Weren’t You the One Who Was Dying? Chapter 74

“Do you like this kind of thing?”

With one hand, Ehit lightly pulled out a book and handed it to me. When I took the heavy book with both hands, he returned to where he had been sitting.

Between the shelves of the study—back to the spot where he had been sleeping when I first came to his mansion.

“What brings you to the study in the middle of the night?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Weren’t you being a bit too well-behaved on the tram earlier?”

“Back then…”

I wasn’t really asleep.

But after pretending to doze, it wasn’t exactly easy to say now that I hadn’t slept at all.

Ehit, seated, looked me up and down for a moment, then picked up the book beside him. It was a novel titled Terman.

I stood there quietly holding the 1,200-page book, then went over and sat next to him. Ehit didn’t even glance sideways, whether I came or not.

‘Is that book interesting? He’s already halfway through.’

Does Ehit like reading too? If so, even after we break off the engagement, could we end up running into each other at a bookstore or something?

Just then, Ehit, who had been reading steadily, suddenly closed the book and snapped his gaze toward me.

“……”

I buried my right cheek into my knee and answered.

“You can keep reading. I’m just sitting here.”

“I’m done.”

“You were only halfway through.”

“I’m done. More importantly.”

“Yes?”

“Why did you leave like that earlier? You came all the way to the naval base, then left as soon as you saw me.”

So he saw me when I turned away after seeing Ridel.

“You knew I was there?”

“You turned around and left very dramatically.”

“Dramatically? Me?”

“Yes. So much that everyone at the naval base noticed Dapflen.”

“…Really?”

Did I really…?

‘Did I make a huge racket without realizing it?’

Honestly, I’d been so flustered and overwhelmed that I hadn’t even been aware of what expression I had or what I was doing.

While I was seriously replaying my unknown actions in my head, Ehit suddenly let out a short laugh.

“…?”

Only then did I realize it. He was teasing me again, wasn’t he?

Seeing my expression turn serious in a different way, Ehit spoke.

“It’s funny every time.”

“…What?”

As if my dumbfounded face and response were his laugh button, Ehit didn’t stop at one laugh—he kept going.

“Yes, laugh all you want… They say laughter brings good luck…”

I gave up and laughed along weakly. The more I did, the broader Ehit’s smile became.

Finally, I asked in irritation.

“What exactly is so funny?”

“You told me to laugh.”

“Laughing is one thing, but tell me what’s funny so I can laugh too!”

“I don’t know.”

“…What?”

“I don’t know either. I just feel like laughing. Strangely.”

Still laughing hard enough that tears almost formed at the corners of his eyes, Ehit wiped them away and looked at me.

I met his gaze up close, then turned my face away.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“So, back then—why did you leave like that?”

“Oh, well… You looked busy. I heard you met the admiral from the capital too.”

“Ah.”

When I mentioned Ridel, Ehit nodded.

“That’s right.”

What did Ehit think when he first met Ridel?

I was curious. Even I’d been captivated at first glance—so what about him?

I snatched the book from his hand and took a sniff of its pages. Hiding half my face behind it, I asked,

“How was she? That admiral from the capital.”

“How was she—what do you mean?”

“Just her first impression or something.”

“Why are you curious about that?”

“Just because. I’ve only ever heard about superiors from Dellers, so I was wondering what other people think when they see theirs.”

“I didn’t feel anything in particular.”

“Nothing like ‘impressive’ or ‘she seems nice’?”

Ehit took the book back from me. The half-hidden face of mine was suddenly exposed to him.

When I tried to grab it again, Ehit casually extended his arm and held it behind him as he said,

“You have a good impression too. I told you before.”

He said it so casually that I couldn’t even tell if it was a compliment.

Him saying I had a good impression… Ah, he did say something like that once.

“You mean when you said it like you were half forced into it?”

Resting his chin on one hand, Ehit stared straight at me.

“I meant it. When I look at you…”

“…When you look at me, what?”

“…Never mind.”

“Did you know stopping mid-sentence is one of the three great sins of humanity?”

“There’s no such sin.”

“Then finish your sentence!”

When I pressed him insistently, Ehit, who’d been pretending not to hear, finally spoke.

“…You feel like the sun in an open, sunny place.”

I blinked at the unexpected praise.

