Formless Chapter 53

Heewoon stretched out his hand and felt the damp sheet. He pulled at the sheet to take it off, but instead, he staggered. As he was about to fall off the bed, Gangwoo caught him with his hand.

“At your age, you can’t even control your bladder.”

“Sorry. I, I can just run the washing machine right now.”

Perhaps because he was flustered, he seemed to have sobered up a little. Grunting, Heewoon pulled at the sheet with his weak hands. No matter how much he thought about it, he didn’t know when he had peed so much. As if throwing up wasn’t enough, for something like this to happen…

To check if he had really had an accident, Heewoon felt his crotch. Something was wet. It was devastating. He wanted to cry again. He was angry at himself. Why did he have to drink yesterday? If he hadn’t drunk, Gangwoo wouldn’t have been angry, he wouldn’t have been slapped, and he wouldn’t have wet the bed.

“That’s right.”

Heewoon, who was feeling his damp thigh, turned his head in surprise. Gangwoo’s gaze was fixed on the soaking wet sheet. The blanket could be washed, but the mattress couldn’t be. Heewoon felt shame and fear at the same time.

“I’m sorry. This… I, I think I made a mistake because I was scared.”

“You make a mistake because you’re scared? Are you a dog or something?”

“…D-don’t say that… Don’t say things like that.”

“Woo Heewoon.”

When his name was called out heavily, Heewoon’s shoulders flinched.

“N-no.”

“What do you mean, no. If I call you, you should answer.”

“Okay.”

Gangwoo looked at his wretched face and then spoke slowly.

“A dog should be made to sleep in the doghouse outside.”

“…Wi-with Lexy?”

“Our Lexy is sleeping on the first floor. It’s cold outside, you know.”

Heewoon shrank back. It seemed Seo Gangwoo was planning to kick him out. It was already so cold. He lets Lexy sleep inside the house and makes me sleep outside.

“Because sunbae is a disobedient dog.”

“No!”

“Then what are you?”

Gangwoo gestured with his chin, his face expressionless.

“Me…? I’m Heewoon.”

Heewoon blinked blankly and said. Gangwoo’s lips twitched. Ah. I shouldn’t have made him drink. Gangwoo muttered as if with belated regret.

Cradling the cheek of Heewoon, who was staring at him blankly, Gangwoo said.

“Are you sure you’re not a dog, but Heewoon?”

“Yes.”

Watching the face that was quickly nodding, Gangwoo finally let out a laugh.

Heewoon looked at Gangwoo quizzically, touching the inside of his thigh with an uncomfortable expression. Wiping the smile from his face a little, Gangwoo reached out his hand.

“Sunbae, you keep peeing, so let’s just cut this off. You won’t be able to fool around with your dick recklessly, and I think that would be more comfortable.”

“N-no.”

Anxious, Heewoon pushed away Gangwoo’s hand, which was fiddling with him as if trying to gauge where to cut. Heewoon suddenly stared at the sheet.

“But, Gangwoo…”

“Yes.”

Heewoon looked at the bedding and slowly blinked. Come to think of it, Seo Gangwoo had poured alcohol over his head earlier.

“This… I think it’s alcohol.”

“Is that so?”

Seeing his nonchalant face, a surge of anger welled up inside Heewoon. Even in his drunken state, he knew better than to act up, so Heewoon kept his mouth firmly shut and got up.

“I’m going to the bathroom.”

Gangwoo stared intently at Heewoon’s back as he walked to the bathroom with his head hung low.

The legs stretching out from under his now quite plump bottom were thin. His ankles were as well. Gangwoo’s gaze did not leave Heewoon’s ankles until the door closed.

A short while later, the sound of the shower could be heard. And then, a clattering sound, as if something had fallen, immediately followed. Gangwoo let out a sigh, got out of bed, and headed to the bathroom.

The shower booth door was open, so water had splashed outside. Inside the shower booth, squatting and rubbing his head, Heewoon was surrounded by fallen shower supplies.

“What are you doing?”

Gangwoo asked, tilting his head.

“My hair… I’m washing my hair.”

Not even realizing that the shampoo he meant to put on his hair had dripped onto his forehead, Heewoon kept rubbing his head. Naturally, it didn’t lather.

“How are you ever going to wash your hair like that.”

Gangwoo knelt in front of Heewoon and reached out his hand. Heewoon squeezed his eyes shut.

He was so angry about that prank, but he couldn’t express it to Seo Gangwoo. Even after brushing his teeth, his stomach kept churning, so he had ended up going in to take a shower. But he should have just left.

“Did you throw everything because you were angry?”

Along with the low voice, a hand gently touched his nose.

“I didn’t throw it! It just… it fell…”

The loud voice that had burst out of him unknowingly trailed off into a small mumble at the end.

Gangwoo looked at Heewoon, who still had his eyes squeezed shut, and the corners of his mouth lifted slightly. He wiped away the shampoo that had dripped from his forehead and was now running down the bridge of his nose, and then applied it to his hair. When he heard the sound of the pump as he squeezed out a little more shampoo, Heewoon stealthily opened his eyes.

“Keep washing.”

Gangwoo’s voice was neither very affectionate nor cold, but right in the middle. Heewoon squeezed his eyes shut again. Fluffy bubbles formed, and the scent of shampoo spread. Heewoon felt the hands gently kneading his hair and then opened his mouth.

“Gangwoo.”

