Formless Chapter 40

Seo Gangwoo, who reached out his hand, seemed completely uninterested in the end-of-semester party. Regardless of what he thought, Heewoon had gotten permission, so it didn’t matter.

Heewoon walked around the table and sat next to Gangwoo. Gangwoo immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulled him close, and rubbed his cheek with the palm of his hand. Heewoon glanced at the sliding door, where an employee might enter, but remained quietly in his embrace.

🧸

The next evening, Heewoon went to a barbeque restaurant near the school. He arrived exactly at 6:30 PM, but the inside was already bustling. It seemed many people came straight after their exams ended. There were already several bottles of soju on some tables.

“Oh! Hey, Woo Heewoon. Over here!”

Jihwan waved his hand vigorously. Heewoon bowed his head in greeting to the somewhat familiar faces and sat down next to Jihwan.

“Wow, amazing. To think I’m drinking with Heewoon sunbae.”

“Are you happy? But… I’m happy too.”

The man, who had been looking at the woman with a look of disdain, suddenly broke into a wide smile and said this. Heewoon smiled awkwardly at the two of them. They must be younger students.

“Sunbae, did you eat dinner?”

“No. But I’m not hungry, so it’s okay.”

This was because he had eaten his fill of snow crab with his mother earlier that day. His mother had been surprised, asking if his tutoring student gave him things like this, and she seemed happy. Heewoon could clearly picture his mother calling his aunt to boast that their Heewoon had brought home snow crab.

“Still, eat something. Mister, three servings of pork belly here!”

“Ah. I heard the class president ordered skirt steak earlier, I should go steal some.”

Because the younger students sitting across from him were moving busily, Heewoon felt uneasy. He wondered if his presence was making the younger students uncomfortable.

“You guys are a bit different from when I first came?”

Jihwan grumbled, looking bewildered, and took soju glasses from a tray on one side of the table.

“Here, have a drink.”

Jihwan poured the soju until it sloshed and set it down in front of Heewoon.

“Wait, wait, Heewoon sunbae is drinking on an empty stomach….”

“I’ll go get a refill of the side dishes!”

“These kids, really….”

Jihwan muttered darkly, but the two younger students didn’t pay any attention. Heewoon patted Jihwan’s back, who was complaining that he was given a glass of soju right away when he arrived.

Then he clinked glasses with Jihwan and drank the soju. The soju going down his throat tasted a little sweet.

“I’ll grill the meat.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I think it would be better if Jihwan sunbae grilled it instead.”

The younger student smiled broadly as he handed the tongs to Jihwan after Heewoon spoke. Jihwan instinctively took the tongs and wrinkled his face.

“See, Woo Heewoon. What nuisance are you talking about? Can’t you see they’re excited because you came?”

“Nuisance? Sunbae, please come to the general meeting too. Oh, and please, please go on the M.T. with us too.”

Heewoon smiled awkwardly at their sparkling eyes.

The atmosphere was softer than expected. This was because a classmate he was friendly with was sitting beside him, and the younger students sitting across from him were very favorable toward Heewoon.

As the soju bottles increased, Heewoon also greeted the classmates who were still around. They would squeeze in at Heewoon’s table, drink a shot of soju, and then leave.

Perhaps an hour passed, and the noisy inside of the restaurant became a little quieter. Heewoon, who was wrapping and eating the meat since he felt hungry later due to the alcohol, noticed the younger students glancing toward the door.

Heewoon followed their gaze and widened his eyes. A person who didn’t fit in this crowded, smoky barbeque restaurant was standing by the door, looking around as if searching for someone.

“Wow, what brings him here?”

Jihwan muttered beside him. The name ‘Seo Gangwoo’ was whispered here and there. Heewoon quietly kept his mouth shut, then belatedly raised his hand when his eyes met Gangwoo’s.

Since he was walking over with a smile, it seemed he hadn’t noticed Heewoon’s attempt to pretend not to see him.

“Sunbae, were you here?”

“Yes.”

Gangwoo approached, stood behind Heewoon, and familiarly gripped his shoulder. Gangwoo also politely greeted Jihwan, who was looking at the two of them with a clearly bewildered expression.

What brought Seo Gangwoo here? He had clearly said it was okay to go yesterday. Heewoon rolled his eyes and then spoke cautiously.

“Um… should we, should we leave now?”

When Heewoon lifted his hips, Gangwoo looked at Heewoon’s face and pressed his shoulder to make him sit down. His gaze fleetingly touched Heewoon’s plate as well. A piece of pork belly was placed on the lettuce leaf, apparently put down after being wrapped and before being eaten.

Gangwoo spoke gently.

“No. Let’s leave before the second round.”

“Okay. There’s a seat here….”

“I’ll sit with my classmates. See you later.”

A large hand stroked Heewoon’s shoulder down to his back a couple of times. As his fingers slowly brushed the inner part of Heewoon’s shoulder blade, Heewoon’s waist stiffened. Gangwoo let out a muffled laugh from behind.

A brief silence fell at Heewoon’s table until Gangwoo went and sat down with his classmates, who were visibly surprised. Heewoon’s back remained rigidly stiff as he kept his eyes only on the grill. He wanted to turn his head to check on Gangwoo, but he didn’t want to turn around for fear of their eyes meeting.

