Formless Chapter 38

Seeing Heewoon’s innocent face nodding without knowing what was going on, Gangwoo smiled slightly.

Heewoon, who had answered something incomprehensible and then aimlessly rolled his eyes, discovered coffee on his shoe. It hadn’t been long since he had washed his shoes. He felt a little irritated. His white sneakers, which looked worn even after washing, were dirty again. This is why he should probably wear dark-colored shoes.

Following Heewoon’s gaze, Gangwoo also looked at Heewoon’s shoes. His head tilted slightly.

“Sunbae.”

“Hm?”

“Did you really only buy snacks when I told you to go buy snacks?”

That was what he said with an indifferent-looking face.

“No. I buy lots of other things too.”

“Is that so? I didn’t know.”

“…”

Heewoon looked down at his sneakers while watching Gangwoo walk ahead.

When did I buy these, I wonder….

🧸

The next day, Heewoon went to the department store. Of course, he got permission.

He went to the department store to buy sneakers. The ones he liked cost close to 100,000 won, so he hesitated a little, but decided to go for it.

There were two colors, white and black, so Heewoon put one of each on and looked in the mirror. White seemed to suit this design better. And since this wasn’t cloth, if it got stained, he could just wipe it with a wet tissue…. And the white one was prettier, too. Since his mind was completely leaning toward it, reasons why he should buy the white sneakers kept popping up.

In the end, he bought the white sneakers. It was the largest amount he had calculated, excluding his mother’s hospital bills.

As Heewoon walked around the department store, he kept glancing at his phone. The payment text message must have gone through. Of course, this amount wouldn’t be very large for Seo Gangwoo. Even when he paid the hospital bills, he didn’t say anything. Thinking that way made him feel a little more at ease.

He had a little time left, so he looked around, and padded jackets kept catching his eye. No matter which brand he went to, the padded jacket was the first thing he saw.

It was really cold today. Next week would already be December, and it was bound to get colder. Heewoon glanced at the store clerk and looked at the price tag.

“…”

And then he put the price tag down and left. It was a relief he got out before the clerk spoke to him. That was too expensive. A single piece of clothing costing close to 1 million won.

Heewoon immediately went down to the basement.

There were cheaper brands in the basement, and many items were on sale. Heewoon’s complexion brightened when he saw the price tag on the padded jacket hanging right in front. It was 98,000 won. He rummaged through the hanger and found one that looked decent.

Heewoon moved back and forth behind the people standing in front of the mirror, checking the reflection. Since it was light gray, it probably wouldn’t get dirty. It seemed good. Even after trying it on, he thought about it for a long time. Only after hanging it back up, walking around the store, and coming back to try it on one more time did Heewoon pay for it.

Holding two large shopping bags made him feel a bit good.

He took a taxi when he went to Seo Gangwoo’s house.

Heewoon thought his spending had grown significantly. He wasn’t sure exactly how much he had spent this month, but it was probably more than he usually spent. However, he needed compensation for the fear and humiliation he had experienced, so he deserved to enjoy this much.

So, he tried to maintain a calm expression in front of Gangwoo.

Gangwoo, whose gaze rested on the shopping bags Heewoon was holding, asked with a slight hint of surprise.

“Did you go shopping?”

“I told you I was going to the department store….”

Heewoon immediately felt timid.

“Ah. I thought you hadn’t gone.”

What did you buy? Gangwoo approached and stood next to Heewoon. Heewoon squatted down and carefully took out the things he bought today.

Gangwoo smiled slightly. He bent his knees and sat next to Heewoon, opening the shoe box.

“Your expression was so determined, I thought you were going to buy luxury goods.”

“Am I allowed to buy luxury goods too?”

An indifferent answer returned to the question Heewoon asked in surprise.

“Buy everything you want to buy.”

Heewoon stared intently at Gangwoo, who held the sneakers in his hand and looked them over. Do you like white? Gangwoo, who put the shoes down and lifted his head, realized Heewoon was staring at him.

“Why are you looking at me like that.”

Gangwoo’s eyes curved in a smile.

“Just.”

Heewoon mumbled an excuse and shook his head.

🧸

December arrived.

Another 5 million won was deposited into his bank account. It seemed like it would really be this amount every month. After sending money to the loan sharks and his mother, and since Heewoon was using the card, he had already saved 4 million won. If he saved money this way for a year, it would be 24 million won.

And once he got a job, he could save more money, and when his hyung returned with the money, he could combine that money and send it to them. Then they might cut him some slack.

When they found out his hyung had run off with a huge sum of several hundred million won, they had broken into their house and smashed all the furniture and household items inside.

At that time, his mother and Heewoon were kneeling, trembling.

‘When is that bastard coming back? Is the bastard who ran off abandoning his mother and little brother even planning to come back?’

‘If he… if he gets settled….’

‘So, when is that supposed to be?’

