Weren’t You the One Who Was Dying? Chapter 93

“……No, that’s not it.”

“Really?”

“……”

I only bit my lip and looked up at Ehit. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop the slight resentment from showing in my eyes.

I knew. And Ehit knew too. That I was lying.

Anyone could tell my excuses were just a signal not to ask any more questions.

I was just pushing everything away because I was afraid my heart might get hurt.

“Yes. Really.”

I repeated firmly.

Ehit’s hand, which had been holding me, loosened. In the flickering candlelight, his expression settled into calmness.

It was strange. I was the one who had decided to cut things off, yet when I saw that look on his face, I felt the urge to add more excuses.

I didn’t know whether I truly wanted to explain myself to him, or if I just wanted to sulk.

“To be honest, I don’t know. Why you want to spend time with me, Ehit.”

So I just let those words slip out.

Ehit let out a breath, his gaze still cool and steady.

“We are engaged.”

The moment I heard that word, I thought, of course.

Was it because I was reminded that engagement—something that could be broken at any time—was the only thread connecting us?

That fact gave me a stranger feeling than I expected.

So that’s all it is to him. The fact that I am, right now, his fiancée.

That I’m standing in a position that could easily be replaced by someone else. That’s all.

“What about the engagement? If the Duke of Cloyden hadn’t made that decision, you never would have sent a marriage proposal to me anyway.”

So I rambled on like I was throwing a tantrum. It was a childish way of speaking because I couldn’t bring myself to say what I really felt.

That to me, this political marriage wasn’t everything. That Ehit meant something else to me, and I wanted to mean something to him too.

I was twisting those feelings into an ugly shape.

As I avoided his gaze and tried to leave, his voice came from behind.

“Then let me ask you.”

I turned my head halfway. His expression entered my sight.

“Why does Aleita want to be engaged to me?”

At that question, I fully turned to face him.

I was reflected in Ehit’s eyes as he looked at me. In his blue eyes, my expression looked strangely similar to his.

Maybe because I was trembling with anxiety, so he seemed that way too.

“Is it because I am Cloyden? Is that it? Do you want me without Cloyden?”

“……”

“See? You can’t answer.”

His voice held a hollow laugh. He looked at me for a moment, then turned away.

Without thinking, I stepped in front of him and blocked his path. I stared into his eyes, which looked calm but cold.

Why did I stop him? What was I going to say?

I planted my feet firmly on the ground and moved my lips.

‘Do you want him without Cloyden?’

Even as my mind tried to sort through the question, my heart had already decided what it wanted to say.

The words burst out almost angrily.

“Aleita might! But I—”

I bit down inside my mouth once before continuing.

“I don’t.”

A strange resentment rose up.

Do you even know how hard it was for me to say that?

You’re so used to being liked that you don’t know how much courage it takes to say those words.

Especially to someone who once looked at you like you were nothing but a nuisance.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t feel like explaining it to someone who can’t even understand that.”

With that, I turned sharply away. I couldn’t handle looking into his eyes any longer.

But in that moment, Ehit turned me back around.

Our eyes met. He pulled me closer to his chest.

Our faces came so near our breaths tangled.

“Then prove it.”

He murmured softly between us, close enough that his voice brushed my lips.

“You think I can’t?”

“Who knows.”

He tried to say something more. But before he could, I rose onto my toes.

It was impulsive.

But it was something I had wanted.

Maybe for a long time.

Our lips touched lightly, then parted.

“……”

Ehit’s gaze, meeting mine over the bridge of his nose, trapped me in place.

I felt his arm tighten around my back.

“……Dapflen.”

“Yes.”

“This can’t be undone. The words you said, and this kiss.”

I looked at him steadily, a firm light in my eyes.

“I know.”

My last reply was crushed lightly beneath Ehit’s lips and disappeared.

The sweetness erased everything. Every thought, every sense, even the sound of the wind filling the tent outside.

