *

“Your Majesty! We’ve finally found it!”

During my secret private audience with Deputy Scholar.

Sunim came running breathlessly from far away.

Sunim’s face was flushed red with joy and excitement.

“You found it?!”

Sunim hurriedly handed over a paper envelope.

When I opened the envelope, it contained correspondence between the Queen Dowager and her confidants.

The letters detailed both the Queen Dowager’s recent plans to replace the king and the circumstances of how she’d framed Sunim’s parents with treason long ago.

“Where did you find it?”

I couldn’t hide my own excitement as I examined it.

“There was a secret drawer in the main hall building used by the ministers. The eunuchs from the Royal Household Bureau helped greatly with the search.”

Excellent.

So now I just need to deliver this to that person named Kim Ikjae.

My heart beat rapidly.

“The delivery. How will we deliver it?”

At that, Sangseon, who’d been keeping watch ahead, approached with a deliberately serious expression.

“I apologize, but it would be difficult for personnel from the Royal Household Bureau, including this servant, to go. The Queen Dowager’s chambers are watching… There’s a high possibility of immediate discovery.”

“That’s true…”

At my agreement, Sangseon’s expression darkened rapidly.

“Then we can just find someone else.”

I patted Sangseon’s shoulder as if to brush off the guilt he was about to sink into.

That’s when Sunim spoke up.

“This servant will go.”

Both Sangseon’s and my eyes widened.

I thought deeply for a moment, but Sangseon blocked the way.

“That cannot be. Though Deputy Scholar’s learning matches any man’s, traveling such a long distance would surely be dangerous for a woman’s body.”

“But who else can we send? I will go. I can do it.”

Sunim immediately countered.

Both their positions were equally firm.

Of course, I too felt reluctant about sending Sunim.

Sending a woman alone on that treacherous long journey felt like pushing an impossible task onto someone else.

However, judging by instinct.

‘Right now, Sunim going is correct.’

It was my judgment as an actress.

Because in this drama, Sunim was the protagonist among protagonists.

I gazed at Sunim’s resolute, upright eyes and engraved them in my memory.

These were eyes I’d need to recall and express again and again for a long time to come.

I spoke to Sunim.

“Leave immediately after court dismissal. I’m counting on you.”

Sunim smiled and nodded.

* * *

A night of anticipation and anxiety intertwining.

The cricket sounds echoing in the distance felt sharp.

The reality of this powerless king’s position hit me anew.

Because I had no way of knowing whether Sunim was traveling safely or if anything had happened to her.

The shadow cast outside the room by candlelight caught my eye.

It was Sangseon’s back.

Sangseon must also be complicated inside, caught up in countless thoughts….

Hoo—.

I extinguished the lamp and lay down.

Looking at the dark ceiling, I recalled the map of Hanyang I’d examined during the day.

How could anyone make sense of it?

Even a map from just ten years ago would be difficult in Seoul with countless buildings disappeared and created.

Now a Joseon-era map, out of nowhere.

And also, what kind of heart must Sunim have right now as she travels?

That journey and heart I might act out someday—I could only guess at them, even in this possessed world.

That’s when Sangseon’s voice broke the silence.

“Your Majesty, footsteps.”

The moment I heard Sangseon’s words, multiple footsteps surrounding Gangnyeongjeon reached my heightened ears.

Unlike last time when the Queen Dowager’s soldiers had surrounded us quietly, I felt a flicker of anticipation at the difference…

But only briefly.

A fleeting thought turned anticipation into anxiety.

If the owners of those footsteps were people Sunim had brought from outside the palace, shouldn’t news have arrived first before they passed through the palace gates?

This time again….

“I should prepare myself.”

I muttered to myself.

Before Sangseon could look at me with a bewildered expression, a resonant voice rang out from outside.

“We have captured the great traitor!”

Instant devastation washed over Sangseon’s face.

After squeezing Sangseon’s hand once, I stepped outside the palace.

“Hmm…. Why such commotion?”

As the doors opened, the Queen Dowager’s figure appeared standing in the center before the palace.

Looking slowly, she was completely intoxicated by the certainty of absolute victory.

“Why has Mother come at this late hour… A great traitor, what on earth is happening?”

I rubbed both eyes as if just awakened from sleep.

At that, bewilderment flashed across both the Queen Dowager’s and Sangseon’s faces.