As the man raised his hand into the air, looking annoyed at Heewoon, his mother screamed.

‘He, he said he’d come back within three years!’

Three years…. The man lowered his hand and muttered, scratching his neck. Heewoon felt as though he were waiting for a death sentence. After a long time, the man said, as if granting a favor.

‘Well. Let’s do this then. Just send 2 million won a month.’

Heewoon had looked up at the man’s face.

‘I’ll stop the interest too.’

‘Excuse me?’

Heewoon and his mother looked bewildered. The man looked down at them and curled the corner of his mouth.

‘We’re letting it go because your situation is pitiful, customer.’

And that was what he said.

Heewoon had no choice but to trust that uncomfortable goodwill.

He still had two semesters left until graduation. But he couldn’t waste time. He had to get a job as quickly as possible and save as much money as he could.

Before their ‘goodwill’ ran out.

“Gangwoo.”

“Hmm?”

Gangwoo looked up. Gangwoo was only looking at his laptop, having called Heewoon home when Heewoon was planning to study for exams at the library. So, Heewoon also spread his books on the wide desk and studied. The study, where only the two of them were present, was more comfortable than the school library.

“I…”

Heewoon swallowed dryly.

Since the fourth year was approaching, the kids taking major classes together were constantly talking about getting jobs these days. Some kids already had several professional certifications, and someone said they were joining a study group.

“What is it?”

He wanted to look elsewhere because he was nervous, but he looked straight at Seo Gangwoo. And he asked cautiously.

“Can I attend a TOEIC academy after the semester ends?”

When asked in this way, Seo Gangwoo almost always smiles and says yes.

“You should do that.”

It was the same this time.

Seeing Gangwoo’s softly curved eyes, Heewoon inwardly sighed in relief.

In fact, Heewoon asking Gangwoo for permission had almost become a habit.

Heewoon sometimes recognized this about himself. He used Seo Gangwoo’s money, listened to what he said, and asked permission for everything.

At those times, Heewoon thought he was caught in a strong current. He was flowing to a place of no return. Very far away, to a point where, when he realized it later, he couldn’t swim back. By that time, struggling might only exhaust his energy.

What was more frightening was that he wasn’t even thinking of swimming against the current to return. He was afraid he might just let his body surrender to the flow, afraid he might drift comfortably.

Gangwoo, wearing a loose smile, reached out a hand to Heewoon. Heewoon got up from his chair and approached Gangwoo, who was sitting across from him. Gangwoo wrapped his arms around Heewoon’s waist and sat him on his lap.

He patted Heewoon’s outer thigh and opened his mouth.

“I’ll be a bit busy after the semester ends. I think I’ll be learning some work at my father’s company as well.”

‘As well’ at his father’s company? Then where was he learning work originally? Heewoon thought about it and then stopped. It didn’t matter where. It must be a frightening place.

“During the day, you do what you need to do, Sunbae.”

“Yes.”

Heewoon thought he should attend the one-month intensive course. It was a class that started on January 2nd, and he would have to be at the academy for almost half the day. If he studied hard with the goal of finishing within a month, he might be able to prepare for the TOS or OPIC in February.

Heewoon lowered his eyes and moved his lips. He looked deep in thought. Gangwoo, watching him intently, moved his hand.

“Ooh…”

The eyelashes that had been cast downwards shot up.

Heewoon lowered his head in surprise and saw the large, veined hand massaging his groin as if it belonged to him.

“Did you study much?”

The voice was gentle, unlike the explicit and rude hand. A short moan escaped Heewoon’s lips as he was about to say no. Gangwoo, who firmly supported Heewoon’s waist so he wouldn’t fall backward, spoke in a slightly lower voice.

“Spread your legs a little more.”

More. That’s right.

Heewoon felt ashamed sitting on Gangwoo’s thigh with his legs spread, but it wasn’t unbearably shameful.

It was a fear similar to his fear of Seo Gangwoo.

Even though he was afraid of him, he was no longer afraid enough to consume his spirit. He slept well, and the food he ate in front of him now tasted good.

He hadn’t forgotten that Seo Gangwoo could kill a person at any time or harm his body. He was simply used to the fear.

And Seo Gangwoo, had become familiar.

🧸

Heewoon was able to be released from Gangwoo late that night. He put on his shoes in the entrance hall, where not a single speck of dust was visible, and opened the front door.

The smell of grass deepened in the wide garden at night. Heewoon took a deep breath. The indoor heating was so strong that the slightly cool air outside felt welcome.

Seo Gangwoo’s dogs, which had been lying outside, noticed the presence and jumped up. Heewoon didn’t look at the large, unleashed dogs, and walked straight to the main gate.

Since Seo Gangwoo had told him to take a taxi, he called a taxi and went home. Inside the taxi, he massaged his stiff arms, legs, and waist. He kept adjusting his posture a few times because he felt a foreign sensation between his buttocks.

It was a quick trip home.