Formless Chapter 35

On the large plate were a hamburger with a very thick homemade patty, a salad, and French fries. Heewoon was a little surprised, as he had briefly overheard the employee describing the recommended course earlier. He took a sip of the sweet cocktail and picked up his fork and knife.

Heewoon ate his meal while observing the completely sparkling view. Gangwoo’s gaze occasionally rested on Heewoon’s slowly moving hands.

Gentle music filled the silence during the meal.

“Don’t you like this?”

“Huh?”

Gangwoo spoke suddenly, causing Heewoon to widen his eyes and look at him.

“Because you don’t look like you’re eating something delicious.”

“Ah….”

Only then did Heewoon realize that Gangwoo remembered what Heewoon had said before and had ordered a homemade hamburger. Was his reaction too lukewarm when Gangwoo had considered his wishes? Heewoon watched Gangwoo’s expression and opened his mouth.

“The patty is thick….”

“Yes?”

“It’s delicious.”

And the vegetables are fresh…. Heewoon added hesitantly.

Gangwoo, who had been quietly watching Heewoon, let out a low laugh. Eat a lot then. He said in a voice full of laughter.

Heewoon had finished the burger and was concentrating on spearing a cherry tomato in the salad with his fork when Gangwoo said,

“I’ll introduce you to a hospital.”

“Huh?”

The cherry tomato slipped off the fork and bounced off the plate. Gangwoo frowned slightly, watching the cherry tomato roll across the tablecloth, leaving a dressing stain. As Heewoon watched his expression and adjusted his grip on the fork, Gangwoo said,

“Don’t pick it up and eat it.”

“…I wasn’t going to pick it up and eat it.”

Heewoon denied it, but Gangwoo didn’t listen. He wrapped the tomato in a napkin, put it aside, and said,

“Have your mother’s surgery done there.”

“Did you know about Mom’s situation… from before?”

“Yes.”

Heewoon’s pupils shook as he looked at Gangwoo’s indifferent face. Unlike the agitated Heewoon, Gangwoo acted very naturally. He gently took the fork from Heewoon’s hand and poked a cherry tomato on the plate.

“How did….”

The cherry tomato slipped right into Heewoon’s mouth as he spoke seriously. Heewoon closed his mouth and moved his jaw. Refreshing juice burst in his mouth. Gangwoo watched his chewing lips and said,

“If something unusual happens to sunbae or those around sunbae, it comes to my ears.”

He already knew that Gangwoo kept him under surveillance, so it was nothing new to be surprised by. However, his expression warped.

“Why….”

“Hmm?”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Even though you knew.”

Emotion was mixed in Heewoon’s voice. The emotions he had suppressed earlier jumped out at the slightest provocation.

“You should have just told me.”

Heewoon glared at Gangwoo and breathed heavily. Gangwoo tilted his head slightly, looking at Heewoon’s quite fierce eyes. He put down the fork and asked,

“Did you get drunk on the cocktail?”

“No.”

The sudden question made his words come out curtly.

“Then why are you looking at me that way?”

“……”

“Did I treat you too well….”

The eyes that met his were chilling.

Heewoon belatedly became conscious of his behavior. He must have been crazy. It was truly fortunate that they were outside. If there had been no onlookers, he might have been sent tumbling with his chair.

Heewoon bit his lip, keeping his gaze on the almost empty plate. Above his line of sight, he could see long fingers tapping the table rhythmically. Seo Gangwoo did this when he was deep in thought. Heewoon felt terrified and nervously fidgeted with his sleeve.

“Sunbae.”

Heewoon hesitated at the quiet call, then raised his head. Gangwoo slowly looked at Heewoon’s frightened face and opened his mouth.

“I like to ‘dot on’ sunbae.”

“……”

“But if sunbae doesn’t cooperate, I can’t do that.”

Heewoon knew well what happened if Gangwoo didn’t ‘dot on’ him. Pale with fear, Heewoon stammered an excuse.

“…I was just… upset that my mom was sick and only I didn’t know. If it wasn’t for Aunt’s call today, I would have kept not knowing….”

Gangwoo listened quietly to his abjectly drawn-out words, then said,

“Before you make excuses. Doesn’t it feel like something is missing?”

“Huh?”

Heewoon thought for a moment, then said hastily,

“S-sorry.”

At that word, Gangwoo nodded. And he smiled kindly, saying,

“It’s okay. Just don’t do it next time.”

His tone was gentle.

An outsider seeing only this would be completely fooled into thinking Seo Gangwoo was very generous and kind.

“Yes. I won’t do it again.”

They would think his frightened appearance was very strange.

Heewoon fidgeted with his sleeve. He could feel heat rising to his face. It was because of the sense of humiliation.

However, that emotion instantly vanished when Gangwoo suddenly raised his hand into the air. He was calling a staff member, but Heewoon was overly surprised. Gangwoo let out a laugh, looking at the tightly closed eyes of Heewoon.

“Please bring a blanket.”

He told the approaching employee.