Gangwoo, loosely holding a soju glass, stared intently at Heewoon’s stiff back. They were too far away for the sound of their conversation to be heard, and he couldn’t see Heewoon’s face. He imagined what kind of expression Heewoon must be wearing. He might be rolling his eyes around in embarrassment. Gangwoo’s mouth relaxed into a loose smile. Imagining Heewoon was a very enjoyable activity for Gangwoo.

“What, Woo Heewoon. Are you seeing Seo Gangwoo?”

Jihwan glanced back at Gangwoo and asked Heewoon.

Heewoon nodded and awkwardly rummaged through the fully cooked meat. One of the younger students, glancing at Gangwoo sitting far behind Heewoon, chimed in.

“That’s why our eyes are happy these days.”

“Happy my foot.”

The younger students started arguing again. Heewoon took a sip of soju and put meat into his mouth. His heart was pounding in a strange rhythm.

“Why are you drinking alone? Cheers.”

Heewoon clinked glasses with Jihwan and tossed the remaining half-glass into his mouth.

“Kuh. But what is Seo Gangwoo like?”

“What about him?”

“Well, there are lots of rumors, aren’t there? How even his classmates don’t know him well.”

As Jihwan said this, glancing backward, the younger students sitting across also had sparkling eyes.

“That’s right. What is Gangwoo sunbae like?”

Three pairs of eyes were filled with curiosity. It had been about three months since Heewoon genuinely got to know Seo Gangwoo. That time replayed quickly in his mind.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

Jihwan grumbled, sounding frustrated. The younger students were still waiting for him to open his mouth.

He knows the Seo Gangwoo that everyone else is curious about.

Here, all by himself.

“He’s just so-so.”

Heewoon answered quite naturally and picked up his chopsticks.

“Why, is he really an aspiring celebrity?”

Heewoon simply laughed. And he didn’t answer. What is it, why won’t you tell me. Jihwan muttered, sounding bewildered.

Heewoon thought. These kids will continue to not know about Seo Gangwoo.

But….

Why is he unwilling to share even small pieces of information?

“Is he rich, really?”

“I don’t know.”

That’s truly strange. He could at least tell them that much.

His heart pounded with a thumping sound. His blood circulated quickly, and his breathing became slightly strained. His vision became very clear. So, he could distinctly see their faces, which were mixed with curiosity and disappointment.

“…I don’t know him very well either.”

Heewoon shook his head and grabbed the soju bottle. And he poured drinks for the younger students and Jihwan. When he tried to pour into his own glass, Jihwan restrained him and took the soju bottle.

“Come on, let’s have a drink.”

Cling— Four soju glasses clinked above the grill with a few pieces of meat on it. Swallowing the sloshing soju, Heewoon thought breathlessly.

It’s because I’m afraid these kids will get entangled with Seo Gangwoo for no reason. In a way, I am helping these kids.

The reason the feeling I’m experiencing now resembles smugness is because they are too ignorant and innocent.

🧸

The first round ended about an hour later.

The full number of people who filled the rented restaurant got up at once, causing extreme chaos. Heewoon got up from the round chair and opened the chair lid. He swayed slightly, hunched over to take out the padded jacket and bag he had stored inside the chair.

Jihwan drank quickly, so Heewoon got quite drunk in a short time. Ignoring Jihwan, who kept tempting him to go to the second round, Heewoon put on his clothes. He put on his padded jacket and also wrapped the new scarf he had bought recently.

And then, as he was caught in the crowd of people rushing out and jostling around, someone pulled his bag from behind.

Heewoon staggered and fell backward. Something firm touched the back of his head, and a familiar scent permeated his nostrils. A hand gently gripping his shoulder set Heewoon upright.

“Did you drink a lot?”

Gangwoo asked softly.

“No.”

“Nonsense. You drank a lot, it seemed.”

He didn’t know why he asked when he already knew the answer.

“Let’s go out slowly.”

Gangwoo sat Heewoon down on the chair. Heewoon nodded and vaguely waved his hand at Jihwan, who was standing at the door sending him a look asking him to join the second round.

And he rolled his eyes blankly.

Doenjang jjigae came into his hazy view. Heewoon grabbed the spoon within reach and plunged it deeply into the earthenware pot.

As he slowly brought it to his mouth, spilling about half of it, Seo Gangwoo’s hand snatched the spoon away.

“Ah, why….”

“That’s not your spoon.”

Gangwoo, frowning slightly, carelessly tossed the spoon onto the table as if it were dirty. Heewoon’s eyes widened at the noise, then quickly half-closed again. It was cold. He also felt somewhat hungry. But Seo Gangwoo wouldn’t let him eat the doenjang jjigae.

“I want to eat the broth….”

Gangwoo let out a dry laugh watching Heewoon sway while sitting on the chair without a backrest. Since Heewoon bowed his head due to lack of strength, half of his small face was buried in the scarf. A mumbling voice crawled out.

“The seafood ramen was delicious….”

Heewoon suddenly recalled the taste of the ramen he had eaten before and smacked his lips. That incredibly extravagant ramen. As Heewoon blinked, Gangwoo’s voice reached his ears. He thought Gangwoo was talking to him, but he was on the phone.