All that remained was the feeling of this man against me.

I don’t expect that he feels the same.

This battlefield is too special a place. Here, where our lives are threatened every day, no promise, no vow, not even a confession of love truly holds meaning.

But right now, just for now, I wanted to stay in the present.

When we return—maybe even tomorrow—it might all disappear.

But for this moment, I wanted to be swept away by this feeling.

I wanted to melt completely into the heat Ehit gave me.

“Dapflen.”

Breathing heavily, he murmured my name.

He didn’t give me time to say his name back. Without letting me even catch my breath, his fierce kiss came again.

My hands tightened on his shirt. His strong arm wrapped around my waist just as tightly.

Instead of tears, I swallowed only his breath.

In a time harsher than the rough night sea, I thought of neither the future nor the ending. I focused only on Ehit in front of me—Ehit in this moment.

 

***

 

 

Clouds that had rolled in overnight covered the stars.

When I opened my eyes at dawn, Ehit was still asleep.

Lying down, I quietly studied his profile.

So this is what Ehit looks like. His closed eyes, the line of his nose, his lips.

I took in his face for a long time.

It seemed like he was dreaming. Sometimes his breathing grew rough, and sometimes his brows furrowed as if something troubled him.

“……Renia.”

He murmured someone’s name.

It sounded familiar. Where had I heard it?

His expression twisted more painfully.

‘He must be having a bad dream.’

I reached out and gently patted his chest, soothing him slowly. His face gradually relaxed.

After watching his steady breathing for a moment, I turned my body.

I was going to get up and return to the tent where I was staying.

But then, Ehit’s arm wrapped around me. He trapped me between his strong arms and buried his face in my shoulder.

“……”

Just as I wondered if he was still half asleep, his low voice sounded.

“Dawn is cold.”

His arm tightened around me, as if he would never let me go.

“It’ll be morning soon.”

“Will you avoid me again once it’s morning?”

His voice sounded almost playful.

I glanced back slightly.

“I told you. I wasn’t avoiding you.”

“Yes, let’s say that.”

He buried his face deeper. I could hear his breath near my ear.

“If I did something wrong, tell me. I’m better than anyone at fixing things.”

“……”

“If that’s not it, and there’s something you’re worried about, we can remove the cause. If you’re afraid I’ll turn away because of your condition, then I swear I’m not someone who betrays trust.”

One by one, his words refuted every reason I had for pushing him away.

“If it’s something else, just tell me the reason. There’s nothing that can’t be solved.”

Even though he can see the future with foresight, he says that. Maybe he saw the scene of my death, but not the reason behind it.

If he knew that my family would betray Cloyden and be destroyed because of what was done in Aleita, he wouldn’t say this.

If he doesn’t know yet, then I want to keep it that way.

“Okay.”

I placed my hand over his arm.

“Stay. Don’t go.”

“Yes. I won’t go.”

“Don’t think about running away. Stay beside me.”

“Yes, yes. I’ll stay beside you. The whole time.”

Even if these words, spoken on a battlefield, were only a fleeting moment. Even if he was just so tired that he leaned on me for a while.

For now, I just wanted to stay like this.

Holding onto the arm wrapped around me, listening to his breathing, I closed my eyes.

And morning came again.

Time passed. The subjugation ended successfully. The final battle dragged on, but after fighting for a full day, it was completely over.

The battle was finished.

Now all that remained was returning. And returning to Bellachen meant returning to my daily life.

And returning to the threats that waited in that life.

 

 

****

 

 

A whistle announcing the return rang out.

The expedition that arrived at Bellachen’s naval base began heading home after a brief dismissal ceremony.

“There are no carriages?”

It seemed the Bellachen navy had planned to prepare carriages for everyone to return home.

But heavy rain the day before arrival had blocked the roads, causing problems with carriage supply. Those who had relied only on supply wagons or didn’t have money to hire a carriage were left in trouble.