“Like someone who wouldn’t create any sadness, or anything to regret.”

“Me?”

“Yes. That’s why it’s strange, and…”

His blue eyes fixed on mine.

“I think it’s amazing. That you can give off that feeling, even in that situation.”

“That situation…?”

Ehit shook his head.

“No. That last part was rude. Forget it.”

If he was taking it back, I wouldn’t press—but what did he mean by “that situation”? It almost sounded like, ‘Even someone like you can live firmly in an environment like that. Impressive.’

But saying I wouldn’t create sadness or regret didn’t feel right. How could anyone know the future well enough to avoid regret?

That thought was something I’d had about Ehit instead. With his foresight, wouldn’t he avoid regret entirely?

“Ehit, have you ever regretted something?”

At my question, Ehit lifted his head from his hand.

“Do you think I haven’t?”

“Honestly?”

“I don’t want empty words or lies.”

“Then… yes. I don’t think you have. Just based on your impression.”

Ehit smiled faintly and called my name.

“Dapflen, I’m human too. I’ve regretted things. Very deeply.”

“…Really?”

The emphasis on very deeply stood out. Had I touched on something painful?

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.

“Ah, Ehit, tomorrow—”

I tried to change the subject quickly, but Ehit didn’t seem inclined to let it go.

He spoke over me.

“When I was young…”

And the moment I heard his next words, I thought—

How many times had Ehit ever told someone this story himself?

How had he found the courage to tell it to me, right now?

“A friend died. Because of me.”

Did I even have the right to hear a story like this?

 

 

*****

 

 

 

“Shuten really laid two eggs!”

Inside a small chicken coop at an orphanage in the slums, its floor covered in straw.

A young girl with messy light-brown hair tightly tied up lifted her head with a bright expression.

Sunlight filtered through the gaps in the wooden roof. Beneath it, the girl’s big eyes sparkled.

“How did you know?”

Even with straw and dust all over her, her bright smile shone without a trace of gloom.

A young boy smiled back at that smile.

“Just a feeling.”

“That’s amazing. Rit, you really have good instincts.”

“It’s just guessing the number of eggs.”

“Still!”

The girl patted the boy’s shoulder a few times and ran off.

“Come on, Renia!”

Days here passed quickly and without ceremony. Eat, do the assigned chores, play a little in the nearby grass and forest—and before long, it was evening.

Passing time was easy. Even without any tools, there were plenty of ways to play.

Right now, they were sitting under the orphanage’s wooden shade, playing a game of imagining food—picturing what they wanted to eat and pretending to enjoy it.

“I think you’ll become someone amazing someday, Rit. Someone who can eat all of this.”

“You too, Renia.”

Life here was tiring, but not lonely. There were friends to talk with, friends to share each day with.

Whenever Rit—no, Ehit—looked at Renia, he smiled without meaning to, and his heart felt warm.

Renia smiling as she imagined eating sweet choux pastries, and Renia firmly stating her opinions.

He still hadn’t told her his real name yet, but he planned to soon.

‘In front of other people, your name is Rit. Okay?’

The mother who had left him at this orphanage came to visit sometimes.

When they were alone, she called him “Ehit,” but in front of others, she always used the name “Rit.”

‘Even if someone comes saying they’re your family, don’t believe them. They’re bad people who hurt your mother.’

She said leaving him here was also for Ehit’s sake.

Then, about a year ago, someone other than his mother came and delivered a message.

‘Lady Melia has gone… far away.’

‘Who are you, sir? Are you my family?’

‘No. I am merely Lady Melia’s attendant.’

‘Then… do I have no family now?’

‘You do. But your family is…’

The man who introduced himself as an attendant fell silent after that.

Watching him, Ehit thought that being tied together by the word “family” didn’t really mean anything.

They said he had family, but he didn’t know their faces. And because he didn’t know them, he couldn’t think about them either.

Even without affection, even without knowing who they were, they were still called family.

“Renia, what do you think family is?”

“Hm, I think…”

After thinking for a moment, Renia said,

“Isn’t it about always thinking of each other, being together, and looking out for each other first?”

At that moment, Ehit felt that the small, chattering girl sitting beside him was his family.

If what Renia described was family, then to Ehit, Renia was no different from family.