Weren’t You the One Who Was Dying? Chapter 91

“When I first came to Cloyden, the Duke said something to me.”

“What did he say?”

“He said it was fortunate that I survived. That my life was far more valuable and expensive than others’, so I should be grateful that someone else died that day instead of me.”

“What?”

Without meaning to, my question came out sharp.

“Ah, no. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

Ehit once told me that a childhood friend of his had died. And to someone like that, to speak of being grateful for the price of a life—even to a child.

How much must that have hurt?

“Sometimes I wondered if the Duke was right. The moment I became the son of the ducal house, the way people treated me completely changed.”

A trace of revulsion flickered across Ehit’s indifferent face.

“But not long after thinking that, I found myself feeling sick whenever I saw people wagging their tails at me just because of my status.”

As he said that, I remembered the way Ehit had looked at me when we first met.

That expression that seemed to assume I would cling to him and ask for something at any moment.

Was that why? Because everyone who had approached him until now had been like that.

“From then on, I lived trying not to reveal my emotions as much as possible.”

I listened quietly as Ehit continued.

“Even if harboring such feelings is up to me, the world I live in doesn’t allow me to show them freely.”

And as his story came to an end,

Ehit stared at my attentive face for a moment, then turned his head away.

“I’m sorry. That was strange to bring up. I must be tired. I don’t usually talk about feelings like this. Forget it.”

“No.”

“What?”

“It’s not strange. What’s wrong with talking about feelings like that? I told you—I want to be your bamboo forest, Ehit.”

For some reason, Ehit looked at me as if slightly surprised. Soon, however, his gaze softened.

“What I meant earlier is that your reckless actions don’t look pathetic. Not weighing the value of a life may be natural, but it’s also quite remarkable.”

I was reflected in his eyes as he said that.

My heart felt like it was floating.

Ah, this is bad.

“Dapflen.”

His voice, too, was gentle.

Ehit had a talent for putting people in difficult situations.

We had just been talking normally, and in an instant he made my feelings turn strange like this.

A relaxed smile—yet one that looked warm—was directed at me. It was one of the few smiles with warmth he ever showed.

“…….”

But because it was that kind of smile—because I had felt that warmth once—

Along with joy, an equally great sense of danger came over me.

I know how I feel about Ehit. But I didn’t want those feelings returned.

No—more precisely, I thought I didn’t.

I can’t stay by Ehit Cloyden’s side forever anyway, and in this situation, gaining his heart wouldn’t bring anything good.

So I told myself that just because I felt this way didn’t mean I wanted to exchange feelings.

But that was—

‘A lie.’

To protect myself, I tried to deceive myself into thinking I didn’t need his heart.

But in the end, I realized that was a lie.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want the warmth of this cold man’s gentle smile. I wanted it desperately. I was simply afraid of growing used to it.

Afraid of the cold that would feel several times harsher whenever it disappeared, or when I realized it wasn’t mutual affection but merely kindness.

I know. I know now.

If I start wanting not just the seat beside Ehit Cloyden but even his heart, I’ll only end up hurting myself.

And yet, everything he was offering me right now felt unbearably warm.

So warm that I might sink and melt into it without even realizing.

“…….”

Does he know what that seemingly meaningless gaze means to me?

Does Ehit know what kind of turmoil it stirs in me to let him stand within this narrow distance?

“I should go now.”

“Wait.”

As I hurried to stand, Ehit easily made me sit back down.

He set a kettle over the fire and warmed the water for a moment. Then he poured tea into a cup and brought it to me along with a blanket.

“What is this?”

“Stay a little longer before you go.”

“……Why?”

“Your hands and feet get cold often. Stay at least until they warm up.”

Thinking I should drink it quickly and leave, I lifted the teacup to my lips. But Ehit blocked it, and my lips bumped against the back of his hand.

While I was more shocked about where my lips had touched than about being stopped, Ehit calmly pulled the cup toward himself as if it were nothing.

“It’s hot. Let it cool a little.”

He took the cup from my hands entirely and stirred it gently with a spoon.

I stared somewhat blankly at the steam rising in soft curls.

