Formless Chapter 72

The expression on his mother’s face, which he had last seen leaving the operating room, was vivid. That expression, a chaotic mix of horror, sadness, fear, and relief.

—Why? Did he only take you? Heewoon, are you really okay? Perhaps, perhaps…

“No, it’s not like that.”

Heewoon shook his head. At the same time, he felt a little relieved. His mother didn’t seem to have seen Seo Gangwoo breaking his leg, or him crawling like an insect while tied up, or him begging not to be abandoned.

—He seemed like a scary person. If he harms you…

His mother’s voice was moist. She might have seen Gangwoo mutilating the man’s hand and mercilessly assaulting him.

“He treats me well. He saved us, didn’t he?”

—Even so. Come here right now. Yes? Or, should Mom come pick you up?

Heewoon listened quietly to the voice pouring out worry and fear, then opened his mouth.

“Mom.”

Heewoon’s voice was still a little cracked.

“If I’m not with this person, the loan sharks will come looking again.”

—…

His mother’s ceaseless voice cut off. But it quickly resumed.

—We can escape overseas. We were going to do that originally, weren’t we? Right?

The voice, forced to be firm, had many weak points. Heewoon couldn’t forget his mother’s face when he saw it as he was dragged into the van. The one emotion in his mother’s eyes, visible above the thick hand covering her mouth:

Resignation.

Just as she was at that moment, his mother would often lose the will to live by fleeing. And one day, she might not be able to endure that life.

“Mom. Actually, I haven’t worked part-time for a few months. That person gave me money, so I ate delicious food every day and bought everything I wanted. I also slept soundly and studied a lot.”

No words were heard, but Heewoon knew his mother was listening through her wet breaths.

“If I’m with him, I can do everything I wanted to do. I don’t have to pay back debts, and I don’t have to work part-time.”

—…

His mother took a deep breath on the other end of the line.

—Mom,

His mother cleared her throat and continued,

—I feel like our son has been sold…

“No. Now Mom can live comfortably, and hyung doesn’t have to run away anymore. Hyung can try something in Korea. Hyung almost died, didn’t he?”

His mother, having awakened late, must have seen hyung lying on the operating table. It was a very shocking thing even for him, who hated his hyung, so how much more so for his mother?

Heewoon bit his lip tightly. It was because his mother, who was used to hiding tears while pretending to be okay, had sobbed. Heewoon’s eyes also reddened as he listened to her sorrowful weeping.

—Mom, Mom is so sorry…

Heewoon knew his mother would give up even before he made the call.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. That person…”

His mother just cried. It was almost time for Seo Gangwoo to arrive. Heewoon pressed hard on his eyelids and then spoke.

“He’s my lover.”

And when he turned his head, he found Gangwoo standing by the door. Their eyes met. He didn’t approach but stood there, looking at Heewoon.

—…Do you like each other?

“Right.”

Heewoon also answered without taking his eyes off Gangwoo.

—…Then, that’s a relief… But is he really good to you?

What Heewoon worried about most was how his mother would react to him being gay. But for his mother, who had experienced things in a short time that ordinary people wouldn’t experience in a lifetime, that seemed to be no big deal.

“He treats me very well. Mom, I’m going to hang up now.”

—Okay. Mom… Mom, can I call this number?

Yes. Heewoon answered at length and hung up the phone. Gangwoo was still in the same spot. Hmm. He made a low sound in his throat. Meeting his eyes, he tilted his head slightly and said,

“Am I sunbae’s lover?”

Heewoon stared blankly at Gangwoo, then shifted his gaze to the mobile phone.

“I’ll tell Mom again.”

Seeing his fingers move as if to make a call, Gangwoo frowned. Then he approached with long strides and snatched the phone away.

‘He completely threw away his sense of tact.’ Gangwoo muttered, looking at Heewoon, who was scared and shrunken.

“Huh?”

“What will you tell her? That I’m a junior colleague you know?”

“…Yes.”

Gangwoo made a mischievous face and pulled Heewoon’s ear hard.

“Ow!”

Thump, he seemed to hear something snap. His cartilage might have been damaged. Seeing Heewoon’s eyes water as he fumbled with his ear, Gangwoo clicked his tongue.

“It really hurts…”

Heewoon felt wronged. Gangwoo shook his head and pushed Heewoon’s hand away, gently cupping his ear. At the ticklish, kneading touch, Heewoon looked up at Gangwoo. He said as if exasperated,

“When you’re pretty, just be pretty.”

Gangwoo immediately kissed him. Gently stroking his cheek and kissing his ear, Gangwoo pulled away and sat on the bed.

His hand kept touching some part of Heewoon’s body. He would stroke his shoulder, brush his hair back, or hold his chin to closely examine the bruise on his cheekbone.