The blanket was placed over Heewoon’s thighs. He wasn’t cold at all, but the presence of something covering his thighs gave him a slight sense of security, so Heewoon fiddled with the blanket.

“Are you hurt because I didn’t tell you?”

Gangwoo asked gently, looking into Heewoon’s face. Heewoon shook his head. He couldn’t possibly feel hurt by Seo Gangwoo. He only felt wronged. He wasn’t scared that Seo Gangwoo knew about things happening around him that he didn’t know about; he just felt wronged.

This is a bit strange, Heewoon thought.

Gangwoo gave his attention to Heewoon’s gradually furrowing expression. A low murmur flowed through Gangwoo’s slightly twisted lips.

“It’s quite strange. When someone looks like they’re about to cry in front of me, I should want to get rid of them….”

Heewoon snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Gangwoo. Gangwoo finished his sentence while meeting his eyes.

“I want to seat you on my lap.”

In an unadorned, merely indifferent tone.

Heewoon’s pupils shook finely. A moment passed as their gazes were entangled. Until Gangwoo suddenly laughed lightly and spoke.

“I guess this is why they say home is the best place.”

Shall we just stay home now, without having to go out like this? Gangwoo asked in a friendly way.

“I prefer being outside….”

“Because you won’t get hit outside?”

“…Yes.”

When Heewoon admitted it, Gangwoo burst into laughter. He stared intently at Heewoon, as if he might devour him, and muttered, Ah. I really want to go home.

“……”

Heewoon wondered. If he wanted to go home because he wanted to hit him, or because he wanted to seat him on his lap. Neither was great, but the latter seemed much better.

“I’ll arrange for her to be examined tomorrow right away. Take your mother and go.”

Listening to his voice, which still held traces of laughter, Heewoon thought the situation was truly strange. A month ago, the person who threatened to kill his mother was now worrying about his mother’s surgery.

Heewoon asked Gangwoo clearly,

“What should I tell Mom?”

“Hmm… the truth.”

Gangwoo reached out his hand with a compliant expression. He placed his palm gently on Heewoon’s narrow cheek and said, Tell her a junior introduced the hospital. If you mention my name, they’ll handle everything. Pay the hospital bill with the card.

Heewoon answered, Yes, to every word Gangwoo spoke. Then Gangwoo gave him a very sweet look.

“You answer well, too.”

The hand that had been resting still on his cheek rubbed it like a compliment and then withdrew.

🧸

Inside the house, the TV and lights were off. The air felt a little cold, so Heewoon adjusted the boiler and quietly opened the sliding door.

His mother, covered with a blanket, didn’t move at all. Heewoon glanced at her, picked up his pajamas, and went out. When he came back in after washing in the bathroom, his mother was still in the same posture.

He planned to tell her tomorrow morning, as they were awkward today. However, an unidentifiable fear rushed Heewoon.

“Mom….”

His mother didn’t answer. Heewoon felt his heart thump and sink, and he cautiously approached his mother. His hand, suspended in the air, hesitated for a moment, then shook his mother’s shoulder.

“Mom.”

“…Umm… Heewoon is here?”

Heewoon was relieved to hear her voice, subdued by sleep. Yes, Mom is too precious to me. I must be the same to Mom. That’s why we hide sickness, and hide feelings.

So I should apologize for earlier….

But what was he sorry about?

For revealing his true feelings? Or for hearing his mother’s true feelings?

“…Listen. A junior I know introduced me to a hospital.”

Heewoon decided not to bring up what happened earlier.

“Huh?”

“They said they’d treat you well. So, let’s go together tomorrow morning, get another examination, and see the doctor.”

His mother stared intently at Heewoon. Since it was pitch dark, Heewoon didn’t bother fixing his expression. He only paid attention to his voice, keeping it as normal as possible.

“…Really? Then I should cancel the surgery scheduled for the day after tomorrow.”

“Yes, Mom. It’s a big hospital, but it seems they’ll make it really cheap for us.”

“That’s good.”

“And…. Give the money back to Aunt. I have some money.”

“Where do you have money from?”

“I took some out separately and saved it, just in case. To use it in times like this.”

The lies he told his mother were getting increasingly natural.

His mother, who briefly looked at Heewoon, nodded her head. She spoke in a slightly brighter voice.

“I didn’t even know my son was so smart. I made a mistake.”

“No. Let’s go to the hospital and eat something delicious for lunch.”

Conversations hiding expression and truth in the darkness were this easy.

🧸

The next day, Heewoon and his mother went to the hospital early in the morning. This was possible because Heewoon only had afternoon classes that day.

While his mother underwent several examinations, the two talked and laughed as usual.

“Our Heewoon is nervous. I told you, it’s really nothing to worry about.”

His mother, who had revealed her inner feelings in a trembling voice yesterday, reassured Heewoon in a soft and gentle tone.

“Ms. Kim Seonghee, please enter the examination room.”

“Yes—.”

Heewoon answered and got up from his seat. He secretly took a deep breath as he followed his gently smiling mother. He couldn’t help but be nervous.