“Here.”

When he handed the cup back, the unintentional smile on his face struck me in a completely different way.

The place where our lips had brushed burned faintly. It hadn’t even been a hard collision—just a brief, light touch.

“Are you warm?”

“What?”

“Your face is red.”

“……Yes, I’m warm. If I’m warm, why are you giving me such hot tea, Ehit?”

I suddenly snapped at him, but he seemed entirely unaffected.

“Then I’ll cool it a bit more.”

He simply stirred the cup again.

If kindness feels this sweet, nothing could be more troublesome.

“……”

What should I do?

Ehit, who had been stirring the tea, lifted his head. After studying my expression, he placed one hand on my cheek.

Even though it was the hand that had been holding the warm cup, it felt cool. That must mean my cheek had grown that hot.

He removed his hand, then pressed the back of it against my cheek instead. His expression hardened slightly.

“Let’s go back, Dapflen.”

“Where?”

“To your room.”

Keeping the blanket around my shoulders, Ehit helped me to my feet.

When sitting, I don’t notice it much, but standing face to face like this makes the difference in our height and build strikingly clear.

“Let’s go.”

He escorted me all the way to my barracks.

I walked in silence. Ehit kept glancing at me but seemed to assume I was simply tired.

When we reached the front of the barracks, he bent down to meet my eye level.

“I won’t get hurt that badly anymore, so stop worrying and get some sleep, Healer.”

“……Don’t call me that.”

I don’t know why I said it.

“Call me Dapflen. You.”

I said it anyway.

Even to myself, it felt like I was throwing a childish tantrum, and my face grew hotter.

In this state of mind, I couldn’t bring myself to look directly at Ehit, so I turned my gaze away. He pressed the back of his hand to my cheek once more, stayed like that briefly, then spoke.

“I’ll be going. Sleep well.”

“…….”

“Dapflen.”

I nodded and went straight into the barracks. Even so, I couldn’t lie down and fall asleep right away.

Before fully closing the door, I stuck my head out slightly and watched Ehit’s retreating figure.

I placed a hand over my heart.

At this rate, this is truly going to be dangerous.

 

 

****

 

 

 

“Mendel, what’s with the Colonel?”

“I’m not sure. Yesterday’s battle was a bit rough, wasn’t it? There were many injured. Maybe that’s why?”

Even after hearing Mendel’s answer, Belize narrowed his eyes and studied his superior.

Ehit’s back, standing on the deck and staring out at the distant sea, looked unusually serious. It didn’t seem to be simply because the battle hadn’t gone well.

He definitely looked in a good mood until two days ago.

What’s different?

After pondering for a long time, Belize suddenly shouted, “Ah!”

Mendel flinched in surprise, and Ariel, who had been passing by, frowned.

Ariel approached, still looking displeased.

“What’s all the commotion about?”

“Lady Aleita isn’t here.”

“What?”

“Until a few days ago, he met with Lady Aleita at least three times a day. But not yesterday or today.”

Belize spoke with the expression of a detective who had uncovered the whole case.

Mendel stroked his chin like an assistant supporting the investigation.

“That’s true. It does look like the two of them aren’t getting along, doesn’t it?”

“Ahem, Mendel. They’re both busy. When people are busy, that can happen.”

“Is that so? But……”

Mendel, who had been about to continue innocently, shut his mouth when he saw Ariel’s look.

Her gaze clearly told him to stop wasting time and go do some work. Mendel stiffened.

“I-I’ll be going!”

“Mendel.”

Just as he hurried off, Ariel stopped him.

“Follow me.”

With her usual indifferent gesture, Ariel pointed toward the other side. Belize, who had been playing along with Mendel, suddenly looked as if he were sitting on thorns.

Mendel followed Ariel like a student caught talking during class.

“During the first battle a few days ago.”

After leading him somewhere secluded, Ariel crossed her arms and spoke. Her voice was low but firm.

“When you returned from the 2–5 destroyer to the main battleship.”

“Yes?”

“What happened?”

Looking into Ariel’s expressionless eyes, Mendel gave an awkward smile.

It was a question loaded with meaning.