Formless Chapter 34

Gangwoo grabbed Heewoon’s wrist and pulled him up.

“I… I think I need to go home.”

“I know, so just go to the car first.”

The large hand completely covered Heewoon’s hand gripping the cell phone. The back of his hand quickly warmed up. Heewoon was pulled along by Gangwoo, his head bowed.

As he got into the car, where the heater was warmly on, he realized he had been shivering from the cold. Gangwoo looked contemptuously at Heewoon, who was sniffing, and handed him a tissue.

“I was about to get mad, thinking sunbae had run off somewhere.”

“Huh?”

His round eyes, which were wiping his nose, were red. Gangwoo glanced at Heewoon’s clothing and muttered,

“You look like a rabbit today.”

He leaned his elbow on the backrest and rested his head on his hand, staring silently at the sniffling Heewoon. Feeling his gaze, Heewoon looked at Gangwoo. When he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, Gangwoo offered him more tissues.

Heewoon accepted the tissue and suddenly thought: While he swallowed his tears so completely in front of his mother, crying in front of Seo Gangwoo came very naturally.

Seo Gangwoo only watched silently and did nothing else. Heewoon took a deep breath. Although small, choked sounds occasionally burst out, he seemed okay now.

“Gangwoo. Can I go now?”

His hand was on the door handle, and his body was half-turned.

Gangwoo scoffed and pulled Heewoon’s nape toward him. The clothing pulled up to his neck choked him, causing a small cough to escape.

Without any sign of apology, Gangwoo gripped Heewoon’s face with one hand. His cheek, made redder by the temperature difference, was squeezed within his hand.

His startled, wide-open eyes were still wet, and the surrounding area was red.

“Where are you going looking like this?”

Gangwoo looked at Heewoon’s face and clicked his tongue. When Heewoon looked anxious, Gangwoo sighed and let go of his face.

“I’ll take you.”

“Huh?”

Heewoon’s eyes widened.

“Why?”

At the blankly uttered question, Gangwoo said calmly,

“What if someone bothers sunbae for crying on the street?”

“…I won’t cry anymore.”

“Good. You shouldn’t.”

Gangwoo muttered softly, and his gaze lingered on Heewoon’s face for a long time.

🧸

Heewoon opened the front door. The house was dark inside. He stood still where he was, holding the doorknob, and took a deep breath. He took out his cell phone and checked his face with the camera. His eyes were a bit red, but he didn’t look like he had been crying.

“…If I tell him, the poor boy who’s already struggling will worry even more, so what am I supposed to do?”

His mother’s voice was heard from the room. Heewoon stopped trying to close the front door. His mother seemed to be talking on the phone with his aunt.

“If Heewoon knew, he wouldn’t want to accept help from you, sister. Then he’d try to find that money somehow, working even more while cutting down on sleep. He’s already become so thin….”

His mother’s voice was choked, and she couldn’t finish her sentence. A short silence followed, as if his aunt was saying something.

Heewoon stood quietly there, staring at the translucent glass. The yellow tape stuck on the broken window looked even more shabby today.

“What do you know, sister. Have you ever lost your husband, or had a debt you couldn’t pay off even if you paid forever? Do you know what it feels like to spend the money your son earns, sister?”

His mother raised her voice. Every word his mother spoke sharply pierced Heewoon’s chest.

“I know. I know. I hate myself for being like this too.”

Heewoon tightly bit his lip.

“I….”

The voice from beyond the door subsided. Profound sadness and resignation were evident in the low tone.

The dark sunset cast its last light. The translucent window was tinged red, and his mother’s silhouette was vaguely visible. The voice, barely audible, clearly flew towards the entrance.

“If I had my way, I would just die….”

“I’m home.”

Heewoon cut off his mother’s words and spoke loudly. Crash—. He deliberately closed the front door hard and took off his shoes.

“Hang up.”

His mother spoke softly from inside the room. Heewoon took a deep breath and opened the sliding door. His mother, holding the cell phone, smiled at Heewoon.

“Heewoon is here?”

The room, only lit by the sunset glow, was dark. However, Heewoon didn’t bother turning on the switch. In the dark, both his mother and he could hide their red eyes.

Heewoon put down his bag, squeezed his eyes shut, and opened them. Pain arose in his chest, as if it had been stirred by something very sharp.

“I heard… the story from Aunt.”

“Yes.”

Heewoon slowly took off his outer garment and hung it on the clothes rack. He needed time so that moans or resentment wouldn’t escape when he spoke.

He sat down across from his mother, who was sitting silently, and only after some time could he begin to speak.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“…Because I was worried you’d struggle.”

This confirmed it. His mother had hidden it because of the money. Heewoon regulated his slightly quickened breathing. His mother put her hand on the back of Heewoon’s hand and spoke softly,

“It’s nothing serious, but I worried that our son would unnecessarily stress over it.”

