Formless Chapter 58

Just then, Gangwoo’s cell phone vibrated. Gangwoo took his phone out of his pocket and checked the caller ID. With a slightly focused gaze, he nodded his head and stood up from his seat.

“I’ll just take this call and be back.”

His grandfather nodded. As he left the annex, Gangwoo looked at his phone screen again.

[Heewoon]

Gangwoo answered the phone as soon as he stepped out the door.

—Hello?

“Yes, sunbae.”

A smooth voice flowed out. He smiled slightly, as if amused by his own voice.

—Can I go to the department store to buy a present for my aunt?

“…”

—Gangwoo?

When there was no answer, Heewoon called Gangwoo’s name, a little anxiously. Gangwoo sighed and sat down on a garden stone.

“Straight to the point. Isn’t your phone etiquette a little lacking?”

—Ah…

Gangwoo fiddled with the cold, rough stone and slowly pictured Heewoon’s face in his mind. His eyebrows would be slightly furrowed from not knowing what to do, his eyes would be darting around, and his soft lips would be twitching, not knowing what to say.

—What were you… doing?

It seemed to be a question he had managed to come up with after much thought. Gangwoo turned his head and smiled a little.

“I was eating with my family at my grandfather’s house.”

—I see.

When Gangwoo said nothing, Heewoon added another word.

—Was it good?

It was something Gangwoo often said to Heewoon, but it was the first time Heewoon had said it to Gangwoo. Gangwoo let out a small laugh. He lowered his head and laughed a little, then said.

“Yes. It was delicious.”

Gangwoo, who blinked his roundly curved eyes, decided to help Heewoon out at this point.

“You’re going to buy a present for your aunt?”

—Yeah. Because my aunt has helped me with a lot of things.

“Okay. Then I’ll come pick you up later.”

—Later?

“It’s really cold today.”

It was an unusually warm day, like a spring day. But Gangwoo said it without a change in expression.

—Okay. I’ll call you then.

“Yes.”

Gangwoo replied softly and smiled brightly.

Heewoon, who had hung up the phone, thought. He wasn’t going to wear his scarf, but since it’s cold, he should. He put on his scarf, looked back at his napping mom, and then went outside. He walked while checking if there were any watchful eyes around again, then hailed a taxi.

Only after getting in the taxi did he realize he had taken a taxi unnecessarily. He wasn’t in a hurry, so he could have taken the bus.

His awkwardly stiff body leaned back heavily against the backrest. He said it’s cold today… Heewoon, who turned his head to look out the window, lowered his scarf a little, and then, not long after, took it off completely. And he stuffed it into his backpack.

The traffic was bad, so he got off a block early and was about to take out his scarf and put it on again, but the weather was so warm that he didn’t need to. While walking, Heewoon even took off his padded jacket. The weather was definitely a bit crazy.

When it gets cold again like this, it feels twice as cold. Heewoon was a little worried about that.

He folded his padded jacket neatly and put it in his backpack. It was a good thing he had brought his backpack. Though it was unavoidable since he only had one bag, a backpack.

The department store was very crowded. He carefully looked at the cosmetics and perfumes, toured the entire first floor, and then went up to the second floor, the women’s clothing section. Scarves immediately caught his eye.

He had only been loitering in front of them for a moment, but an employee quickly approached him with a friendly face.

“What are you looking for? A present for your mother?”

“It’s for my aunt.”

“What is her age range?”

“In her fifties.”

“Then… this is the most popular one. This one is nice too, and this one…”

The employee took out several scarves and placed them on the counter. Heewoon was flustered and his eyes darted around busily. He was just trying to look. And when he saw the price tags, they were all well over 100,000 won. Over 100,000 won for a piece of cloth seemed too expensive.

“Spring is just around the corner, so it’s really nice to have one of these.”

“Yes…”

Heewoon nodded and looked at the scarves more actively. He wasn’t tempted by the employee’s words, but because one piece of cloth cost over 100,000 won.

Seo Gangwoo didn’t even care about tuition that was over 1 million won, so this amount would be absolutely nothing to him. So Heewoon didn’t hesitate and chose one, asking for it to be gift-wrapped. Then, he suddenly thought of his mom.

In the end, Heewoon bought two scarves. It cost nearly 250,000 won, but Heewoon wasn’t nervous. In fact, he seemed to feel a slight sense of exhilaration.

He sent his aunt’s gift by courier. The loan sharks still seemed to be watching, so he thought it would be best to avoid meeting his aunt in person.

He felt depressed for a very short moment but recovered quickly. Sending 2 million won a month was no longer difficult. Seo Gangwoo often spoke as if he would continue to be with Heewoon in the future, so he would probably be able to receive money for at least a few more months. He would also be able to keep using the card. Even if the money suddenly stopped, it would be fine since he had saved up.

If Seo Gangwoo continued to send him money even after he got a job, he would be saving 5 million won a month, untouched. If he could also keep using the card, he would be able to save even more. It would take a long time, but paying off the debt didn’t feel like an impossible task. It wasn’t a forced hope, but a rather realistic calculation. And within a few months, his hyung would be back soon.