As Heewoon shifted his body because the sitting posture was a little uncomfortable, Gangwoo adjusted the pillow for him. Pat, pat, tapping the pillow, Gangwoo said thoughtfully,

“Was the semester starting next Monday…”

“That’s right.”

Gangwoo, now sitting properly again, glanced at Heewoon’s leg and said,

“With that leg, it’ll be inconvenient to go to school.”

“…Should I take a leave of absence?”

“Will you be okay?”

His questioning face was gentle. However, Heewoon nodded, looking a little pale. Gangwoo gently stroked Heewoon’s head as if tapping it.

“I’ll take back what I said about you lacking tact.”

He said it with a faint smile, but Heewoon swallowed hard. He remembered Gangwoo muttering that there was a lot he could do even with one broken leg.

“Gangwoo.”

“Yes.”

Heewoon’s eyes darted nervously.

“W-what if you’re going to break my leg again later, can you at least use anesthesia?”

It was a very cautious but important request. Heewoon never wanted to experience that terrible pain again.

Gangwoo, who had been watching his tense face, put his hand to his forehead and turned his head. Ah. Why is such a stupid remark cute? He muttered softly, as if dumbfounded.

Looking back at Heewoon, Gangwoo laughed. He let out a languid sigh and hugged Heewoon, saying,

“I’ll think about that too.”

“……”

Breaking his other leg, and anesthetizing him when breaking it. He only said he would think about it and didn’t give a definite answer. Heewoon, crestfallen, lowered the corners of his lips and rested his forehead on Gangwoo’s shoulder. A large hand gently stroked the back of his head.

“Take a leave of absence and stay home for now.”

“Until when?”

Until I want to let you out. Gangwoo whispered, burying his nose behind Heewoon’s ear. The corners of his lips formed an arc.

“Yes.”

“Is it okay if no one sees you?”

Gangwoo asked casually. Heewoon nodded.

“You said you’d only see me.”

At the added words, Gangwoo lifted his head from Heewoon’s shoulder. Then he cupped both of Heewoon’s cheeks as if pressing them and kissed him. So strongly that his lips, pressed by his teeth, hurt a little.

“If you had been this pretty earlier, I would have…”

‘I would have let you off easy.’ Gangwoo swallowed the words he was about to say and spoke different ones.

“I would have cherished you more.”

To sunbae, I am now the most important person.

Seo Gangwoo whispered with a smile. It was true. Heewoon nodded and suddenly looked out the window. The dim red sunset light was coming in. It seemed completely dark around this time not long ago.

His eyes, reflecting the red light, took in Gangwoo. He seemed extremely happy. Either because he said he would only see him, or because he was taking a leave of absence, or because he called him his lover.

Could Seo Gangwoo really think of their relationship as that of lovers? Heewoon knew that Gangwoo liked him in some sense, but he didn’t think it was love. Likewise, Heewoon calling him his lover to his mother was not for that reason.

This relationship, violent enough to destroy him, could not possibly be described with such emotional words. Then what should it be called…?

Heewoon was lost in thought, looking at Gangwoo, who was beautiful even in the shadows created by the sunset. He smiled beautifully enough to captivate people, yet he had no qualms about killing someone. He came to save him, yet he also broke his leg.

“Sunbae.”

“Yes.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Just…”

“You don’t have to worry about the debt anymore.”

Heewoon’s lips parted slightly. Had Gangwoo paid off that debt, which must have grown to billions of won?

“Even if you don’t pay the debt, I won’t let anyone bother you.”

Gangwoo smiled and caressed Heewoon’s cheek. Heewoon realized. The debt was still there. Seo Gangwoo had not removed the trap, even though Heewoon had chosen him.

If he left his side, it would be hell again.

White hands, resting quietly on the bed, scratched the sheet with their fingernails. His lost gaze fixed on his feet, he kept bothering the bed sheet with his fingertips.

“Don’t cause trouble again by pointlessly overthinking. Just ask me everything.”

Gangwoo, who had been gazing at Heewoon, poked Heewoon’s forehead with his finger. His low voice continued.

“Then I’ll tell you beforehand. Whether I want to be angry or not.”

The sunset light illuminating Gangwoo’s face grew darker. And so, he looked even softer.

“Your answer?”

“…I’ll do that, Gangwoo.”

Gangwoo’s finger, which had been on his forehead, fell away. The hand that had mercilessly assaulted the people who bothered Heewoon gently brushed his nose and then softly cupped his cheek.

“Keep it up from now on.”

“…Keep it up?”

Heewoon asked blankly in return. Then Gangwoo tilted his head askew.

“Were you planning to hang around for a bit and then bolt?”

“Ah, no! I never thought of that. I was just… curious how long ‘keep it up’ meant.”