It was completely different from the voice that had expressed anger and sadness to his aunt earlier. The emotions he had managed to push down surged up violently. When he opened his mouth, hasty words tumbled out.

“Didn’t you think about how I’d feel if I found out later? Do you know how I feel right now? And… no matter, no matter if it’s Aunt, how can you borrow money? If we increase the debt here again……”

The words, brimming with emotions about to overflow, stopped. This was because tears streamed down his mother’s cheek. His mother tightly gripped the back of Heewoon’s hand. She looked at her son’s face and spoke in a hoarse voice.

“It’s a billion won, a billion won. Does a few million won more even show a difference here?”

The words, heavily mixed with resignation, scratched Heewoon’s chest again. A short breath escaped through Heewoon’s slightly parted lips.

“I’m working hard to pay it off.”

Heewoon spoke quietly. The words mixed with a whisper were like the sound of wind.

“We can pay it all off. We just need to hang in there a little longer together. But… but if you talk like that, what am I supposed to do now?”

His voice trembled pitifully.

The things Heewoon tried so hard to grasp kept slipping through his fingers. His mother might be one of those things. If he loosened the grip of his hand even slightly, his mother seemed like she would heartlessly leave and scatter.

He was always the only one struggling.

“Mom, why are you always so….”

Heewoon barely stopped the words that burst out when he saw his mother’s contorted expression. Breathing heavily, Heewoon squeezed his eyes shut. The tear that flowed down his mother’s cheek fell on the tip of Heewoon’s finger.

This was why his mother and he hid their true feelings.

‘If I had my way, I would just die….’

The words echoed painfully.

“…I’m going to class.”

Heewoon rose from his seat. His mother’s hand, which had covered the back of his hand, slowly slid off. His mother wept silently, watching her son’s back as he grabbed his clothes and bag and fled outside.

🧸

Heewoon’s chest heaved roughly. He gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes, trying to hold back his tears.

A familiar car came into view on one side of the alley. As Heewoon squinted to look at the car closely, the window slowly rolled down.

The person who leaned out was indeed Gangwoo.

“Get in.”

Heewoon blinked in confusion, then got into the car. It seemed he had been here the whole time after dropping Heewoon off a little while ago.

“Why, why didn’t you leave….”

“It’s the day you pretend to go to tutoring.”

Gangwoo answered casually. Then he drove off without any further words.

The car stopped at a certain hotel.

The sudden appearance of Seo Gangwoo startled him so much that his tears immediately dried up. Walking behind Gangwoo in the grand hotel lobby, Heewoon thought, He must be planning to have sex.

Then today will be a little harder.

The smooth, golden elevator door opened. Gangwoo glanced at Heewoon following him and pressed a button. Heewoon checked the button and looked up at Gangwoo.

“Why?”

Gangwoo tilted his head. Next to the topmost button, the words ‘Rooftop Bar’ were engraved. Heewoon glanced at the button, and Gangwoo made a sound of understanding, Ah.

“You were expecting something else.”

He smiled with his eyes curved and stroked Heewoon’s head. Heewoon had not been expecting anything at all, but he didn’t make the mistake of uttering that out loud. He kept his gaze fixed only on the electronic display, but he felt a gaze on him.

It was looking at the hoodie Heewoon was holding in his hand. Heewoon hesitated, then slowly put on the garment. But Gangwoo’s gaze didn’t drop, so when he zipped it up all the way, the gaze finally fell.

Heewoon’s eyes widened a little as he got out of the elevator. A wide-open night view unfolded before his eyes, and a cool breeze touched his cheek. He walked behind Gangwoo, holding back his hair that kept fluttering in front of his eyes due to the wind. Perhaps because of the cold weather, there was no one in the comfortable-looking seats.

As they followed the employee inside, warm air greeted them. Since the walls were all floor-to-ceiling glass, they could still appreciate the sparkling night view.

Heewoon looked up at the ceiling. It was hard to tell if the transparent ceiling was open or covered with glass. As he squinted, Gangwoo stopped, causing Heewoon to bump his chin against his hard shoulder.

Gangwoo clicked his tongue, pulled Heewoon’s arm, and seated him in a chair.

As Gangwoo sat across from him, the employee handed them a menu and began explaining today’s course meal. Gangwoo, who occasionally nodded, kept his gaze on Heewoon the entire time.

Heewoon, who had been looking at the candlelight inside the glass ornament on the table, turned his head to look out the window again. His eyes, holding the night view, only trembled slightly side to side and didn’t move.

“I’ll have this.”

A straight finger pointed to one menu item. He immediately ordered a suitable cocktail as well.

Gangwoo leaned loosely back in the plush chair and looked at Heewoon’s face. The eyes that had been busy admiring the night view were now cast down darkly. His slightly parted lips were also tightly closed.

Heewoon turned his head only after the food arrived. Lost in thought, he hadn’t even known what Gangwoo had ordered.