“…”

“Gangwoo. Are you mad?”

“What are you going to do if I am.”

Gangwoo replied indifferently and picked up the showerhead. Heewoon, who was now sitting with his butt completely on the floor, muttered quietly.

“Then I’ll be careful…”

Gangwoo, who had been staring at Heewoon, sprayed water over his head. At the sudden attack, Heewoon flinched with a start.

“Sunbae, try to be as quiet as possible today. It’s annoying just imagining what yesterday was like.”

“…”

Gangwoo wiped Heewoon’s face, whose eyes and mouth were shut tight, once and then rinsed his hair. Gangwoo washed himself as well. It wasn’t until he was drying Heewoon’s hair and body with a towel that he noticed Heewoon was being unusually quiet.

Gangwoo carefully examined Heewoon’s face. The twitching corners of his mouth and the moisture smudged around his tightly shut eyes.

“Are you crying?”

“Hic…”

Getting attention made the sobs burst out. Gangwoo tilted his head and asked.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because you, hic… because you keep getting mad at me… I’m not going to drink anymore.”

Looking at the sorrowfully crying Heewoon, Gangwoo clicked his tongue, lifted Heewoon into his arms, and grumbled.

“Should I really throw you outside?”

“…”

Since it’s the second floor, I probably won’t die, Heewoon thought. Ah. If I land on my head, I’ll die. Then it won’t hurt, so that might be better. Not dying would be the bigger problem. It would hurt a lot, and if things go wrong, I could become disabled… If I become disabled, how will I earn money…

“The probability that you won’t die is higher.”

“Ah… I see.”

Although he was a little surprised that Gangwoo spoke up suddenly, Heewoon nodded. Gangwoo laughed a little as if he found it absurd.

Gangwoo, holding Heewoon, went out of the room. It was to go to the guest room on the first floor.

Heewoon, who had been saying that he still smelled of alcohol even after washing up, suddenly lifted his head. Gangwoo, who was holding him, was going down the stairs. Heewoon gulped.

“Wh-where are you going?”

Seo Gangwoo said nothing. Usually, he would have answered. Heewoon’s eyes darted around anxiously, but he felt a little relieved when they arrived at a room he had never entered before. So he wasn’t taking me to the doghouse outside.

“But how did you know the pattern?”

There he goes again. Gangwoo placed Heewoon down on the bed as if tossing him. As Heewoon squeezed his eyes shut, feeling dizzy, Gangwoo gently stroked his head.

Heewoon, receiving the touch, cautiously opened his eyes. And he stared intently at Gangwoo’s face. He looked in turn at the smooth brow, the eyes that were neither smiling nor frowning, and the lips that formed a slight curve, before saying.

“I’m confused.”

“About what?”

The low voice that asked was gentle. Heewoon squinted, trying to get a better look at Gangwoo’s seemingly indifferent face.

“I don’t know if you’re completely over your anger or not.”

“I don’t know either.”

Gangwoo gently rubbed Heewoon’s cheek. One cheek was bruised blue, and the other, though a little swollen, was not bruised.

“If I don’t warn you properly, you’ll act fearlessly again.”

The hand that was touching his cheek slowly moved up and fiddled with his swollen eye.

“No.”

“What do you mean, no.”

“It’s really no.”

Heewoon muttered with a sense of unfairness. Heewoon couldn’t even imagine how much more painful and scary a proper warning would be.

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

When he answered quickly, Gangwoo let out a smirk.

“If you drink with another guy one more time…”

As Gangwoo paused, Heewoon’s face grew increasingly stiff. Looking at the terrified face, Gangwoo said with a smile.

“I’m going to be mad.”

Heewoon, who knew it wasn’t a joke, nodded his head several times.

“B-but what if I drink it thinking it’s water?”

“Why do you have eyes if you can’t even tell the difference between water and alcohol.”

At the sharp words, Heewoon rubbed his eyes as if to cover them. Does it itch? Gangwoo moved Heewoon’s hand away and examined his eyes.

“Quit the academy.”

“Okay.”

“From now on, tell me first whenever you meet someone.”

“Okay.”

Gangwoo wiped away the tears welling up in Heewoon’s eyes.

“Only see Jihwan at school.”

“Okay.”

“Ah, no. Just don’t see him at all.”

“Okay.”

Good boy.

Gangwoo’s hand affectionately stroked Heewoon’s head. Heewoon sniffled and curled up his body.

“Are you cold?”

When he nodded, Gangwoo pulled Heewoon into his arms and got into the bed. His cheek was pressed against a firm arm, and Heewoon let out a small groan. Heewoon realized that Gangwoo was staring at him intently and said, a little urgently.

“I’m not being a baby.”

“Who said you were?”

Gangwoo said with a laugh and fiddled with Heewoon’s hair. As the atmosphere grew languid and relaxed, Heewoon’s mouth moved on its own again.

“This is all because of the group leader. He pretended to be a heavy drinker but secretly threw away his drinks. And then he told me I was bad at socializing.”

“He did? What a fucking bastard.”

Heewoon nodded. Thinking about it, it was so unfair. He really hadn’t been drinking. There were so many other unfair things besides that. His older brother’s face came to mind, his mom’s face came to mind, a few faces from the past and the bizarrely smiling face of the loan shark also came to mind. He thought about what happened yesterday again. If only the group leader hadn’t bullied Jihwan, I would have gone home early.