Except for the sharp pains in his chest when he sometimes looked at his mom’s face, and the feeling of anxiety that something was going wrong, it was very peaceful.

🧸

Heewoon wandered around the department store a little more and then called Gangwoo. He said it would take him about 40 minutes to get there. So Heewoon went into a café inside the department store and ordered a warm drink and a cake.

He spent over 10,000 won just for waiting 40 minutes. Heewoon stared at the receipt and then threw it in the trash.

Around the time he finished his drink and cake, he got a call from Gangwoo. At the instruction to come down to the parking lot, he put the last bit of cake in his mouth in one bite and cleared his seat. He bowed his head to the part-timer and headed to the parking lot.

The air in the parking lot was a little cool, so Heewoon looked around for Gangwoo’s car and quickly got in.

And his shoulder was pulled into a hug. Rubbing his shoulder with a large hand, Gangwoo said.

“It’s really cold, isn’t it.”

The parking lot was cold, but it wasn’t outside. Heewoon glanced at his bulging backpack, stuffed with his scarf and padded jacket.

“But you’re only wearing this?”

Gangwoo pulled up his hood.

“No. I have my padded jacket in my bag.”

“Put it on when you get out.”

“Where are we going?”

Heewoon asked Gangwoo, who was taking off his backpack. A mountain. Gangwoo answered, placing the backpack and shopping bag in the back seat.

“Why?”

A playful glint appeared in Gangwoo’s eyes.

“To bury you.”

“…Huh?”

When Heewoon was flustered, Gangwoo let out a small laugh and kissed his cheek. And then he hugged him again.

“I don’t know why the weather is so cold. Your body is frozen solid.”

It was a shameless thing to say. The weather was very warm, and Heewoon wasn’t cold. Sometimes Gangwoo would hug Heewoon like this, making up strange excuses. It was a familiar thing.

Heewoon rested his chin on Gangwoo’s shoulder and leaned against him. A large hand gently stroked his head.

There are times when he gets that feeling. When he leans on him with his full weight and Seo Gangwoo’s shoulder doesn’t waver at all, he gets the strange thought that he had been desperately wishing for this.

The loosening of always-tensed muscles, not clenching his fists, not forcing a smile. All of these things give strength to that strange thought and emotion.

“Are you tired?”

When Heewoon nodded, his hair tickled Gangwoo’s chin. As if he understood the answer, Gangwoo made a low, humming sound, “Mmm.” The fingers on the back of his neck delicately stroked his hair.

Heewoon slowly lifted his head. They were so close that the affection on Gangwoo’s face was clearly visible.

Becoming someone others could lean on was a difficult thing. So difficult that there were many moments when Heewoon wanted to quit. Every time that happened, the gaunt face of his mom, drawn in his mind, would scold him. After swallowing those moments deeply, he would come to hate himself.

The reason he had come to like Seo Gangwoo might have been because he was so different from him. Unlike himself, who lived precariously, Seo Gangwoo seemed like he would never waver for a single moment.

He wanted to be like him. Just looking at him made him feel good. He could breathe. Even though at the time, the thought that he was suffocating wasn’t even clear.

“Sunbae.”

“…Yeah.”

Heewoon answered as if by instinct. At that, he smiled slowly. He thought he had forgotten everything, but the smile he had liked came to mind. So clearly. So he could notice the differences: that his lips curved more softly than back then, that the corners of his eyes drooped lower, and that his pupils were looking at his face as if to engrave it.

His thick eyebrows furrowed and Gangwoo made a troubled expression.

“Ah. If you look at me like this, I don’t want to go anywhere.”

A calloused thumb gently swept under Heewoon’s eye. ‘Like this.’ Heewoon mulled over the word. He didn’t know what ‘like this’ was, but he felt he knew that he shouldn’t do it.

Gangwoo, who was fiddling with Heewoon’s cheek, glanced at his wristwatch. Heewoon asked.

“Are you busy?”

“I’m afraid the sun will set at this rate.”

It was an incomprehensible thing to say. Gangwoo looked at Heewoon’s blank face and said with a nonchalant expression.

“If the sun sets, I won’t be able to see, so I can’t bury you.”

“…”

Heewoon, who had been momentarily flustered, bit his lip. It’s scary because when Seo Gangwoo says something, it sounds real, but to think he’d say it as a joke. As soon as Gangwoo’s hand moved away, Heewoon turned his head and looked out the window.

Gangwoo looked at Heewoon’s reflection in the window and smiled a little.

The place they arrived at was an observatory. Only after Heewoon took out his padded jacket and even put on his scarf did the two of them get out of the car. The sun was already setting, and the sky above had turned indigo.

Heewoon patted off the wrinkles that had formed from being forcibly stuffed in his bag. The wrinkles were so distinct that they didn’t easily come out.

Just then, Gangwoo’s finger lightly touched his brow. He must have been frowning without realizing it. Gangwoo, who lightly rubbed his brow and then withdrew his hand, said.