I’ve got a few days under my belt already, you know.

Never did I dream I’d be acting even in this possessed world….

Sunim caught my eye lying at the Queen Dowager’s feet in a wretched state, on the verge of unconsciousness.

I forcibly shook it off and maintained my composure.

At that, the Queen Dowager laughed as if my appearance was loathsome.

“Song Sunim, no, this wench called Song Sunim deceived the nation by hiding her gender and tried to gather rebels outside the capital…. Surely Your Majesty, who always cherished Deputy Scholar, didn’t know?”

“Is that truly so? Then surely this warrants severe punishment.”

At that, the corners of the Queen Dowager’s mouth twisted.

“Has Mother protected this inadequate son?”

I smiled as if pleased.

Beside me, I could feel Sangseon flinching at my every word.

The reason I’m putting on this theatrical performance right now is for one thing only.

“Truly wicked and cruel. Where and how was this criminal captured?”

I looked directly at the military officer standing in front and asked, and he glanced at the Queen Dowager.

Once the Queen Dowager nodded, the information I wanted came out.

“We captured her at the eastern castle walls of the capital.”

“Hmm, could have been disastrous if she’d crossed the walls. You’ve all done something significant.”

At that, the officer opened his mouth again.

“Even if she crossed, the checkpoint guards would have discovered…”

When the Queen Dowager glared sharply at the officer, only then did he snap his mouth shut.

Ah, so that’s how it is.

Next time we’ll have to avoid that place.

“Seeing the capital’s defenses so solid puts my mind at ease.”

Now Sangseon stood beside me staring at me like I was insane.

The Queen Dowager spoke.

“Your Majesty must have lost your senses from the shock of treason. Take him inside.”

Once again, the path to being poisoned by opium….

Fear arose, but my heart felt lighter.

The distance to my goal that had seemed endless now felt measurable.

It seemed I could pick up speed from now on.

* * *

Morning again.

I took a sip of the water Sangseon brought.

Perhaps because the sensation of inhaling smoke remained, my throat and lungs felt tight.

I looked at Sangseon as he received the cup I’d set down.

“Your Majesty, are you uncomfortable anywhere…”

“No. Summon Deputy Scholar.”

As soon as I met with Sunim again, I spoke rapidly.

“There is a secret drawer in the main hall building used by the ministers.”

Sunim’s eyes widened as she looked up at me.

“How does Your Majesty have this information…”

“Hurry. There’s no time.”

Sunim nodded in bewilderment and quickly moved away.

That evening, I met with Sunim again at the document repository.

It was the place where I’d first heard Sunim’s true feelings.

“How exactly did you know?”

Sunim asked with confusion still not cleared from her face.

“I have ears that hear everything. More importantly, isn’t there something else only you know?”

It was about Sangseon.

At that, Sunim’s hands began trembling slightly.

I grasped those hands and smiled.

“I helped you once, so now you help me once.”

I meant for her to persuade Sangseon through proper means.

Sunim slowly nodded.

Then suddenly both our gazes turned toward the pond outside the window.

For a moment, I felt like I was finishing a day I’d run through breathlessly.

I turned my head and looked down at Sunim, who was two spans shorter than me.

Only now did Sunim before my eyes properly come into view.

In that moment, I wanted to say something to Sunim.

Perhaps because I recalled the confession I’d heard the other day.

“Sunim.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Is your newly gained life fulfilling?”

At my words, Sunim smiled gently and bowed her head.

“I hope you’re always happy.”

At that, Sunim, who’d been silent briefly, asked back.

“Is Your Majesty’s life fulfilling?”

“Hmm, I wonder.”

“This servant always prays for Your Majesty’s happiness. And that happiness…”

Sunim hesitated for a moment.

“I hope it dwells in a future where Your Majesty and I are together.”

This single phrase instantly enveloped my heart.

It was the same words I’d heard on the day I first met Sunim.

‘This lowly one dares to dream of being with Your Majesty.’

I recalled how I’d foolishly answered the same way back then, thinking only of acting with different intentions.

It hadn’t been an answer that should come out so easily.

But even now, I couldn’t offer any different answer.

I answered Sunim.

“I too dream the same dream as you.”

Even if I leave, Sunim and the king will be together until the end within this world.

• 1. TLN: Hongmunguan was scholar-official responsible for managing royal classics and historical documents, handling official correspondence, and providing advice to the king.