Weren’t You the One Who Was Dying? Chapter 92

 

Midday.

I stepped out of the medical tent and walked toward the washbasin where water was stored.

“It should be over in a few days.”

“Yes, if tomorrow goes well……”

Then I spotted Ehit and Ridel walking from the other side of the tents and quickly turned on my heel.

I angled the front of my shoe to the left. Instead of heading straight to the basin, I circled all the way around the tents, taking a long detour.

Two days had passed since that night.

And during those two days, I had been avoiding Ehit as much as possible.

I asked another healer to take care of his treatment, adjusted my mealtimes so they wouldn’t overlap with his, and whenever he came looking for me, I made excuses and slipped away somehow.

The sense of danger I’d felt that day had been stronger than I expected.

Preparing myself to cut him off while at the same time wanting his heart felt strange and ridiculous. And being with him made me want to reach out, to touch him, to want something more—that frightened me.

It felt like my expectations would grow into something poisonous, so I found myself acting defensively without even realizing it. I knew my feelings and their cause, but knowing didn’t mean I could solve it.

How did I end up feeling this kind of danger?

Of course, I’d felt danger from the moment I first met him.

But back then, the danger was that I might die because of him. Now, it was the sigh-inducing fear that I might fall too deeply for him.

“…….”

I stood there blankly for a moment, recalling the warmth of the hand that had pulled me yesterday, the warmth of his gaze.

Just remembering it made my hand, my cheek, seem to burn.

Right. Feelings like this have no answer. There’s a reason people say they risk their lives for love.

At this rate, I might even begin to desire things I shouldn’t. And if I lose control like that, I’ll inevitably meet the original ending.

“Ha……”

Standing in front of the basin, I let out a breath as I filled my water container.

Just as I finished and straightened up, I saw Ehit approaching again from the distance.

I quickly lifted the container and hurried back the way I’d come. Just as I had taken a long detour coming here, I now took another wide detour going back.

As I quickened my pace, I exhaled sharply through my nose.

Why is Ehit taking the shortcut of all times? Why can’t he come the long way?!

 

 

 

****

 

 

 

 

“What are you planning to do with all that money that you came all the way here for, Dapflen?”

“Well, it’s better to have a lot of money, isn’t it?”

Dellers glanced at his friend, who answered as if it were obvious, and kept walking.

On the night before tomorrow’s naval battle, he was taking a short walk with Dapflen to cool their heads.

This place was quite dangerous. Dapflen had said she was coming because they paid five times the usual salary, as if that were reason enough—but Dellers couldn’t quite understand that answer.

Dapflen was Cloyden’s fiancée.

Not just any house—Cloyden.

What did it mean to worry about money when she was about to marry into a family like that?

“So what are you going to use it for?”

“Fine. I’ll buy you a meal too.”

“That’s not the answer I was looking for, but I won’t refuse.”

When he responded playfully on purpose, Dapflen pretended to bristle.

“You’re sure that’s not what you were aiming for?”

Her playful smile caught his gaze and refused to let go. Dellers turned his head away entirely.

It was a night full of stars, so many they looked ready to fall into the sea.

After staring silently at the overwhelming starlight, Dellers lowered his gaze again.

“Did something happen with the Colonel?”

“No!”

Dapflen answered immediately, like someone who’d been pricked.

“Why?”

“It’s just… I feel like I haven’t seen the two of you spending time together lately.”

“Well, this place is busy. We didn’t spend long stretches of time together before, either.”

Whenever Dapflen makes excuses, it’s obvious. She may or may not know it herself—but she doesn’t seem to want others to know.

“Yeah, it is busy.”

Dellers had no choice but to leave it at that.

Then Dapflen suddenly said,

“Thanks, Dellers.”

“For what?”

“For asking that because you’re thinking about me, right?”

Her clear eyes turned toward him. Eyes that naturally expected the faithful friendship of a friend.

Did I ask because I was thinking about you?

Yes.

It would be simple to answer that way.

But he knew. That would be a lie.

Until now, he had lied even to himself.

That he was concerned because she was his friend. That his expression hardened whenever he saw how the Colonel treated her because he was looking out for her.

But now he understood. Spending long days on this battlefield, watching Dapflen from behind, it had gradually become clear.

It wasn’t friendship. Asking about her relationship with the Colonel under the guise of concern wasn’t for her sake.

It was for his own.

Because it drove him mad to think she might come to hold someone else in her heart. Because it hurt to imagine that what seemed like nothing more than a promise written at the tip of a pen might become something sincere.

That was why he felt even angrier when he saw the Colonel not cherishing Dapflen. If that was the case, he wanted to tell him to just let her go—though the words always rose to his throat and disappeared.

Even then, Dapflen was smiling, waiting for his answer.

‘Right. I’m the only one who thinks of you like this, aren’t I?’

He could have said something like that.

Or joked, ‘Then hurry up and buy me that meal.’

But instead, he gazed at Dapflen with a seriousness far removed from humor and replied in a low voice.

“Yeah. I think about you.”

Dellers’s brown eyes turned toward her. Beneath the star-filled night, her green eyes blinked, holding that light.

“Dellers?”

“So whatever you want, whatever you hope for—do that, Dapflen. You don’t have to be dragged along by circumstances, and you don’t have to walk a hard road if you don’t want to. If you don’t want it, cut it off. I’ll still be here.”

He wanted to say that.

“Dellers?”

Dapflen, still smiling with round eyes, lightly nudged him, and Dellers swallowed all those words.

“……Even if the Colonel is busy, he’s not someone who neglects people. So once the remaining battles are over, things will probably go back to normal.”

“You don’t need to worry that much, Dellers.”

“Yeah. I’m sure you’ll handle it.”

“Still, thank you.”

Her light gratitude felt unbearably heavy.

And yet, faced with Dapflen’s bright smile, he had no choice but to smile back.

Dellers returned the smile.

Hiding the words he truly wanted to say within the trail of starlight.

 

 

*****

 

 

 

 

Did Dellers think I looked strange?

I hadn’t considered how my avoiding Ehit might look to others.

The thought bothered me the whole time I worked.

After finishing up, I washed up and went for another short walk.

Even the cold water hadn’t chased away the fatigue weighing down my eyelids. I squeezed my tired eyes shut for a moment, then opened them again.

This place is busy, chaotic, exhausting even when you’re standing still. So other emotions don’t get handled skillfully.

It would be nice if I could calmly and deeply think through just this one feeling—but realistically, that’s impossible.

Maybe that’s why I just lock it away.

Lock it inside my heart. Hide it. Avoid it.

‘Still, maybe this is for the best.’

Once this expedition is over, it’ll be time to settle things anyway.

‘Even if the Colonel is busy, he’s not someone who neglects people.’

I know. Even with his cold demeanor, Ehit continues to look after me and care for me.

He’s far warmer than I thought, and the wounds he carries inside are deeper than they seem. Even if it’s just friendship, I can feel that he’s grown attached to me.

That’s exactly why I can’t get closer.

If, like in the original story, my family betrays Cloyden and brings disgrace upon them, then the closer we are, the greater the betrayal Ehit will feel when that day comes.

“…….”

Wandering aimlessly, I ended up in the grove by the shore.

And then, of all times, I saw Ehit strolling from the opposite direction.

I stopped—but our eyes had already met.

I immediately turned my back and headed toward the barracks. I hoped he would simply pass me by.

He didn’t.

He was walking toward me.

As I hurried across the base where the barracks stood, Ehit drew closer and closer.

In a panic, I stopped in front of a random tent and whispered,

“……Excuse me, I’ll just step in for a moment!”

There was no answer. It seemed empty. I quickly slipped inside as if hiding.

“Ah……”

Only after seeing the familiar interior did I realize.

This is Ehit’s room.

Just as I turned to leave, footsteps approached the tent.

The flap opened.

The moment my fiancé revealed himself and spotted me, he strode straight toward me.

“Ah, I thought it was my room and came in by mistake.”

Why does my smile look so awkward?

“I’ll be going, then.”

I tried to leave quickly, forcing that stiff smile.

But Ehit blocked my path.

“Dapflen.”

Standing firmly in front of the entrance, he called my name.

It had been a while since I’d heard it this close. Of course—it was I who had avoided any situation where we’d face each other at this distance.

Dapflen.

The way he said my name lingered in my ears.

…Right. This is why I was avoiding him.

Because even just hearing him say my name makes it sound affectionate.

Because it makes me expect that maybe, at the end of that affection, we could reach some kind of happy ending.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not.”

“You’re not?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. Let’s say you’re not. Then let’s talk for a moment. It’s been quite a while since we’ve faced each other like this, hasn’t it?”

“……I’m a bit busy.”

As I tried to find an opening to slip past him, Ehit caught me.

He was holding back his strength, but I could feel from the faint tremor in his fingertips that he was swallowing many words.

“And you call this not avoiding me?”